hobo

Why do girls go out with a guy that is average in appearance when she herself is extremely attractive?

I see this every now and then and it intrigues me. What about these average to sub-average looking guys attracts these gorgeous girls? It probably isn't money because i'm talking about college age people who are all poor. Could it be true that a great personality actually outweighs physical appearance?

Dilbert1234567

Maybe because not everyone is shallow and understands that there are more then physical looks to a person.

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hobo

Well, most people are shallow, especially those that have a great physical appearance.

blade02

Dude, dont point out stuff like that...other wise my girlfriend might realize that she shouldnt be dating an average guy.

sillygirl

Not all girls know they're hot/good looking/gorgeous. We're not all stuck up, ya know...

And yes, there are girls out there who don't think that looks are everything.

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....absence makes me miss him more...

cjayemail

i have an average looking friend who has a special power over women, its a gift

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WarWagon

Couldn't tell you. Gorgeous women flocking to me is one problem I definitely dont have.

spived2

Uhh yeah, most people are looking for someone with a good personality. Without it they are only fun for about, ohhh 30 seconds and that's just to look at. Personality is key.

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jay-g

guys r more shallow (wink wink) just ask my girl

MooseMan3000

Read: why don't really attractive girls go out with me?

Answer: Because you're shallow like this. The fact that you even asked this question means that you really don't get what's going on. I think my girlfriend is the most beautiful girl, and she thinks that I'm absolutely fucking gorgeous. Do either of us give a fuck how attractive YOU think we are? No.

It's not about looks. Get a personality, then see what happens.

numberfive

No, it's about looks. But it's also about how you carry yourself. Read Plan9's tips for further info. Just have confidence and dress nice, the rest will take care of it's self.

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rainheart

It's not personality per-se just very good attraction.

I say, if you really want to find out, instead of asking, start observing and conducting tests to prove and disprove your theories on why this happens.

psicon

If all that was true I would be married to Nicole Kidman.

Sleepyjack

not true, people who go on about how ugly or there appearance much are are equally shallow.
To take some pride in your appearance isn't shallowness.
When you judge others on it, then that's shallow.

I think you're disposition or the way you carry yourself, is quite a big factor in your appearance though. That's sort of refelcted through your own personality and also confidence. These are just as important as physical appearance IMO.

anti fishstick

or maybe they're so shallow they'd rather go out with someone they KNOW is less attractive to feel better about themselves.

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Plan9Senior

I explain it all here: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=31052

Good luck to you

analog

Absolutely.

I'm not trying to dig on you, and perhaps it could be phrased a bit better so as not to sound so harsh, but I think we're all trying to help you understand what's really going on here.

First of all, MOST women do NOT think they're "hot", and MANY of them do not even consider themselves "beautiful" or even "attractive". Most would say "ok" on a good day. Being overly self-conscious is one of the biggest female problems, it's a HUGE percentage of the female population. And even those that think they're "hot" usually have at least a few things they'd love to change if they could. P.S.- Also do not be lead to believe that a woman who thinks she is hot is hot to you, that's why we all have our own opinions- makes this place we call earth kinda neat.

If you can get a woman (other than those few who actually already think they're "hot") to think she's beautiful to you, that's something that mutual attraction and love can build on. If she thinks you see her as the most beautiful girl you've ever seen, her confidence soars and her outlook on things can change for the positive. After all, how wonderful a guy are YOU, who thinks she is so gorgeous? There's a reason all love stories revolve around the idea that the guy repeatedly tells the girl how beautiful she is, and girls are much happier in relationships where she truly knows how much she's loved for her beauty to her man (or woman- please substitute as needed if you're bi or a lesbian or hermaphrodite or other, thank you ). And, yes, beauty can factor in personality. If someone is not quite your type, but you connect deeply with the personality, their looks suddenly become so much better to you because of it.

Also, a lot of guys who ARE so "attractive", or at least not "average-looking", as you put it, are full of themselves, and that's not what (most) girls looking for something substantial are looking for. Girls looking for a guy with a good heart and personality, etc. are REALLY REALLY GOOD at separating those with, and those without. Of course physical attraction plays a part, but not THE part. And, unfortunately, many guys who are better than "average-looking" take beautiful girls for granted, and don't give their beauty the attention it definitely deserves. An average guy will be a LOT more lilely to remind his hot girlfriend how hot she is a LOT more often. And if that's not enough, here's this: if a guy is just looking for a hot chick, he'll "put up with" her personality, but never really connect on that deeper level, and most people can't (and shoudln't) live with a relationship like that.


No offense to Plan9 or anyone who enjoys reading his stuff, but his tips and tricks are for hookups only, not relationships, and you should keep that in mind. If you do all the stuff he suggests, it <b>might</b> get you laid, but it's insincerity will be plain to see if you actually start to develop a relationship with a girl. The reason it's insincere is because it's a <b>method</b>. It's not YOU. It's a "way to get laid", it's a set of instructions. Just be YOU, and you'll get what's truly important- love.

bundy

i think a lot of what answers your question lies in the girls own self-esteem.

she may not feel confident within herself.

but then, personality and the personal perception of beauty is also another important point.

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mistered

Women tend to look at the whole package, and looks are just a part of that.

Telethon

Nah I think looks play a major role, unless the girl is same looking as you or is very open minded then if you're ugly like me you're screwed

Telethon

Also to reply to those people who posted in my thread which is now locked: When I look at myself in the mirror I'm so convinced I won't ever get anyone anyway so I doubt faking like you have what you don't works..Agree/Disagree?

skysooner

Looks play a part to a certain extent. If someone is completely unattractive to you (either via looks or in the way they take care of themselves), you are unlikely to get beyond that. I appreciate beauty just like anyone else, but there are girls my wife will say are beautiful in their features (but I don't find attractive) but who don't carry themselves well. On the other hand, I'll point out someone on the street that I think is attractive, and she can't believe that I would find that person attractive. I appreciate a certain confidence about a girl. I like someone who will look me in the eye and smile. I was in Austin a few weeks ago, and I was walking down the street. I have recently lost 45 lbs and am close to weighing what I did in college. I'm feeling more confident and carry myself better since I feel better. I was walking down the street, and this girl gave me a very direct look and smiled as I passed her. This hasn't happened in a while (or if it has I haven't noticed it). My wife will tell you that I'm a self-confident guy when it comes to my professional standing, but I had issues with my weight (which I have taken care of).

What I'm trying to say is that personality is many times reflected in a person's demeanor, and I find that so much more attractive than straight looks.

Averett

Well, I thought your picture was cute. So stop bein so hard on yourself!

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*Nikki*

It's a good thing that some people can see beyond appearance to make up for those who cannot.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Gangsta

vveronica

well said.... I have been told i'm pretty... I know other girls who are looking for the right look in a guy and the right size bank account. They are basically very shallow and end up bitter, divorced and usually wealthy.. the last part is not worth it..

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Dano069

Telthon:

Don't sweat it my man. There IS someone out there for you. Look at me (yeah, over there on the left). I got someone and YOU'RE much better looking than I am.

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Telethon

Haha, no way, you look manly and strong :O

SecretMethod70

Yes, there is the fact that a person can see beyond appearance and appreciate someone for who they are. Let's not forget that. BUT, along the lines of your question, there is another reason as well. And it's been mentioned here already. Studies have repeatedly shown that people tend to date (and associate with) people who are, in their opinion, on an equal level of attractiveness than they are. So, maybe the female has a low self-esteem and doesn't think she is as attractive as she is, or maybe she just has a different opinion as to what makes a male attractive than you do. I know there are cases where onodrim would find someone attractive and I think he's nothing more than average. Not everyone has the same opinions on appearance.

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Telethon

That's true but there's definatly a set standart for looks, like long hair for a woman = sexy, a tan = sexy etc

~springrain

not everyone likes women with long hair, or tan bodies... everyone's perception of what is beautiful is unique to that person... many beautiful are turned OFF by "traditional beauty" ... and for many of us... it's more of what's on the inside... that is where a person's true beauty really shines...

i think our own insecurities makes us measure our "beauty" against others and then rate ourselves worthy or not.

for me... beauty is in the experience... looks are merely the packaging.

cameroncrazy822

It's simple the average guy with the extraorinary girl has a an extraordinary wallet... It's cynical but it's not PC but is the absolute truth and everyone knows it!

Telethon

Yup so true...It's kind of funny how shallow people like me expect so much yet have so little...Oh well at least I'm somewhat smart :P

Crazy/Beautiful

I'm supposed to pretty, other people have told me that, but I don't think so, but that doesn't really influence how I choose a mate. Not matter how the guy looks I'm always extremely flattered that he would come up and talk to me or have an interest in me! Especially if he is well mannered and polite. I'm never mean to guys who are.

Not everyone's strong point is in the looks department but people usually have something else interesting about them, that I find interesting.

But this is an overall view I think alot of women share with me. Extremely attractive males are sometimes very shallow and only concerned with there appearence. A major turn off for me even if you are Brad Pitt. Guys that are naturally cute and not so self centerened are usually what real girls are looking for. Plus your definition of attractive for men may not be what that girl thinks. He might look like the bees knees to her

Woody182

Ask anyone above the age of about 19 and I'd bet they would say that appearance is about looks but at the same time confidence, style, and personality can change "appearance" very easily.
Take it from a "normal" looking guy dating a "hot" girl.

Also, why worry about it? Be happy they do, go find a "hot" girl.
=w=oody

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CandleInTheDark

A man may get girls as long as he looks and acts masculine. Guys, who act like guys, get more woman, than guys who act androgynously.

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jw_toyboy

Looks aren't everything... but they are part of the package. I'm definitely not the best looking guy in almost any room (expect maybe a Zoo) however confidence and humor are more my stronger points so certainly some girls like a guy like myself who is "fun to be around" etc. Others go more for money ( see http://www.kimble.org/ for proof particularly http://www.kimble.org/carib2000/ and http://www.kimble.org/eire2000/). It varies depending on the woman they all have their own 'criteria' as do guys. Some 'attractive girls' I know simply get sick of their equally high maintenance egotistical chauvinistic boyfriends and trade them in for a more caring and sharing model.

JimmyTheHutt

WHERE ARE THEY? I've yet to run into one.

'Course that may be because I'm at college...

Veritas en Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

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Telethon

Seriously lol, I've yet to see it too...

Derwood

Because their dad's mistreated them and the smart average looking guys know which girls "need love"

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