lady troubles. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

junglistic · 11-04-2003, 08:30 AM

ok, im not usually one to stress my problems to all of your considerate eyes. But, im in need of some advice. My gf has trouble overreacting.

Ill run down the situation; Last nite, we're having dinner at a nice little italian restaurant, we come across the conversation of camping... we're talking, blah blah blah... she asks, what did you guys do anyway. (it was 2 months ago, i guess we never really talked about it, other than when i got back i said i had a good time). So, i tell her about what we did, then i said, it was so relaxing, just sitting under the sun especially since mark had a joint, and it brought back alot of old memories smoking with him. Once i said this she got extremely mad. She basically said, are you done yet, cuz i want to leave. So we left. Didnt talk the ride home.

She is mad because i had never told her we had smoked weed when i was gone. She says im a hipicrit because i did, and i look down at my father, (who's 60), spends all of my parents hard earned money on weed and beer all day every day. I know it would be absurd for me to get mad if he did it once. But its an everyday thing.

I used to smoke alot of weed, but this was the first time in over a year ive done it. I was never with her and and she never knew me when I used to do it.

We've been together for 1 yr and 2 months, and she overreacts alot in my mind. But in her's she is doing the right thing.

and the nail in the coffin, last nite, once we got home, i called her, she was on the other line with someone, i asked politely if we could talk, but she started getting really mad, which killed my patience and she ended up hanging up on me. I called her back a few times, either she didnt answer, or she gave me some quick, i dont want to talk, *click*.

So i give up, about an hour later when she is done with whoever she was talking to she calls me, i just tell her i dont want to talk,leave me alone. She calls back, and says, i dont wanna be with you. i said fine bye. i met her outside, (we're neighbours) she gave me some crap and that was the end.

Im sorry for being so long, i doubt anyone actually read all of it, but please, i need some third party advice. Am i doing the right thing? She can be immature sometimes, and well im sick of it.

Mango · 11-04-2003, 08:40 AM

Dood, you don't want someone who tries to control you even when you are not around each other. I puff on occasion and my wife knows it. She doesn't hassle me or berate me for doing it. Your GF sounds like one of those people who believe it is EVIL and will ruin your life. No one needs that. Perhaps it is better you found out early in your relationship.

junglistic · 11-04-2003, 08:49 AM

i feel as tho i have to be perfect to be with her/keep her happy. when i know that she is far from perfect her self, ive learned to accept her flaws. but its like she cant accept mine.

i dont know if its the actual smoking thats got her mad, i think its she thinks i lied to her about or kept it from her at least. I dont remeber telling her, but its only because i didnt think of it as a big deal. its not like i kept it from her on purpose?

Smoey · 11-04-2003, 08:52 AM

Good call Mango, a little dope everyonce in awhile keeps you level heaeded. The g/f needs the weed too, it will make her calm down, my g/f was the same way unitl I introduced her to it. Now, she just goes withthe flow and understands

Smoey · 11-04-2003, 08:55 AM

girlfriends are always looking for the little details that us men never seem important. That's when the shit hits the fan. It's unfair, and tell her about her flaws, look if she isn't willing to hear what bugs you, why are you willing to take it from her

spived2 · 11-04-2003, 09:04 AM

That sounds like a relationship you probably don't want to be in. You need to be with a girl that's more understanding about what you do in your free time. I dated a girl like her once and let me tell you, I couldn't be happier to out of that one. When it was good it was good, but when it was bad it was awful. Im pretty sure you already know this though. dont go back to her

junglistic · 11-04-2003, 09:06 AM

what do the girls have to say about the situation

hearing everyones input really helps!

anti fishstick · 11-04-2003, 09:23 AM

well it's generally not good to make any major decisions (breaking up, getting back together, getting married etc) while your emotions are in control of you. and it sounds like you were so mad about her not being receptive on the phone that you did the natural thing and did the same thing back. an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. generally, not the best way to handle things but it's a lot harder when two people are flared up.

try talking to her again. this issue doesn't seem resolved.

junglistic · 11-04-2003, 09:26 AM

im not breaking up with her over this, its that she never understands anything from my point of view.

she'll get upset at something, and it doesnt matter what i say, what i do, nothing changes how mad she is, basically it makes it worse.

even if we could be argueing if the sky is blue, she is so stubborn, it wont be until she feels she is ready to accept whats happened that she will get over it.

and all the while she has to make me feel like shit. She said some really hert ful things to me last nite. She knows how sensitive i am about my father, and she said i was worse then him, and that im not all their in the head.

anti fishstick · 11-04-2003, 09:28 AM

sounds like she needs to grow up herself :T i'm sorry. i can relate to her but not to that extreme [i hope]. i try hard not to overreact.

WarWagon · 11-04-2003, 09:30 AM

If things are this bad continuously, there's much better to choose from. It sounds like one day she'll find some total wimp who is completely submissive so she can wear the pants in the family.

sillygirl · 11-04-2003, 09:42 AM

Now, have you ever hidden anything from her in the past? If not, and she's still so quick to jump to the conclusion that you were hiding things from her, maybe she's the one that's got something to hide...

In any case, if she's not willing to be receptive to you, and you've been putting as much effort into everything that it seems you have, resolve your issues and leave. There's no reason for you to be with her if she jumps down your throat about everything.

junglistic · 11-04-2003, 09:48 AM

Ive never hidden anything from her. Ive been honest especially with everything to do with drugs.

Ive always been a very carefree person, so even if she does things that bug me, i let them go. She's always getting angry at little things, and lately ive been saying your just picking a fight just cuz you want to get mad at somehting.

Last nite kinda proved it. Im just fed up. She made the first move to breaking up, now she regrets it, since she sees that im not giving in this time.

sillygirl · 11-04-2003, 09:57 AM

Well, if you honestly want out of your relationship with her, and you won't look back in a week/month/whatever and wish you hadn't broken it off, then say goodbye. You don't need some girl ruling everything you do. If she's your GIRLFRIEND now, and you're living NEXT to each other, not WITH each other, what'll it be when you're living with her or MARRIED? Do you want that?

junglistic · 11-04-2003, 10:17 AM

to be perfectly honest.

I dont know what to do, what i do know is that i still love her. But you cant change a person. No matter how many times ive asked her to be more understanding to me, its like she cant do it. She cant help herself getting mad.

i have some thinking to do.

thanks very much everyone for the advise. I appreciate it alot!

Mango · 11-04-2003, 11:02 AM

Like you said you can't change a person. Likewise, you should not have to change to gain the love of a person. If she loves you then she should be willing to accept you for who you are and what you do.

analog · 11-05-2003, 12:51 AM

If the girl can't tell the difference between throwing all your money into pot and beer, and dragging a joint with a buddy in the woods, then her head's not screwed all the way in. That's fucking crazy. To go that ballistic over something as simple as that is stupid. Reminds me of my first girlfriend... good times were good, bad times were a fucking NIGHTMARE.

That's not a relationship, that's a fuck buddy who yells at you.

11-04-2003, 08:30 AM	#1 (permalink)
junglistic Insane	lady troubles. ok, im not usually one to stress my problems to all of your considerate eyes. But, im in need of some advice. My gf has trouble overreacting. Ill run down the situation; Last nite, we're having dinner at a nice little italian restaurant, we come across the conversation of camping... we're talking, blah blah blah... she asks, what did you guys do anyway. (it was 2 months ago, i guess we never really talked about it, other than when i got back i said i had a good time). So, i tell her about what we did, then i said, it was so relaxing, just sitting under the sun especially since mark had a joint, and it brought back alot of old memories smoking with him. Once i said this she got extremely mad. She basically said, are you done yet, cuz i want to leave. So we left. Didnt talk the ride home. She is mad because i had never told her we had smoked weed when i was gone. She says im a hipicrit because i did, and i look down at my father, (who's 60), spends all of my parents hard earned money on weed and beer all day every day. I know it would be absurd for me to get mad if he did it once. But its an everyday thing. I used to smoke alot of weed, but this was the first time in over a year ive done it. I was never with her and and she never knew me when I used to do it. We've been together for 1 yr and 2 months, and she overreacts alot in my mind. But in her's she is doing the right thing. and the nail in the coffin, last nite, once we got home, i called her, she was on the other line with someone, i asked politely if we could talk, but she started getting really mad, which killed my patience and she ended up hanging up on me. I called her back a few times, either she didnt answer, or she gave me some quick, i dont want to talk, click. So i give up, about an hour later when she is done with whoever she was talking to she calls me, i just tell her i dont want to talk,leave me alone. She calls back, and says, i dont wanna be with you. i said fine bye. i met her outside, (we're neighbours) she gave me some crap and that was the end. Im sorry for being so long, i doubt anyone actually read all of it, but please, i need some third party advice. Am i doing the right thing? She can be immature sometimes, and well im sick of it.

11-04-2003, 09:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
spived2 Desert Rat Location: Arizona	That sounds like a relationship you probably don't want to be in. You need to be with a girl that's more understanding about what you do in your free time. I dated a girl like her once and let me tell you, I couldn't be happier to out of that one. When it was good it was good, but when it was bad it was awful. Im pretty sure you already know this though. dont go back to her __________________ "This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." - V

11-04-2003, 09:06 AM	#7 (permalink)
junglistic Insane	what do the girls have to say about the situation hearing everyones input really helps! Last edited by junglistic; 11-04-2003 at 09:11 AM..

11-04-2003, 09:23 AM	#8 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	well it's generally not good to make any major decisions (breaking up, getting back together, getting married etc) while your emotions are in control of you. and it sounds like you were so mad about her not being receptive on the phone that you did the natural thing and did the same thing back. an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. generally, not the best way to handle things but it's a lot harder when two people are flared up. try talking to her again. this issue doesn't seem resolved. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

11-04-2003, 09:28 AM	#10 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	sounds like she needs to grow up herself :T i'm sorry. i can relate to her but not to that extreme [i hope]. i try hard not to overreact. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

11-04-2003, 08:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
Mango Banned	Dood, you don't want someone who tries to control you even when you are not around each other. I puff on occasion and my wife knows it. She doesn't hassle me or berate me for doing it. Your GF sounds like one of those people who believe it is EVIL and will ruin your life. No one needs that. Perhaps it is better you found out early in your relationship.

11-04-2003, 08:49 AM	#3 (permalink)
junglistic Insane	i feel as tho i have to be perfect to be with her/keep her happy. when i know that she is far from perfect her self, ive learned to accept her flaws. but its like she cant accept mine. i dont know if its the actual smoking thats got her mad, i think its she thinks i lied to her about or kept it from her at least. I dont remeber telling her, but its only because i didnt think of it as a big deal. its not like i kept it from her on purpose?

11-04-2003, 08:52 AM	#4 (permalink)
Smoey Upright	Good call Mango, a little dope everyonce in awhile keeps you level heaeded. The g/f needs the weed too, it will make her calm down, my g/f was the same way unitl I introduced her to it. Now, she just goes withthe flow and understands

11-04-2003, 08:55 AM	#5 (permalink)
Smoey Upright	girlfriends are always looking for the little details that us men never seem important. That's when the shit hits the fan. It's unfair, and tell her about her flaws, look if she isn't willing to hear what bugs you, why are you willing to take it from her

11-04-2003, 09:26 AM	#9 (permalink)
junglistic Insane	im not breaking up with her over this, its that she never understands anything from my point of view. she'll get upset at something, and it doesnt matter what i say, what i do, nothing changes how mad she is, basically it makes it worse. even if we could be argueing if the sky is blue, she is so stubborn, it wont be until she feels she is ready to accept whats happened that she will get over it. and all the while she has to make me feel like shit. She said some really hert ful things to me last nite. She knows how sensitive i am about my father, and she said i was worse then him, and that im not all their in the head.

11-04-2003, 09:30 AM	#11 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	If things are this bad continuously, there's much better to choose from. It sounds like one day she'll find some total wimp who is completely submissive so she can wear the pants in the family.

11-04-2003, 09:42 AM	#12 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Now, have you ever hidden anything from her in the past? If not, and she's still so quick to jump to the conclusion that you were hiding things from her, maybe she's the one that's got something to hide... In any case, if she's not willing to be receptive to you, and you've been putting as much effort into everything that it seems you have, resolve your issues and leave. There's no reason for you to be with her if she jumps down your throat about everything. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

11-04-2003, 09:48 AM	#13 (permalink)
junglistic Insane	Ive never hidden anything from her. Ive been honest especially with everything to do with drugs. Ive always been a very carefree person, so even if she does things that bug me, i let them go. She's always getting angry at little things, and lately ive been saying your just picking a fight just cuz you want to get mad at somehting. Last nite kinda proved it. Im just fed up. She made the first move to breaking up, now she regrets it, since she sees that im not giving in this time.

11-04-2003, 09:57 AM	#14 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	Well, if you honestly want out of your relationship with her, and you won't look back in a week/month/whatever and wish you hadn't broken it off, then say goodbye. You don't need some girl ruling everything you do. If she's your GIRLFRIEND now, and you're living NEXT to each other, not WITH each other, what'll it be when you're living with her or MARRIED? Do you want that? __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

11-04-2003, 10:17 AM	#15 (permalink)
junglistic Insane	to be perfectly honest. I dont know what to do, what i do know is that i still love her. But you cant change a person. No matter how many times ive asked her to be more understanding to me, its like she cant do it. She cant help herself getting mad. i have some thinking to do. thanks very much everyone for the advise. I appreciate it alot!

11-04-2003, 11:02 AM	#16 (permalink)
Mango Banned	Like you said you can't change a person. Likewise, you should not have to change to gain the love of a person. If she loves you then she should be willing to accept you for who you are and what you do.

11-05-2003, 12:51 AM	#17 (permalink)
analog Banned	If the girl can't tell the difference between throwing all your money into pot and beer, and dragging a joint with a buddy in the woods, then her head's not screwed all the way in. That's fucking crazy. To go that ballistic over something as simple as that is stupid. Reminds me of my first girlfriend... good times were good, bad times were a fucking NIGHTMARE. That's not a relationship, that's a fuck buddy who yells at you.