if you get the op to do it, do it! ;X

I made a promise to the one person id never break, but then to me sex is penetration, To me fingering, oral is okay to me.

While I think its a nobel idea, I also think it is kind of silly. As long as your safe, consenting, sober, and with someone you love (or at least like a lot), sex is just too much damn fun not to do :) And I don't think I could make a commitment for the rest of my life with someone who sucks in bed! A girl can only teach a guy so much before natural ability kicks in!

no sex before marraige is truely ubsurd. just another archaic rule that spans to the middle ages.

No sex before golf.
No sex before taking out the trash.
No sex before mowing the grass.
No sex before going to the dentist.
Maybe.

Uh huh.

Sex is not a special thing. Sex is an activity people share.
Everyone seems to think that it is the "most precious" thing someone can give to another.

You believe your virginity is the most valuable thing you have?

Wow. You don't value yourself very much.

Spend some time alone in your head, maybe then you will find what you are looking for.

But as for sex before marriage, been there, done lots of that. Still married. One has nothing to do with the other. Go figure.

I think that waiting for marriage before having sex is a great way to go. I was a virgin for my wife. I waited. It wasn't easy, but it helped us develope our relationship beyond sex. It is important to have a relationship that is not based on sex, that way you have some common interists that can really spark a relationship.

(edit: deleted 'cause I already answered this long ago)

Hey, I am knew to the forum, so I might as well say hi first. I have a question, especially for anyone who is/was Roman Catholic and might know their views. My girlfriend (who is RC) and I (episcopal) just started having sex, after dating for quite awhile. I don't have any religious/moral problems with this. She is having a tough time though, because, as far as I know, the RC Church views premarital sex as a sin. The problem she is having is that she doesn't consider it a sin, it isn't something she regrets doing, and so doesn't believe that she can truly confess and feel sorry for it. She is, however, a pretty religious person, and so doesn't want sins hanging over her head. Any thoughts/opinions/words of advice I could give her?

Me and my fiance didn't make it to marriage first. We have a 5 month old son and we're getting married in July. To be honest, we didn't make it past the first night. We had sex within the first 3 hours of us knowing each other.

Sounds like she's got to work this through in her own head.

maybe she should be speaking to her pastor or other clergy to help her sort it out...

It is religion and society that tell one why they shouldn't do it before marriage.

My declaration is that if a couple feels like they should, they should take procautions. It should be talked about. And it shouldn't be jumped into. Working in with petting or oral really makes intercourse a non-scary thing, provided condoms are used.

I would have trouble committing to a long-term relationship, or marriage, in that case. Kinda a Catch-22 b/c one has to know if their is chemistry in the bedroom prior to a committment like that. Without knowing if that chemistry is there, it could become a tough decision.

Hmmm. I wasn't aware of much when I was young, and went for the nookie with enthusiasm. I respected my girlfriends, and tried not to press for actions they weren't comfortable with. So my level of activity varied with the girls and the relationships.

But I've slowly come to a different view. As TRFP said:

TRFP: "From a clearly statistical point of view-Those who engage in pre-marital sex are 60% more likely to get divorced."

Those who wait until marriage gain several advantages: Freedom from social diseases for one. Much higher likelyhood of successful marriage for another. Greater likelyhood of fidelity in marriage, because of two reasons: (1) the moral view that chasitity and fidelity are of great worth usually go together and (2) when your only sexual experience is with your spouse, you feel less inclined to wander and that wandering would be a bigger deal.

But there is a deeper reason, that took me a long time to figure out. Dr. Pepper Schwartz of the U. of Washington found that the happiest people are those in good marriages. But only about 20% of marriages are good ones, and they are heaven on earth. About 60% of marriages are blah, or about worth what the cost to the partners. And about 20% are hell on earth. Single life is clearly better than the worst 20% of marriages. But she was unable to identify any way to tell what kind of marriage you were forming, before being married awhile. Well, she was multiply divorced, so it follows that she wasn't able to predict marital success.

Finding and forming a really good companionship is tough. But that is the basis or foundation of a good marriage. I've learned by experience that once a sexual relationship develops, we tend to get overwhelmed by the sexual, and become unable to feel the finer clues about the quality of the freindship, or companionship that we're building. So I learned to hold off on sex, until I could determine how well the companionship worked. And that's pretty much until we get engaged, anyway. Add to that the value of being able to honestly tell our daughters that we waited, and why not just wait until the wedding night. It's so much more romantic.

So there are huge practical advantages to waiting. Maybe that's why God seems to have told his prophets to advocate chastity? I suspect so. Then again, I believe in a very loving God, who gives us comandments designed to bless us.

Wow, super old thread. Since my last post here, my g/f and I have been having sex for nearly a year now. I love it, and so does she! :D

We are still using condoms though. She hasn't looked into b/c yet, mainly because she worries how it will affect her weight. (she is already trying to loose quite a bit)

Regarding Birth control, girls react differently to it as well. I know my wife always has had problems with birth control either making her too emotional or not interested in initiating sex. Anyone know of successful birth control options?

If you've never been married, you cannot have a reference point to say, "my marriage will be better if I don't have sex until I get married".

I just don't get it man. I can imagine that a lot of these marriages last longer when both parties enter as virgins simply because these people really have no idea what they're missing, and they clearly revere a belief system that demonizes those that get divorces.

Depends is my take.

Personally if it was a girl that was marriage material and she wanted to wait I'd wait. I think the kind of love that is needed to make a marriage REALLY work would be one that would have to be tested without sex in the mix. I know a lot of guys who got suckered into a marriage mainly because of the sex. They were stupid and let the booty blind them and now they are paying for it.
I know a couple of couples that according to them they waited(not sure if I really believe that in one of the cases) and they are probably the happiest couples I know personally.
Now I say it depends because frankly "dating" to me is just a long complicated route to getting sex. Most of the girls I've dated simply are not the kinds of girls I would marry(now before anybody gets up in arms about this it isn't because they put out it's because the kind of woman I would marry personality wise is significantly different from the kind of woman I have persued). Now if she was "marrying" material and she said let's wait...well I'd wait. I believe if you find somebody that you truly consider to be marrying material you should learn to start respecting their wishes and sex considering it is just an "activity" is worth putting aside briefly if this person really potentially could be your life mate...in my own humble opinion.

If they are happy is that really a bad thing?
I mean look at it like this. Some kid living in a slum in Brazil lives their entire life in those slums but are as happy as can be. Now some other kid travels the world and lives in the best and worst situations ever...they then get stuck in a mediocre location and now unhappy because they've lived in the best place in the world. Who would you say was better off? The happy ignorant person or the experienced miserable person?

I'd find a new bf/gf. No way I'd marry someone I hadn't had a sexual relationship with. (I'm married, btw.)

I did just that. I lost my virginity to my first love. Now we're good friends, he's a great guy and I dont regret it, even though I promised myself I'd wait until marriage (not for religious reasons).

agreed, i didnt wait till marrage but i did wait till i was sure that i truly loved the man i was with and was sure he loved me back. i also waited untill i was sure that it was about far more then sex. i dont think sex has to just be some like quick pleasure fix, it can feel extremly good but i doubt it would feel as good if i didt love and trust the person totally. theres something about sex that makes you feel so vounerable .. if your having sex just for sex and with someoe you dont know and trust totally then you have to sort or put up emotional barriers...personally half of what i love about sex is feeling totally connected with the person..it was really special and meant something...

if you love someone and just love being around them then why is sex so important? and what about oral sex? i mean does that count?

Thanks for what you guys have said. She is planning on talking to her pastor, however, I don't know if she feels really comfortable around the one that she has (she goes to a big church, and doesn't really know him well) As for the dating thing, I only date girls that I can see myself with for a long time. I don't date for physical pleasure only.

If you don't have sex before you're married, then how do you know if you're sexually compatible or not? For me sex is an incredibly intimate act, a way to be intimate with your partner, a way to communicate and be close with them emotionally and physically. A whole lifetime with someone you don't mesh with sexually? How terribly depressing.

The happy ignorant person.

Their is nothing wrong, as long as the marriage works, but I bet most marriages like that end up getting screwed up in the long run, and they form all these disfunctional families out there when the parents just tolerate each other because they have kids and their religion tells them they will go to Hell if they divorce.