10-24-2003, 07:22 AM | #41 (permalink) |
Addict
Location: West Coast
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If he's going to find out - he should find out from you. Unless you are virtually certain he won't find out - I believe you must tell him. Although he doesn't want to hear it, he will respect the fact you told him before you are married. The aftermath will be uncertain for a long time. I would suggest that once you tell him, at some time appropriate, you watch it together. Let him ask questions, let him get it all off his chest so he can come to grips with it. The issue is multi-faceted and thus it will, no doubt take time to deal with. Be prepared for an unsettled future for a while. He will need to accept is is in your past and that it is there. You are the same person he loves, with or without his knowledge of the film. Hopefully he will accept this.
I disagree with those that say that if he can't accept it, he is not the right guy for you. You may not be the right girl for him. I don't mean this to be harsh whatsoever, indeed, I applaud your depth and foresight in raising this issue. I hope he can accept you for who you are, and like it or not, we are all the current version of our past. Good luck. Please let us know how this turns out. |
10-24-2003, 02:29 PM | #42 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: Sydney
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I think the question is more about you and your needs than his,
do you need to tell him for your own comfort? Will not telling him effect your capacity to feel confident in your relationship? If it will then I would suggest that you tell him on that basis and that basis alone.
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The Grumpy Old Bloke |
10-24-2003, 03:03 PM | #43 (permalink) |
Insane
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I say tell him....some people say the past is the past...but some stuff you should know about the person you're getting involved with.
On a lighter note...maybe hes already seen it before he met you, and hes going out with you because you're a girl from a porn. Wouldnt that be a weird twist to everything. |
10-24-2003, 03:04 PM | #44 (permalink) | |
Thats MR. Muffin Face now
Location: Everywhere work sends me
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I agree with lurkette
Quote:
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"Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?" -- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death |
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10-26-2003, 12:59 AM | #45 (permalink) |
Tilted
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Dont ever let him watch porn again. EVER.
Now youre safe! If he finds out on his own, he wont like it, no matter what. Coz you kept a secret. If it was 'tastefully' done, i would go further in explaining it, testing his values to see if he would be ok with it.. |
10-26-2003, 02:23 AM | #46 (permalink) |
Crazy
Location: some volcano in the middle of the pacific
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tell him! I think you'll find he'll be turned on by the fact, and his ego will certainly get a bost. How many men can actually claim they're dating a porn star. He might not say it to his friends, but he'll say it to himself, and proly be grinning all the way.
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10-26-2003, 09:13 AM | #47 (permalink) |
Loser
Location: In solitude
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Okay folks,
Since you wanted to know how it went, I told him, when we were alone and explained how I'm never gonna do it again and how it was one of those things I regret doing! He said it was okay, as long it was in the past and I wasn't doing it anymore. I was glad he was so accepting and it didn't bother him too much (hopefully!) Now I'm without any skeletons in the closet! |
10-26-2003, 09:53 AM | #48 (permalink) | |
Tilted
Location: Orlando
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Quote:
Just to let you know he might want to see it and get turned on by it... Gariig |
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10-27-2003, 12:12 AM | #52 (permalink) |
High Honorary Junkie
Location: Tri-state.
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since it really shouldn't be a big deal (again referring to Hal, it's the past), you should tell him to simply be open about it. indeed, it did happen, but he shouldn't react poorly to it if you're relaxed and honest when you tell him.
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11-06-2003, 07:46 AM | #59 (permalink) | |
Dubya
Location: VA
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Quote:
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"In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work." |
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11-06-2003, 04:19 PM | #60 (permalink) |
Go Ninja, Go Ninja Go!!
Location: IN, USA
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Pure Awesomeness.
What i'm curious about though, is why does everyone think he would have found out? When I look at a girl of all the thoughts racing through my mind, "Did she do porn?" is NOT one of them. I personally don't think I'd ever find out. Although telling was the right think, simply because if the relationship lasts, you don't want a little secret like that to end a very deep, trusting, and loving relationship, It was best to get out of the way now, and since it worked out so well.. the trust between you can only have grown from that.
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RoboBlaster: Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it. |
11-07-2003, 05:26 AM | #64 (permalink) |
Crazy
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I agree fully with hal, its in your past, he has slept with women, its just that maybe some other people have seen you naked
also, yes i would let him watch it like RL said, it will eat him up inside if he dont get to see it, it might even become his fav porn movie, and maybe you could offer to record one between you and your bf a private one |
11-07-2003, 06:36 AM | #65 (permalink) |
The Pusher
Location: Edinburgh
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I'm surprised so many people think he would find out about it. Are the chances really that high? I can't even comprehend how much porn there is out there. I'd have thought that the chances of seeing that one single porn movie, out of the gazillion porn movies out there, would be one in, well, a gazillion.
Glad it worked out for you Crazy/Beautiful |
11-07-2003, 09:27 AM | #66 (permalink) |
Psycho
Location: San Francisco
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Edit: Oops, you already told him. Cool.
I think it depends greatly on how long you've been together and how far you see the relationship going. I think there will come a point in the relationship where you will want to let him know. I mean, have you been seeing him for a month or two? That's too soon. Are you guys talking marriage? I think then you have to think harder about it. If he finds out beforehand you can tell him the truth, that you didn't want tell him until you knew things were getting serious. Ok, here's how I think you should tell him when you do: You guys just had a great night out. You come back to his/your place and start going at it. A few minutes into the foreplay you sit up and say "Hey, wanna try this thing I did in my porn scene?" hehe, ok, I am just kidding on that one. Seriously, there will be a time to do it. The relationship will dictate when it is right. You don't want to go around telling every guy you date that you did porno. You have to know he is a good one, and the right one.
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"If something has to give then it always will." -- Editors |
11-07-2003, 10:27 AM | #67 (permalink) | |
Hiya Puddin'! Miss me?
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
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Quote:
------------ Glad to hear things went well!
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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.) Last edited by motdakasha; 11-07-2003 at 10:56 AM.. |
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11-09-2003, 11:58 AM | #69 (permalink) |
Registered User
Location: Wales, UK
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People dont have the right to know everything about your past just because your in a relationship with them. Tell him if you feel like or just dont bother. If he ever finds out just say well it was none of your business as you were not together then. Its not like you have been unfaithful.
Porn is cool! |
11-09-2003, 01:29 PM | #70 (permalink) |
Is mad at you.
Location: Bored in Sacramento
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My girlfriend was in a nude scene for a student film. Her ex-boyfriend has this ability to convince any girl to get naked, and he makes films. I don't think she knows I have a copy of it. She knows I have seen it before. I don't watch it that often, but it is nice to have for when I am missing her.
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This too shall pass. |
11-10-2003, 12:49 AM | #71 (permalink) |
/nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/
Location: LV-426
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Not this matters much at this point, but I personally do believe that anything you put out there on the Internet can and quite possibly will come and bite you in the arse. At least if you spend a fair amount of time online, or at least have some sort of web presence. It may seem unlikely, what with how vast the Net is, but as far as I'm concerned, it isn't that unlikely.
Let me share this story with you. I used to download porn from p2p networks such as KaZaA. I wasn't an addict, just a clip now and then to satisfy my lonely batchelor nights. Anywho, I once downloaded this less than a minute long porno starring a cute college (?) girl, freshman at best. It was hot, but it wasn't something I'd watch more than a few times. About six to nine months go by, and I am wondering aimlessly through LiveJournals, looking for nothing in particular, choosing sites at random. And I come across this very same chick's LiveJournal. She didn't have any clips of her little porno on her LJ, but that little mole on her cheek and her eyes instantly made me think I'd seen her somewhere. I found the file online again and downloaded it - and yeah. Same broad. Being the young mischevious fella I was, I posted a still from the porno side by side with her more recent picture from her LJ, ON her LJ, and just asked if this was her. Sure enough did my comment get erased and my arse was banned from her journal pronto. She had a different boyfriend at the time than before, at least she had just began to go out with some guy she really seemed to have feelings for, and although the jerk that I was I pondered long and hard whether to post the same question in her boyfriend's journal, I decided against it. As much fun as it might have been for me, God knows I've done things in the past I'd care not to re-live, and there was really no reason or justification for me to mess with her relationship, other than for my personal misguided delight, so I dropped it. The thing is, once you allow something of yourself to get out there, you have pretty much no control whatsoever over it. Be mindful of that, and be safe. And do expect the boomerang to fly back, quicksmart.
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Who is John Galt? |
11-12-2003, 10:21 PM | #73 (permalink) | |
Upright
Location: Corvallis, OR, USA
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Quote:
I didn't confront her though...
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Ashes and diamons foe and friend we are all equal in the end. |
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11-13-2003, 09:41 AM | #75 (permalink) | |
Upright
Location: Corvallis, OR, USA
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Quote:
"Hey, she's pretty hot... but she looks a little familiar. Wait a second....."
__________________
Ashes and diamons foe and friend we are all equal in the end. |
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admit, porno |
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