mfh

So I'm 23, male, and have never been in a relationship. All my sexual experience was in college, where "dating" didn't really mean "going out on dates" but rather "sex where you can just ignore the consequences". I am beginning to regret this, and think that I should have fostered my relationship "skills" as it were a little better while I was in school.

I've been working professionally (pretty hard) for 2 years now, and have only been on a few real "dates" - talk about awkward. I get the distinct feeling that I am at a job interview when I am sitting across the table being asked questions or asking questions with a girl. I went on dates in high school but never felt the kind of pressure I do now. It's a really strange thing. The past 2 girls I've "dated" sort of just blew me off after a couple of times. I'm not sure what this means. I wouldn't say I'm unattractive, and I have a great career, so it must be something else. Something less.. tangible.

Anyway, so I'm kind of lonely these days because the only consistent human interaction is my buddies and their girlfriends (none of which seem to have any damn girl friends...), which gets monotonous, and pretty much cannot think of any kind of scenario where I'd end up in a relationship with someone I actually like, and who likes me.

So I guess my question is how old were you when you first became involved with someone else? Is a slump in your early 20s normal? Like I said I'm 23.

Thanks for your input.

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mike

DuneHunter

I was 15 when I had my first "real" relationship. I never dated much. Too serious I guess. Figured if I was going to invest my time I was going to make it last. Now that I've been married for 11 years.... wish I had run around more when I was younger!

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Willravel

I was around 14, I guess. There's no such thing as normal, really. Some people aren't interested in a serious relationship, and that works for them. Some people, like me, flourish in a relationship. If you want a relationship, then just keep your eyes out and be honest with any girlfriend you do have about where you'd like to see things go. But don't go picking out baby names on the first date.

Racnad

How do you define relationship?

From age 15 through my early 30s, there were lots of women that I dated a handful of times. But every time, either she wasn't into me enough, I wasn't into her enough, the initial interest didn't last, she decided to go exclusive with someone esle she was dating, she decides to get back together with an ex, it was too long-distance to work, or she random decides to stop taking my calls or is always "busy." It wasn't until I was 33 that one of those lasted more than 6 weeks or so.

Do you meet any women you do like? If a date feels like an awkward job interview, then you're not connecting enough.

World's King

18. Nice girl. I still see here every once in a while.


I was too busy with my skateboard in high school to pay attention to girls.

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ktspktsp

Like people said, there's no rule. I was 24 (actually, 24 years - 2days). I was quite shy as a teenager, and basically had to get more comfortable with myself before getting into a relationship. We've been together for over 3 years and our one-year wedding anniversary is next month

Plan9

18. I met a nice girl on a journaling site. We stayed together for a long time and it was one of the best things for me as far as personal growth.

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Jinn

I bet that's what you were busy playin' with.

18 for me too. Wasn't until 20 that it lasted more than a month, though.

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Kpax

I'm twenty-FIVE, and never been in a relationship.

ColonelSpecial

My first serious relationship started when I was 22 and has been going on for 2 years. I didn't really see the point in casual dating so I chose not to. I worked for me.

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BigBaldRon

14, and "dating" means different things to different people. Try not to think you have to figure EVERYTHING out about a woman in the first couple of dates. I am with my woman 6 months now and I still find new aspects to her personality every day. Its a learning process. Sorta like going to a job and learning it, and becoming proficient at it. It takes time, and you are always going to have something "to work on".

snowy

I had my first relationship when I was 18. I lost my virginity at 19 to my 2nd boyfriend. However, my first real adult relationship--the one where I feel I have found my life partner--started on a date we had when I was 23. Before that, I had been playing the field and having a good time. While out one evening, we met.

So just keep your eyes open and keep trying. Can't catch a fish if you don't go fishing.

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mfh

Right, that's my philosophy, but I get the feeling a lot of women make up their minds very quickly. Like within one date.

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mike

TotalMILF

I dated a few guys briefly, but my first real relationship was at 15. He was a crazy and abusive bastard. Broke up with him after 8 months of HELL and moved on.

Was with 2nd bf for 4 years, broke up with him and dated around for a couple months. I met my hubby while enjoying the single life and not really looking for anything serious at all. We've been together for just over four years now (married for over 3)

I guess it's all about being ready for a relationship, then bumping into someone else you're compatible with who is also ready for a relationship. *shrug* It can happen when you're least expecting it, so don't lose heart

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MrFriendly

My first real relationship started when I was 15, lasted for about 2.5 years. It actually got pretty serious, I was totally crazy about her for the longest time. But at the end of the day we were seriously very different people, and had totally different wants in life. We still talk from time to time now.

She's been my only sexual partner in my 24 years walking the earth.

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Midnight

14. we were together for 5 years, split into 2 timeframes between 14 and 21.
Lived together when I was 18-19 (he was 2 years older) and had a daughter together when I was 19.

Fast Forward

My first relationship, I was 12/13 and so was she.
My first sex (not with the same girl), I was 14 and she was 13.

I was much too young for both experiences but I didn't know that at the time.

DaveOrion

Its hard to believe anyone had a real relationship as a teenager, so is this when you lost your virginity or when you had an actual adult relationship??? I lost my virginity at 13, but didnt have a real relationship till I was in my early 20's.

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xepherys

I dated a few girls at a young age, but I'd say my first long term or solid relationship was when I was 16. I've had two more since then... the latter of course leading to me being married. Everyone's situation is different. I don't think there is a "normal" regarding love and relationships.

DM, I lost my virginity at 15. I didn't consider that a relationship at all. When I was 16 I started going out with my oldest son's mom. We were together for several years, had a child together and were engaged for a good while before things fell apart. I'd consider that an "adult relationship".

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Lady Sage

I had my first boyfriend at 18. That lasted 2 weeks to the day. The day before I turned 19 I entered into what would be my first and longest relationship to date. 3 years of off again on again hell.

I have known Pan for more than 3 years but we have only been "romantic" for not quite 2 years- although he has been living here for a year and a half... man how time flies- and we have been married for 4 1/2 months.

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varrybarry

I was 15 when I started my first relationship. I'm still with the person and I'm 25.

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LoganSnake

Had my first relationship when I was 17. It lasted a little over a year and although it didn't work out in the end, I'm glad it happened if only for the experience I've gotten and things I've learned about myself that I wouldn't have otherwise.

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shesus

There are no norms for relationships. Age is a number and maturity is something that people think they have, but often don't especially in their late teens. My step-daughter is 17 and has been dating a guy for 3 years. She thinks it's a mature relationship, but it's very childish and manipulative. However, then there are people like varrybarry who have been in the relationship since a young age.

I started dating at 13. I thought I was having relationships. What I was really having were boys who wanted to get in my pants and after trying for a month moving along.

I had an abusive relationship at age 16 for 6 months. Mature content, not a healthy relationship.

My first long-term relationship was at 18 when I lost my virginity. We were together for 3 years and engaged to be married. But even though I thought we were ready, we weren't and the relationship failed because we grew in different directions.

It takes time and usually the person will come along when you stop looking. Life is like that. I believe everything happens for a reason and if you haven't found the right person yet, then your paths just haven't crossed yet. But it will happen...

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RenaissanceII

I was 15, going on 16....
It burned short but it burned bright (at least in my eyes)

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I Wish You Well.

freeload

I was 17 - she was my first girlfriend, and we are still going strong when I turn thirty next week.

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Ourcrazymodern?

I had my first real relationship with my mother while I was in her womb.

I have a friend who once asked, after learning I might be available, "Does this mean we can have a relationship now?"

I said, "I thought we already did."

Maybe I'm misdefining "relationship"?

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mfh

I bet you told him "let's just be friends".

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mike

Clare

my first sexual long(ish) term relationship was at 15 and a half (remembering in England the leagal age is 16 and i was one of the last people my age to lose it, just so nobody thinks OMG thats so young). But that wasnt love, me and my now boyfriend are in love and its very scary

Racnad

BTW, most 15-16 your olds haven't "lost it."

But most 15-16 year olds do think they're one of the last of their peers who hasn't lost it.

abaya

So true, at least when I was teaching high school. Kind of sad, really... so much pressure to "be cool."

Wasn't true for me, however... I was 24, bitches! There's something to be said for religious pressure that negates the peer pressure of having sex as a teenager. (Or perhaps I was just too much of a nerd to care.)

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Jenna

My first REAL relationship was when I was 15 and I'm still with the person now.

I started dating when I was 11 or 12. I was all the hype because I was matured really fast. Man, I learned how boobs can seriously manipulate men... oh and then things went down hill...

Racnad

Is that you and the other person in your avatar?

Clare

actually yes most 15-16 year olds in Urban areas in England have lost their viginity by then, most of the "popular" groups in schools have been having sex since they were 12/13, my group of friends are not so popular and so waited until we were (or thought we were) ready, and lost our virginities between 14 and a half -16. my decision was not based on peer pressure but wanting to feel loved. its not so much of a big deal anymore being 16 only two years ago i can vouch for this, people don't really put pressure on you because they already assume you have had sex. if you say you're a virgin they laugh it off because it is such a rarity.

777

17, and she was 15. Although she was the first for me, I was her 5th or 6th. Not that I considered her a girlfriend, but it was a conviniet term to use at the time, since all we did was hang out where I played D&D and M:TG with the guys, and make-out in the back alley. It was really more of an escape from the real world than a serious relationship, but I learned alot in that brief time. All in all, it was an enriching experiance.

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Datalife2

Id have to say 16 when I got my licence and can regularly come and go then I had a year long relationshit before i broke it off.

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mixedmedia

My first relationship was at 15 going on 16.

And I was married for the first time (2nd relationship) at 18.

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KirStang

I'm on a (sorta) simlar boat as you mfh. First relationship was 20 y/o (I'm 21 now). Can't say it lasted long, or was it very good for me. Sometimes, when things don't work--it wasn't meant to work, ya know? So if you're on a date and things are sorta akward...doesn't necessarily mean it's your fault.

On that note, also realize that girls in their early 20's and late teens may be more on the lookout for 'fun.' It's a tad trite, but a lot of the playboy types i know get women chasing them, but the more domestic guys don't get much dating.

Women in their early 20's are in their prime, they have every Joe, John and Kenny knocking on their door...I think the older women are the ones who understand the ideas of compromise and value in a relationship aside from the 'fun' factor. So...no need to rush.

HoneyPot

I never had a boyfriend in high school. I was constantly doing the whole make-out-I'm-a-vigin-don't-do-me routine. It wasn't until I was about 20 when I had my first serious relationship. When I read your post, I totally understood...Its difficult, but eventually you will find someone and it won't be like an interview...haha Things will just 'click' and be natural. I know this sounds crazy, but I've actually met people online and have dated them before. Its a different strategy, but I think it helps out sometimes. I've met some great guys online...like ones that I would actually date seriously.

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ngdawg

Does necking a lot for a couple months make a relationship? If so, 13-he was 20 or 21...
No one gave me the time of day all thru highschool-second relationship started just before I turned 19(that one was 36 and, unbeknownst to me, married).

If all you're hanging with is your buds and their girls, you need new places to hang.
Join a gym, even the "Y", pull up a sofa at your local bookstore, volunteer for something.

As far determining what that 'less tangible' thing could be, enlist the help of a woman you know-mom, sister, cousin, whoever and ask them to be honest in evaluating you. Just be sure you can take criticism.

analog

For the last month of my 17th year, heading into my 18th birthday...

I did a lot in high school, but working chicks was not one of them. I did honestly enjoy everything I was doing, though, so I don't care that it took that long.