MrFriendly

Quite often at work I'll decide to take lunch on another floor. There's two reasons for this, the tea room on the floor below me has a stellar view of Melbourne CBD and the bay, and it also means no one from my floor will ask me to do things.

Early last week I was taking lunch and a lot of the girls from HR were having lunch too. I sort of just tuned out and stared out the window while they were all talking about men proposing to their SOs. Most of the girls had left and one was still behind and said "Hahaha, sorry for talking about girly stuff like that, but hey, it will give you some insight for when you want to propose."

I don't really believe in the institution of marriage, not in its modern form. I'm not religious, so I just don't see the point, there are so many other ways to commit. So to me, the comment I made had made perfect sense, to me: "Hehe, that's quite alright, some how I don't think marriage will be an issue I'll have to deal with. Well, not until society makes some changes."

So that brings me to today when I'm having lunch, one of the girls from HR who I used to work with came out with something that honestly left me speechless "You know Mick, I had no idea you were gay, but now that I think on it, it all makes sense!"

"I'm sorry, I'm gay?"

At this point she went bright red. "Isn't that what you told Carra?"

At this point I was torn, do see how far I can let the wild fire of rumor spread without confirming or denying anything, or do I set the office straight? Either way, it has zero impact to my life and I'm completely indifferent either way. But I'm honest guy, so I set the record straight. This in turn led to an interesting conversation. "No, I told Carra that marriage won't be an issue for me, mainly because I'm happily single, and also because I simply don't believe in the institution of it. I'm quite open about my sexuality, I've had the company of men in my bed. I'm quite confident about my sexuality."

"And what is that, exactly?"

"I don't know if you can give it a name, it is what it is, but I quite like being alone. A solitary creature. I'm sure one day I'll find a nice lass with red hair to settle down with. But until then, like most other aspects of my life, I'll just take it as it comes."

So we talked for a while longer about why it was even office gossip. I'll admit, I see the world through my own eyes, and I'll often be perplexed as to how it could be seen any differently, but hey, we all do that right? The thing is, I've never understood why in this day and age a persons sexuality should be a big deal.

In both my social and working life I've come across sooooooo many different kinds of people, so much so that I'm just never shocked by people any more. One of the most brilliant Unix admins I've worked with had a fetish for sex dolls. Fuck, dude can do what he want as far as I car, he was and still is quite literally a genius. I had a client who was a well known and respected lawyer, who happened enjoy truck loads of blow and had a penchant for cock before he went home to his wife.

My point is, I've come across just so many brilliant and interesting people, and their sexuality has always been a discrete side note to the rest of their life, personality, and that essence of who they are. It was nothing more than a small attribute to the rest of their character. A part of who they were, but not a definition of who they are. It's the way I've always treated sexuality, i guess it's the way my folks treated it. A coping mechanism for my Australian Irish Catholic family to deal with the fact there were quite a few openly gay members. See my Irish clan goes some way back in this country, and as faithful as they all are, our clan knew tough times, really tough times, so they stuck together and they all loved eachother, gay or not was never an issue, holding on to what's golden was.

I have no problem with another persons sexuality, ever. I will not judge a person on it no matter how way fucking out there it is. As long as they're happy and confident in their choice and what they do doesn't adversely affect others. But, however, I always find myself at odds with people who use their sexuality to define who they are as a person. That fucks my shit right up.

To me that comes across as nothing more than a fad that you're into. Christ, you may as well don some black clothes and dock martins and go around calling yourself a goth. But why people, why!?

Your sexuality is like your body, a sacred temple in which you and only you get to define the religion in which you pray. Sexuality is core to your being, I'm certainly not saying it's not important. But how a defines you as a person, that's where I just don't see it as important.

I know it's not as simple as all that. I know people have had to fight some hard fought battles for the right to be free and open about their sexuality. I know in some places that battle is still being fought, and which case, I get it, the identity is solidarity, and that's cool. It's still going on in my country, it's still going on in yours.

But in Melbourne, Australia, people, we're as open as it comes. You can do serious gaol time for denying a persons right to work based on their sexuality. So when society catches up, and we're all free to be what we want to be, does our sexuality become us, or just a part of us?

Times are always changing, times are always confusing, but I always like offering food for thought.

So your thoughts? Why should a persons sexuality define who they are?

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little_tippler

The very question, 'who are you?', or 'what defines you?' as genuinegirly put it it in another recent thread grates me.

I have never felt the need to apply a set of adjectives, functions and goals to myself, and feel that many people experience a certain degree of anxiety when they try to do it for themselves.

I just do what I think and feel is right for me as much as possible. I am pretty open and though some things, sexually, don't at first appeal to me, if I am curious at all in theory, I may go ahead and try them.

Most people are so worried about belonging to a certain social group or a certain set of values that they forget to just listen to their own mind above all else.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Glory's Sun

people long for labels and groups because it provides comfortability.

when you have so many people who aren't as honest about themselves they need this type of escape plan..and I'm all for them having it.

personalities and archetypes always trump in the human psyche.. and this is why some people will define themselves by sexuality and others will not.

Halx

No matter how I try to define myself, I always defy my definition.

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snowy

Like you, MrFriendly, I would prefer to take it as it comes. I think it is grossly unfair to equivocate a person to their genitalia. Yes, I am in a heterosexual relationship at the moment, and I plan on spending the rest of my life with this man, but before he came along I could have cared less if the person I was interested in had a penis or a vagina. He just happens to have a penis and a personality that fits my own in a way I'd never experienced before.

I hesitate to identify as bisexual; that in and of itself seems limiting, but I often do so for the ease of others.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau