asdf174

I'm a 22 year old male. I've never had a GF never had a date, never had a first kiss , nothing. I just can't talk to girls I don't know why. Well its probaly because I know I'm ugly. Gods worst fucking creation. I swear I want to kill myself. I'm going insane. (Just venting()

butthead

Consider this, a person is not the sum of their actions or how far they've progressed with the sex to which they are attracted.

I'm far from ugly, I'm very intelligent, and I still have problems talking to girls.

When I had not gone anywhere with a girl and felt about myself like you do now, I thought that it would all be better if I had sex (I was a virgin then). I thought I would feel better about myself. I didn't up end up feeling better in the long run, I actually ended up feeling worse. I began thinking that I was a loser because I wasn't having sex with girl after girl. It was just bullshit. External things like girls you don't know will not grant you absolute happiness or a high self-esteem.

Depression isn't going to make things any easier. Oh man, it skews your perception of things so much. You may or may not realize it at this point, but if you don't hopefully you will in time.

Pop quiz, hotshot: You walk into a restaurant and see a beautiful girl and hope that she waits you. Inside you rejoice that she does, but you notice that she avoids making eye contact with you. After your meal, she drops you off a note with a smiley face and the "hi" written on it. What do you do?

Sleepyjack

first off i think its kinda funny that butthead thinks he's far from ugly! hehe joking, just an unusual name.

anyways, i agree with butthead, in that you, as a person, aren't measured by the number of sexual conquests. Nor is anyone else. Some people, who are beneath themselves, believe it to be the case and that is very unfortuante.

although a beautiful person normally encapsulates all attributes, physical and mental, the most important thing is who you are (mental). not what you are (physical). Also humans have so many more dimensions than just there intelligence and what they look like.

i have never really had trouble talking with girls. You have to think about it though, girls are people/humans so i don't understand why it differs so greatly. I understand that generally a girls disposition or nature is more caring/motherly, and that girls generally think differently than guys, although you should try to talk to them as you would one of your friends or another guy. Unless you're in awe of there beauty or something and are literally speechless...

Your intentions or agenda for conversing with a girl in the first place, may be corrupting or convoluting your behaviour. So you have to try and think to yourself that she is just another person and talk to them as you would anyone else. Your intial intentions shouldn't generally to be to try to sleep with her or anything of that nature, but to just get to know her (because somehow she interested you), as you'd like any other human.

Sleepyjack

ok, i forgot about pop quiz...

well if the girl is a waiter, you'd want to somehow get her attention or go up to her (it may be awkard if she keeps going into the kitchen or soemthing)...anyway, i imagine you can approach her, somehow. And you could simply firstly say hello yourself, and then that you noticed the note she placed there and perhaps maybe would u like to get a drink something to eat etc when you get off work.

There are a lot of implications in each others actions, so your intention of asking her out wouldn't be drastic. Its also implies that you're attracted to each other, by her leaving the note and you approaching her so a lot of stuff is already said and meant, which makes the process a lot easier and generally nicer.

KeyserSoze

ASDF,

What you are afraid of is the WORD NO!! If you talk to a girl and you ask if she would like to get a drink or go to a movie the worst thing that could happen is she says "NO"......big fucking deal, odds are you will never see her again.

Rejection is the worst for a male ego, well that and a woman saying you have a small penis anyhoo most VERY FINE women out there are not asked out because men think they are too hot and don't want to be rejected by them.

Example:

There was a Asian hostess at a restaurant I frequent and none of my friends would ask her out because she is an 11......very fucking HOT!! I would always listen(very important here..listening) to guys make small talk with her and I remembered her replies. So I would ask her questions about herself and make small talk. Well I got up the nerve and said what the fuck and asked her out....I am in no way a macho stud hunk or whatever term these dweebs call themselves.

We had a nice time and began dating for a few years, her daughter stole my heart and she ripped it the fuck out....not once but twice.....I quit listening

If yoou think NEGATIVE you will be NEGATIVE.....wake THE FUCK UP BRO and quit putting yourself down. Get a tape on self esteem and listen to it. You may also try reading the book of body language...I did and sometimes I go to a bar, watch and laugh myself silly. That book is so right on the money

Now ask yourself a question...if some of these fat ugly lazy ass slobs in this world have a girlfriend why don't you?? Because you are afraid of the word "NO" so say to yourself what the fuck...and go for it. And if you think the world is watching, and judging you let me give you a clue......THEY'RE NOT!!

Happy trails

__________________
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Mael

you take it home and masterbate to it/on it?

shit, i never was very good at pop quizzes.

tritium

asdf, I too am a 22 year old virgin male who has never been kissed or had a girlfriend. I'm in the same "place" as you right now and it is affecting my overall health and emotional wellbeing. I, too, have had suicidal thoughts, but truthfully, it has been the image of my sobbing mother at my funeral that has kept the gun out of my hand.

I'm not sure how much else we have in common. Its hard to find friends like us, because who in our age group would concede to not being one of the womanizing beer-swilling guys... Noone wants to admit it -- either that or we're the only 2 on the planet.

Like you, I have trouble speaking with women. I have very particular interests and I just haven't found a woman that can related to them. I'm seriously into baseball, computers, my truck and church (although I'm not a holy roller, its just who I am) (BTW, if any ladies out there are interested contact me at: ---------------- LOL! remove the nospam part).

I have a handful of lady "friends" but nothing that will lead anywhere. I find that most of my female friends are girlfriends of my friends. I'm sure there are correlations in interests (eg, they are the _friend_ of someone I have similar interests with) but I think it boils down to my comfort around them. Its not a bar situation or a person I need to "impress" automatically. Not to be racist or anything, but I do the same thing when I'm around women of a different race -- because I'm not automatically thinking about a future girlfriend [I hesitatate to write this, because I'm really not a bigot, but I think its very relavent to "success" in speaking with women.].

ASDF, email me. I think we could have some decent productive conversations. ----------------- (remove the nospam part). No hate mail for my comment above. I'm not a racist.

mirevolver

It's not that easy. Even when you can talk to women.

I can talk to women yet still have never had a seroius relationship. But my problem is I talk to women so well that I get placed into the 'just friends' category within 10 minutes of meeting a woman. And once she considers you "Just a friend," there's no chance getting into bed with her.

So I have more female friends than male friends, but I too have trouble with getting an actual date.

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rodimus

i used to be in the same boat as you, but suprisingly, having the confidence to go up and ask a girl out is over half the battle. for me, just trying more often and building up my confidence helped a lot.

tritium

Getting up to bat has definitely been one of my major issues. How about you ASDF?

I've only ever asked about about 3 women in my lifetime, but I have a 100% batting average. I wait until she makes it obvious she'll say "yes."

Talk to us, asdf. Let us know you haven't gone completely off of the deep end.

Antagony

This advice doesn't just apply to meeting and talking with women --

Most of a stranger's impression about is going to be made of your own projected self-worth.

If you're comfortable with who you are, your relationship with that person (even if it's just in passing) is much more likely to be positive and productive.

So essentially I'm saying that you should focus on fixing yourself before getting all bogged down with the "women issue".

You'll find all issues tend to dissolve once you deal with the major problem that is your own being.

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Anomaly_

I'm 20 and in the same boat as well. I've never had a girlfriend or been on a date. I don't even have any friends. Going into my junior year of college, I can definitely say it has been the worst time of my life, contrary to what I think the typical college experience is.

But I realize I only have myself to blame for this situation. I didn't choose to live in the dorms my first two years and was and I still am isolated living at home. It's finally come to my attention that I really need to move out of the house but I have no clue where to go. If I don't do something very soon things are just going to get really bad and college will be over before I know it. Any advice here?

Sorry to ramble but I do know what it feels like asdf.

ForgottenKnight

I know how it is. I'll be 21 in a month. I'm a virgin. I've never had a girlfriend, first kiss, or even a date. I'd go insane, but I've already been there....j/k...unless you ask my friends...
To top that off, the best friend I've known for life has been married for over a year now.

I too am going into my Jr Year of College next year. I may not have many friends, but I'm happy with the few I do have, and with being known by most in my major's class. I'm also content with my status because I'm following my dream; women are then a secondary concern.

I don't have a problem talking with women unless they're my age. Then I don't have a problem with talking with them as long as it's about school, or they're my coworkers, or something of that sort. I just don't feel comfortable around them and talking with them when I'm looking at them from the perspective of thinking about asking them for a date. I know that the reason is because I'm compairing myself to the "perfect" guy that most women dream about. I'm not that guy, but according to one of my college buddies, I'm not bad looking, a supergenius, and "a great guy" who was "anti-social" until he "changed me." Still, I just can't talk with women if I'm interested in them. And when I do, I get put on the "just a friend" list within a few minutes.

My point is, I'm in the same boat, so you're not alone! And for any of you guys that think you're ugly, you're probably not half as bad as you think! Just hang in there. Eventually we'll all find someone.

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hotzot

Guys, never stop looking! There are hundreds of thousands of women who feel the same way you do. They're shy, plain and desperatly would like a regular guy to ask them out!! My brother was 28 when he lost his virginity, he was very very shy, balding and slightly overweight. One day he just got up his courage and asked a regular girl out to a ballgame. She was not into sports at all but went with him. Something clicked and they've been together for 15 years now. two great kids, All that from just one date!! He was voted most likely to be the next Lee Harvey Oswald in high school thats how shy he was. DON"T KILL YOURSELVES!!!!, try the online dating services work your way up!!! There are women who want you!!! Find them!!

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asdf174

Hello. I haven't gone insane yet. My computer has just been down. Thanx for all the replies. YEah I know its something not tot trip over but It just feels like crap being the late bloomer.

Jack Ruby

I'm 18. In the past few weeks I've gone from my first serious kiss to my first real girlfriend to finally getting laid. I guess I got lucky.

I don't have much advice for you. I don't know how 'ugly' you are, but just take care of yourself, get a cool haircut and some nice clothes, and go places where girls are. If you're feeling too nervous to approach a girl, have a few beers.

Doesn't sound deep or romantic, does it ? But being realistic, if you want to approach girls - simply stay cool about it, go to some place where you can find girls, and be patient. And if you think you've got a real emotional problem or something, just seek help. Just sitting there filling up with self pity won't help.

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You don't know what you don't know.

noodle

Take it from a girl... confidence, not cockiness is what turns us on. It's a fine art but with practice you'll be a master at it. Good luck buddy.

asdf174

Yeah but I have no confidence whatsoever. I don't know what happened to myself esteem. I don't kow. This whole thing is just driveing me insane. Everytime I've talked to a girl they just lost interest. Guess I'm to much of a losser. I swear I'm gong to die alone.

crow_daw

I would say take a wingman with you to help break the ice at clubs and the like, but I bet your afraid the girl will go for your friend, and not you? Well, if any of your friends has a serious relationship, try taking him. I think its so much easier to talk to girls when I'm with my best friend. We help each other out.

Oh, and definitely scratch all the suicide shit, this shit ain't worth dying over.

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"We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

lfringe

Hey, ugly people have sex, too. Look, I'm in the same position you are in and I'm almost 27. I'm sure there's all sorts of stupid reasons in my head why I'm still a virgin, still never been kissed.

No one's got some secret that they are going to post here that is going to suddenly transform you into a different person. If there's something you don't like about yourself, then you're going to have to work your ass off to change it. It won't be easy. Fat bastard like me? Eat right and exercise, for the rest of your life. Lack confidence with women? Keep going up and talking to them.

Don't pick the hottest woman in the bar and try to get her to blow you in the bathroom. Try talking to a girl in class or at work about the weather or homework or whatever stupid mundane shit we all talk about. Pay attention to her reactions. Learn what makes people light up. Ask questions. And keep doing that for the rest of your life.

And if that seems harder than just dying, well, hey. Death is always going to be there, waiting at the end of your life. No one can take your death away from you. Do drugs, drink, eat fast food, and save up to go somewhere where prostitution is legal and get laid. Lather, rinse, repeat, die at forty. People may judge you, but screw them, they can live their own life.

First thing you have to do, however, is learn to love yourself. Your ugly, low self-esteem self. I recommend starting simply: I am assuming that you jerk off. Even if you don't like anything else about yourself, somewhere in there is a guy who gives you orgasms whenever you want. No questions asked, no headaches, no "not tonight honey, I'm tired." Love that guy. Start with him, build from there.

My two cents.

sub zero

So what do you want to do? I got your answers right here.

If you want to have sex with lots of women, or get a girlfriend(s).

This is for you.

If you want to be happier than you thought possible and stay that way.

This is for you.

READ, UNDERSTAND, PRACTICE, ENJOY

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Leviathan[NCV]

You realize that's what God made alchohol for, right?

oldman2003

thank you for this link. I can use it too....

trialzin

HEHEHEH its never easy, I never really had trouble getting laid when I was younger and now that I am single after 13 years in a relationship dating is one tough mother to get back into. I have to be truthful ladies my own age do not attract me. I prefer girls 10 years younger and when I was younger I prefered gilrs older then me, when I was 16 I was having lets say fun weekends with this girl who was 22, she was great. I never really liked girls my own age when I was younger. Anyways back on track, I still have problems talking to girls/women. If I am sober I seem to do ok but the bar scene is not for me, if I meet someone I usualy have nothing to say when I am drunk other then wanna go home and fuck and that gets you no where (well not always) any how just keep trying you are young and lots of time to find a girl, they out number us and thats a great thing. I love women and everything about them.

The Absurd Man

All my girlfriends could have done much better than me, so there has to be something more than looks going on.