777

Hi, I was wondering. It seems that after a guy breaks up with his SO, there apears to be an unwriten rule that his friends aren't allowed to date his ex. But with gals, it seems that it's ok to do so. Occationally, when a person dates their friends ex, it's usually at the expense of a friendship, where as some people are ok with it.

Personally, my buddy's taste is women is far different from mine, so I'll steer clear of the gals he meets. And no, I won't date his exs if they were my type. I've know my buddies far longer than anyone they would ever date, and it would be a shame to have to look from more D&D players

So let's have a show of hands, would you date a friends ex? Have you heard about a time when it was a complete disaster for all individuals involved, or where there happy three-somes for the mixed couple?

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StanT

28 years ago, I married a friend's ex. His loss.

Jenna

It all depends on how involved I was in the relationship and how long afterwards.

If it was someone that I was just in a serious, long relationship with, I'd probably have an issue. If it was just a little 3 month fun relationship, and the feeling were all resolved, I wouldn't care.

BigBaldRon

Rule of thumb, dont put your tongue anywhere your friend's cock has been.

pig

i usually don't. i know people that have - with mixed results. for me, it's just unnecessary shit to deal with.

fuck her, then tell her it can't be serious because you feel awkward. that way you get the best of both worlds.

seriously...i think it's a risk i'd rather not take, due to melodrama possibilities, unless i was strongly attracted to her. kind of like dating a friends younger sister.

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filtherton

You never know, it might be worth it. It's the kind of thing you need to do with the possibility in mind that you might be burning bridges.

I've been the ex in the situation before. In retrospect it's kinda funny. There were certain situations that were REAL awkward at the time. I'd do it again, though.

MrFriendly

Hmmm,

Well, I've been in this position once before. My best friend broke up with his girlfriend when he was in America, she came back to Australia. We ended up becoming close friend, I ended up falling for her. I didn't move on it because I didn't want to piss off my best friend.

When I came over to the states to visit him, he told me that he knew I was in love with her and I should just go for it.

One or two of my other friends are currently in serious relationships with other friends ex's and it's never ever been an issue. Of course, prior consent was gained first.

It not always the most clear cut of issues. There's factors involved that either make it appropriate or entirely inappropriate.

Example 1: If your best friend and his girlfriend broke up because there just wasn't anything there, but there is a connection between you and his now ex and he doesn't have a problem with it, then what's the problem there?

Example 2: You never thought your friend really treated his girl very well, they break up, and you decide to start something with her without saying anything to your friend. You can expect that friendship to end.

At the end of the day, it's up to you decide what is more important to you in a given situation. Is it worth loosing your friendship over? Do you care what your other friends are going to think about this?

In my personal experience of friends dating other friends ex's, it has never really ended in disaster. More often than not it's worked out quite well.

As for whether I would?

Guess it depends, but I'm certainly not going to do anything without my friends blessings.

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Mith

Tried it some last year, things got nasty quick. Friend went with her, I went with her, and friend's brother who is also my friend went with her. All within a matter of four months. After the dust settled the three of us decided something like that was never to happen again.

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Shauk

I would, I mean seriously be mature about it.

at ron in particular, who cares? unless you're in the business of dating virgins, someone's cock has been there, just cuz you didn't know who it was does't make it any less of a cock.

anyways, yeah no reason to ruin a good match if she gets along better with you than with your friend. some of us are higher up on the totem pole than others.

Infinite_Loser

Personally, I wouldn't do it. Females come and go, but friends are forever.

Yeah, they might be broken up but that's still some unecessary shit to deal with.

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Hyacinthe

I'm with jennaboo4u on this one.

It would depend on how much I liked the guy and how his relationship with my friend had ended. For example if they broke up because she decided to move interstate or internationally and we became closer after the breakup and she was fine with it why shouldn't I give the relationship a go?

So he liked my friend - so do I or I wouldn't be friends with her. Should I hold the fact that he has good taste in women against him?

On the same level I'm really good friends with one of my ex's and he's currently dating a friend of mine. I'm not fussed about it - cept when I am getting both sides of an argument at once but that would have occurred if I'd just been friends with him instead of dating him.

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ShaniFaye

one of my previous friends married my ex husband and while I didnt have a problem with it at all....I wish she'd stop calling me to get advice on how to deal with him hehehehe

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mandy

well, i have this friend who, i think thrived on "stealing" the guys i liked. she tried to do it with healer but i put a stop to that so quickly cos i was not going to have it happen yet again...a bit off the topic, but there are some people who are ok with it and some people who arent.

personally, i wouldn't date an ex of a friend but its up to those three people on how to handle themselves in that situation.

and if all three of them are cool with the situation and there's no weirness between them, then by all means, whatever makes you happy.

like, if my friend has to start dating one of my ex's right now, i'm sure there'd be that moment of weirdness but in the end...at least she didnt end up with healer

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The_Jazz

When I was dating, I'd always discuss it with my friend first. Or very soon after an "accidental" hookup. Especially if it was a good friend, which happened a few times.

On the flip side, it happened to me a few times and only one time did I care, and that was because I knew what a bitch she is. I told him that it was his funeral, which he realized about 6 weeks later.

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BigBaldRon

It's the ostrich theory. if I dont know them, then they arent there. I cant forget my buddy used to tap it, so I wouldn't do it.

ItWasMe

In Jr High, I dated my sister's ex. I didn't ask permission. I think they had been together for about a month. I don't remember if she complained, so if she did, it couldn't have been too loudly. We moved shortly after that.

When I was sixteen, my boyfriend and I broke up. I knew my aunt liked my newly ex's father. They asked my permission to date. I was confused as to why they even asked. I told them I have a beef with my ex, not with his dad. I liked his dad. I gave my blessing. I have no idea how long they dated because I never heard about it after that.

I've been married for 12 years, so all of my ex's are from long long ago. I wouldn't really care if any of my friends dated any one of my ex's...with the exception of one. If any of my friends are dumb enough to want that one, and I highly doubt that they are, I would not want to hear about him, see him, or smell him. He was mean, and I choose for him to not be a part of my life. If I lost a friend over that decision, so be it.

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telekinetic

edit: ya know what, never mind. I say feel free, but know that you've probably lost the friend. Most of my ex's are dating friends and former friends of mine, but my little cluster of adolescent friends is pretty incestuous that way. Everybody's dating somebody's ex.

That's why I got out and got married. Now, who cares.

Nimetic

Seems best not to. There's many other candidates out there.... to form a relashionship with a friend's ex seems, err, lazy.

jth

yeah, I think it's an unwritten rule unless your friend is cool with it. I know I have two friends who's relationship went down the pooper when one hooked up with the other's ex. Still their relationship is strained, years after the whole thing ended, and it's like the most passive aggressive thing I've ever seen.

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Sharon

Reminds me of the entire run of "Friends". I always thoughtm that group was weirdly incestuous.

I agree that it all depends. You have to be sensitive about how your friend feels about it, and hopefully they'd do the same.

james t kirk

In the early 90's I dated a woman fairly seriously, though not 100 percent seriously. (Because I was still crazy about an ex and I couldn't get over her).

In the early 2000's, I dated said above woman's little sister. I liked her, but it never progressed past like and she moved to Vancouver, blah blah blah.

It was kind of an interesting scenario for me being able to compare the two of them. I asked the younger one what the older one thought and she was apparently ok with it. As it turned out, it didn't really matter.

Another story:

My best friend dumped a woman he lived with for 7 years. He was seeing someone else and finally lowered the boom on her. I always liked her, but was never CRAZY about her. I knew she kind of liked me as well. After they broke up (she didn't know about the timing of the new one, but I did) I was at her new apartment helping her fix some things. She was wearing a nightie at one point and it was basically showing everything, including the beav. I might add that she was an extremely good looking woman. She was very upset.

At one point, she was holding me, at another point she left to have a shower, but left the door open.

I knew I was totally green lighted.

I wanted her badly.

But I have known this guy since I was 1 day old. We literally grew up next door neighbours and he's my BEST friend.

Fuck, it just about killed me to get my ass out of there.

I don't regret it as I think he would not have been too impressed with me hooking up with her, despite the fact that he cheated on her.

Now, if this happened today, some 7 years later, I'd probably go for it. Given that he's married now to someone else, I think he'd be ok with it.

Still, it would be kind of strange.....

little_tippler

I think generally it's a bad move. If it's one of my best girl friends' ex, definitely big NO.

Just think, they have to see you with this guy they were with, and have mixed feelings about it all the time. Also they will wonder if when they were with the guy, if you were thinking about him "that" way. It's just too many levels of uncomfortable. It's also pretty disloyal to your friend.

I guess it does depend on how long they dated and how important the person was to them...but generally I'd run a mile before I'd date some guy my friend had been with before. It's like...his **** has been in her ******....eeeurghh yuck it's like thinking about your parents having sex lol

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Average_Joe

I've been married to a friend's ex for 10 years now. We both took some crap from it and felt guilty, but it was worth it.

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nonplussed

There is an exception to every rule, but in general I think it is a bad idea to date a friend's ex... if you want to keep that friendship. I can only see it working if your friend and his ex weren't all that tight or together all that long. If they were serious, there are going to be some really deep emotions smoldering for a long time.