Should I admit to my bf I have been in a porno?
 

Okay, here is my problem, Before I met this totally excellent guy, I did a ameutuer porno for extra money, which is now on the internet. I have never done another one, because it made me too uncomfortable and wasn't really my thing. I'm not sure if I should let sleeping dogs lie or tell him. He always seems all turned on by porn stars and all that stuff, so I wonder if telling him this would turn him on or just make him think I'm slutty. It bothers me because I don't like keeping secrets from him. What do you guys think?

...damn, thats a good question.

Maybe you should tell him before he finds out through someone else. I think he would be more upset if one of his friends came up to him and said hey I found this on the internet. Is this your girlfriend???

I would tell him. Either

1. he'll be totally impressed and your slave for life

or

2. he'll get over it

or

3. he's not the guy for you.

Definitely tell him before he finds out himself - nothing like a little "surprise" to shake his trust.

lurkette hit it spot-on... if you can be up-front about your past and assure him, not only through words, but concious actions that you are beyond that, then things will be fine. if he freaks, then chances are he'll be overly self-concious about it for the rest of the time you're with him up until you can't stand it anymore and dump him. get it out of the way now, and we are all hoping for the best.

Tell him....

Cause he will find out!

Good luck :)

This is like asking someone how many times they've had sex before you. Do you REALLY want them to tell you?

Making an amatuer porno is nothing. It's not a big deal, don't make it one. I WORK in the industry... thousands of girls go through with this. Unless you're sure he would be interested in knowing, it's not a big friggin' deal.

Make sure he's comfortable with YOU, not your past, because unless you've got some ingering STD from your porno scene, it dont mean shit.

I'm thinking he'll find out one way or another, it may as well be on your terms, right?

Then again, if he is not in the habit of looking at porn (It could happen!) it may not come up. Unless his friends find it of course. I had something like this happen to me, but it was a look-alike and not my girlfriend.

wow...I can honestly say this is the first time I've seen this question here.

I'd say tell him. Like Hal said - it's your PAST. What he needs to be comfortable with is who you are NOW. And, like others have said, it's far better than him finding out on accident through some other means (although, to be honest, if it's only ONE video and amateur, chances are he'll never see it).

I tend to lean more with lurkette...there IS a difference
between discreet sexual history and something that is public.

Bring it up as a hypothetical question...see his reaction,
then if it's not negative...just let it out slowly.

I personally would prefer the truth to finding out by surprise.

he or one of his friends will find it some time, he should know about it befor hand, maybe get him a copy as a gag gift but this is a sensitive subject. it all depends on what kind of porn it is. if it is just a soft core thing i dont see him having a problem, but if it is some thing hard core, bsm or something work into it.

unless you told him you were a virgin it shouldn't be that big a deal... it might even turn him on.

Either way it's a part of your past, and you could either ignore until it comes back to haunt you, or you could face it and be honest with him. The truth might hurt but finding out one has been ignorant of the truth hurts even more.

If you dig this guy, and actually care about him and think you'll have some sort of future together, go ahead and tell him. He will probably get turned on by it. There is a chance he could care less about the porn you were in, or he will get upset about it. If this is just a temporary "fling", I wouldn't bother with telling him, unless you're just a totally honest person.

I would say if it comes up be honest about it, otherwise the less said the better. In other words don't lie about it, but don't force the subject.

I think what Halx said was a little harsh. To someone in the industry it is not a big deal but to normal everyday people it might be a HUGE deal.

I would wait and tell him further down the line. See where the realtionship goes. If you are getting to the point where you are going to be marrying the guy that is a whole different story then if he is just a boyfriend.

i'd tell him about it but not show it to him. he'd probably get turned on by you being a former porn star but might have second thoghts watching another guy have sex with you. If it was lesbian porn i don't see a problem at all unless he pops the question of threesome.

It might depend on what type.

I mean,, if you were doing Japanese Scat with midgets,, it'd probably be best to keep that one silent. If it were just naked pics of you or you with one other guy, it would be best to let him know.

Who knows, maybe he'll want to make some more with you?

I would suggest telling him
 

I too have done work in the industry and it's a part of me, some I regret, some I relish, some that embarass the hell out of me and some that I am proud of.

But I would approach the situation with hypothetical question, gage his reaction then go from there. If he's worth it to you then there shouldn't be a secret, besides you'll only fret over it.

You mentioned that he might get turned on by it, well then it probably won't be a problem.

Good luck!

If you're embarrassed about it, don't tell him. Odds are good that he's not some TFP porno superfreak, and since it sounds like a one time deal (from your use of the singular tense) it makes better sense to just wait until the comfort level is there with the guy.

The chances of him ever seeing it are probably nil, but once again the most important thing in a relationship is honesty so if you believe it is something that he would want to know you have to tell him.

By the way was this some softcore stuff or hardcore stuff.

i agree with rogue 49

I agree... if the relationship you have with him currently isn't strong enough to deal with this then you should end it now.

I concur with most of the previous posters:

Tell him. It's better to find out now than for him to discover it on his own some other time.

He shouldn't have to big a problem with it...If he does, he probably isn't meant to be with you.

If you tell him, he will tell his friends. And his friends will spend the next nine months trying to find you on the Net.

But that's only if he's an asshole and if he's and asshole you shouldn't be with him in the first place.

It is the past - but it is still an important piece.

Its already been said that he needs to be comfortable with you as you are. if he can't handle that, then the relationship is questionable.
For more details, read lurkette's post above, because she knows everything...

Exactly. I'm a big believer in full disclosure. If he can't handle it, he can't handle it. Maybe one day you'll find one who can- but if you keep this to yourself, it'll eat you up inside OR one day he'll stumble on it, and THEN you're truly fucked.

Start simple. "We've both had sex before, right?" Yes.
"Have you ever videotaped yourself having sex?" Yes/No.
"I have, once. I'm telling you now because you mean a lot to me and I want to be honest with you. It was a one-time thing. I didn't like it- hated it, in fact, which is why I only did it the once. Yes, it was a porn. (you may as well go right into it because as soon as you say it was a one-time thing, his mind will most likely immediately jump to porn.)"

Just something like that. It might eat him up, and if it does, you'll lose him. But that's still better than allowing yourself to live a lie for the rest of your time with him. Because then you'll always know your relationship- his love- everything... was based on a lie.

EDIT: Also, were you with a guy or another girl, both? Might make a difference in his mind if you weren't with a guy in the vid.

I agree that you should tell him.
The shock of hearing it from you is nothing compared to the shock of discovering it on his own.
It's part of your past, it's part of you, and he should accept all of you.
Probably not something you want to mention on your first date, but if you feel like your relationship is going somewhere, you should tell him.

Thank you for all your input! It helps me put things into perspective. I wouldn't show him or anybody I personally know for that matter, the video because I was even too shy to watch it! Thanks for the help!

jerseyboy nailed it.

I have pretty much bared my soul to my wife when it comes to things I have done in the past. She just says that whatever happened before we were married has no effect on us. The only issue is whether they might think this makes you a bad person. Sounding them out on the issue is a good idea, but sometimes it is hard to be subtle in a situation like that since the answer is going to be very important to you. On the other hand, guys can be pretty dense and you can hit them with a Mack truck and they might not notice.

I think unless it's realy bothering YOU, you should leave it alone. Like they have said, the chances are slim to none he will ever see it and even if he does, there's a good chance he won't even know it was you. However, I believe you'll probably do what you feel is right regardless of what we say so i wish you good luck. let us know how it turns out

If this is a new relationship, then tell him NOW. Besides the reasons already given ie. he's a jerk if he can't take it, it's going to hurt YOU more if you wait until you are deeply involved emotionally with him.

I believe in airing all the dirty laundry that may hurt a relationship BEFORE it truly becomes one. Won't you be more comfortable around him if he knows and is ok with it? If he can't take it, you can move on more easily.

I one hundred percent agree with all those who said to tell him. Honesty and trust are key factors in a relationship.
I am sure he would rather hear it directly from you rather than to be "surprised" one day and find out by accident.

I think you should tell him because as you stated:
If it bothers you and you don't tell him then it is only going to cause other problems in the relationship. I think you are the only one who can answer on how he would take the news, but it really doesn't matter because it sounds to me that you need to tell him to make you happy!

Tell him!

And for cripes sake, please PM me the link to the video!

I think you should tell him. I'd much rather find out from the source than see it on the internet..

I totally agree with lurkette.

That said, *I* would be totally impressed! :D

[edit to make my post more useful:]
Okay, just to add to my knee-jerk reaction... this question is (to me) the same thing as if I found out my girlfriend wasn't a virgin. What she did before she met me means very little as far as how loyal I view her.

Let the past be just that.

As far as I am concerned, what someone did before they met me is inadmissable in how I feel about them.

This is too a point, but its a pretty hard line to cross. Porno, other guys, other girls, any of this is just stuff done at another point in their life.

This part kind of concerns me, if I put myself in your boyfriend's shoes. Assuming he is cool with the fact that you were in a porno, there's a good chance he'll want to see it. Knowing that it exists, but that he can't see it, may gnaw at him inside.

Well it was with another guy and that's why I wouldn't want him to see it. With another girl or solo wouldn't bother me. But if the situation was reversed I know I would be jealous watching him with another girl. I just don't want to worsen the situation, I don't particular plan on telling him who I was with, since that person obviously didn't matter at all to me. But thanks for the post helps me to see what else could come up!