high_jinx

i was about 22, in college, and i met this girl named romi. i was by no stretch of the imagination inexperienced, in fact, i got my "player" years out of my system in my mid-teens. but for some reason i was shy around romi. we went hiking in the mountains and put out a picnic. we talked and talked, and i'd say i missed about 3 windows to make a pass at her, opting instead to stare in what could be interpretted in either a dreamy or shy way. idk... maybe it was because i wasn't quite sure if we were just-friends, or something. anyway, the 4th window came around and we were looking at each other and she just blurted out, "God Damnit, just kiss me!!!!" and planted one on me.

i've been with my fair share of girls and women, but that was one of the most memorable best moments i've ever had.

i wondered how many of you tfp femmes have made first moves and if there was a story to it from you or any fellas with a good one. i'd also like to hear what the ladies philosophy is on that in this day and age we live in

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-my phobia drowned while i was gettin down.

Willravel

Ladies: it's okay for you to make the first move. I'll make it if I feel it, but sometimes it's okay for you to do it.

It takes two, anyway. There's no harm in it and most guys, myself included, think it's REALLY sexy.

Milnoc

Yeah! I find it incredibly annoying that "society" STILL dictates that the man must always make the first move.

Ladies, if we're in a romantic setting and you want us, JUST TAKE US! Don't wait for us to make the first move! A lot of us are pretty shy. And it's such an incredible relief when you make it very clear what you want from us.

Shauk

I wish more girls were like this.

jewels

For the most part, it's usually been the guy making the first move.

I can only think of three times in my life I've started things.

The first was in a disco in the late 70s. I just had to have this one particular guy (hot hot hot) and after a dance or two, asked him if he wanted to get out and walk on the beach. (And yes, we did it under the boardwalk. Those were the promiscuous days. )

Not sure if this counts, but for me the second was my to-be first husband, back in 1980. After our first date, he wanted to sleep on the couch. I wanted him in bed with me. I told him so. He did sleep in the bed but he left his clothes on. (He wanted to break up with his current ladyfriend before sleeping with me. )

And the last... became my last longterm relationship. We'd known each other for two years+ through work. I finally agreed to dinner with him and we went back to my place and played Scrabble. When he was getting ready to leave and I put my hands on the sides of his face and told him he wasn't going anywhere and kissed him.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Willravel

Jewels wins!

jewels

I doubt that. Wait for more of the ladies to weigh in. Maybe they're typing up their stories as we read/type/speak.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

cadre

Well, I have no problems making moves. Though every once in a while I like someone to make a move for me. Just because.

Let's see..my now ex boyfriend and I had been seeing each other in a friends type of setting for a couple months when I got sick of it and showed him what I wanted. I initiated a lot in that relationship..which is probably why it failed.

Anyway, I've asked many guy out or to dance and so on. There were a couple other times when I made a more physical move too.

Let's just say, I'm usually not shy, and I don't have a whole lot of patience.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

UKking

Yeah! Exactly! Even the most confident seeming guys can be pretty shy, or uncomfortable. And some girls are just flat out intimidating.

I've always had to make the first move. I do like the chase, but lots of times girls just won't reciprocate escalation, and I feel I'm made more vulnerable than I should have to be...
Bleh, but the really fun part about it all is the double-jeopardy aspect... If a guy judges the situation wrongly enough, not only will she reject you, but she'll backlash in a major way with little to no prior warning. If you're expected to be the primary aggressor, it's not always easy to know when your advances are unwanted. It's not always that easy to tell when you're crossing the line.

It's like you're petting a cat, and it's purring, so you rub behind it's ears, she likes it, and everything great. And then *GNAR!* she claws you and bites you out of nowhere. WTF, Whats UP, cat?! Luckily, only some girls are like that...

snowy

I totally made the first move! I'm all over making the first move. It's the only way to guarantee I get what I want.

2.6 years ago or so I was in a pub here in town waiting to see a show, and I ran into an old friend of mine who introduced me to his girlfriend, who in turn introduced me to a table full of guys. One of the guys had been in my philosophy class that spring, so we started talking, and he offered to buy me a beer. I accepted, and while he was off getting said beer, I turned to the guy sitting on my right and started talking to him. I thought he was way out of my league--so cute--but I had to try anyways. So we start talking, but before we could get anywhere with our conversation, the band had started playing. They weren't that good, so I seized on what I saw as an opportunity and asked the guy on my right if he'd like to go across the street to another bar for a drink. He accepted, and is forever grateful that out of the two of us, I felt comfortable making the first move.

I've always been that way, and most of the guys I've come in contact with have been relieved that they didn't have to ask me out.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

savmesom11

I have only made the first move once. I had been single for awhile and was ready for a life partner. So I decided the only way I was going to get that was to pick him out instead of settling for the usual suspects whom asked me out.

It took me four months to work up the nerve to ask this incredibly hot guy out who I hired as an IT contractor for my work. I literally used to screw the system up just to get him over to 'fix it'. In the end I was still too chicken shit and asked him over e-mail. Lame? Yes, but we have been happy ever since.

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* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *

neflyte

The day a woman I'm attracted to makes the first move on me, hell will have frozen over. If only such things happened...

But yes, Ladies, it'd be nice to have you initiate for a change...

__________________
"I'm not a vegatarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

genuinegirly

If you don't ask for it, you won't get it. The worst that could happen is "no." The best relationships I've had, I grabbed.

My first kiss - I was 17. The guy took me to a romantic park in the evening, beautiful full moon. We were sitting next to each other on a bench and I leaned over and kissed him. He was fun to kiss.

When I was 19, I heard that "no". My best friend, I wanted to make it more. He didn't. No harm done. We're still good friends.

S - He asked me to parties and bars, but I'm not into those things. So one day he mentioned he was going to help out with a community theatre strike (after the show, take apart the set). I offered to meet him there. He was shocked. We spent the day working our bums off, me outperforming him with the powertools. When we got back to our cars, I recommended we get some ice cream and go to his place to watch a movie. Again, he was shocked. We ate that quart of Ben&Jerry's, watched some movie I don't recall, and we didn't step apart for 48 hours.

Tt - He didn't seem interested in me as other than a friend. We were at his house, watching some sort of sports programming. He seemed to be actively trying to ignore my advances (turns out he was oblivious). Finally I said, "I'd really like you to kiss me." He looked at me for a moment, thought about it a little, then did. That was Feb. 2004. We're getting married this June.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

girldetective

Just recently the very first time I met Intellectual Martyr I slid directly up to him in the poetry section at Powells (Burnside store, Blue room) and planted one on him. It was the most slobbery and full mouth kiss Ive ever had in my life and so worth it. I learned a lot from that. I hadnt known until then that I could do that or that it would be so satisfying. It felt so right. I later asked him if he was surprised and he grinned the largest smile I have ever seen in my life and said yes.

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

savmesom11

I love it when we are throwing down our best hints and they have no clue!

__________________
* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *

Sharon

Men don't do hints.

LoganSnake

This is precisely what most men hate. Hints. As stated right above me, men don't do hints. If you want something, ask for it. Otherwise don't be upset because we didn't read between the lines.

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Ustwo

I once had a girl ask 'How about sex?' and in the context (and my drinking) I missed it entirely.

Later I did hook up with her (mistake) but I still laugh at myself for missing that one.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Lasereth

If a girl makes a move on a guy there is a VERY small chance that the guy will back away. If a guy makes a move on a girl there is a VERY good chance the girl will back away. Using logic as my basis I henceforth recommend that girls make moves on guys from now on. Kthx

mixedmedia

I'm not known for making the first move, but in the OP scenario if I'd of wanted that kiss, I would have acted the same way.

In my first marriage, after we started havin' babies, I was always makin' the first move. So I know how some of you guys who feel who wish their partner would instigate every once while. Even once!!!

In my second marriage it was pretty mutual until it got complicated. No good material there for this thread, lol.

Current relationship: long distance...so whenever we get together, we simply can't keep our hands off each other so the instigation is more like an explosion than a seduction, lol.

Summary: I will instigate if I have to. I love a mutually desperate fuck. And, I love to be asked.

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Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

Willravel

Wonderfully fantastic: "Take off your pants. Now."
Scary, with a slight chance of 3rd degree burns: "I've had a BAD FUCKING DAY! PANTS OFF NOW!"

little_tippler

Well I must be doing something wrong because in the last 6 months I have put the moves on twice and been shot down both times too. I think it's Portuguese guys...or maybe it's me?

I should move to the States I'm thinking...

*sigh*

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Martian

And do you think there's a single guy in this thread who hasn't been shot down more than twice?

I'm not ashamed to admit I've had my fair share of failures. You gotta learn the ropes somehow.

In all seriousness, I agree with the OP. I love when a woman makes the first move, because A) it means the pressure's off me to do it and B) She at least has some idea how to be assertive.

Also, don't think that initiating is just for the start of the relationship. There is absolutely nothing (and I mean nothing) sexier than a woman who can occasionally take charge in the bedroom.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

neflyte

*raises hand* I believe twice is my number. I very, very rarely ask and I won't make excuses for it either.

__________________
"I'm not a vegatarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants." -- A. Whitney Brown

Jenna

Before I met my boyfriend, I never did. It was a confidence thing.

Alcohol can change that pretty quick though. I hooked up with my current boyfriend for the first time when I was really wasted. I definitely made the first move then. To be honest, I don't really remember but I guess I told him that I'd be an awesome girlfriend and that I'd take good care of him... which I never had the intentions to do so at the time. Funny how things turn out.

I still don't know if I could make the first move really blatantly now. There's been a few girls that I've wanted to make a move on but I didn't.

cadre

Yep, I can totally understand this. Hints remind me too much of games, and are as such a waste of time. I like to put things out in the open

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

little_tippler

I hear what you're saying. But, I was only responding to Lasereth's comment "there is a VERY small chance that the guy will back away". I just don't think it's as small as that. People often joke it's so easy to get a guy's attention, but I think men have their own standards and feelings too and it's not as predictable as all that.

Also, when I referred to portuguese men, I meant to say that I get the feeling that they get a little spooked if the girl makes a move first, because they want to be the ones "in charge" (macho portuguese thing).

Only because in the particular situations I was referring to, I got the sense there was real chemistry on the guy's part before I made a move, and one that wasn't totally unenticing, as in I didn't say - I like you will you go out with me - straight out, and then when I did make a move to let them know I was receptive, they totally changed their attitude, quite fast. I found that very strange, and I felt like they'd been playing with me, and couldn't understand why...Just hard luck perhaps.

I guess for guys it's easier to get shot down more often because they are more often the initiators. I'm sorry if you felt offended by my little moan there.

I'm all for making the first move and I find it attractive. For both sides. I haven't given up yet!

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Martian

Not offended, hon. I was pointing out that guys like women to think we're super-studs, but very few of us actually are. Everyone gets shot down and it's always hard the first couple of times. Then you kind of just get used to it.

I'll give you pointers on how to pick up whenever you want them.

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

savmesom11

I didn't get upset I took the first step. Point taken.

__________________
* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *

Willravel

You can tell the super studs by their fedoras.

Milnoc

Is a hemp Tilley hat good enough?

Martian

I didn't know you could get a Tilley made out of hemp.

As for whether it works, judge it by this standard:

__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

ruggerp11

+1 Nothing sexier than a woman taking control. Even us men like to feel wanted and sexy.

__________________
Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it.
--Mark Twain
Do What makes you happy
--Me
BUT!
"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

ItWasMe

Only once have I asked a guy on a date. He turned me down f-l-a-t. Never tried that again.

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

Milnoc

It's been out for five years I believe. Alex Tilley had finally found a reliable supplier of good quality hemp. He's been working on a line of hemp clothes for years.

Hmm... Ladies, would you date a guy dressed in L.L. Bean clothes and wearing a Tilley hat?

lotsofmagnets

just 2 little interesting anecdotes from me.

my most recent fling, in fact my ex in iceland me me on my 2nd day here and apparently started dropping hints from the word go (which being male i missed altogether.) she definitely dd catch my eye at the time so seeing her frequently was just a bonus for me. we went out one night and got very drunk and when we got home (by this stage we were both crashing on a mutual friend´s couch) after an hour of trying to lick each other´s noses she literally dragged me into the bedroom. i´m told and have seen on enough occasions (and been at the receiving end once...) that the icelandic mentality is pretty equal so girls frequently make the 1st move here.

back in au i was introduced to a girl by a mutual friend as having problems with her car (i know enough of how they work...) and she clearly took an interest in me (the mutual friend´s actual intention i found out later) and was definitely dropping hints but also acting strange. i think if she had made a move i would have turned her down and my instinct proved me right: she tired of the games, found some other guy and within 3 months they were married! eek!

personal opinion is it really doesn´t matter and i see no difference between who makes the 1st move. it will all work out in the end

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

lotsofmagnets

given what i´d just posted and given that my 1st name is james the 1st line of ghoastgirl1´s post made my heart skip a beat.

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

snowy

Hahaha, I could see how that would be unsettling.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

orionnebula

I am glad my first gf made the first move, I was so shy back then in front of lady

With her I learn to be less shy and was able to make the first move after that, but I am still a little shy.

And I still wouldn't have a problem with ladies doing the first move.

allaboutmusic

All over the world, there are millions of single men in exactly your position, many of whom will likely remain single until they die. Pretty sad, but the fact is that as long as women feel that the responsibility for making the first move lies with men, shy men are much more likely to remain single than shy women simply because they are less likely to get asked out.

Simple statistics tells us that a sample of one is a poor indicator on which to base an entire philosophy of something, but the human mind is a strange thing!