No surrender

If he's going to find out - he should find out from you. Unless you are virtually certain he won't find out - I believe you must tell him. Although he doesn't want to hear it, he will respect the fact you told him before you are married. The aftermath will be uncertain for a long time. I would suggest that once you tell him, at some time appropriate, you watch it together. Let him ask questions, let him get it all off his chest so he can come to grips with it. The issue is multi-faceted and thus it will, no doubt take time to deal with. Be prepared for an unsettled future for a while. He will need to accept is is in your past and that it is there. You are the same person he loves, with or without his knowledge of the film. Hopefully he will accept this.

I disagree with those that say that if he can't accept it, he is not the right guy for you. You may not be the right girl for him. I don't mean this to be harsh whatsoever, indeed, I applaud your depth and foresight in raising this issue. I hope he can accept you for who you are, and like it or not, we are all the current version of our past. Good luck. Please let us know how this turns out.

ismark

I think the question is more about you and your needs than his,

do you need to tell him for your own comfort? Will not telling him effect your capacity to feel confident in your relationship? If it will then I would suggest that you tell him on that basis and that basis alone.

__________________
The Grumpy Old Bloke

blade02

I say tell him....some people say the past is the past...but some stuff you should know about the person you're getting involved with.

On a lighter note...maybe hes already seen it before he met you, and hes going out with you because you're a girl from a porn. Wouldnt that be a weird twist to everything.

losthellhound

I agree with lurkette

__________________
"Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?"
-- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

Dnz

Dont ever let him watch porn again. EVER.

Now youre safe!

If he finds out on his own, he wont like it, no matter what. Coz you kept a secret.

If it was 'tastefully' done, i would go further in explaining it, testing his values to see if he would be ok with it..

matt_mll

tell him! I think you'll find he'll be turned on by the fact, and his ego will certainly get a bost. How many men can actually claim they're dating a porn star. He might not say it to his friends, but he'll say it to himself, and proly be grinning all the way.

Crazy/Beautiful

Okay folks,

Since you wanted to know how it went, I told him, when we were alone and explained how I'm never gonna do it again and how it was one of those things I regret doing! He said it was okay, as long it was in the past and I wasn't doing it anymore. I was glad he was so accepting and it didn't bother him too much
(hopefully!) Now I'm without any skeletons in the closet!

gariig

I'd so want to see it if my girlfriend was in a porn. It'd be my new secret kitten killing device.

Just to let you know he might want to see it and get turned on by it...

Gariig

OFKU0

Glad things turned out all right.

__________________
" In Canada, you can tell the most blatant lie in a calm voice, and people will believe you over someone who's a little passionate about the truth." David Warren, Western Standard.

Dnz

yeah, did he even want to see it?

prince_albert

Ah, glad to hear he's ok with it!

macmanmike6100

since it really shouldn't be a big deal (again referring to Hal, it's the past), you should tell him to simply be open about it. indeed, it did happen, but he shouldn't react poorly to it if you're relaxed and honest when you tell him.

Crazy/Beautiful

No he doesn't want to see it! Besides he knows that he gets the real deal! I told him the only porn I would do now is with him and no camera!

ally

wow, great boyfreind

Dnz

great business opportunity! heheh

Doesn't Matter

That would be such a turn-on.

mistered

Good for you!

And, I bet he asks to see it sometime soon!!!

blockmaan2000

maybe you could suggest doing one with your bf.. just for your private pleasure of course....

Sparhawk

Good line...

__________________
"In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

GakFace

Pure Awesomeness.

What i'm curious about though, is why does everyone think he would have found out? When I look at a girl of all the thoughts racing through my mind, "Did she do porn?" is NOT one of them. I personally don't think I'd ever find out. Although telling was the right think, simply because if the relationship lasts, you don't want a little secret like that to end a very deep, trusting, and loving relationship, It was best to get out of the way now, and since it worked out so well.. the trust between you can only have grown from that.

__________________
RoboBlaster:
Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it.

EbolaVirus

Describe what you did in the porn. Doggystyle? Hot Karl?

Eldaire

I have the solution. Break up with your bf and come have coffee with me.

mistered

The chances are fair that SOMEONE would see this and say, "Hey, isn't that ..." I think you did the right thing. Good for you! ... And I still don't have the link to the video.

Devilchild

I agree fully with hal, its in your past, he has slept with women, its just that maybe some other people have seen you naked

also, yes i would let him watch it like RL said, it will eat him up inside if he dont get to see it, it might even become his fav porn movie, and maybe you could offer to record one between you and your bf a private one

Rlyss

I'm surprised so many people think he would find out about it. Are the chances really that high? I can't even comprehend how much porn there is out there. I'd have thought that the chances of seeing that one single porn movie, out of the gazillion porn movies out there, would be one in, well, a gazillion.

Glad it worked out for you Crazy/Beautiful

Nazggul

Edit: Oops, you already told him. Cool.


I think it depends greatly on how long you've been together and how far you see the relationship going. I think there will come a point in the relationship where you will want to let him know. I mean, have you been seeing him for a month or two? That's too soon. Are you guys talking marriage? I think then you have to think harder about it. If he finds out beforehand you can tell him the truth, that you didn't want tell him until you knew things were getting serious.

Ok, here's how I think you should tell him when you do: You guys just had a great night out. You come back to his/your place and start going at it. A few minutes into the foreplay you sit up and say "Hey, wanna try this thing I did in my porn scene?"

hehe, ok, I am just kidding on that one.

Seriously, there will be a time to do it. The relationship will dictate when it is right. You don't want to go around telling every guy you date that you did porno. You have to know he is a good one, and the right one.

__________________
"If something has to give then it always will."

-- Editors

motdakasha

You mentioned he thinks porn stars are cool. If you tell him, and he thinks you're slutty that makes him one of the biggest, most regressed hypocrites in the world. Personally, if he thought porn stars are cool unless you date them, I'd leave him right then and there.
------------

Glad to hear things went well!

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

Crazy/Beautiful

Honesty is the best policy my man!

wannabenakid247

People dont have the right to know everything about your past just because your in a relationship with them. Tell him if you feel like or just dont bother. If he ever finds out just say well it was none of your business as you were not together then. Its not like you have been unfaithful.

Porn is cool!

Harshaw

My girlfriend was in a nude scene for a student film. Her ex-boyfriend has this ability to convince any girl to get naked, and he makes films. I don't think she knows I have a copy of it. She knows I have seen it before. I don't watch it that often, but it is nice to have for when I am missing her.

__________________
This too shall pass.

Prince

Not this matters much at this point, but I personally do believe that anything you put out there on the Internet can and quite possibly will come and bite you in the arse. At least if you spend a fair amount of time online, or at least have some sort of web presence. It may seem unlikely, what with how vast the Net is, but as far as I'm concerned, it isn't that unlikely.

Let me share this story with you. I used to download porn from p2p networks such as KaZaA. I wasn't an addict, just a clip now and then to satisfy my lonely batchelor nights. Anywho, I once downloaded this less than a minute long porno starring a cute college (?) girl, freshman at best. It was hot, but it wasn't something I'd watch more than a few times. About six to nine months go by, and I am wondering aimlessly through LiveJournals, looking for nothing in particular, choosing sites at random. And I come across this very same chick's LiveJournal. She didn't have any clips of her little porno on her LJ, but that little mole on her cheek and her eyes instantly made me think I'd seen her somewhere. I found the file online again and downloaded it - and yeah. Same broad.

Being the young mischevious fella I was, I posted a still from the porno side by side with her more recent picture from her LJ, ON her LJ, and just asked if this was her. Sure enough did my comment get erased and my arse was banned from her journal pronto.

She had a different boyfriend at the time than before, at least she had just began to go out with some guy she really seemed to have feelings for, and although the jerk that I was I pondered long and hard whether to post the same question in her boyfriend's journal, I decided against it. As much fun as it might have been for me, God knows I've done things in the past I'd care not to re-live, and there was really no reason or justification for me to mess with her relationship, other than for my personal misguided delight, so I dropped it.

The thing is, once you allow something of yourself to get out there, you have pretty much no control whatsoever over it. Be mindful of that, and be safe.

And do expect the boomerang to fly back, quicksmart.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

joesmith

tell him - because it might go over well - if he finds it on his own it will almost surely go over badly

datalink7

Funny thing is, I know EXACTLY who you are talking about. She used to post at another forum I frequent. I saw that clip, and saw the picture she had in her profile. It was the same person.

I didn't confront her though...

__________________
Ashes and diamons
foe and friend
we are all equal
in the end.

santafe5000

Glad thing's seem to be working themselve's out for you. Of course, now you have to worry about your kid's finding the video on the internet 20 years from now.

__________________
When all else fails, QUIT.

datalink7

How weird would that be.

"Hey, she's pretty hot... but she looks a little familiar. Wait a second....."

__________________
Ashes and diamons
foe and friend
we are all equal
in the end.

air45

he will think this is sexy situation and his member will grow in stiffness!

tell for sure if you are for love!