Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community (https://thetfp.com/tfp/)
-   Tilted Sexuality (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-sexuality/)
-   -   Ladies making the first move... (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-sexuality/133462-ladies-making-first-move.html)

high_jinx 04-04-2008 10:41 AM

Ladies making the first move...
 
i was about 22, in college, and i met this girl named romi. i was by no stretch of the imagination inexperienced, in fact, i got my "player" years out of my system in my mid-teens. but for some reason i was shy around romi. we went hiking in the mountains and put out a picnic. we talked and talked, and i'd say i missed about 3 windows to make a pass at her, opting instead to stare in what could be interpretted in either a dreamy or shy way. idk... maybe it was because i wasn't quite sure if we were just-friends, or something. anyway, the 4th window came around and we were looking at each other and she just blurted out, "God Damnit, just kiss me!!!!" and planted one on me.

i've been with my fair share of girls and women, but that was one of the most memorable best moments i've ever had.

i wondered how many of you tfp femmes have made first moves and if there was a story to it from you or any fellas with a good one. i'd also like to hear what the ladies philosophy is on that in this day and age we live in :thumbsup:

Willravel 04-04-2008 10:46 AM

Ladies: it's okay for you to make the first move. I'll make it if I feel it, but sometimes it's okay for you to do it.

It takes two, anyway. There's no harm in it and most guys, myself included, think it's REALLY sexy.

Milnoc 04-04-2008 10:54 AM

Yeah! I find it incredibly annoying that "society" STILL dictates that the man must always make the first move.

Ladies, if we're in a romantic setting and you want us, JUST TAKE US! Don't wait for us to make the first move! A lot of us are pretty shy. And it's such an incredible relief when you make it very clear what you want from us.

Shauk 04-04-2008 10:56 AM

I wish more girls were like this.

jewels 04-04-2008 11:03 AM

For the most part, it's usually been the guy making the first move.

I can only think of three times in my life I've started things.

The first was in a disco in the late 70s. I just had to have this one particular guy (hot hot hot) and after a dance or two, asked him if he wanted to get out and walk on the beach. (And yes, we did it under the boardwalk. Those were the promiscuous days. :D )

Not sure if this counts, but for me the second was my to-be first husband, back in 1980. After our first date, he wanted to sleep on the couch. I wanted him in bed with me. I told him so. He did sleep in the bed but he left his clothes on. (He wanted to break up with his current ladyfriend before sleeping with me. :D )

And the last... became my last longterm relationship. We'd known each other for two years+ through work. I finally agreed to dinner with him and we went back to my place and played Scrabble. When he was getting ready to leave and I put my hands on the sides of his face and told him he wasn't going anywhere and kissed him. :hearts:

Willravel 04-04-2008 11:09 AM

Jewels wins!

jewels 04-04-2008 11:11 AM

:lol: I doubt that. Wait for more of the ladies to weigh in. Maybe they're typing up their stories as we read/type/speak. ;)

cadre 04-04-2008 01:00 PM

Well, I have no problems making moves. Though every once in a while I like someone to make a move for me. Just because.

Let's see..my now ex boyfriend and I had been seeing each other in a friends type of setting for a couple months when I got sick of it and showed him what I wanted. I initiated a lot in that relationship..which is probably why it failed.

Anyway, I've asked many guy out or to dance and so on. There were a couple other times when I made a more physical move too.

Let's just say, I'm usually not shy, and I don't have a whole lot of patience.

:)

UKking 04-04-2008 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Milnoc
Yeah! I find it incredibly annoying that "society" STILL dictates that the man must always make the first move.

Ladies, if we're in a romantic setting and you want us, JUST TAKE US! Don't wait for us to make the first move! A lot of us are pretty shy. And it's such an incredible relief when you make it very clear what you want from us.

Yeah! Exactly! Even the most confident seeming guys can be pretty shy, or uncomfortable. And some girls are just flat out intimidating.

I've always had to make the first move. I do like the chase, but lots of times girls just won't reciprocate escalation, and I feel I'm made more vulnerable than I should have to be...
Bleh, but the really fun part about it all is the double-jeopardy aspect... If a guy judges the situation wrongly enough, not only will she reject you, but she'll backlash in a major way with little to no prior warning. If you're expected to be the primary aggressor, it's not always easy to know when your advances are unwanted. It's not always that easy to tell when you're crossing the line.

It's like you're petting a cat, and it's purring, so you rub behind it's ears, she likes it, and everything great. And then *GNAR!* she claws you and bites you out of nowhere. WTF, Whats UP, cat?! Luckily, only some girls are like that...

snowy 04-04-2008 01:26 PM

I totally made the first move! I'm all over making the first move. It's the only way to guarantee I get what I want.

2.6 years ago or so I was in a pub here in town waiting to see a show, and I ran into an old friend of mine who introduced me to his girlfriend, who in turn introduced me to a table full of guys. One of the guys had been in my philosophy class that spring, so we started talking, and he offered to buy me a beer. I accepted, and while he was off getting said beer, I turned to the guy sitting on my right and started talking to him. I thought he was way out of my league--so cute--but I had to try anyways. So we start talking, but before we could get anywhere with our conversation, the band had started playing. They weren't that good, so I seized on what I saw as an opportunity and asked the guy on my right if he'd like to go across the street to another bar for a drink. He accepted, and is forever grateful that out of the two of us, I felt comfortable making the first move.

I've always been that way, and most of the guys I've come in contact with have been relieved that they didn't have to ask me out. :)

savmesom11 04-04-2008 03:42 PM

I have only made the first move once. I had been single for awhile and was ready for a life partner. So I decided the only way I was going to get that was to pick him out instead of settling for the usual suspects whom asked me out.

It took me four months to work up the nerve to ask this incredibly hot guy out who I hired as an IT contractor for my work. I literally used to screw the system up just to get him over to 'fix it'. In the end I was still too chicken shit and asked him over e-mail. Lame? Yes, but we have been happy ever since. :thumbsup:

neflyte 04-04-2008 04:00 PM

The day a woman I'm attracted to makes the first move on me, hell will have frozen over. If only such things happened... :)

But yes, Ladies, it'd be nice to have you initiate for a change...

genuinegirly 04-04-2008 04:36 PM

If you don't ask for it, you won't get it. The worst that could happen is "no." The best relationships I've had, I grabbed.

My first kiss - I was 17. The guy took me to a romantic park in the evening, beautiful full moon. We were sitting next to each other on a bench and I leaned over and kissed him. He was fun to kiss.

When I was 19, I heard that "no". My best friend, I wanted to make it more. He didn't. No harm done. We're still good friends.

S - He asked me to parties and bars, but I'm not into those things. So one day he mentioned he was going to help out with a community theatre strike (after the show, take apart the set). I offered to meet him there. He was shocked. We spent the day working our bums off, me outperforming him with the powertools. When we got back to our cars, I recommended we get some ice cream and go to his place to watch a movie. Again, he was shocked. We ate that quart of Ben&Jerry's, watched some movie I don't recall, and we didn't step apart for 48 hours.

Tt - He didn't seem interested in me as other than a friend. We were at his house, watching some sort of sports programming. He seemed to be actively trying to ignore my advances (turns out he was oblivious). Finally I said, "I'd really like you to kiss me." He looked at me for a moment, thought about it a little, then did. That was Feb. 2004. We're getting married this June.

girldetective 04-04-2008 04:53 PM

Just recently the very first time I met Intellectual Martyr I slid directly up to him in the poetry section at Powells (Burnside store, Blue room) and planted one on him. It was the most slobbery and full mouth kiss Ive ever had in my life and so worth it. I learned a lot from that. I hadnt known until then that I could do that or that it would be so satisfying. It felt so right. I later asked him if he was surprised and he grinned the largest smile I have ever seen in my life and said yes.

savmesom11 04-05-2008 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genuinegirly
He seemed to be actively trying to ignore my advances (turns out he was oblivious).

I love it when we are throwing down our best hints and they have no clue!

Sharon 04-05-2008 04:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by savmesom11
I love it when we are throwing down our best hints and they have no clue!

Men don't do hints.

LoganSnake 04-05-2008 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by savmesom11
I love it when we are throwing down our best hints and they have no clue!

This is precisely what most men hate. Hints. As stated right above me, men don't do hints. If you want something, ask for it. Otherwise don't be upset because we didn't read between the lines.

Ustwo 04-05-2008 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by savmesom11
I love it when we are throwing down our best hints and they have no clue!

I once had a girl ask 'How about sex?' and in the context (and my drinking) I missed it entirely.

Later I did hook up with her (mistake) but I still laugh at myself for missing that one.

Lasereth 04-05-2008 06:29 PM

If a girl makes a move on a guy there is a VERY small chance that the guy will back away. If a guy makes a move on a girl there is a VERY good chance the girl will back away. Using logic as my basis I henceforth recommend that girls make moves on guys from now on. Kthx

mixedmedia 04-05-2008 06:48 PM

I'm not known for making the first move, but in the OP scenario if I'd of wanted that kiss, I would have acted the same way.

In my first marriage, after we started havin' babies, I was always makin' the first move. So I know how some of you guys who feel who wish their partner would instigate every once while. Even once!!! :lol:

In my second marriage it was pretty mutual until it got complicated. No good material there for this thread, lol.

Current relationship: long distance...so whenever we get together, we simply can't keep our hands off each other so the instigation is more like an explosion than a seduction, lol.

Summary: I will instigate if I have to. I love a mutually desperate fuck. And, I love to be asked. :)

Willravel 04-05-2008 06:52 PM

Wonderfully fantastic: "Take off your pants. Now."
Scary, with a slight chance of 3rd degree burns: "I've had a BAD FUCKING DAY! PANTS OFF NOW!"

little_tippler 04-06-2008 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lasereth
If a girl makes a move on a guy there is a VERY small chance that the guy will back away. If a guy makes a move on a girl there is a VERY good chance the girl will back away. Using logic as my basis I henceforth recommend that girls make moves on guys from now on. Kthx

Well I must be doing something wrong because in the last 6 months I have put the moves on twice and been shot down both times too. I think it's Portuguese guys...or maybe it's me?

I should move to the States I'm thinking...

*sigh*

Martian 04-06-2008 01:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little_tippler
Well I must be doing something wrong because in the last 6 months I have put the moves on twice and been shot down both times too. I think it's Portuguese guys...or maybe it's me?

I should move to the States I'm thinking...

*sigh*

And do you think there's a single guy in this thread who hasn't been shot down more than twice?

I'm not ashamed to admit I've had my fair share of failures. You gotta learn the ropes somehow.

In all seriousness, I agree with the OP. I love when a woman makes the first move, because A) it means the pressure's off me to do it and B) She at least has some idea how to be assertive.

Also, don't think that initiating is just for the start of the relationship. There is absolutely nothing (and I mean nothing) sexier than a woman who can occasionally take charge in the bedroom.

neflyte 04-06-2008 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martian
And do you think there's a single guy in this thread who hasn't been shot down more than twice?

*raises hand* I believe twice is my number. I very, very rarely ask and I won't make excuses for it either. :)

Jenna 04-06-2008 09:02 AM

Before I met my boyfriend, I never did. It was a confidence thing.

Alcohol can change that pretty quick though. I hooked up with my current boyfriend for the first time when I was really wasted. I definitely made the first move then. To be honest, I don't really remember but I guess I told him that I'd be an awesome girlfriend and that I'd take good care of him... which I never had the intentions to do so at the time. Funny how things turn out.

I still don't know if I could make the first move really blatantly now. There's been a few girls that I've wanted to make a move on but I didn't.

cadre 04-06-2008 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoganSnake
This is precisely what most men hate. Hints. As stated right above me, men don't do hints. If you want something, ask for it. Otherwise don't be upset because we didn't read between the lines.

Yep, I can totally understand this. Hints remind me too much of games, and are as such a waste of time. I like to put things out in the open :)

little_tippler 04-06-2008 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martian
And do you think there's a single guy in this thread who hasn't been shot down more than twice?

I hear what you're saying. But, I was only responding to Lasereth's comment "there is a VERY small chance that the guy will back away". I just don't think it's as small as that. People often joke it's so easy to get a guy's attention, but I think men have their own standards and feelings too and it's not as predictable as all that.

Also, when I referred to portuguese men, I meant to say that I get the feeling that they get a little spooked if the girl makes a move first, because they want to be the ones "in charge" (macho portuguese thing).

Only because in the particular situations I was referring to, I got the sense there was real chemistry on the guy's part before I made a move, and one that wasn't totally unenticing, as in I didn't say - I like you will you go out with me - straight out, and then when I did make a move to let them know I was receptive, they totally changed their attitude, quite fast. I found that very strange, and I felt like they'd been playing with me, and couldn't understand why...Just hard luck perhaps.

I guess for guys it's easier to get shot down more often because they are more often the initiators. I'm sorry if you felt offended by my little moan there.

I'm all for making the first move and I find it attractive. For both sides. I haven't given up yet! ;)

Martian 04-06-2008 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little_tippler
I guess for guys it's easier to get shot down more often because they are more often the initiators. I'm sorry if you felt offended by my little moan there.

I'm all for making the first move and I find it attractive. For both sides. I haven't given up yet! ;)

Not offended, hon. I was pointing out that guys like women to think we're super-studs, but very few of us actually are. Everyone gets shot down and it's always hard the first couple of times. Then you kind of just get used to it.

I'll give you pointers on how to pick up whenever you want them. ;)

savmesom11 04-06-2008 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoganSnake
This is precisely what most men hate. Hints. As stated right above me, men don't do hints. If you want something, ask for it. Otherwise don't be upset because we didn't read between the lines.

I didn't get upset I took the first step. Point taken.

Willravel 04-06-2008 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martian
Not offended, hon. I was pointing out that guys like women to think we're super-studs, but very few of us actually are.

You can tell the super studs by their fedoras. :thumbsup:

Milnoc 04-06-2008 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel
You can tell the super studs by their fedoras. :thumbsup:

Is a hemp Tilley hat good enough? :D

Martian 04-06-2008 06:23 PM

I didn't know you could get a Tilley made out of hemp.

As for whether it works, judge it by this standard:

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c110/TGFM/me-2.jpg

ruggerp11 04-08-2008 07:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel
Ladies: it's okay for you to make the first move. I'll make it if I feel it, but sometimes it's okay for you to do it.

It takes two, anyway. There's no harm in it and most guys, myself included, think it's REALLY sexy.

+1 Nothing sexier than a woman taking control. Even us men like to feel wanted and sexy.

ItWasMe 04-08-2008 07:57 AM

Only once have I asked a guy on a date. He turned me down f-l-a-t. Never tried that again.

Milnoc 04-08-2008 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martian
I didn't know you could get a Tilley made out of hemp.

It's been out for five years I believe. Alex Tilley had finally found a reliable supplier of good quality hemp. He's been working on a line of hemp clothes for years.

Hmm... Ladies, would you date a guy dressed in L.L. Bean clothes and wearing a Tilley hat? :)
http://www.milnoc.com/images/LLBeanTilleyHat.jpg

lotsofmagnets 04-08-2008 02:50 PM

just 2 little interesting anecdotes from me.

my most recent fling, in fact my ex in iceland me me on my 2nd day here and apparently started dropping hints from the word go (which being male i missed altogether.) she definitely dd catch my eye at the time so seeing her frequently was just a bonus for me. we went out one night and got very drunk and when we got home (by this stage we were both crashing on a mutual friendīs couch) after an hour of trying to lick each otherīs noses she literally dragged me into the bedroom. iīm told and have seen on enough occasions (and been at the receiving end once...) that the icelandic mentality is pretty equal so girls frequently make the 1st move here.

back in au i was introduced to a girl by a mutual friend as having problems with her car (i know enough of how they work...) and she clearly took an interest in me (the mutual friendīs actual intention i found out later) and was definitely dropping hints but also acting strange. i think if she had made a move i would have turned her down and my instinct proved me right: she tired of the games, found some other guy and within 3 months they were married! eek!

personal opinion is it really doesnīt matter and i see no difference between who makes the 1st move. it will all work out in the end ;)

lotsofmagnets 04-08-2008 03:48 PM

given what iīd just posted and given that my 1st name is james the 1st line of ghoastgirl1īs post made my heart skip a beat.

snowy 04-08-2008 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lotsofmagnets
given what iīd just posted and given that my 1st name is james the 1st line of ghoastgirl1īs post made my heart skip a beat.

Hahaha, I could see how that would be unsettling.

orionnebula 04-08-2008 04:29 PM

I am glad my first gf made the first move, I was so shy back then in front of lady

With her I learn to be less shy and was able to make the first move after that, but I am still a little shy.

And I still wouldn't have a problem with ladies doing the first move.

allaboutmusic 04-08-2008 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ItWasMe
Only once have I asked a guy on a date. He turned me down f-l-a-t. Never tried that again.

All over the world, there are millions of single men in exactly your position, many of whom will likely remain single until they die. Pretty sad, but the fact is that as long as women feel that the responsibility for making the first move lies with men, shy men are much more likely to remain single than shy women simply because they are less likely to get asked out.

Simple statistics tells us that a sample of one is a poor indicator on which to base an entire philosophy of something, but the human mind is a strange thing!


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:38 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360