No sex before marriage
 

What do you guys think about the "no sex before marriage" thing?

How would you react if your bf/gf would believe in that?

My wife and I didn't make it to that part...lol...We now have a son who's great.I think it's great if people want to abstain untill marriage.More power to them.I was never so righteous myself....I can't help but think that if they do wait that there might be a letdown when it actually does happen.There would have to be time spent thinking about what it will be like.What if it's not nearly what was expected?....I can see how that might cause a little problem with the relationship.Just my thoughts.

I guess it depends what the reasoning is. Moral? Religious?

Sex and physical contact has always played a major role in all of my previous and current relationships, so I'm sure that I couldn't wait until marriage. Sex plays a major role in most long term relationships. How can you really know that you're compatible with a person without taking it to that level of intimacy???

When a girlfriend proposes waiting until marriage, it might make you marry her more hastily then you would otherwise, which is most likely a bad thing.

If it's safe sex, consentual, and you have real feelings for the person, why wait????

i dont think i'd ever get married to somebody like that.
(and that's not just cuz they wont have sex)

if they wont have sex be4 marriage = they're very deeply religious = way too conservative.

no way i can get married to somebody like that.

unless they have another moral reason, i'm cool w/ it as long as they're not conservative overall.


i'm just looking for an open-minded liberal person.

you have to take the car for a test drive before you buy it

if thats what someone wants thats great...
i on the other hand never felt any need to wait for marriage... just to wait for a good, and caring long term relationship...

in sex ed classes the teacher always told us virginity/sex was like a rose.... at first you have a full flower... but everytime you have sex before marriage a pedal is pulled off... so by the time you get married all you have left for your wife/husband is a bare stem....
i thought that was total bs... premarital sex lets you learn about yourself and learn about sex... youll be better at pleasing your partner if your more experienced...

Thanks for the replies.

Well, here's my situation. At first, not having sex didn't bother me, but now I'm starting to loose patience... I mean, I'm not a pervert... but I really do love her and therefore would like to sleep with her.

She says its for moral reasons, but won't really give any details..

I don't want to force her, but on the other hand don't want to have to wait years =O

not having sex before marriage can be rather detrimental. It really can cause a great deal of problems to be in a relationship where your sexual appetite is dussimilar. Fact is, it doesn't much matter if you want it once a day, a week, or a year, so long as your partner wants it at about the same amount of time and about the same time. I think it's important to look at the religious aspect of it with some understanding... Some things don't scale, and some things dont last. Meaning.. 2000 years ago, and considerably more recently, women were property. Right or wrong today being irrelivent, at that time, that's how it was. This required certain sexual mores and traditions simply for the survival of the community. Currently, that is not the case. Sex with a mans daughter no longer puts him at such risk of having to raise a strange man's child, and makes the daughter almost un marryable (bad word, but it's all I got),

You get the idea, so religion has only the value here that an individual gives it. Certainly if you are going to feel bad or guilty about that, you should probably not do it. But on the other hand, it is the judgement of the person in the situation who gets to make that call, not the judgement of the observers.

If you really want to be with the person, you will do it...But I would not hold out for that...Just my opinion.

i can't really tell you from experience but just go with your heart man.

Being that I am not a religious person, I would prefer someone whose beliefs mirror my own. That would mean sex before marriage is cool. Luckily I'm with someone whose beliefs mirror my own. ;)

I wouldn't date a chic if she believed in that. There's no way that I could do that.

As an 18 yr old male, I believe that in no sex before marriage, and can I say it's gotta be one of the hardest (excuse the pun) things i've EVER done. Imagine, you and ur gf (or bf depending on sex/preference) arrive home, drunk, she wants it... you have to say no. It's tough. But it's what i believe. Religious yes, and also moral though. Just my 0.02 but i'm nto gonna go against (tell ppl to be different) anyone that believes otehrwise. If you love someone you'll wait. Peace all

'If you love someone you'll wait'
I meant, If you love someone you'll respect their beliefs
/should read over post, before posting

In this day and age, you don't find too many people in this situation. It seems that when you start dating someone, you are counting down how many dates you'll need before sleeping with that person. What used to be months, seems to be 2-3 dates now.

I agree with some of the above posts about 'if you love her/him, it's worth the wait'. But what happens if you wait, and you realize that there is no sexual connection b/t this person.

I had a girlfriend who had that "I'm not going to do anything before marriage" and would flaunt that she was doing this because she was was christain (I wasn't)... she would get me to that point and then stair at me and get discusted that I wanted her to do something for me. After we broke up (not over the non-sex) she started dating a guy and a month and half later she was banging him everynight. He said "I love you" in 1 month so he got her in the sack. She wasn't waiting for marriage, she was waiting for someone to say "I love you" weither they ment it or not. I could have went that path, I could have said it and not fully ment it, but I didn't, I moved on. Sometimes it's not morals, its just a way to get something out of the other person.
<P>I respected her and her values... I could date a person with those values, but they got to be flexable (LOL) I can't date a prude. :)

if shes the one then i have to deal wit it but if not its better but i would be sad if i cant have sex before marrage

I don't judge people by their beliefs on this matter. I respect people's right to choose. It's their life and their body. They can do whatever they want with it. Who are we to judge them for it?

I personally think any adult who decides to not have sex before marriage isn't being honest with themselves about their own, human sexuality.

Besides, there's nothing like a good lay.

I am not religious, but I do want to hold off on sex until I get invovled in a serious, long-term relationship.

I think sex is a special thing, and I do want to save it for the right person.. As corney as that may sound.

Back when I was dating, I had a similar thing happen to me like what happened to LordEden. She proclaimed she was very religious and was saving herself for marriage. It was very frustrating, but I respected her wishes. Then she left me for this other guy and I heard that within a month he was slamming her like a screen door in a tornado.

My wife and I didn't wait and I don't think it had any adverse effects on our relationship.

ninety09, i was in the same boat as you when i was 17/18

i was just starting college when i asked this girl out. after a few months of going out, oral sex (my giving oral to her) was still too uncomfortable for her. this drove me insane; that relationship lasted 11 months, but i probably could've saved both of us a lot of frustration if i had sat down and thought about where my priorities were. I'm not a total perv either, but if i'm not doing too much physically with a girl, i don't see much of a difference between being her boyfriend and just a close friend.

Johnny Rotten: speaking from experience, i think that some people (at least women) could go on indefinitely without sexual urges. the girlfriend i mentioned above had some issues with cleaning herself...suffice to say that i could find blood clots on her pubic hairs frequently. I've speculated that even if she doesn't have any infections, she's too repulsed by the thought of masturbating or anything (as she was with me when i tried to go down on her).

I think sex before marriage is important.

A healthy sexual relationship is absolutely necessary for a married couple to remain happy. With that in mind, we must also realize that people have different types of sexuality.

So basically it's important that a couple discover whether or not they are sexually compatible before getting married.

Just my opinion, of course.

Re: No sex before marriage
 

I wouldn't have a bf/gf who believed in that :)

People say that sex is too precious to have before marriage. Bullshit. Your sexual life is too precious for you to run into it blindly.

I can understand waiting until after the honeymoon before dragging out the rubber sheets and bull whip, but it would be a shame to find out on your wedding night that your new spouse has serious hangups.

00

People are different.

What is right for one person or a couple may not be right for another.

Some people want to wait and I respect that very much. I DO think that promiscuous sex cheapens it (funny to say on a titty board, no?). On the other hand, to me it is a very important part of growing intimate with someone.

I think you just need to examine yourself emotionally and what exactly you want out of this relationship. If this is the ONE, then you can wait. If she isn't then you just want to have sex because you want to have sex.

Fuck that noise. Here's what'll happen:

Eventually, things will get so tense between the two of you, problems will begin in the relationship. You'll fight, eventually you'll break up, never having schtooked this girl.

A few weeks or months later, you'll find out she's turned into the neighbourhood gang bang slut, fucking every guy she meets. Except you. You'll fall into a self-questioning fit of despair, wondering why she wouldn't let you bone her, while here she is bonking every loser you know who couldn't even get a date with the raunchiest girl in high school. You'll turn to crack, end up frying your brain, and winding up in a mental institution, drooling all over your shirt and mumbling something about little purple dwarf men.

Save yourself before its too late. Dump her and find a girl who wants to shag.

yeah... you can't just kick the tires... you gotta drive it off the lot... maybe even several test drives just to be sure.

If you're not sexually compatible, you shouldn't get married. Hence not waiting.

We didn't wait.....alpha phi was my first....after I moved in with him I still made him wait...little less than a month though :D...
my dad always told me "Wait until you know you love the person and that you want to be with them for the rest of your life.." That's what I did....

Abstainence is mostly a christian thing I'd say... I'm an athiest so honestly I don't think its necessary to wait until marriage.

Several things come to mind - like don't buy a car until you'ven driven it and don't buy a cow when they're giving away milk. I am not being facetious to your question - Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, after going into one of these virgin situations, one or both will have thoughts about what sex with others is like - Am I getting what I should be getting or is this one a total dud. When one does commit to marriage I really believe that it works out for the best when both of them are through experimenting and know that their chosen mate is exactly what they have been looking for. I'm not just blowing smoke - We have been married for 38 years.

For me, I just think farking farks things up. I go by no ring, no ding-a-ling, but to each their own. Maybe it's the chick in me, but sex is something special to me that goes beyond an euphoric feeling. Sounds like uter bull$hit (and, for some, that train of thought would be), but that's how it works for me.

It's really a question of priorities. Is the only reason you're in a relationship to either not get laid or to get laid? The sex/no sex discussion is always such a hot issue, but is that the foundation of your relationship?

One of the primary regrets of my life is that I slept with my first girlfriend. If we had waited, we would be married. Instead, she had a miscarriage and our relationship was destroyed by the resulting miscommunication and anger among other things.

Sex is wonderful thing, but all the sex in the world can't replace the trust and communication that are needed to make a relationiship successful. If you're looking for a good longterm relationship, sex can sit on top of a solid relationship or get in the way of building one, but sex will never build a strong relationship.

All the regret i've heard so far is over accidents and the like- wear a fucking condom, be safe, and be fine. Love is all-encompasing, and as far as I am concerned, MUST include intimacy. How can you plan to spend the rest of your life with someone you have never been intimate with? I'm not talking about hot horny monkey sex, i'm talking about making love. If the person wants to wait, their motives are probably religious (based on bullshit) or moral (see previous).

I had sex with other women before I met my wife. She was a virgin and she didn't want sexual intercourse before we got married. We did have oral sex and mutual masterbation. That held me over for the year and a half we courted. After we got married and had proper intercourse she said she was a fool to have waited. She felt it was a waste of time holding out.

From a clearly statistical point of view-

Those who engage in pre-marital sex are 60% more likely to get divorced.

Re: No sex before marriage
 

I'm certainly not against it, but I have the feeling my current cutie might be. That's what our hands were invented for, I suppose.

Uh.. try before you buy.

There needs to be some magic, something that takes over after desire is quenched.

Besides - practice makes perfect.

I think you need to respect your girlfriend's decision if you really love her and if she's really important to you. But on the other hand, if her reply is simply "moral reasons" and she won't elaborate, you need to find out what's behind that.

I'm all about people embracing their sexuality, but you don't need to have sex to be a sexual person or in touch with your sexual side. I was one of the most sexually comfortable people in the world before having sex. I waited for a meaningful relationship to have sex for the first time, and I don't regret it in the slightest. Having intercourse merely added another dimension to my sexual self.

That said, perhaps there are other reasons behind her decision to wait. Sometimes we women are waiting for that "right" moment and that "right" person. I've had friends break their "no sex before marriage" rule because they did find that "right" person. I've had friends regret not waiting because it turned out it wasn't the "right" person/time. If you are the "right" person, there's no way to really know. She will know when the time is right, and you shouldn't push her.

Another friend of mine chooses to wait because she has a deep-seated fear of getting pregnant. She wants to establish a career before having sex.

So my advice is to back off. If it's meant to happen, it will. If you guys are meant to be together, you will. But most importantly, emphasize that you love her and respect her decisions. But definitely find out why her decision is what it is.

while sex may be fun, if they have areason to not have sex before marriage and are sticking to it, Good for them!
I wouldn't try to persuade anyone to change their personal sexual practices. There are other ways to get close to a person. Aa long as they don't telling you how wrong it is to touch yourself, I see no problems with that.

Personally I respect people who wait, and people who do not.

What my $.02 is on this topic is how important it is for couples to at least communicate on this topic before hand. And serious communications.

Any couple getting married should have a good idea of each others sexual limits and interests before they hold the wedding.

This goes for couples who do not wait as well. They should be aware of each others expecatations for the marital sex life.

(forgive my reference coming up)

Thur. I was off work and caught part of Dr. Phil on TV. The topic was mismatched sexual desires in marraige. There was one couple on where the woman had done oral sex while dating, but as soon as she was married she refused to any more.

She actually said on tv that was the reason the bride was smiling, cause she had given her last blowjob. (I know it's an old joke) I thought this was just a joke however. I did not realize it might actually be true for some women.

This couple should have discussed before the wedding.

"Hey honey once we get married, no more BJ OK ?"

Each couple should be free to negotiate their own marital sex lives, but it should be a topic before the wedding.

My input FWIW.

same here... we didn't wait for marriage but I was her first...and she was quite happy to not have waited the whole time we dated until we wed.

to the posters that equate celibacy with religion, that's a generalization and not always true. I was celibate for many years because I chose to be for my own personal reasons none of which were spiritual.

I don't have anything against those who decide to wait until marriage to have sex but I personally don't think it's such a hot idea. If you are going to live with someone for the rest of your life then you had damn well better be compatible with that person. Now I realize that sex doesn't last forever but it is a very very vital & important part of any relationship. I for one sure wouldn't want to marry my love and then find out after the fact that we were not compatible at all that way.....makes for a long (miserable) life!

sexual compatibility is not THE most important thing in a relationship, but it's goddamn important! to get married to someone without knowing if you're even remotely compatible sexually is a crap shoot--you run the risk of being frustrated and looking for lovin' in all the wrong places.

i say it's dangerous ... like TaLon, you have to test drive the car :-)

Reminds me of an SNL skit with those two wannabe cheerleaders...

"Sex can wait,
Masturbate!"

hmm, my reaction would depend on how long I thought they could maintain their beliefs.

I currently wouldn't seriously date someone who believes in no sex before marriage. Simply because I disagree completely.

At one point in time, before effective birth control, an emphasis on virginity had a real purpose...it kept your daughter from getting knocked up before she was married to a husband who could support a family.
Nowadays, that is (mostly) no longer an issue, and pre-marital sex is becoming the norm.

Let me put it this way...

Sexual incompatibility is a major cause for unhappy marriages and infidelity.

In my opinion, there are many aspects of sex that need to be explored before commiting to anyone. Without this information you don't know if you are compatible.

Let me give it to you like this, I have a friend who one day told me that he is a virgin and wants to wait to have sex until he gets married. My initial reaction was "good for him...that is really special." Then I thought about it and put myself in his place. I thought about not having the knowledge that I have from HAVING sex. I began to ask myself, why I HAD sex before marriage, and this is what I found.

I have sex because everyone wants sex in different frequencies. I need to know that we want sex in the same increments. I need to know that she will want sex everyday, week, year...whatever, just like me. This is part of sexual compatibility. Last thing I needed is someone who wants sex once every OTHER year, and I want it every 2 days...that would just make me frustrated and might lead me to give in to temptations and maybe infidelity.

Next I need to know that she wants the same things in bed that I want. Not to be crass, but if I like blowjobs, or doggy style...I want to know that she is going to be able to provide that for me. Vice versa, I would want to know what will make her happy, and she is not some freak that wants to introduce midgets into our love making or something. This is knowledge that I need in order to be sexually compatible. Again by knowing this, I will have a much better idea of whether we will be physically happy with our relationship, and be able to be committed without wanting it from somewhere else.

Although, sex is not the only thing to consider it IS however a one of the MAJOR pieces.

Just like anything else...I like to make informed decisions. You would never buy a car without thoroughly checking it out, so then why would you make a MAJOR decision that could impact the rest of your life based on incomplete facts?

my $0.02....

Im just corious & tell me to go jump if this is too personal but what reasons are there to be celibate other than spirutal or religious ones?

Well, for my girlfriend, it's because she wants the first time to be very special. She wants us to do it for the first time on the night of our marriage, on a bed of rose petals, surrounded with candles, etc.. Just like a fairytale...

You're always better off waiting. Between what you can catch if you're not careful and making a baby and the emotional baggage that can result, you are better off waiting. It's something you don't really understand till you're on the other side of it though, and that's what makes it hard. Stay away from the physical as much as possible, and you will frustrate yourself a lot less.

During my heavy drinking days I knew that sometimes when I was out drinking that my judgement would not necessarily be the best. I decided after waking up next to someone (I didn't sleep with but would have regretted had I,) it would be better for me to decline any offers from any women.

I didn't want to be worried about HIV/AIDS, someone coming up to me saying they were carrying my child. I wanted to be as responsible as I could and the only way I could insure that was to be 100% celibate.

During the first month which was the hardest, women literally stripped and jumped out of their clothes trying to bed me. I declined some very beautiful women. In the end I still think that I made the right decision for myself.

Wow.. that's some pretty large things to live up to... I remember after my wife's first time, she was like,"That's it? That's the big deal about sex?" and I had to tell her that it gets better once you relax and enjoy yourself. Now she likes it much much better than her first time.

i think a GUY that waits JUST BECAUSE THE CHICK WANTS him to wait is a pussy that should punch himself in the balls, then kill himself and fuck the body.

snyk is right. that said, here's another point that nobody's brought up yet.

she = wait until marriage to have sex
she = too uncomfortable to tell you why she feels that way
marriage = communication, openess, loyalty, etc.
marriage <> too uncomfortable to talk about basic beliefs
you = never have happy marriage with her OR never have sex
with her

If she can't even tell you why she feels this way than what makes you think that you'll someday have an open and wonderful marriage with her? You've been together 10 months and she can't tell you why she doesn't feel comfortable having sex? wtf.

I think it depends on your reasons of why you want to do it. If you believe in your reasons, then im ok with it.
For example, if one of the reasons is not to have sex before marriage because of society's traditions, i think that would be wrong because you are not doing it out of personal conviction.

That can't possibly be correct, especially not today. I'd like to know where those numbers are coming from.

And yeah, if you've been together 10 months AND talking marriage, you are WAY past the point of "not comfortable to talk about" ANYTHING. She thinks she wants to marry you? She better open up about her sexual reservations (sounds like something you make in Las Vegas, lol) or you should question her sincereity with regard to marriage.

yangwar already said it- Openness and communication. "What the fuck" indeed.

Simple: I don't believe in that "no sex before marriage" at all. No gf of mine would either. If I found that they did, I'd just walk. Immediately. That'd be the end of the relationship. If someone around my age (38) feels that way about sex, they're more screwed up than I'm willing to work with. Period.

Already found one like that. She was 40 before she lost her virginity. As far as I'm concerned, she was insane to have held out that long.

Exactly my point of view. IMHO, the "teacher" (read: "indoctrinator") had it backwards. As a virgin, you only have a seed. You grow as you gain experience.

Honestly, that "teacher" sounds like someone right out of South Park.

I don't blame you.

You may be with the wrong girl. If she won't or can't explain her position, I don't see how you can respect it. But that's me. You're going to have to figure this one out on your own, guy.

"We" aren't anybody. "I" am their potential mate. If the two of us can't agree on such a basic issue, we're not going anywhere at all.

Total and complete agreement, here.

Source required.

I personally could care less, it happens it happens. If I wait till I'm married, so be it. But think about it this way, what is marriage? A legally binding document, which the state recognizes you and your significant other as together. I don't think that the civilizations 2,000 years ago, had legally binding documents. Let alone a court system.

I'm going to be 35.. and i have a friend who has been saving it.. she's got lots of baggage as it is.. we're talking full line with overnighter, suitors, the works.

She's not overtly religious, but holds strong to her convictions of saving herself for the right person. She's also never dated anyone.

My wife had never dated nor any sex either when we met. She when we finally had sex she was like,"That's it??? I waited all that time for that?" now she's like a crazed animal now that she knows what feels good to her.

She intends to be an old maid, given that she doesn't date.

well i feel that it is important but not neccessary, i doesnt really matter as long as u are happy with your decision at the time or in the future

I am trying to uphold that with my fiancee i am not sure how long that will last oh

I can understand the whole waiting thing, but sex is a natural part of relationships, and is an important part of a marriage. To vow your life to someone although you have not done anything sexually, seems like a big risk. How do you know your compatible? I do believe in waiting a good amount of time, but marriage without at least trying it, seems a little too far for me.

I have to agree with Antagony. They may be valid reason to wait but the chances for problems in the realtionship are much greater. Having said that I do believe you should wait until the realtionship has reached a point where marriage is at least a possiblity.

I have to say when ever both of the people are confortable enough to have sex that is the right time, not sooner. for some people that is on the wedding day and other is it before. The only thing that concerns me is that if my g/f cant tell the reson she wants to wait and we have made it to the serious part about marriage then I jsut dont think it would work for me

I'm not sure if I'm going to wait until marriage, but I intend to keep myself a virgin until I'm sure about things with the girl I'm with. All these lines about experience and being a better partner are all extremely true; you just can't compare a neophyte with someone who's had a significant amount of sexual experience.

That said, I'm currently pretty happy with my decision. I don't intend to be sexually repressed or anything (I have no problems with oral sex or mutual masturbation), I would just rather keep the risk of pregnancy to a minimum.

Guess you could say I'm doing my best to play it safe.

there is nothing wrong in not having sex before marriage, some girls just want to know if you are with them for love and not sex. So if you are with a girl who said that, well, don't fuss about it. just respect her and do whatever you do

I was 22 when I got married the first time, and we were both virgins on our wedding night (we did have some oral sex prior). We dated for four years before getting married. It was mostly her desire to wait, for moral and religious reasons. It was fine with me for the first couple years, but more difficult as time went on.

In my opinion, it was a big mistake. Part of the reasn we got divorced was because of sexual incompatibilities (she didn't want to have much of it <i>after</i> the marriage either. I truly did not think she would be that way.

After we were separated, I found out that she had had some sexual abuse from her older brother that she covered up from everyone (including herself, I think). The damage was done for us by that time though. After four years of a near sexless marriage, I was done.

After that, I wouldn't even consider dating someone who didn't want to have sex first. It's too important of a component of marriage to ignore.

This is a multi-level question that isn't fair. Just who are you asking? Devout catholics are against it, as are most who follow their religion.
What about those that want to wait for the belief that "it's better", and he/she doesn't live up to it.
Then you also have to address those that say "waiting wasn't worth it", or "this is it?".
Then you also have to address those that say "I want more"(i.e. the female that wants to experience the female experience).
Are these people wrong? Of course not. They just want to know life.

my only regret about having sex since I was 18 is that I can't go back to all my previous girlfriends and show them what I've learned by the age of 32.

how good can someone be if they won't do it until marriage? I sure don't want to end up with a woman who can't come (been there) won't let me go down, doesn't like doggy, and only wants to at night with the lights off.

It's like choosing an attorney who's never been to trial.

welp, kiddies, i have to say I am a virgin for this very reason.

though, it certainly is not for everyone. i think its kind of stupid. so, why have I chosen to? i haven't met anyone worth it.

I can get a chick here but i'm not willing to be that shallow just yet.

hm

now if i had to gorgeous twins come up to me, well, my morals will take nothing short of a plunge.

hmmmmmm.

do hjs and bjs count?;) (i don't wanna actual answer, sarcasm took grip)

Only if its a second-hand buy.

FRankly, I don't believe in it, not for any particular reason other than I WANT TO HAVE SEX. So I do it.

I had this thing with a girl once who didnt want to do it because of religious reasons. I was down with that. It didn't (nd still doesn't) change my opinion that she's probably the greatest thing to come along in my life thusfar. If your girl doesn't feel comfortable doing it, there's realyl no point in pressuring her, cuz she's ogonna be the worse for it afterwards, when she goes through a moral dilemma for doing it.

Well, me being Straight Edge I'm waiting for marriage. It's just something that I believe in. I think sex is such an intimate thing that it should be saved for just one person that you love so much you'll wait for them. Hell, it isn't easy abstaining from sexual activity when you have a libido the size of texas not to mention a beautiful girlfriend. But it's worth it. For her I'd do anything. Sex isn't everything in a relationship and if you people would dump someone because they aren't giving it up, you don't deserve to date that person. Meh. I just think it's stupid that someone can say they care about someone but drop them like a bad habit because of one thing like that. But thats just me and my beliefs and I don't look down on anyone if they believe otherwise

xXxEmptyxXx

"No smoke, no drink, no fuck"

*All we stand for is all you throw away*
*This is one strong life not fading away*
sXe

I disagree... In todays world that wont work. I modify the rule for No Unprotected sex before marriage, and you need to KNOW who you are doing it with... and take adequate precautions.

Well I guess for me it comes down to value system.

Celibacy is not a part of my value system but if it is a part of hers then our value systems are too dissimilar for us to be compatible.

In cases such as this it is interesting to note that this dissimilarity is often indicative of a greater incompatability then is immediately apparent.

That's easy to say...unless you've been in a marriage with an unequally satisfying sex life for 15 years.

Read my quote before to put this comment in proper prospective. I am not stating that you should have sex before, but that there must be a really good understanding of each others expectations before. (for some folks a really good understanding may include actually doing it)

I think the whole point to my advice, is to get this talking done, so that you are not throwing away a good thing like a dirty dish cloth, but to set yourself up for long term success.

Just a thought on this subject that may be of interest...

I heard a family counseler give a lecture on this topic, and she stated that essentially once two people have had sex, if they ever break up, it is the same emotionally as if they HAD been married.

So if we agree that this theory might be true, than it might be safe to say that to avoid this sort of emotional pain, you'd want to wait until you were sure you wanted to spend a very long time (ie: lifetime) with this person.

No, sex isn't everything, but you're basically saying that it's of no importance in a relationship. It's not everything, but it's an important aspect of a healthy relationship. I was in a relationship that crumbled because of a sexual incompatibility. Everything else was fine, and we stuck together for four years because of that, but without adequate sex, you might as well have a room mate and not a spouse. Ignoring that aspect of a relationship until after making a commitment is foolish. It's like not making sure both people want or don't want children.

wow.. i know of some people that been "married" many times then, bigamists, and even polygamists some of them...

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if they wont have sex be4 marriage = they're very deeply religious = way too conservative.

no way i can get married to somebody like that.

unless they have another moral reason, i'm cool w/ it as long as they're not conservative overall.
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yea. gotta go with the_dude on this one. but then again, its human nature. sex. common, now. hard to resist. cant be denied unless the brain's genuinely convinced. first time i hooked up w/my gf, shes like no sex till marriage. ive dealt and gave her time. about 6mths approximately, now the sexual aspect of the relationship is great (she aint no virgin no more =P). I just think some people have to grow out of the whole mindset.. or finding a great guy. that usually helps. heh

I think morality just came about because a number of people thought of it and became a baseline.

Even in holy scriptures, I heard there seems to be no claim regarding premarital sex... just masturbation (spilling the seed)

The morality against premarital sex just came about because of the church.
And... society-wise... to control pregnancy.. specially when over population is becoming a problem.


basically... the morality of avoiding pre-marital sex is just to keep idiot people from getting into trouble

I totally disagree with the too religious thing meaning too conservative. I was pretty experienced when I met my wife. She was from a religious family that stressed no sex before marriage. She told me that right from the beginning, so it was never an issue. It just so happened that she was worth waiting for. Now here is the kicker. We did mess around a bunch, and she was getting multiple orgasms from just dry humping a bit. It was a tad frustrating for me although I did get off most of the time. I absolutely knew she was going to be very responsive once sex started and we worked out the kinks. I was proven right, and we have a fantastic sex life.

At first I would be disappointed, but If I really loved her I would try and respect her feelings. But after a while I'd imagine it would be a drain on the relationship...

IMO anybody who believes in no sex before marriage is on a totally different belief system than mine and both of us need to stay away from each other.

I dated a girl for two long years and never had sex with her. She made it clear up front about her religious beliefs and I didn't have a problem with it at the time (hell, I just wanted to be near her). Yeah, she was religious, but not in the condescending bible thumper sort of way. I was lucky to be able to revolve around her for as long as I did. She taught me a lot. I would have given anything I had (still would) to be her first, though.

"if you love her its worth the wait"...

well what if she never gives it up...until marrige like 5 years down the road....is that worth the wait...do you really want to be with that girl for 5 years befor having sex....


i too am stuck in a problem like this....i dunno what to do...the biggest thing is communication...we had a looong talk the other night about all this, and if nothing else atleast i was able to share my point of view and let her thing about it

I think you must have sex before marriage. It'll bring you closer than you ever imagined.

Well, my g/f and I are waiting...for now. We are planning on getting married someday (probably after college) and so we are holding off for now.

We're not really sure how long our self control will last, but at the very least I want to wait until she is on birth control.

Ha. I wouldn't have married a virgin, no bloody way. Just not my thing, that republican tightarsed way... However, I did wait until I found someone that I was sure I would marry. I've only ever had sex with her, and am happy with that.

Fuck me, love me, do as I say.

It's not expensive, and you should still supplement with condoms if you're concerned. If you love each other, then marriage is a formality, and do you want a formality blocking you from sex? I wouldn't. Much respect to you for waiting, though. Peace.

We intend to keep using condoms alright. A kid right now would be a disaster! :eek:

I have offered to help get her birth control, but she says she wants to talk with her mom first (she promised her mom she would). :(

One of the biggest problems is that we are both going to school, but staying with our parents. Sure, I have a van (and boy, does it come in handy!) but that wouldn't be a very romantic setting for our first time together...:o

If I had a girlfriend with such beliefs I could wait, no probs at all. Personally, I'm quite happy to indulge in premarital sex, but not without a good emotional bond.