How do I get her wanting it more? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

trigger123 · 07-24-2003, 07:52 AM

As the typical male, I am up for the challenge all-day/all-night. I have been a very good partner for her as I have a success rate for giving her an orgasm of ~90%. But, we are early in our marriage (1st 5 yrs) and I'm lucky to get it once a week. I just really don't want this trend to continue as I think it is unhealthy for the marriage. We both have put on some extra pounds since getting married, but I don't have a problem with it on her, and I would hope she wouldn't have a problem with me about it. She's probably 15 lbs overweight and I am 20 lbs. And I'm not the type of guy that grabs her, rubs her tits, and moves on to intercourse, I normally take my time, good fore-play, play with her in bed a little and tease her during sex...
A side note is I'm extremely sensitive and ejaculate quite quickly, but to counter that I normally spend a lot of time orally and rubbing to compensate and when I think she is ready I will go in so we can climax together...
I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe some of you may help.

Donkeypuncher · 07-24-2003, 07:56 AM

You may not have a problem with her physical change, but I'd bet good money she does. Low self-image = low sex drive for most people.

Buzz · 07-24-2003, 08:23 AM

Well I would say its normal... Women don't "orgasm " all the time. So times they just like the feeling and the touching. Sounds like your doing everything right. If you keep putting presure on her to orgasm then you just might create a problem.

Just let it happen. Making love is joyful not work or a contest to see who can get off more.

Married 18yrs. together.. 20yrs.

Donkeypuncher · 07-24-2003, 08:24 AM

Ummm, I don't think getting her off is the issue; it's the fact that they don't have sex more than once a week.

bigoldalphamale · 07-24-2003, 08:27 AM

seriously...couples that are in good shape tend to have better sex more frequently. not as a rule, just as a trend. that, and you may want to beat off a little more. it will help your "stamina" and relieve tension between sessions. if you can make the actual sex last longer, it may get better for both of you, and you may end up having sex more often.

lurkette · 07-24-2003, 08:32 AM

Why are you asking us?

You could try talking to her and finding out what might make her frisky more often. Is she stressed? Overworked? Is she upset with you in some way? Feeling neglected? Are there things she'd like you to do that you're not doing, or vice versa? Does she just have a low sex drive? Tell her that you'd like to have sex more frequently, and ask if there anything you can do to have her be in the mood more often.

trigger123 · 07-24-2003, 08:34 AM

I appreciate the replies so far... The times when I've been able to go a long time, she normally gets sore and doesn't enjoy it as much. So, maybe it's not a bad thing that I spend a lot of "prep time" and little "in time"... She is also very lucky where it is not hard to get her to orgasm. Like I said, I accomplish that goal 90% of the time.
I also agree about the weight issue and her own self image. I should look into that some more. I have always tried to let her know how beautiful I think she is by telling her all the time...

SiN · 07-24-2003, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by trigger123

I also agree about the weight issue and her own self image. I should look into that some more. I have always tried to let her know how beautiful I think she is by telling her all the time...

very admirable of you to tell her that, seriously is cool.

but, she needs to believe in herself, that she is beautiful..she needs to find herself attractive and sexy and all that..

so, ask her how she feels about herself..and if there's any doubt in her mind that she's hot, ask her what can be done to inprove the situation (meaning, what can she Do and how can you assist)

good luck

Donkeypuncher · 07-24-2003, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by trigger123
I also agree about the weight issue and her own self image. I should look into that some more. I have always tried to let her know how beautiful I think she is by telling her all the time...

You know, that's exactly what you should be doing but I have rarely seen that make much of a difference in a woman's image of herself. But if you don't, that will affect it negatively. It's a potential landmine. But you should always tell her you think she's beautiful to you... it's important to communicate those things, not just think them to yourself.

Try to find an activity you can do together that might help with that. Make it fun and having absolutely nothing to do with weight or image - let that be a happy side-effect. Hiking, tennis, running, bikign... all sorts of options. Buy her some lingerie you'd like to see her in. Find a really romantic restaurant and surprise her with a dinner date.

Lots of options, but it should all be done gently. Make a big deal out of it... and it will be. Not to say it shouldn't be discussed, just don't let it get "heavy" ya know?

johnnymysto · 07-24-2003, 11:24 AM

Good thread. Good idea, Donkeypuncher, on buying lingerie. I will do this in the near future....

ratbastid · 07-24-2003, 12:09 PM

You could always post pictures of her here and ask US to tell her how beautiful she is.

It's funny, that sounds like a <i>really</i> bad idea, but it sure worked for me!

tv. · 07-24-2003, 01:54 PM

Looks like you need to start begging.

Slims · 07-24-2003, 03:48 PM

Edited: Too Much Information

Zipperhead · 07-24-2003, 07:01 PM

Is she on the pill? After me and my ex broke up, she told me that she had switched pills for some reason and it made a big difference in her sex drive. I think she was on Triphasil while we were together.

Or perhaps her new boyfriend was just a sex machine. HAHA!

Just an idea.

MacGnG · 07-24-2003, 08:21 PM

ask her what's up.

07-24-2003, 07:52 AM	#1 (permalink)
trigger123 Upright	How do I get her wanting it more? As the typical male, I am up for the challenge all-day/all-night. I have been a very good partner for her as I have a success rate for giving her an orgasm of ~90%. But, we are early in our marriage (1st 5 yrs) and I'm lucky to get it once a week. I just really don't want this trend to continue as I think it is unhealthy for the marriage. We both have put on some extra pounds since getting married, but I don't have a problem with it on her, and I would hope she wouldn't have a problem with me about it. She's probably 15 lbs overweight and I am 20 lbs. And I'm not the type of guy that grabs her, rubs her tits, and moves on to intercourse, I normally take my time, good fore-play, play with her in bed a little and tease her during sex... A side note is I'm extremely sensitive and ejaculate quite quickly, but to counter that I normally spend a lot of time orally and rubbing to compensate and when I think she is ready I will go in so we can climax together... I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe some of you may help.

07-24-2003, 07:56 AM	#2 (permalink)
Donkeypuncher Psycho Location: Pasadena, CA	You may not have a problem with her physical change, but I'd bet good money she does. Low self-image = low sex drive for most people. __________________ "take me down, little Susie, take me down I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground"

07-24-2003, 08:23 AM	#3 (permalink)
Buzz Addict Location: Earth	Well I would say its normal... Women don't "orgasm " all the time. So times they just like the feeling and the touching. Sounds like your doing everything right. If you keep putting presure on her to orgasm then you just might create a problem. Just let it happen. Making love is joyful not work or a contest to see who can get off more. Married 18yrs. together.. 20yrs. __________________ The Only BEER is a Cold BEER. And a Single Malt will get ya every time.

07-24-2003, 08:24 AM	#4 (permalink)
Donkeypuncher Psycho Location: Pasadena, CA	Ummm, I don't think getting her off is the issue; it's the fact that they don't have sex more than once a week. __________________ "take me down, little Susie, take me down I know you think you're the Queen of The Underground"

07-24-2003, 08:32 AM	#6 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Why are you asking us? You could try talking to her and finding out what might make her frisky more often. Is she stressed? Overworked? Is she upset with you in some way? Feeling neglected? Are there things she'd like you to do that you're not doing, or vice versa? Does she just have a low sex drive? Tell her that you'd like to have sex more frequently, and ask if there anything you can do to have her be in the mood more often. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

07-24-2003, 08:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
bigoldalphamale Loser	seriously...couples that are in good shape tend to have better sex more frequently. not as a rule, just as a trend. that, and you may want to beat off a little more. it will help your "stamina" and relieve tension between sessions. if you can make the actual sex last longer, it may get better for both of you, and you may end up having sex more often.

07-24-2003, 08:34 AM	#7 (permalink)
trigger123 Upright	I appreciate the replies so far... The times when I've been able to go a long time, she normally gets sore and doesn't enjoy it as much. So, maybe it's not a bad thing that I spend a lot of "prep time" and little "in time"... She is also very lucky where it is not hard to get her to orgasm. Like I said, I accomplish that goal 90% of the time. I also agree about the weight issue and her own self image. I should look into that some more. I have always tried to let her know how beautiful I think she is by telling her all the time...

07-24-2003, 11:24 AM	#10 (permalink)
johnnymysto Overreactor Location: South Ca'lina	Good thread. Good idea, Donkeypuncher, on buying lingerie. I will do this in the near future.... __________________ "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." - Capt. Barbossa

07-24-2003, 12:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	You could always post pictures of her here and ask US to tell her how beautiful she is. It's funny, that sounds like a <i>really</i> bad idea, but it sure worked for me!

07-24-2003, 01:54 PM	#12 (permalink)
tv. Tilted	Looks like you need to start begging.

07-24-2003, 03:48 PM	#13 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Edited: Too Much Information __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence Last edited by Slims; 12-20-2010 at 06:40 PM..

07-24-2003, 07:01 PM	#14 (permalink)
Zipperhead Upright Location: Calgary, Canada	Is she on the pill? After me and my ex broke up, she told me that she had switched pills for some reason and it made a big difference in her sex drive. I think she was on Triphasil while we were together. Or perhaps her new boyfriend was just a sex machine. HAHA! Just an idea.

07-24-2003, 08:21 PM	#15 (permalink)
MacGnG Know Where!	ask her what's up.