How would you handle this? (I saw my bf phone logs) - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Pearl Trade · 10-04-2010, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelle21689

Okay okay jeez. I get it you guys fuckin hate me and I'm the most terrible person in the world yeah I got it.

No one hates you. We hate your choices. Maybe "hate" isn't the right word. "Dislike passionately."

We give you advice and you'd rather use something like Yahoo Answers for help. Everyone on this board has a sound, trusted opinion, and you don't listen at-fucking-all. That's your choice, but let's try not to get so pissy about it.

Cimarron29414 · 10-04-2010, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelle21689

Okay okay jeez. I get it you guys fuckin hate me and I'm the most terrible person in the world yeah I got it.

I

Seriously? "The most terrible person in the world"? Does this defense mechanism normally work in your relationship? My God, but this man deserves a medal if he marries you - thus ensuring that none of the rest of us have to.

Do you not see how you are wasting our time? Rather than creating threads and asking our opinions - opinions you have no intention of processing and learning from - just make entries on your blog. That way, we can all slow down to view the trainwreck without feeling compelled to apply CPR on a corpse.

chelle21689 · 10-04-2010, 02:37 PM

I honestly do like the opinions given on here because they give the relationship the benefit of the doubt. That's why we were doing really good for a couple months. If I didn't think answers.yahoo sucked then I would've never came here. I made a huge mistake almost as bad as cheating as some people would think but I don't think it's really necessary for all the insults given to me. But it's a free country so whatever.

dlish · 10-05-2010, 01:25 AM

free country?

ha! depends where you live darl.

and no one is insulted you personally. but rather your actions.

Xerxys · 10-05-2010, 06:27 AM

chelle21689, you snooped. Went out of your way to do so, in fact. It's wrong and essentially just means you don't trust him. Ask yourself if he is worth all the stress you go through thinking about weather he's busy hooking up with someone else or if your worth the stress of him not sending text messages because he's afraid your gonna get the wrong idea. You either trust him or you don't. Be upfront and communicate essential things like your feelings and you'll go a long way realizing your relationships potential.

As an aside ...

Whoa! What a terribly handled thread. Look at all of you in your high horses chastising someone like disappointed parents. As if you get to be outraged. Why don't you simply answer the question and leave the moral issues to the parties involved?

Classy TFP, classy. Freedom of speech has failed you yet once again.

Plan9 · 10-05-2010, 06:38 AM

I love the paradox of snooping. We've got like half a dozen threads dedicated to it and it never gets old.

Martian · 10-05-2010, 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xerxys

Whoa! What a terribly handled thread. Look at all of you in your high horses chastising someone like disappointed parents. As if you get to be outraged. Why don't you simply answer the question and leave the moral issues to the parties involved?

Classy TFP, classy. Freedom of speech has failed you yet once again.

Freedom of speech? What?

Let's run with that. She's free to snoop and make her boyfriend hate her. I'm free to tell her it's a stupid thing to do. If I feel she's not taking my advice to heart, I'm also free to tell her that she's acting like a spoiled teenager and should smarten the hell up.

If you come here with a problem, you're probably going to get good advice. There is, however, no guarantee on the warm fuzzies.

Part of what keeps me coming back here is that not only are the admins okay with me being an asshole, they're even bigger assholes than I am. We're like one big happy asshole family.

Plan9 · 10-05-2010, 07:05 AM

Freedom of speech also says you only speak for yourself. Asshole.

Baraka_Guru · 10-05-2010, 07:05 AM

You catch more flies with honey, dontcha know?

Seriously though. The whole tough love thing—bad cop, worse cop, or whatever—gets a bit grating after the dogpile.

Worst. advice columnists. ever.

You wander in for advice, and you get censure. How pessimistic can you get?

Cynthetiq · 10-05-2010, 07:11 AM

I don't know about free country, freedom of speech, or high horses.

what I do know is that you asked our community for a reality check, and they bounced it. plain and simple.

you have trust issues, however small that seed is, but you do. otherwise, you'd not snoop and then wonder if it means something more than it means.

chelle21689 · 10-05-2010, 08:15 AM

Again, like I said...I made a mistake. I slipped up in the 3 years I haven't. I won't do it again and my bf forgave me and moved on. He tried to give me his PW AGAIN and trust me to not look at his stuff but I honestly don' t trust myself and to avoid temptation I didn't want it. Thanks everyone for the input, no thanks to everyone that insulted me with the name calling. I'm going to be honest, those people that are insulting me now did give good advice in my last post. Again, thanks for those that have helped. Now, I'm just going to try to put this issue behind me since it's old news and try to do better. My relationship has gotten better and this was the one thing that came up that could've brought a lot of damage but I'm lucky it hasn't and I'll try to be more careful to avoid it next time.

Amaras · 10-05-2010, 08:49 AM

The smart person learns from their mistakes, the wise person learns from
others' mistakes.

Cimarron29414 · 10-05-2010, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baraka_Guru

You catch more flies with honey, dontcha know?

Seriously though. The whole tough love thing—bad cop, worse cop, or whatever—gets a bit grating after the dogpile.

Worst. advice columnists. ever.

You wander in for advice, and you get censure. How pessimistic can you get?

This thread is a part of a larger picture. You can't look at (my) reactions to this thread without the context of her other threads. It is clear from the mere existence of this thread that previous threads were completely ignored. Hence, the frustration.

It's like a crack addict who wonders what's wrong with their life (Pssst. It's the crack.) "No, no, no, I need you to help me keep my job." "Fine, get off crack." "No, no, no, I can't keep a job because I don't have a car." "...because you use your money on crack rather than a car." "No, no, no, it's because I don't have a license." "...because you have a DWI from CRACK!" "Why won't you just help me keep my job! Geez, you are SO MEAN!"

Yeah, it's our shortcoming for not having the patience of patronizing the crack addict. Sheesh, bg.

Baraka_Guru · 10-05-2010, 01:02 PM

Hey, don't you "sheesh" me...

You can't expect a crack addict to clean up overnight. At the same time, you can't expect a person to change their outlook, habits, shortcomings overnight.

Oh, hey, they're actually addressing it, though, by posting on Internet forums, asking for help.

...I'm just sayin'.... some posts here do more harm than good.

But that's the prerogative of the posters. I happen to have my own as well. You can vent your frustrations if you want, but don't expect people like me to always sit idly by.

The_Jazz · 10-05-2010, 01:15 PM

Well, I suppose that if I didn't lead the negativity, I contributed.

But I stand by my statements. Namely because I've been in the boyfriend's position. I've been followed, accused of cheating, been forced to make all my phone calls in front of her, etc, etc. If I'd have had a cell phone, I'm sure she would have wanted to look at that too.

And it was a completely disfunctional relationship. When you're 19 and just happy to be getting laid, you might not recognize it. But when you're 20 years out and see the same scenario unfolding in front of you, it's hard to ignore.

This is not a match made in heaven. And it gets hard to be nice when you see your own past in front of you unfolding over a couple of threads.

Craven Morehead · 10-05-2010, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelle21689

I won't do it again and my bf forgave me and moved on.

That's what matters most. He sounds like a good person. And he must see that you're not all that bad, either. Keep all of this in mind the next time you have doubts.

good luck

chelle21689 · 10-05-2010, 02:28 PM

Thanks cravenmorehead lol.

The Jazz, you were giving me your point of view...which basically is giving my bf's point of view which is good.

Brad1989 · 11-01-2010, 03:20 PM

If my girlfriend snooped on me like that because she didn't trust me. I would dump her in a second. I have female friend and she knows that. If you don't trust who your with then the two of you aren't in love

ItWasMe · 11-04-2010, 12:34 AM

Just a question or three for chelle, none of which are meant to sound like a put down. Just curious to see where some of this is coming from.

Were you always untrusting/snooping with him, even before he became long distance?
Are you this way with everyone, or just him?
I am assuming from another thread that your parents are still together, correct?

L_Driver · 11-17-2010, 03:25 PM

Do you have any reason not to trust him or is there something in your past that is making you doubt him?

Honestly, I think you should've had enough control not to check to see if he changed his password immediately, but to pay money to check on a number is going a bit too far. I would definitely figure out what is making you act this way.

Go with your instinct. If you don't see harm if you were doing it, then you can't fault him for doing it.

10-05-2010, 01:25 AM	#44 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	free country? ha! depends where you live darl. and no one is insulted you personally. but rather your actions. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

10-05-2010, 06:38 AM	#46 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I love the paradox of snooping. We've got like half a dozen threads dedicated to it and it never gets old. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

10-05-2010, 07:05 AM	#48 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Freedom of speech also says you only speak for yourself. Asshole. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

10-05-2010, 07:05 AM	#49 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	You catch more flies with honey, dontcha know? Seriously though. The whole tough love thing—bad cop, worse cop, or whatever—gets a bit grating after the dogpile. Worst. advice columnists. ever. You wander in for advice, and you get censure. How pessimistic can you get? __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

10-05-2010, 07:11 AM	#50 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	I don't know about free country, freedom of speech, or high horses. what I do know is that you asked our community for a reality check, and they bounced it. plain and simple. you have trust issues, however small that seed is, but you do. otherwise, you'd not snoop and then wonder if it means something more than it means. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

10-04-2010, 02:37 PM	#43 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	I honestly do like the opinions given on here because they give the relationship the benefit of the doubt. That's why we were doing really good for a couple months. If I didn't think answers.yahoo sucked then I would've never came here. I made a huge mistake almost as bad as cheating as some people would think but I don't think it's really necessary for all the insults given to me. But it's a free country so whatever.

10-05-2010, 06:27 AM	#45 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	chelle21689, you snooped. Went out of your way to do so, in fact. It's wrong and essentially just means you don't trust him. Ask yourself if he is worth all the stress you go through thinking about weather he's busy hooking up with someone else or if your worth the stress of him not sending text messages because he's afraid your gonna get the wrong idea. You either trust him or you don't. Be upfront and communicate essential things like your feelings and you'll go a long way realizing your relationships potential. As an aside ... Whoa! What a terribly handled thread. Look at all of you in your high horses chastising someone like disappointed parents. As if you get to be outraged. Why don't you simply answer the question and leave the moral issues to the parties involved? Classy TFP, classy. Freedom of speech has failed you yet once again.

10-05-2010, 08:15 AM	#51 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Again, like I said...I made a mistake. I slipped up in the 3 years I haven't. I won't do it again and my bf forgave me and moved on. He tried to give me his PW AGAIN and trust me to not look at his stuff but I honestly don' t trust myself and to avoid temptation I didn't want it. Thanks everyone for the input, no thanks to everyone that insulted me with the name calling. I'm going to be honest, those people that are insulting me now did give good advice in my last post. Again, thanks for those that have helped. Now, I'm just going to try to put this issue behind me since it's old news and try to do better. My relationship has gotten better and this was the one thing that came up that could've brought a lot of damage but I'm lucky it hasn't and I'll try to be more careful to avoid it next time.

10-05-2010, 08:49 AM	#52 (permalink)
Amaras Junkie Location: At my daughter's beck and call.	The smart person learns from their mistakes, the wise person learns from others' mistakes. __________________ Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

10-05-2010, 01:02 PM	#54 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	Hey, don't you "sheesh" me... You can't expect a crack addict to clean up overnight. At the same time, you can't expect a person to change their outlook, habits, shortcomings overnight. Oh, hey, they're actually addressing it, though, by posting on Internet forums, asking for help. ...I'm just sayin'.... some posts here do more harm than good. But that's the prerogative of the posters. I happen to have my own as well. You can vent your frustrations if you want, but don't expect people like me to always sit idly by. __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

10-05-2010, 01:15 PM	#55 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	Well, I suppose that if I didn't lead the negativity, I contributed. But I stand by my statements. Namely because I've been in the boyfriend's position. I've been followed, accused of cheating, been forced to make all my phone calls in front of her, etc, etc. If I'd have had a cell phone, I'm sure she would have wanted to look at that too. And it was a completely disfunctional relationship. When you're 19 and just happy to be getting laid, you might not recognize it. But when you're 20 years out and see the same scenario unfolding in front of you, it's hard to ignore. This is not a match made in heaven. And it gets hard to be nice when you see your own past in front of you unfolding over a couple of threads. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

10-05-2010, 02:28 PM	#57 (permalink)
chelle21689 Tilted	Thanks cravenmorehead lol. The Jazz, you were giving me your point of view...which basically is giving my bf's point of view which is good.

11-01-2010, 03:20 PM	#58 (permalink)
Brad1989 Upright Location: Philly	If my girlfriend snooped on me like that because she didn't trust me. I would dump her in a second. I have female friend and she knows that. If you don't trust who your with then the two of you aren't in love

11-04-2010, 12:34 AM	#59 (permalink)
ItWasMe But You'll Never Prove It. Location: under your bed	Just a question or three for chelle, none of which are meant to sound like a put down. Just curious to see where some of this is coming from. Were you always untrusting/snooping with him, even before he became long distance? Are you this way with everyone, or just him? I am assuming from another thread that your parents are still together, correct? __________________ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

11-17-2010, 03:25 PM	#60 (permalink)
L_Driver Upright Location: Washington, DC	Do you have any reason not to trust him or is there something in your past that is making you doubt him? Honestly, I think you should've had enough control not to check to see if he changed his password immediately, but to pay money to check on a number is going a bit too far. I would definitely figure out what is making you act this way. Go with your instinct. If you don't see harm if you were doing it, then you can't fault him for doing it.