wicked

I’ve been divorced for about 6 months and separated for about a year. I started dating a friend of mine a little over a 6 months. About a few months ago she started bugging me able marriage and kids and all that. The reason is, she is getting to the age that having kids is kind of normal practice (30 years old) and I’m only 23 so I’m not really ready for kids. How do I deal with all of this? I love her a lot, she is great for me, treats me perfect, but I don’t know how make her understand. I have told her I’m not ready but she keeps bringing it up.

Thanks

JStrider

i believe the term would be "shes feeling her biological clock" she wants kids... and shes worrying that if she doesnt start soon she wont be able to... just sit her down and explain that your still young... and that your not mentally ready and depending on your money status not financially stable enough to have people especially kids depending on you...

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yournamehere

Hmmmm. . . . you two are at different phases of life; wanting different things. It's time to either go your separate ways, or else one of you is going to have to make some big sacrifices in your life expectations, which may (or may not) cause anger, resentment, and/or disappointment down the road.

However, if you're both good compromisers, work at it.

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shotofgmplease

she needs to respects your thoughts and opinions with the fact that your not ready.

she'll understand if its meant to be.

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ratbastid

This sounds like a bad idea.

eyeronic

Don't do it unless you are sure. I am sure about my girlfriend and it feels pretty good. If you're not sure, that's okay, just wait to get married until you are, if it doesn't start making a whole lot of sense, move on.

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Antagony

If she's worth anything she'll understand that crushing someone's plans, hopes, and dreams for her own irrational desires is a bit selfish. Especially since she claims that she cares about you.

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Scorpio

True love seems to endure even the most difficult of times. If it’s meant to be she will understand. You may need more time to heal from your divorce. Everyone is different of course but I can tell you that I’m still trying to recover from mine. Best of luck to you my friend.

TRPF

Isn't there a flip side to this? Like put the gal in his shoes? She is, like has been mentioned, on a time table...

zfleebin

Dont do what you dont want to do. Relationships are about finding the middle ground and both of you have lives in front of you. Be open communicate with her your feelings and apprehension and if she doesnt accept it and keeps bringing it up tell her that she means a lot to you and that you will work with her to make her get what she wants out fo the relationship . marriage is something you both have to be comfortable with.

gov135

Hey wicked,

I am 24. My girlfriend is 27. We've been dating about two and a half years.

I know how you feel. Every once in a while I get, "People at work are always talking about their kids and I have nothing to talk about." Sometimes its a hint, sometimes its a long conversation.

There is no right answer. I am not ready for kids. If you aren't, and I suspect you may not be, your going to make her unhappy with what you have to say.

My advice: I'm in sorta the same situation - and I got no advice. Its a difficult question, I'll just offer my thoughts - they are with you.

yournamehere

Sorry - I don't see anything irrational about marriage and kids at age 30. Their plans for the next 10 years may not be compatible, but you certainly can't fault her. By the time he's 30 and wants kids, she'll be 37, looking at high-risk pregnancy at best, or maybe a life without children. She's got reasonable expectations - just not, it seems, with <b>wicked</b>.

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If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

mjby2

It could be a constant source of friction. Especially after you're married and she thinks it's gonna / gotta happen.

Zotz

Don't let yourself be coerced into something you're not ready for. On the other hand, don't string her along either. Tell her your not ready and if she cannot accept it, then you need to part ways.

wicked

If I didn`t just get divorced I would be ready for it, but I don`t want to mess up again.

Minx

If she loves you she will respect your decision and be patient. You are quite young still & she is certainly not past the age of having children by any means so just listen to your gut and hold back. Otherwise, rushing into marriage/kids when you aren't ready for it is not the best idea.

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clockworkgreen

Wow, 24 and divorced then almost remarried. I'm way behind...

GoldenOuroboros

I tell all the women I know when they say 'I never want kids' that they'll eventually get clucky as the term goes over here. It happens.

All I can say is don't get forced into these things. If you're not ready, which it sounds like you're not. Sit her down and speak to her. You're choice mate

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htwhite

DONT DO IT !

bfresh

I have to agree w/ my fellow Tennessean, this sounds like a bad situation waiting to get worse.

neoinoakleys

You owe it to her AND yourself to be honest. If you are not ready to have children, by ALL means don't give in. If she needs to have children, then perhaps you 2 just are not right for each other. The 2 of you are just at different phases of life. Neither one of you should sacrifice. Hold on to what you believe and the thoughts that you have. If you feel that you are not ready, by ALL means don't have children. If there is even a SHRED of doubt, don't have children. Having children is a HUGE responsibility, financially, emotionally, socially, etc...

There are many other fish in the sea, man...there is someone out there that you can fall in love with that understands you and understands the phase that you are at in your life. If this one can not understand or if this girl is looking to have kids then you are at an impass...do yourself and this girl a favor and part comapny, before things get really complicated and resentful.

You are only 23 years old...there is no rush...be young.

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