Which gender do you think controls the Dating System - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

insidious_machinae · 10-29-2003, 11:28 PM

I'm a guy. Obviously I think women control it.

numist · 10-29-2003, 11:35 PM

er.. not sure... sometimes it can be either way, it all depends on the people...

In my case with my current g/f, Im in control of our dating... but that could change at any moment, of course.

as such - no vote.. sorry

irateplatypus · 10-29-2003, 11:36 PM

yeah, another vote for women controlling. The answer seems obvious to me as well, but I'm interested to see if there are some good arguments to the contrary.

insidious_machinae · 10-29-2003, 11:47 PM

Numist, sorry, you completely misunderstood what I'm referring to. I'll correct the subject line. What I'm talking about is which gender controls how dating works in society, not in individual couples.

The dating system consists of all the elements of forming a relationship. Meeting, popping the question, dates, going steady, etc. It's controlled by one of the two genders. The poll asks, "which gender?"

insidious_machinae · 10-30-2003, 02:21 AM

Personally because in a majority of cases, men are forced to "chase" girls in order to get them, while girls usually can sit back, relax, and wait for guys to come after them, with a variety of selection, girls control who they date, while men are left with many fewer options for selection. And because men have subjected themselves to this form of dating system for so long, it's irreversable.

skysooner · 10-30-2003, 06:04 AM

Men are just not built to control this sort of thing. In limited circumstances an individual can, but in most cases it is the woman that sets the rules, etc.

onetime2 · 10-30-2003, 06:11 AM

It depends on the stage of dating and who gets "hooked" first.

In the initial meeting phase it's *usually* the female who controls the progress of the relationship.

After agreeing to the date, the male *usually* controls the locations/activities but it's still the female that *usually* controls the progress towards intimacy.

Once a certain level of intimacy is achieved, the control *usually* shifts to the person who is less attached. If the guy falls head over heels for the girl at this stage, it's the girl who controls it. If the opposite is true, it's the guy that's in control.

In many cases after the relationship progresses to the intimate level, the next steps are towards a more committed relationship. I find that women are *usually* quicker to advance through this level and the men drag their feet at this stage.

In the end, it's the partner who is slower in their progression forward that controls the situation the most.

Kurl · 10-30-2003, 07:44 AM

women most definatly do. Because any women can get a date jsut about anytime they want. Guys on the other hand have to actually work at it.

shannon · 10-30-2003, 08:39 AM

From my psych of women class:
Discourses are shared, taken for granted assumptions about the way in which the world works, that are used in the negotiation (reproduction/resisitance) of power relations
Holloway (1984) found that the two most dominant discourses are
1.male sexual drive discourse: men naturally have greater sexual urges and needs than women
2. have/hold discourse: women want closeness and relationships rather than just sex
buying into these discourses causes a lot of reprecutions that i won't go into because i don't want to ramble more than i already am. in general though, these discourses cause us to see men as initiators and women as regulators in general. so that's the power relationship that most people tend to buy into, at least certain parts of it, although there are other discourses that people buy into that oppose these discourses. personally i think that it's too general to really say one way or another, especially because power can be present in roles that you would never notice it in just because it's not what you would normally think power or control looks like.

Amano · 10-30-2003, 09:26 PM

men pursue, women choose

prince_albert · 10-31-2003, 01:54 AM

Are we talking about pimps? I don't think there are many women pimpin out there

la petite moi · 11-03-2003, 10:56 AM

It's neither, you poop.

insidious_machinae · 11-03-2003, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by la petite moi
It's neither, you poop.

What?

omega2K4 · 11-03-2003, 12:49 PM

Women.

anti fishstick · 11-03-2003, 01:58 PM

women definately. of course, i think this is shit, and no one should control it. it should be equal. i don't like power role games but there's really no way getting around it. it's definately true that the person least attached is the one 'in control' and in general, i think females have a higher ability to detach or handle a breakup. it's the same concept for friendship. after HS, males tend to keep their friends a lot more than woman. i think its just a lot easier for women to go their seperate ways with people.

i also like to think of it in an evolutionary sense. the women have to pick the alpha male, so they are in control. we are much more selective about our mates because we have to think about the best possible match for procreation and that maternal instinct. similarly, males are less selective because their prerogative is to spread their genes as much as they can.

hobo · 11-04-2003, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by anti fishstick
i also like to think of it in an evolutionary sense. the women have to pick the alpha male, so they are in control. we are much more selective about our mates because we have to think about the best possible match for procreation and that maternal instinct. similarly, males are less selective because their prerogative is to spread their genes as much as they can.

Wow, that makes a lot of sense. Men are known for fear of commitment and preferring to be with many women while women are known for wanting long term commitments. I suppose it is because a male instinctively wants to reproduce as much as possible, while a female with limited production capacity wants a keeper to help raise the few kids she will have.

bundy · 11-05-2003, 12:36 AM

i´m not entirely sure why there is such a dominant vote towards Women controlling the dating scenario.

i can´t remember ever being out of control. i mean, its always been an equal decision-making process.

Quote:

Originally posted by anti fishstick
i also like to think of it in an evolutionary sense. the women have to pick the alpha male, so they are in control. we are much more selective about our mates because we have to think about the best possible match for procreation and that maternal instinct. similarly, males are less selective because their prerogative is to spread their genes as much as they can.

i can see the logic in that argument.
but i can´t help but want to deny it... my problem is that i´m too selective.

analog · 11-05-2003, 12:56 AM

Well, as of right now, apparently the government controls more relationships than men do. 5 people said men (7 said goverment), but 61 said women. That's about what I expected, but what does that say about us? It means we know the truth, and accept that women control dating, or our girlfriends read this board.

mistered · 11-05-2003, 04:57 AM

Women ... we ... control ... nothing ... (except, perhaps, the remote)

vveronica · 11-05-2003, 08:07 AM

the woman... enough said. if she doesn't then it is her fault.

cameroncrazy822 · 11-05-2003, 11:49 AM

Come on please... How old are you to ask sucha question. The lock controls the key and that is how it will always be!

insidious_machinae · 11-05-2003, 12:13 PM

Cameroncrazy822, I asked the TFP due to an argument with one of my friends. The poll is currently proving me right.

View Poll Results: Which gender do you think controls the Dating System
Men	6	6.12%
Women	84	85.71%
[joke answer] The Government	8	8.16%
Voters: 98. You may not vote on this poll

10-29-2003, 11:28 PM	#1 (permalink)
insidious_machinae Psycho	Which gender do you think controls the Dating System in SOCIETY I'm a guy. Obviously I think women control it. Last edited by insidious_machinae; 10-29-2003 at 11:48 PM..

10-29-2003, 11:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
irateplatypus can't help but laugh Location: dar al-harb	yeah, another vote for women controlling. The answer seems obvious to me as well, but I'm interested to see if there are some good arguments to the contrary. __________________ If you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves. ~ Winston Churchill

10-29-2003, 11:47 PM	#4 (permalink)
insidious_machinae Psycho	Numist, sorry, you completely misunderstood what I'm referring to. I'll correct the subject line. What I'm talking about is which gender controls how dating works in society, not in individual couples. The dating system consists of all the elements of forming a relationship. Meeting, popping the question, dates, going steady, etc. It's controlled by one of the two genders. The poll asks, "which gender?" Last edited by insidious_machinae; 10-29-2003 at 11:51 PM..

10-30-2003, 06:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
onetime2 Junkie Location: NJ	It depends on the stage of dating and who gets "hooked" first. In the initial meeting phase it's usually the female who controls the progress of the relationship. After agreeing to the date, the male usually controls the locations/activities but it's still the female that usually controls the progress towards intimacy. Once a certain level of intimacy is achieved, the control usually shifts to the person who is less attached. If the guy falls head over heels for the girl at this stage, it's the girl who controls it. If the opposite is true, it's the guy that's in control. In many cases after the relationship progresses to the intimate level, the next steps are towards a more committed relationship. I find that women are usually quicker to advance through this level and the men drag their feet at this stage. In the end, it's the partner who is slower in their progression forward that controls the situation the most. __________________ Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

10-29-2003, 11:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	er.. not sure... sometimes it can be either way, it all depends on the people... In my case with my current g/f, Im in control of our dating... but that could change at any moment, of course. as such - no vote.. sorry

10-30-2003, 02:21 AM	#5 (permalink)
insidious_machinae Psycho	Personally because in a majority of cases, men are forced to "chase" girls in order to get them, while girls usually can sit back, relax, and wait for guys to come after them, with a variety of selection, girls control who they date, while men are left with many fewer options for selection. And because men have subjected themselves to this form of dating system for so long, it's irreversable.

10-30-2003, 06:04 AM	#6 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Men are just not built to control this sort of thing. In limited circumstances an individual can, but in most cases it is the woman that sets the rules, etc.

10-30-2003, 07:44 AM	#8 (permalink)
Kurl Upright	women most definatly do. Because any women can get a date jsut about anytime they want. Guys on the other hand have to actually work at it.

10-30-2003, 08:39 AM	#9 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	From my psych of women class: Discourses are shared, taken for granted assumptions about the way in which the world works, that are used in the negotiation (reproduction/resisitance) of power relations Holloway (1984) found that the two most dominant discourses are 1.male sexual drive discourse: men naturally have greater sexual urges and needs than women 2. have/hold discourse: women want closeness and relationships rather than just sex buying into these discourses causes a lot of reprecutions that i won't go into because i don't want to ramble more than i already am. in general though, these discourses cause us to see men as initiators and women as regulators in general. so that's the power relationship that most people tend to buy into, at least certain parts of it, although there are other discourses that people buy into that oppose these discourses. personally i think that it's too general to really say one way or another, especially because power can be present in roles that you would never notice it in just because it's not what you would normally think power or control looks like. __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

10-30-2003, 09:26 PM	#10 (permalink)
Amano Insane	men pursue, women choose

10-31-2003, 01:54 AM	#11 (permalink)
prince_albert Banned Location: Bradford, UK	Are we talking about pimps? I don't think there are many women pimpin out there

11-03-2003, 10:56 AM	#12 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	It's neither, you poop.

11-03-2003, 12:49 PM	#14 (permalink)
omega2K4 Natalie Portman is sexy. Location: The Outer Rim	Women. __________________ "While the State exists there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State." - Vladimir Ilyich Lenin "Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

11-03-2003, 01:58 PM	#15 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	women definately. of course, i think this is shit, and no one should control it. it should be equal. i don't like power role games but there's really no way getting around it. it's definately true that the person least attached is the one 'in control' and in general, i think females have a higher ability to detach or handle a breakup. it's the same concept for friendship. after HS, males tend to keep their friends a lot more than woman. i think its just a lot easier for women to go their seperate ways with people. i also like to think of it in an evolutionary sense. the women have to pick the alpha male, so they are in control. we are much more selective about our mates because we have to think about the best possible match for procreation and that maternal instinct. similarly, males are less selective because their prerogative is to spread their genes as much as they can. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

11-05-2003, 12:56 AM	#18 (permalink)
analog Banned	Well, as of right now, apparently the government controls more relationships than men do. 5 people said men (7 said goverment), but 61 said women. That's about what I expected, but what does that say about us? It means we know the truth, and accept that women control dating, or our girlfriends read this board.

11-05-2003, 04:57 AM	#19 (permalink)
mistered Tilted	Women ... we ... control ... nothing ... (except, perhaps, the remote)

11-05-2003, 08:07 AM	#20 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	the woman... enough said. if she doesn't then it is her fault. __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

11-05-2003, 11:49 AM	#21 (permalink)
cameroncrazy822 Junkie Location: MD	Come on please... How old are you to ask sucha question. The lock controls the key and that is how it will always be!

11-05-2003, 12:13 PM	#22 (permalink)
insidious_machinae Psycho	Cameroncrazy822, I asked the TFP due to an argument with one of my friends. The poll is currently proving me right.