Sinter24

Hi fellow TFPers, I could really use some relationship advice. Wasn't sure if this should be in sexuality or life forums.

I guess I'll start with about me.. I'm 20 years old, I've only ever had 1 girlfriend in my life so far which is why I'm asking for some assistance. I am a fairly shy person and pretty confident. I was very antisocial from when I was about 13-18, had no friends dropped out of school and no interaction with people, I was basically addicted to computer games and that was all I did when I was a teenager. After I had my first job I quickly adapted I didn't like who I was and how antisocial I had become, I wanted to change I did a lot of self-help reading and it helped immensely.

These days I am doing pretty good, I am not antisocial to talk to people.. I don't get shy or nervous at all. I still have no friends outside of work besides my girlfriend, we'll call her Amy. But I'm working on it. I hope that helps you all understand more about me and my situation.

Amy.. my amazing girlfriend. I met Amy about two months ago. I worked with her brother at my very first job about 2 1/2 years ago and we have been keeping in touch off and on. Really good guy, anyway about 2 months ago he invited me out to coffee so I went. I met a bunch of his friends and his sister, Amy was also there. I didn't think any thing of it at the time I just hung out with her brother and his friends, she was pretty nervous around me, but we made eye contact and smiled a few times. We eventually left and went to play pool, Amy stayed behind with a couple of her friends.

The next day Amy txts me out of the blue (she got my number from her brother) says hi we txt back and forth like crazy.. and she asks if I'd like to hang with her sometime, I of course say yes and we go out for coffee, we were both extremely nervous but it went well, we also went to play pool after coffee. All that was good, flirted, talked a lot... she wants to date me but she's scared because she had a bad breakup with her ex boyfriend, they were together for a year and the guy just dumped her out of the blue, she was crushed. So she was really scared to be in another relationship because she didn't want to get hurt, or hurt me.

We talked a lot about well everything imaginable, views on relations, sex, life etc. It took a while but we eventually started dating. This girl really means a lot to me, she is a really amazing friend and person. She's beautiful in every way imaginable. She is also way more experienced, she's not a virgin, she's done everything sexual. I have done nothing, complete virgin. She knows all this and is completely fine with it.

The Problem:

She wants me to make all the moves and initiate everything. The most I have ever done with Amy is make out about 3 times...when she was intoxicated (she initiated everything) I was drinking too but not drunk. But it was amazing it was very romantic and exciting for me, and for her. I want to say too that all these times making out with her intoxicated I didn't think she was as intoxicated as she was. I have no drinking experience, never been drunk yet and I only started drinking after I met her, so I have no idea how it affects a person from first hand experience. But that was fine, she had no problem with that, she said I was a really good kisser. true or not I don't really know. So that's as far as we've gone together, making out.

The farthest we've gone sober is kiss.. she kissed me. We do hug a lot, and we hold hands, there is a lot of physical contact which I really love and I'm not nervous at all. But I am really nervous making the move to kiss her I mean I really want to, I know she wants me to but I honestly don't know what to do or how I would go about initiating it. I've been wanting to kiss her so bad. She says she is fine with all this she's very patient and understanding with me.. she knows I'm nervous. I've had so many opportune times to kiss her too when we've been alone.. I have all the right feelings for this girl, we both want a long term relationship. I'm not in this relationship for sex, I do really like this girl though and I want to slowly progress... I just don't know how relationship progress works, how to initiate, how to make the moves, how to be more romantic could really use some help here I'm so inexperienced...


Sorry this was so long I really really appreciate any help, insight, tips anyone can give me. Thank you so much!

Daniel_

The default answer to all relationship issues is without fail "talk to each other.

You have known her obliquely for a couple of years, but socialised closely for 8 weeks, right?

She may just be having fun, she may think you're Mr Right. You're never going to know unless you ask.

Also, if you've not told her that you're frustrated about being in the driving seat all the time, it may be that she thinks that's what you want.

Good luck.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
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The Echo of a distant time
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botabota

Dont be so shy, i know i was like you before, but eventually the feeling of wanting to kiss my girlfriend overcome my shyness and that's what break the habit, i dont know if its the same for you.

For starter, you dont have to kiss her just because you want to make out, try kissing her on the lip when shes not expect, just a fast touch on the lip. Its a fast kiss so that should be too much of a problem for you, sometime that could turn the situation into making out, its all depend. Or you could just laugh it off "hey i never done that before, hahaha" You have lots of sweet words that you could use in real live that you just wrote above, "She's beautiful in every way imaginable" try saying something like that to her, then kiss her on the cheek.

If you so uncomfortable with initiating everything, you should tell her. Talk to her, tell her something like you will try to initiate things, but that you are shy and maybe she could help you out a bit. If she's a kind of girl that like her men to take the driver seat, then dont talk to her about it (unless shes really understanding) and start with something small, ask her to go on a date with you, make decision on where you want to go eat, ask her out to a movie, then you should feel more comfortable with initiating things.

Hope this help, i, too, dont like initiating things, but it got alot better over the past year
Good Luck with Amy

jewels

No double standards You can't initiate something you're not comfortable with, so let her know that you will when you can.

On the other hand, if she wants you to control her, just tell her to get on top. Now.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

little_tippler

Just kiss her already. What's up with that? She's waiting for you to be confident and in control to kiss her first (when you're sober). Do it already. Confidence is a huge turn on for women. Wimping out is not. She has shown she likes you a lot. It's mutual. So what's to be scared of? What do you think she's going to do when you kiss her sober? Bite your tongue? Heh.

When you show that you know what you want and you're in control, trust me, she won't be able to keep her hands off you at every chance. You just need to get the ball rolling. If you're not initiating, why should she? It's all very well to want her to initiate, but I think most women like the guy to be the first to be bold if it's early days. It helps them feel confident to do the same back. Once you start it off, it should naturally progress to her initiating out of the blue too. That's when things really start to get fun.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

genuinegirly

I fail to understand why you are so hesitant to initiate affection. Inexperience is no excuse for timidity. Kissing should come naturally.

You will watch her move on if you don't start moving forward.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy