Why can't I come during sex?!! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

visotech · 11-10-2003, 12:49 PM

I have yet to come while getting a handjob from my girlfriend, then this weekend we both had sex for the first times. We did the deed about 7 times, yet the whole time i never ejaculated?!? Drives me nuts, what the heck...I feel bad, cuz my girlfriend trys and trys, and i just couldnt. Any reason why? Could it be me just being shy or uncomfy around her? When we have phonesex and im masturbating i can get off without hassel, just in her presence i couldnt? We used regular troj-enz condoms, could they be to restricting not allowing sensitivity to feel through??? Please give me some advice

Averett · 11-10-2003, 01:04 PM

You're new to it and you're probably thinking too much. Relax and you'll come (ha!) in no time.

Oh, and don't you dare stop using condoms just so you can get that extra sensitivity!

11-10-2003, 01:06 PM

One word. Nerves.

There have been threads about this in the past, but it might have been on TFP3 - so i won't hold that against you.

I had this problem for the first 3-4 months that I was having sex with my first partner. It's all about being in your comfort zone.

Additionally - if you're both known to be clean, and your partner is using a oral contraceptive, you might consider going without the condom. Again - it's a risky maneuver, but you both make your own choices. For me, it took one or two tries without the condom before i was able to finish - after that, I was able to go back to the condoms and get through.

Another big component of this for me was dissapointment. After five to six years of steady masturbation and developing my own expectations of what intercourse would feel like. You actually need to train yourself, to an extent, to orgasm from intercourse.

Best of luck to the both of you!

TM875 · 11-10-2003, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by smithja0423
One word. Nerves.

You actually need to train yourself, to an extent, to orgasm from intercourse.

Exactly. Just relax, and all will be fine. Also, stop masturbating so much. It will make you more sensitive to another's touch.

Averett · 11-10-2003, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TM875
Also, stop masturbating so much. It will make you more sensitive to another's touch.

Yup. I mean, I'm not a guy but from what I understand that can screw things up.

Kim_type_thing · 11-10-2003, 03:08 PM

Dan Savage would say that it could be from jerking off. If you pull more than get laid and I assume you do (no shame), you have trained yourself to come in a certain way. Cunts don't feel the same as a hand, it might not be easy to adjust.My boyfriend ahd the same issue when we stared dating. We decided to give it some time and I worked on my PC muscles, now he gets off regularly form intercourse and if not, that's ok too. Intercourse alone doesn't always get me off, why should it for him.
Savage Love has done plenty of columns on the subject. Here's a link
http://www.thestranger.com/current/savage.html

JStrider · 11-10-2003, 03:13 PM

what they said... just relax and make sure your girl doesnt worry about it... cut down on the masterbation... try different positions as well...

as for the birth control

Quote:

Originally posted by World's King
Stay scared. Use everything you can. Condom, pill, spermicide, germicide, sock, pillow case, rubber glove... you get the picture.

zildjian · 11-10-2003, 04:09 PM

Try asking your girlfriend to get you "close" before penetration, a great hand job involves loads of lube and getting her to alternate her hands over the top (glans) down to the base (no up action).

It worked for me and my girlfriend still does it when she wants to get me there quick.

analog · 11-11-2003, 03:24 AM

um... cherish your stamina. i realize it sucks you can't come yet, but relish in the fact that you have time on your side. learn more about sex and pleasing girls while you're still pumping away, so when you get your wits about you and calm down and enjoy it more, you have experience you can use to fuck a girl's brains out.

for me, getting the girl off is the best thing i can do, and i think I've learned to be very good at it. repeat customers are the best.

skysooner · 11-11-2003, 06:54 AM

This is a fairly common problem. It can come from distractions, masturbating too much prior to the event, not getting close enough before penetration, etc. I often find myself in the middle of penetration knowing that a particular position is not going to get me off. We will often flip between 3 or 4 positions till we find the one on that particular night that is going to be good for both of us. I have been with my wife long enough to know within the first few seconds if a certain position is going to be right for getting me off (and she knows this as well). If we find we aren't going to get there, we back off and go back to more foreplay. This also has the effect of getting us close to orgasm several times before the final event.

Smoey · 11-11-2003, 08:44 AM

It sound like "Stage Fright", but be happy I know alot of guys who are minute men, I myself was once a minute man, but I have graduated to minute and halfman, seriously though... be thankful and give it to her hard and feel the enegry between the two of you, that will help-lucky bastard

vveronica · 11-11-2003, 09:03 AM

damn come over here with that..... enjoy the feeling and dont worry.

visotech · 11-29-2003, 02:01 PM

gosh, so Im home for the weekend and my gf and i went at it 8 times, plus oral, and still havent comed! I know its not a bad thing, but i just want to so it will give some sense of satisfaction to my gf (like the satisfaciton i feel when i make her come). We just usualy keep going at it until she comes or we are both just way to exahusted lol. Any ideas? Should i try a diffrent brand/style of condoms?

theguyondacouch · 11-29-2003, 02:08 PM

What position are you trying? If you are trying missionary, try her on top, hell, try doggy if she wants to. Some people just can't get off from certain positions. I couldn't and to this day can't get off missionary. Don't worry, it comes(HA) in time

empu · 11-29-2003, 02:26 PM

Next time you guys get intimate, try masturbating in her presence. Seriously. If you can't do that then it's at least partly mental. If you can then it might help break the spell so to speak.

visotech · 11-29-2003, 02:50 PM

A lot of it is in missionary, then some of it is with her legs on my shoulders, then more with her on top...lol...i guess well keep at it...what kinda sucks is we're long distance, so everytime we see eachother we fuck the shit outa eachother then walk away all sore lol

Nancy · 11-30-2003, 11:31 AM

Hmmm ever tried anal sex?

Sparhawk · 11-30-2003, 05:43 PM

I have this 'problem' at the beginning of every single one of my relationships. It will go away eventually as the trust and comfort level increase.

lyxo · 11-30-2003, 05:58 PM

lifestyles ultrasensitive

and how are your motions? you should move quicker for yourself, that sometimes helps

endorphin · 11-30-2003, 08:15 PM

your not alone buddy - i have only recently started having sex with my girl and it takes forever for me to come. it sorta shits me, but she loves it.... it has taken anywhere upto 2 hours to finish up, she's keen for it to never change. using lube helps immensely - makes it much better for both involved. are you using lube?

just take it as it is for the moment - i'm sure your girlfriend isnt complaining about your stamina. i know i have. i still cant touch my back, or wear a shirt after our last session - ripped me apart having to be quiet whilist camping with her friends.

11-10-2003, 12:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
visotech Insane Location: San Diego, CA	Why can't I come during sex?!! I have yet to come while getting a handjob from my girlfriend, then this weekend we both had sex for the first times. We did the deed about 7 times, yet the whole time i never ejaculated?!? Drives me nuts, what the heck...I feel bad, cuz my girlfriend trys and trys, and i just couldnt. Any reason why? Could it be me just being shy or uncomfy around her? When we have phonesex and im masturbating i can get off without hassel, just in her presence i couldnt? We used regular troj-enz condoms, could they be to restricting not allowing sensitivity to feel through??? Please give me some advice

11-10-2003, 01:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	You're new to it and you're probably thinking too much. Relax and you'll come (ha!) in no time. Oh, and don't you dare stop using condoms just so you can get that extra sensitivity! __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

11-11-2003, 09:03 AM	#12 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	damn come over here with that..... enjoy the feeling and dont worry. __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

11-29-2003, 02:08 PM	#14 (permalink)
theguyondacouch salmon? Location: Outside Providence	What position are you trying? If you are trying missionary, try her on top, hell, try doggy if she wants to. Some people just can't get off from certain positions. I couldn't and to this day can't get off missionary. Don't worry, it comes(HA) in time __________________ "Lick my frozen metal ass!"

11-30-2003, 11:31 AM	#17 (permalink)
Nancy Femme Fatale Location: Elysium	Hmmm ever tried anal sex? __________________ I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

11-10-2003, 01:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
smithja0423 Guest	One word. Nerves. There have been threads about this in the past, but it might have been on TFP3 - so i won't hold that against you. I had this problem for the first 3-4 months that I was having sex with my first partner. It's all about being in your comfort zone. Additionally - if you're both known to be clean, and your partner is using a oral contraceptive, you might consider going without the condom. Again - it's a risky maneuver, but you both make your own choices. For me, it took one or two tries without the condom before i was able to finish - after that, I was able to go back to the condoms and get through. Another big component of this for me was dissapointment. After five to six years of steady masturbation and developing my own expectations of what intercourse would feel like. You actually need to train yourself, to an extent, to orgasm from intercourse. Best of luck to the both of you!

11-10-2003, 03:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kim_type_thing Upright	Dan Savage would say that it could be from jerking off. If you pull more than get laid and I assume you do (no shame), you have trained yourself to come in a certain way. Cunts don't feel the same as a hand, it might not be easy to adjust.My boyfriend ahd the same issue when we stared dating. We decided to give it some time and I worked on my PC muscles, now he gets off regularly form intercourse and if not, that's ok too. Intercourse alone doesn't always get me off, why should it for him. Savage Love has done plenty of columns on the subject. Here's a link http://www.thestranger.com/current/savage.html

11-10-2003, 04:09 PM	#8 (permalink)
zildjian Tilted	Try asking your girlfriend to get you "close" before penetration, a great hand job involves loads of lube and getting her to alternate her hands over the top (glans) down to the base (no up action). It worked for me and my girlfriend still does it when she wants to get me there quick.

11-11-2003, 03:24 AM	#9 (permalink)
analog Banned	um... cherish your stamina. i realize it sucks you can't come yet, but relish in the fact that you have time on your side. learn more about sex and pleasing girls while you're still pumping away, so when you get your wits about you and calm down and enjoy it more, you have experience you can use to fuck a girl's brains out. for me, getting the girl off is the best thing i can do, and i think I've learned to be very good at it. repeat customers are the best.

11-11-2003, 06:54 AM	#10 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	This is a fairly common problem. It can come from distractions, masturbating too much prior to the event, not getting close enough before penetration, etc. I often find myself in the middle of penetration knowing that a particular position is not going to get me off. We will often flip between 3 or 4 positions till we find the one on that particular night that is going to be good for both of us. I have been with my wife long enough to know within the first few seconds if a certain position is going to be right for getting me off (and she knows this as well). If we find we aren't going to get there, we back off and go back to more foreplay. This also has the effect of getting us close to orgasm several times before the final event.

11-11-2003, 08:44 AM	#11 (permalink)
Smoey Upright	It sound like "Stage Fright", but be happy I know alot of guys who are minute men, I myself was once a minute man, but I have graduated to minute and halfman, seriously though... be thankful and give it to her hard and feel the enegry between the two of you, that will help-lucky bastard

11-29-2003, 02:01 PM	#13 (permalink)
visotech Insane Location: San Diego, CA	gosh, so Im home for the weekend and my gf and i went at it 8 times, plus oral, and still havent comed! I know its not a bad thing, but i just want to so it will give some sense of satisfaction to my gf (like the satisfaciton i feel when i make her come). We just usualy keep going at it until she comes or we are both just way to exahusted lol. Any ideas? Should i try a diffrent brand/style of condoms?

11-29-2003, 02:26 PM	#15 (permalink)
empu Crazy	Next time you guys get intimate, try masturbating in her presence. Seriously. If you can't do that then it's at least partly mental. If you can then it might help break the spell so to speak.

11-29-2003, 02:50 PM	#16 (permalink)
visotech Insane Location: San Diego, CA	A lot of it is in missionary, then some of it is with her legs on my shoulders, then more with her on top...lol...i guess well keep at it...what kinda sucks is we're long distance, so everytime we see eachother we fuck the shit outa eachother then walk away all sore lol

11-30-2003, 05:43 PM	#18 (permalink)
Sparhawk Dubya Location: VA	I have this 'problem' at the beginning of every single one of my relationships. It will go away eventually as the trust and comfort level increase. __________________ "In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

11-30-2003, 05:58 PM	#19 (permalink)
lyxo Crazy	lifestyles ultrasensitive and how are your motions? you should move quicker for yourself, that sometimes helps

11-30-2003, 08:15 PM	#20 (permalink)
endorphin Upright	your not alone buddy - i have only recently started having sex with my girl and it takes forever for me to come. it sorta shits me, but she loves it.... it has taken anywhere upto 2 hours to finish up, she's keen for it to never change. using lube helps immensely - makes it much better for both involved. are you using lube? just take it as it is for the moment - i'm sure your girlfriend isnt complaining about your stamina. i know i have. i still cant touch my back, or wear a shirt after our last session - ripped me apart having to be quiet whilist camping with her friends.