Nuptial Joy...or not?

[Prince]

I've only been married six months, so I guess I'm ahead of myself on this one. A common topic here, I'm sure, but I'd appreciate comments from other married folk or people in long-term relationships.

It's about sex, obviously. Marriage seems to have taken the edge off of it...for now, anyway. And I can't help but worry that this is how it is and I should just get used to it. Join the ranks of the millions of hubbies jacking off in the bathroom just to stay sane.

It's not that there isn't any sex. There is. About 3-4 times per each 7-day week. That's not bad, no, but it's not quite like it used to be before wedlock; we'd have sex every day, usually twice a day, or more if we could handle it. One of us might wake the other up at 5 am, and we'd go again like bunnies.

It's less spontaneous now, we have to "plan" it if we're to have it at all. Obviously I can't blame it solely on marriage, our life together is more hectic now than it was before we got married. Still, having heard so many horror stories about married sex life, it is hard to take this in stride.

What's worse, to me, is that increasingly often I've to fantasize about "random sexual encounters" during our love-making, or I can't reach climax. By random encounters I mean the kind of stuff us blokes think about when we jack off... Girl next door, somebody's mom, pick your poison, you know what I mean.

This really bugs me because my wife's beautiful, she's sweet and sexy and all that I could, and do, want in a woman. So I am guessing it boils down to how insecure or uncertain I feel about our sex life at this point in time. I dunno. Is there anyone out there with any similar experiences?

[erion]

It sounds to me like you guys just need to spice things up a little.

My wife an I have been married for a little more than five years. We were together for two years before that, and every now and then we'll start to get into a rut, so to speak. It takes a few weeks for us to notice that sex is losing its luster, and she takes notice as frequently as I do, if not moreo.

There are any number of ways to freshen up your sex lives. Get some toys. Massages. Nice Naked carpet picnic. Play Strip poker with "penalties." Since you say you have to plan things, plan a stay at a hotel. Pack a bag of "goodies" and try a few different things. Check in at different times to keep the desk clerk guessing.

Hell, all our latest rut needed to get things going again was a little cohabitational time in the shower. Warm, wet & slippery and it allowed us to explore each other's body again in a fun way. We didn't even dry off when we got out of the water -- just jumped into bed and made a giant wet spot. Also, get a bean bag chair -- a quality one is sturdy and allows for lots of interesting variety as far as positions are concerned.

Don't feel bad about masturbating, either. Talk to your wife and you may be surprised whatshe tells you. The first time we admitted to one another (before marriage even) that we were playing with ourselves when the other person wasn't around it led to a fun night of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

The fact that you're finding a need to fantasize about someone else convinces me even more that you need a little change-up in the bedroom. Maybe move things to the kitchen? There is no room in our house that we have not had sex in, and sometimes that's all that's needed to spice things up.

I guess what I'm saying is that every married couple will have ups and downs. That's with everything -- not just sex. What you have to do is talk about whatever it is and make compromises to get things working the way you want it again.

I'm sure if you bring this up, you may find that she's feeling the same way and has some of the same concerns that you do.

[ratbastid]

Good advice, erion.

As a married man who gets laid now even more and better than he did when he was dating, I can categorically say, there's NOTHING about marriage by itself that necessarily means the End of Good Sex.

First, talk to her. She knows the edge is off too, I'm sure. Then start planning ways to spice things up. Pencil each other in for an evening of spontaneous time.

One thing that's recently hotted-things-up for lurkette and me is to have a shared fantasy. Ours right now is about another couple that we are totally lusting after. Stories during sex are very VERY fun.

And the other thing.... When I got married I suddenly found myself being different. You know, like BEING the way I thought a married guy should be. Sort of conservative, careful.... Being a lot like my father, actually. And it put the crimp on sex and a lot of other things for a while, until I sorted out how to be myself AND be married. You might look and see whether any of that is going on for you.

[foolio7714]

Originally posted by ratbastid
Good advice, erion.


And the other thing.... When I got married I suddenly found myself being different. You know, like BEING the way I thought a married guy should be. Sort of conservative, careful.... Being a lot like my father, actually. And it put the crimp on sex and a lot of other things for a while, until I sorted out how to be myself AND be married. You might look and see whether any of that is going on for you.

Have you ever seen "Analyze This"? There is a scene, if I remember correctly, where the doctor asks Robert Deniro why he doesn't do the things with his wife that he does with his mistress. And he answers.."My wife has to kiss my kids with that mouth!"

So, that's kinda how I feel sometimes when it comes down to sex with my wife. Very Conservative.

[powder]

You think it's bad now, wait til you have kids. All (almost) spontenaity will be gone.

[rufgti]

I was married once. Some things that reduced the amount and the spark of great sex was daily probs that a couple experiences. Maybe you and/or your partner is stressed about work, family income, anything. It helps to communicate. I know that now coz I certainly didn't and now Im divorced

I have many married friends who are doing great in that department and its due to open communication. It helps that each person treat each other as friends coz friends rarely take things to heart, especially during a disagreement.

Good luck and good sex, my friend.

[soopadoopa]

A wise man once said " The only difference between your wedding and funeral is that on your wedding day you get to see your flowers." HA Okay, bad joke.


You just need to concentrate on making the sex you do have unbelievable. If you can think of friends that you can't imagine doing what you're doing, then you're alright.. Did that make sense? Anyway here's one of my secret weapons.

While she's busy doing the dishes or cooking, go up behind her and wrap your arms around her tight. Be sure to put pressure from your midsection against her butt. Then kiss her like she's the only woman in the world. My wife has long hair, so I grab her pony tail to turn her towards me. If that don't work, send her to me.

[EleqTrizi'T]

If you expected sex to go stale, it will. And it did.

[ratbastid]

Originally posted by EleqTrizi'T
If you expected sex to go stale, it will. And it did.

Ain't that the truth! We always turn the things we love into what we most fear they will become.