analog

Based on another thread:

What does dating mean to you?

Is "dating" something that two exclusive people do, like a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, or is dating merely the word for seeing anyone, meaning you could see more than one person at the same time and you're simply "dating around"?

If, let's say, you go out to dinner and hang out with a couple of different people (and are making it clear that you're not being exclusive, this is not about being shady), are you "dating" all of them? Or are you simply "seeing more than one person"?

This is really just to gauge personal opinion on the matter, there is no "right" or "wrong". For me, "dating" means exclusivity- like boyfriend/girlfriend, even if you're not at the stage yet to say you're boyfriend and girlfriend. I think if I were to ever be seeing more than one girl overlapping at any time (I'd be shocked lol), I'd just say I'm "seeing two chicks at the moment" instead of "I'm dating two chicks".

So, what say you all? Also, feel free to jazz it up with anecdotes if you have any.

Plan9

Dating is a verb. The act of seeing someone in a social setting to get to know them better... whether that means talking or deepthroat is up to the couple.

Boyfriend / girlfriend is a title. Subjective also. You can have multiple boyfriends / girlfriends, I'd imagine... but god, what a hassle.

Perhaps you are in an exclusive relationship when you throw in titles AND when you mention exclusivity?

...

The women I've been with often equate dating with exclusivity. I equate it with going out with someone. After a few dates, I might mention the just-you-just-me thing if I feel like they're worth the focus.

This thread might turn out like the friendly-names-for-genitals thread.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

tecoyah

Dating to me...is simply spending time with someone you are attracted to, either emotionally or physically, in hopes of clarifying mutually how deep said attraction might run.

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MSD

Dating is the process of going on dates. It implies that a relationship is likely, but not necessarily.

inBOIL

To me, dating and seeing someone are the same; neither carries any connotation of exclusivity. It's "hanging out" with the purpose of fostering a romantic/sexual relationship.

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Terrell

This fits my definition of dating as well. I don't think that there is a point in going out, on a date, with a woman if I'm not either physically or emotionally interested in her.

Hyacinthe

I like that definition - one thing I hate however is the surprise date

Guy "So you want to catch a movie on sunday"
Me "Sure"
Guy "Cool, it's a date"

And he means a date date for example just said
"and im sorry if i get all nervous tonight lol our first date and mine ever"

always leaves me thinking

"what? wait I don't want this to be a date I thought you just meant hanging out"

FFS guys if you're going to ask a girl out on a date ask her out on a date don't do this.

Once again I find myself trying to let a guy that I have no romantic interest in down gently - I'm totally going to start telling people I am a lesbian.

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"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Miss Mango

Hooboy, what a loaded word dating is... The problem is precisely from it being undefined. It could mean both exclusive or nonexclusive time out with someone in a romantic (for lack of a better word) context. And for that reason I avoid the term like the plague. When theres no doubt in my mind that I want to turn a relationship exclusive, Ill start using the D the word, but not a moment earlier.

Heck, even then its a bit of a doozy because it comes prepackaged with expectations. That simple title, even alone, hinders a relaxed state of mind
which isnt good for either of the participants...

I wish there was a term to replace dating in the non-exclusive/non-audition context, a term that came without all the baggage. A word Id use for when Im going out to meet someone interesting, hoping to simply see where it goes. Until then Im stuck with hang out. How cheesy is that? Seeing someone isnt that much better either. Its so ambiguous that its almost suspicious.

Shaindra

I consider it to be non-exclusive until both parties have agreed that it's exclusive.

rlbond86

Actually, it's a gerund (a noun). Date can be a verb.

dirtyrascal7

One of my best friends is female, and there is no interest on either side for things to progress past that, but every once in a while we go out to a dinner/movie together or do other date-like things. The only difference is that there isn't any romance or potential for romance involved.

However, we still refer to these as dates... but from most of your opinions so far, it seems like the majority would disagree. Do you guys think there's such thing as a platonic date? Or is the term reserved specifically for situations where the intention is to explore the possibility of romance?

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World's King

Dating means not having to leave a 20 on the night stand the next morning.

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healer

Maybe it's just a South African thing, but we hardly ever use the word date. We just call it going out, or hanging out, or whatever else comes close enough to describing the event.

For me, dating means the act of going out with someone you're interested in (be it romantically or just lustfully). You can date more than on person at a time, but you can't go out with two girls on the same night and claim to be 'dating' both of them. Unless they know that's how you gets down.

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blueroses

Hyacinthe - I laughed at your post because I've been in the same situation and it's so true. I hate miscommunication in the nature of an outing.

As for what "dating" means to me...When referring to romantic situations, if I tell a friend that a guy and I are "dating", then I mean the exclusive type. I often interchange this with "going out". BUT if I refer to an evening as a "date" or if I tell a friend that I went on "a few dates" with a guy then that does not assume that we're exclusive (in other words, when "dates" are specific, individual events it's usually not exclusive to me, but when they refer to the relationship as a whole it's almost always an exclusive deal). Also, I see the terms of boyfriend/girlfriend as referring to an exclusive relationship.

and as for dirtyrascal's question, I do think there are platonic dates. I find it cute to refer to obviously non-romantic evenings as dates.

Plan9

Holy shit, it's Benjamin Navarette!

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

BooRadley

I think that in most areas of the US, and for most age groups, one-on-one outings on a weekend night is a "date" without being explicitly said.

It's fairly easy to avoid situations like this if you find yourself "surprised" - just bring along friends. Especially devastating to your would-be suitor if they are guy friends.

ItWasMe

To me dating is going out with someone with the possibility of developing into something more than friendship. Also, if it is already more than friendship. Movies with my mom is not a date. Movies with an established friend is not a date, unless as Hyacinthe said, it is specified.

Hyacinthe - you too? Reminds me of the friend that I went to the movies with two Friday nights in a row. Suddenly he was telling people that I was the "girl he was seeing", calling me on every break from work, and writing a danged song about me. I guess I could have been flattered, but it was more smothering than anything.

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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .


"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

Fast Forward

MAKING a date ....
HAVING a date ...
and
DATING...
are 3 different things.

I half expected that everyone already knew this.

Sultana

Good question, analog.

I'd say it's a date if it was initiated with the intention of (and that intention is made clear to the other party) exploring a potential romantic relationship, vs. just hanging out--doing something together with no underlying intentions.

Also, now that the OP makes me define it, I'd say that *to me*, "I'm dating so-and-so" does not imply an exclusive relationship, although I can see how others might perceive it differently.

I haven't gotten to the point where I've dated multiple people simultaneously, but I suppose if it gets to that (laugh riot here) I would say I've gone out with X, but not necessarily that I'm *going out* with X, because given the nature of a non-exclusive relationship, that could change at any moment, so one shouldn't assume it's an ongoing thing (see Fast Forward's post).

On a related note, I find that *dating* makes me rather nervous, and I'd much, much rather hang out and get to know the guy better first in a group setting over time. But that appears to be unrealistic.

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At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Baraka_Guru

I don't date, I "select prospective mothers."

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—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
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hagatha

To me "dating" is checking out potential mates. Its not serious at all. "Seeing someone" however, has a more exclusive connotation.

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little_tippler

Well if you think "dating" is complicated, you should hear about the equivalent terms for that in Portuguese...

it's all very ambiguous here. You see, there is no word for dating. There is only "namorar" which means dating, but on a more "exclusive" mindset. So if a person says do you want to "namorar" with me, it means both dating and being exclusive.

Then there is, do you want to "sair" with me. This word is like a mix between going out and dating. So when it is used, you're not quite sure whether the person is asking you on a date or wanting to hang out. Because you can say let's "sair" and it means let's go somewhere, out, like a disco, the movies, whatever.

All this linguistic mess and lack of middle ground leaves a lot of people feeling confused lol, me included.

I'd say if someone asked me to go on a date (is that what people do nowadays? How do you get asked on a date?/ end momentary thread hijack), I'd think it was just to see if we're compatible for something more lasting, but not exclusive. I would however not be amused if after several dates he told me he was seeing other women, quite naturally. In my experience I have never needed to say "let's be exclusive now" or something to that effect.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Plan9

Baraka_Date: "So, I'll be perfectly honest. I'm looking for a woman to host my legions. First... we will wrestle to establish your fitness level. Then I will impregnate you."

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Fast Forward

So what you're sayig is, "I'd like to ask you out on a date but if sex isn't involved, you can forget it!"

You're a man after my own heart.

Baraka_Guru

Crompsin is on the trolley, Fast_Forward. But it isn't about sex on its own; it's about the viability of having a family. A prospective mother is a woman who's balanced and in tune with me as a prospective father.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

All jokes aside... I concur with Baraka completely. Call it Darwin Dating. Call it being a superficial dickhead. Call it common sense. Call it Crompvolution.

Yeah, I don't date women "long term" with whom I wouldn't want to reproduce. Baby-make-ability is a huge umbrella factor: everything goes under it in some fashion. The discovery of habits and traits that would lead to other than healthy offspring are extremely unattractive. Unpreventable stuff like a history of illnesses in the family or natural physical issues... self-induced factors like smoking, junk food, couch commando... these things not only speak of the mother but of the children.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Fast Forward

Was it really necessary to foul up the imagination with a civilized explanation?

abaya

I never dated more than one person at a time (not my style), so when I said I was "dating" someone, it basically meant the early stages of a becoming-serious relationship with one person, exclusively. I wasn't the type to do casual dates, either... pretty intense on my part, we're either really into each other, or we're not. I had no patience for guys who danced around the issue and couldn't decide if they liked me or not.

That was my expectation from the other party as well... I would not have been happy "dating" anyone while knowing they were "seeing other people." (Two different things, in my book.) But I'm generally an all-or-nothing person, so that's no surprise I know that other people use those terms much more interchangeably, as evident in this thread.

After a long time of "dating," the word "together" replaced "dating" in the usual sentences (e.g. "We're together," "We've been together for X months," etc).

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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newtx

After so many years of marriage dating is an abstract term. I need some clarification on the term.................

Fast Forward

"Dating" ..... It means still thinking you can actually have what it is you're missing.