I want to have a threesome
 

ok, so, i have recently become very much interested in lesbian porn and i cant get it out of my head sometimes. so, i decided that i was going to tell healer that i was ready because we had talked about it but my urge was never so great as it is now.

I want to be fucked by a woman wearing a strap on! Is that weird? I want myself healer and this other chick (whomever she may be) to have a threesome. I am completely into healer, dont get me wrong and he satisfies me beyond my expectations but it's just recently that i've had these fantasies.

I was wondering if maybe some of you ladies shared my "urges"? and guys, what would you do if one day your fiance came up to you and told you she wanted to have a threesome with another woman?

Would you think she's nuts? I mean, after four years of hetrosexual, unbelievable, mind blowing sex, she tells you she wants another woman to lick her "lips"? What would you think?

I'm totally blown away by this sensation i get everytime i see two women going at it! does that make me lesbian? or bisexual? or is it just that i need to experience it for myself and make a decision from there?

i dont know...i need help, advice, anything that can aid me in making a decision like this. and healer knows exactly how i feel. i tell him everything. and i know he wants it to cos for a while he would alwasy mention it to me and i would alwasy pull my nose up and say something like..."i would never beable to share you with another woman".

but now, my feelings are completely changed on the whole idea.

what would you guys do if you were in my situation?

It's not weird at all, at least not to me. That's one of my favorite fantasies, babe! Funny thing is, I only really fantasize about it when ktspktsp is going down on me, and I only really think about this one particular girl wearing a strap-on and using it on me (she is just a casual friend of mine from grad school, very religiously conservative, so it would never happen in reality). I don't know why, but it ALWAYS gets me very hot.

I also get very turned on by lesbian porn, though I am more into watching girls kissing and fondling each other (above the waist) than any action with the pussy. Weird, I know, but just the way my mind is. I decided that I am at least a little bi-curious, and given the chance and approval from ktspktsp in our relationship, would like to make out with a girl sometime. I don't know if I could handle an actual threesome, however... it would have to be a twosome with me and the girl, and a twosome with me and ktspktsp, but not the three of us actually touching (in other words, I don't want to see him interacting with another woman sexually). Now, if he wanted to interact with another man in a threesome, I wouldn't have any problem with that... strange, eh?

I think that's just the way sexuality is. Some things fly, some things don't, and it's just up to the people involved to determine exactly what is safe and not safe for their relationship. I say go ahead and experiment, but make sure you talk EVERYTHING over with healer beforehand, LONG before ever actually trying something, to figure out how it might affect you, what limits you'll each have, etc. And let us know how it goes! :)

I used to be that way, until I actually did it. I was some what disappointed it didnt affect me the way I thought it would....the real thing was what I had built up in my mind.

Now...that was with my ex...with Dave I have been lucky enough that he's comfortable enough (and in my opinion) man enough to be more than willing to do MFM's with me....I REALLY enjoy those.

I'd like to think that a FFM would be what I had fantasized it would be, with him....but as I cant seem to find a female I want to do that with I dont know lol

Having been in your situation, I can tell you what I did do.

For about 14 years I just fantasized and did nothing else. It was a powerful fantasy, for both me and ratbastid. But eventually it moved from being a fantasy to being an ache for something missing.

I'd say if you have a good relationship and very good communication with healer, give it a go! You might develop a taste for it :) But both of you should be prepared for the fact that it might move from being a fantasy to being a distinct preference. For me, I couldn't live without it. I love my ratbastid and there's nothing wrong with our relationship that made me need another partner, aside from the fact that I felt unfulfilled without a female relationship as well. Acting on the fantasy might make it lose its power, and it just becomes a happy memory, a "remember when we did that?" to spice up your nights.

I think you'd be surprised how many women have those fantasies, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything at all about your sexual identity. But sometimes (like for me) it does.

I used to think that threesomes were something that only happened in porn, not to real people in real life (well, except for a MFM I did when I was 25).

A couple of years ago, my wife shocked me by telling me she had thought about inviting another woman to join us. I started reading about this on the internet and found that it is more common than I thought, although many people find the expereince does nto live up to the fantasy, and sometimes seriously damages the primary relationship.

The risk of it not being as good as the fantasy is one I'm willing to take, although I'd want to be very certain it wouldn;t damage the relationship. I'm also not as enthusasitc about doing a MFM with my wife, but I'd be willing to in exchange for a FMF. It's only fair that whatever I do with another woman she could do with another man.

I think two women and a man are better situations. Not because the woman doesn't deserve the right to another man if the man has another woman. I'm not that selfish. But because it allows a three way pleasing. At least in a mainly straight orientation. Most men are not into other men unless it's outright homosexuality. But women can be very into men and still want to "play". Now that's not a 100% of course, but in the majority of cases it's true. In that situation each person has the chance to be pleased by both of the others. The man by the women, each woman by the man and the other woman. It tends to work out better it seems for everyone. As long as you talk deeply and openly about it with your partner and everyone is agreed.... go for it.

A word of warning: bargaining is not a good basis for having this sort of thing not damage the relationship. You should do things because you want to do them, not because it's "only fair". I guarantee you, that wouldn't work out well.

These things are frequently asymmetrical (a better word than "unfair"). Such cases are opportunities for everyone to grow up and accept their partners' boundaries.

Thanks for all the advice so far folks.

I think we're both still getting used to the idea and wrapping our heads around it all. Like a lot of men, her pleasure brings me pleasure, so I want this to be the most awesome experience for her. Obviously we'll have to talk about boundaries and what we're both comfortable and uncomfortable with.

While I'm all for new experiences and the idea of doing something like this excites me to no end, there is always the fear that it will all go terribly wrong.

Finding someone who is as open and honest about their sexuality and willing to join mandy and I...that will be the greatest challenge.

Hmmmm,

This comment made me think quite a lot actually.

I'm into guys, in a purely sexual way. I wouldn't rule out being in a relationship with one, but for the most part my interest in other guys is just sexual. I love boobs and women too much to want to be gay.... That and gay culture rubs me up the wrong way a bit. So I'm the kind of guy that's bang up for a MMF threesome provide the other guy is like minded.

But I'm not entirely sure I agree with your comment. Well, a certain aspect of it.

I went to an all boys school, so a lot of my rather close friends are all guys. The thing I have observed over my little life is that a lot more guys are curious to try things with other guys than you might think. But, many young men are simply too afraid to ever try or admit it because of macho culture (well, this is from what I've observed in Aus). And this was especially true at the school I went to because everyone was so damn homophobic.

Attitudes in the city I live in seem to be much more liberal about this kind of thing, and I think attitudes in guys towards this issue are slowly starting to change.

But, unfortunately, the media is still doing it's best to enforce the idea of how men should behave and act. Just in the same way they keep forcing the idea of how women should look. There is an alarming statistic in Australia at the moment, the group with the highest rate of suicide are young men who are entering a trade. The key reason for this is a lot of these young men simply can't handle the overt macho and homophobic culture that is so rampant in a lot of trades.

I think it's a great shame that a lot of men are so unwilling to fully explore their sexuality with other guys because of what society has dictated. And it's literally killing our kids who feel so alienated.

First of all, some men get very turned on watching thoer woman have sex with another man, so the MFM threesome is great for them. You can also have two men pleasing the woman at the same time. If not, one guy can take a break while the other guy does the women, and by the time he's done, the other guy is ready for another round.

Great post, MrFriendly. Really - thanks for taking the time to write that out.

Hey guys

Thanks for all the advice and comment and stuff. I know that it's what i want too, if only to just experiment. And both healer and i know that its something we have to talk about some more. This feeling just seems to get stronger and stronger though. I think i'm addicted ...hehehehehe

anyways, thanks again, you guys as always have helped me yet again. Hopefully we'll find the perfect partner for us :) that sounds really weird lol

hmmm, Mandy I totally agree. Watching girl on girl turns me on a lot. I've been wanting to know what it would be like to have a girl go down on me and I've love to go down on one. My husand and I have talked about a threesome before since he knows I'm really interested. I just don't know anyone I'd be that comfortable with.

And I'd never given thought about a MFM threesome until reading this. Not sure why, I just hadn't. It turns me on. So I asked my hubby what he thought about it. I told him I was reading this thread and wondered how he felt about it. He's totally up for a threesome with another girl, but not so much with another guy.

Hmmmm, not the end of the world, at least I can hope to try with another girl soon. And yes there are times I really want just me and another girl without him around. Does that make me a lesbian?

I have had the pleasure of being with both sexes, but not at the same time.

Perhaps one day.

What would I do if I was in your situation?


Take pictures.

That fear will make you more careful, and give you more reason to remain open and communicative, which is extremely important. The fact that you're already planning on talking about boundaries, etc., is a big step in that direction. You guys will do fine, just keep the communication going. :)

I wouldn't know because a threesome doesn't appeal much to me as a robot with a smooth spot, but:

I'm sure there is always that awkward initial moment... ya know... where you're all sitting there with your pants off... blinking at each other and thinking, "So, uh... who starts this silly three-ring flesh circus?"

That and the weird sensation of a hand touching you (1)... another hand touching you (2, normal)... and then the mild shock when a THIRD hand touches you.

Are there cuddling arrangements after threesomes or is it like a drive-through ATM?

The good ones have cuddle arrangements. I highly reccommend those. :D

Oh, and on topic... Mandy, nope, you're not crazy, yes, it's possible, and you are both approaching this right - figure out each other's boundaries FIRST. Be honest about how you feel on each point, and don't worry about inequities of action - i.e. if you're okay with women and he's not okay with men - this is the only case I can think of where double standards are acceptable as long as they're dealt with and known.

I think after we'll just lie there and comtemplate what we've just done and no, i dont think i would want healer cuddling with the other woman :)

i dunno...it all just seems so ...i dunno. whenever i think about it, all that comes to mind is me in the middle, healer behind me kissing my neck, stroking my back and caressing my ass and the other girl in front kissing my lips, her one hand fondeling my breasts and the other lightly teasing my clit, until she goes doen on me and starts sucking on it and licking between the folds holding them open with one of her hands...

GAAAASSSSSHHHHH!!!!!

as for the cuddling part...i think we'll cross that bridge when we get there, for now, i'm just looking to find the perfect woman for the both of us.

It sounds like you don't really want healer interacting with the other woman (which is perfectly fine, as long as he is fine with it). I think it's really important to figure out exactly how you would feel about each other interacting/cuddling/anything with the other person. Would you be okay with him caressing her as well, or only touching you? Would you be okay with her giving him a blow job? etc. Try to examine as many situations as you can, and evaluate how you would feel about those... I think it's actually more important to figure that out *before* you come to that bridge, let alone cross it, because that's when it's usually too late.

Well, what i meant was when that topic comes up...but for now i'm just looking to find the perfect lady for us.

But you bring up some awesome points abaya...

I'm sure I would be fine with her carressing him and vice versa, I mean, what fun would it be for him if there were that boundry? Then he might as well just be watching the two of us. I want him to be part of it and I want the girl to be part of it as well.

For the most part, I want this because healer was a virgin and I deflowered him, so he's never had or felt anyone else but me and I have and sometimes I feel quite guilty about that fact. So I want him to have the experience of someone else and me to have the experience of being with another woman...if that makes sense?

And him not interacting with her or her with him would just defeat the purpose of the whole thing.

I just dont want him to cuddle with her afterward... the cuddley wuddley part is just for me :) ...if that makes sense.

I also think that this is no time for jealousy...I mean, this is what I want and if I want to experience it to its full extent, I should be ready for what's to come...no pun intended :D

What I'm saying is, I should be able to take seeing him touch another woman in that way and vice versa and I should want her to give him a blowjob or maybe have the two of us give him one together and make the experience just as worthwhile for him as it will be for me...if it makes sense?

You sound like you're in a pretty good spot re jealousy, but since you bring it up, here's Uncle ratbastid's Collected Wisdom on Jealousy:

Jealousy is like a broken refrigerator.

Let's say your fridge breaks down. There are several ways you could deal with it.

If you dealt with a broken fridge the same way most people deal with jealousy, you'd do one of two things. You'd either try to pretend the fridge isn't broken--you'd put things in it as if it was going to keep them cold, knowing perfectly well it won't, and then those things would spoil and start to stink. Or you'd decide you could just never have food in your house that needs refrigeration anymore, that the whole world of non-shelf-stable food is just something you can't have.

Kinda bizarre, right?

So deal with jealousy the same way you'd deal with a broken refrigerator. Acknowledge that your fridge is broken, figure out what's broken about it, and fix that thing. Did a belt break? Did it leak refrigerant? Is the compressor blown? Once you figure out what's at the source of the fridge not working, you can do the work needed to repair that part, and get things working again.

That's how to deal with jealousy powerfully.

You two might consider filling out the Sexual Interest Inventory PDF from the Sex is Fun podcast. There's a multiple-partner section in there which should cover all the possible bases.

as a male,

if my girlfriend told me she wanted to do a mff with a girl, then I'd probably be okay as long as she knew a girl who was willing.

as for a mmf with "my" girl, I'd have to know and get along with the guy really well before it would be okay with me. a stranger, or someone who I dont like is a definite no-go. (just for reference, I have no interest in the guy sexually...i just dont want any ole dude ramming my girl)

That sounds hot!

Yes, as a guy, I would be ok letting my girl explore other girls. I don't really feel in competition with them. And it would be a great experience as long as she was honest about her feelings and still would like me equally.

I wouldn't need to have any contact with the other girl even, except for a four hand massage, which sounds fun to get and to give.

The girl with a strap on and healer could DP you. ;)

Oh, you're not alone at all. A lot of women enjoy lesbian porn and are not actual lesbians or even bisexual.

I prefer lesbian porn over a lot of other porn. I really love the female body, and women are incredibly sensual. I like all lesbian porn - whether it be 2 girls have oral sex or an orgy of women using strap-ons.

I agree with Sharon that you could be double penetrated if you decided to act this out. That's one of my biggest fantasies!

However, I think you need to look into the emotional aspect of the threesome. Would your partner be able to be a part of it and touch the other woman? Do you think you could handle this type of thing?

You have no video camera?

I've had a lot of threesomes and I can tell you the hardest part about FMF's.

Its not how you have sex, or feeling awkward after, or anything like that. Its finding the 3rd female who is SANE and just wants to have sex instead of moving in with you.

Those are quite rare, and they are jokingly referred to as unicorns.

Your best bet is for you to try to find this unicorn, it is easier for the women to invite another woman in, and take your time.

well, uh, if you're ever up near Chicago... :p


Anyway, on topic, communication is absolutely critical, among all parties. What's expected, what's allowed, what it means, etc. And, even then, plan on being surprised by your own reaction to things, and make sure that no one feels uncomfortable just stopping things right there in the middle of it if they decide it doesn't feel right.

At this point, though, just take your time finding the right person. :)

ghoastgirl - when you report back to us, remember the old rule... a thread is useless without pics. ;)

MFM's are about as tricky as FMF's though easier to find a willing male by a factor of 10000.

Still guys who are open to it, worth the time of day, and understand their 'role' are still going to be very hard to find, we've never looked for a male for a mfm but I've heard enough horror stories and disappointments.

Some people are single for a reason ;)

Couples are harder to find but as a rule will be more stable and far less of a chance of them falling in love and being a drama bomb.

If you find the right guy then you are fine, its not you I'd be worried about having issues but 'guy falls for wife, makes it uncomfortable' isn't uncommon. I assume you have someone picked out and its still worth persuing, its not only fun but I find such things tend to make relationships better, just be careful on the drama side :)

I haven't been there myself, but a freind told me about his experience of coming home and finding his wife in flagrante delecto with another woman. He said, "You know, you always fantasize about how erotic and exciting it would be, to watch two women together. But it just hit me in the gut, like a crushing blow." They divorced. He couldn't deal with it.

Of course, it was a surprise to him. He didn't know his wife had desires for a woman. I think, if you're honest in sharing your erotic imagination and desire to try a women experience, and don't excluse him, your man should be OK with it. But try to remember that he's going from all of you, to a large part of you. Which means he's loosing some of you, of your love and attention, and it could hurt. Unless, of course, he gets a large part of someone else in the bargain.

Really? I haven't been there, I would guess the trickiest part would be the man wanting to repeat the experience, causing jealous discomfort of woman #1, since sex with new women tends to be exciting in ways that sex with a partner you been with for years is not.

From what I've seen there are two ways having 'extra' sex in a relationship will take it.

Either it makes it far stronger, loving, and just better, or it makes it a complete disaster.

So while what you described does happen, the problem happened before they had the threesome really.

Randomly:

Do people do this kinda thing at their own residence or get hotel rooms?

I think maybe the "get outta my house" factor might become involved.

Hotel rooms seem like a better idea.

We did it Friday night. It was a blast!

I was pretty nervous going into it about how I would feel once we started. But once we both started feeling and rubbing on GG I started getting into it more and really enjoyed it.

GG had a lot of fun also, she's never cum so many times in one evening!

We both really enjoyed it and will probably do it again, maybe with the same guy, maybe with others.(hopefully a girl eventually too)

and Crompsin, we did it at my apartment. But if I hadnt already known the guy pretty well we prolly woulda been more likely to have gotten a hotel or something.

Details! :p

Yeah, I second Sharon on that. :)

And how are Mandy and Healer doing, btw?

update update update
 

so congrats JStrider and GG on your first threesome. I can only imagine what that must have been like....

oh, and we're fine thanks love.

OK, so we've actually made some progress...

We've found our "one"!!! :D This girl, both healer and I know. Healer knew her before me though and he actually had a little thing for this girl and she for him but this was years ago when they were still in high school.

anyways, the thought always crossed my mind until one night at the club we frequent at, I saw her and I was covinced that she is the one!!!

and healer is too. ok, so here's the deal with her though...she's lesbian which turns me on like WOW!!!

I'm comfortable with her and so is healer...all we have to do now, is ask her and i'm not sure how to do that. she's a really sweet girl and a really good friend of mine.

how do i ask her? any suggestions?

Oh that's the easy bit, you just have to slip it in to normal conversation.

Eg. "So I was on the train the other day and I saw this girl who had these amazing shoes so do you want to have a threesome with Healer and I?"

It will at least give her subconscious a chance to consider the question before she does a double take and asks you to repeat what you just said.







And no, I'm not serious :p

gg that is pretty hot nuff said

Congratulations, and I mean that.

Pretty soon you will start to feel sorry for couples don't don't share your new 'level' of togetherness and trust.

Hey, I'm all for sexual experimentation, 3-somes, 4-somes, whatever, but something about this statement bothers me. I don't think anyone should "feel sorry" for how other couples feel about themselves. Trust and togetherness come about in many different ways.

I'm all for inclusiveness, but... if you haven't been there, you just don't know what Ustwo is talking about.

I see all these couples around me with such narrow views of what's possible, and such straight-laced, culture-imposed opinions about what relationships are supposed to be. I don't know what's best for them, and I definitely don't think my lifestyle is for everyone, but I DO feel sorry for people whose world-view doesn't allow them to say how their lives and relationships and modes of sexual expression are going to go.

That's not to say there aren't plenty of completely happy and satisfied monogamous couples. Just that there are lots who are doing whatever they're doing because they're locked onto the rails about it and would never dream of considering alternatives. Those are the ones I feel sorry for.

Well, I haven’t been there, so I can’t say that I’ve felt the same way as other couples who have been there. I suppose it’s a feeling of having shared something special, a new level of excitement, which results in a tighter bond. Furthermore, since non-monogamous relationships are considered taboo by most of society, I suppose there is a sense of freedom attached as well. But, again, since not having been there, I can only speculate.

Perhaps that's what Ustwo's quote was trying to imply as well, but that's not how I interpreted it. Having a closed-minded view of relationships does not equate to a lack of one's trust and togetherness in a relationship. They are separate.

Perhaps, the statement about “feeling sorry for those who don’t share your level of togetherness and trust” felt too “elitist” to me. Does having a 3-some result in a feeling of higher trust and togetherness? From what I have gathered from multiple threads around the TFP – yes. Are there couples out there that also cultivate a high sense of trust and togetherness without having a 3-some? Again, yes. Perhaps these people don’t want it to be implied that their relationship is inferior.

I don't let my cock measure my heart. :no:

I haven't been there either, but I've read a bit about this topic in the past few years. There are lots of people who say that threesomes damaged their relationship. Of course, a lot of relationships are damaged despite the fact there never was a threesome. A popular view is that threesomes are only for couples who are very comfortable and secure with themselves & eachother. If there are any sexual insecurity or jealousy issues, adding third person can make these problems much worse.

I wouldn't call it elitist, I'd call it almost pity. I've seen so many couples with issues in their marriages and relationships. So many jealous wives and husbands, afraid that every time they go on a business trip their spouse may cheat, so many issues focused around sex, that I really do feel sorry for them. Its a pointless suffering thats imposed upon people based on societies recent and I think unrealistic sexual expectations.

Actually having a threesome doesn't mean higher trust and togetherness in itself. It was GG's description of her feelings after that makes me think they did it 'right' and were able to see their relationship in a new light. There really is nothing special about doing it in a threesome, thats just one way, but I can't think of a way to really separate sexual jealousy and the like from your relationship without something like that. Maybe its possible, and it doesn't mean you have a bad relationship but being able to put the sexual baggage behind you and not basing the strength of your relationship with imposed fidelity is really a great feeling. You can't know that until you test it.

The problem of course is with any test you might fail and thats where the destructive aspects of this sort of thing can come in.

Ustwo,

Thanks for your reply. You have clarified your statement in a way that I understand its intent (at least I think I do). I agree that with most traditional relationships that love, sex, and jealousy go hand-in-hand. Many relationships end due to cheating, and even perceived cheating, which invokes jealousy and mistrust. Wouldn't it be much easier if couples could just separate love from sex with an understanding that no matter who I have sex with, or want to have sex with, that my love for you is still true?

However, I'm not convinced if the level of trust is any different between a monogamous relationship and a non-manogamous relationship. In each, you still want to be loved by the person you love back. In both cases you trust that the one you love won't deny you love and run off with someone else.

As an example, if I go away on a business trip, and I'm in a non-monogamous relationship, I might have an agreement with my wife that I would be allowed to have sex with whoever I want, with some rules, as long as I promise to come back to her. In a monogamous relationship, I am expected to take care of business without extra-marital sex, and a promise to come back to her. Either way, I'm expected to come back as a loving spouse. She has to trust that I don't find something else I want out there more than her. That's the same level of trust as far as I can see. The difference in each case, as you pointed out, is the jealousy.

Therefore, I think the level of trust is no different, but the level of pain due to jealousy is different.

Well, I'll have to think about this a bit more, but I think you can have a sexual jealousy-free relationship without testing it. It's simply called faith.

True my wife has always trusted me and I've always trusted her. We had a long distance relationship for a while and I never once had even the slightest worry about her cheating on me despite it being obvious that several men were attempting to have her do just that. It was a source of amusement to me as I kept telling her one of them was trying just that and she was in oblivious land until he finally asked her out (he couldn't before as he was a TA in one of her classes, he had to wait until she was out of his class).

So perhaps trust isn't really the issue, its part of it, but its a different kind of trust. Its not 'I trust you to be loyal' its 'I trust you to have fun and still love me', which is part of your second example.

Now a word of caution here. I'm not advocating an open marriage. Some jealousy and fear for your partners safety is normal. Shared experiences bring you together, while if you do it on your own, it drives you apart. Thats just part of nature and friendship. A threesome is still 'us', doing the cougar at the hotel on a business trip is just 'me'.

You can explicitly trust your partner, I always have, but still have jealousy issues. I don't think you can really KNOW about that aspect until you do something like a 3some or whatever where you really stand there. Also I think a big benefit is it helps to overcome the natural wanderlust we all have. We haven't evolved for only one partner until death do us part. I could get into this more, and I'm not saying marriage isn't natural, but 100% monogamy is not natural as far as I've been able to research.

Ustwo,

I appreciate your well-thought-out replies, and I better understand your POV.

I wish all in this thread continued success in your relationships, and I hope they continue to be as fulfilling as my own.

healer and I, I think have that level of trust. Sure, I may joke about him cheating or whatever the case may be with another women but i know that it'll never happen.

In the begining and even now, my green monster rears it's head every now and then but that's something I have to get past. I know I do. And even though this convo was not directly aimed at me but rather at the situation others are faced with, i feel that i can relate to it.

guys, i dont know how i'll feel if i should see healer touching another woman or vice versa...i do know that it was my idea and it's something that i have come to want very much and to have that, i need to be okay with the fact that there'll be alot of interaction between the three of us.

and after that, i need to lay there and think that "i did it, it's done, it was great, it was horrible and i never want to do it again".

i know that no matter what, healer is mine and i am his and nothing is going to change that.

and i think also that parly why i want to do this is also that healer has never been with any other women besides me and this is kinda a present to him from me before we get married...not to mention me having the FFM threesome that i've been fantasising about for so long :D

so, thanks for all your input and discussion guys and GG, you and J are FRIGGIN' awesome!!!

so, anyone have any suggestions for me on how to entice my lesbian friend to have a threesome with healer and myself?

Which is why we're all behind you doing it. I've had people talk to me about this where it was a compensation for something missing in the relationship or a way to "cheat without cheating", and I've regularly advised them not to try it. But I can really tell you and healer will be okay, no matter how it goes--so why not find out how it's going to go?

Only thing... If she's a lesbian, will she be into both you and healer? If not, makes sure healer's good with that, because it will be almost completely about you and her being together, and he might feel like a third wheel.

[I went to an all boys school, so a lot of my rather close friends are all guys. The thing I have observed over my little life is that a lot more guys are curious to try things with other guys than you might think. But, many young men are simply too afraid to ever try or admit it because of macho culture (well, this is from what I've observed in Aus). And this was especially true at the school I went to because everyone was so damn homophobic.]

Great post MrFriendly! Very wel thought out too. Sorry I didn't get back to it sooner. Situations like that are why I said it's not 100% when it comes to the homosexual aspect. But there seems a difference soemwhere between homosexual and curiosity, etc. And in some cases men are not put off at all by other men involved in a MFM. And that's all good. I certainly am not one to tell them they're wrong. ut being with other men while pleasing a woman is different than the woman and onother man concentrating on the man is what I mean. Many men don't mind interacting, but I am referring to direct attention. Maybe that makes a difference, maybe not.

Thanks again for the thoughts! I like it when someone actually will say when they don't necesarily agree. Gets me thinking!

Undoubtedly there are some people into the MMF as compared to the MFM (note how the letters are arranged) but there is really nothing gay or bisexual about it. I once had a co-worker talk about an MFM he had and he said 'I told the guy you have your end I have my end and as long as it stays that way, its cool'.

As long as you aren't a homophobe of the latent homosexual type I can't see how it would be an issue unless that was desired.

That actually makes me nervous for you. Not for nothing, but it's not the "before" that messes people up, it's the aftermath of your thoughts. "He gave her a lot of attention- does he still like her? Does he like her more? Is he trying to get back with her?"

I'm sure you'll say that won't happen... but that is exactly what everyone says. I'm just saying, be careful.

I hope she's actually bi, at least on some level, or you may ask her and get told you're the only one she'll play with. :) While the thought might be nice, it would kill me if my chick was doing the fantastic female nasty with another chick and I couldn't participate. :)

And I'm not saying that that wont happen either...which is why we still have so much to work through. well noted on the be careful part :thumbsup:

what i do know is that it's what we both want...but mainly, it's what I suggested.

well, healer told me that he wouldn't mind the both of them "playing" only with me :D however, i think that would be quite boring. I want interaction between all three parties...i mean that is the point of a FFM threesome isn't it?

anyways, this girl, i'm comfortable with and so is healer.

will keep you all posted :thumbsup:

and guys, thanks for all your support and concerns. they are all much appreciated *mwah*

Ash and I are having the same "threesome sounds good" discusion except we are having trouble finding someone we are comfortable with. We don't know if we want it to be a spur of the moment thing, or a planned thing. She is kind of discovering this side of her sexuality and I'm totally into it.

sex
 

Sex is nobodys business except the three people involved.
I used to have a t-shirt that said that on the front of it.

the whole threesome scene can , imo, be a deeply satisfying experience for all involved, or it can go terribly wrong, like someone else said.
It's sort of like, you don't really want to do it with someone you are going to see on a daily basis, or sit down to Christmas dinner with..but then again, you don't want a stranger, or someone you don't know at all. But where do you draw the line, its like you want your fun for the night and then you want them to just go away, or it to be over...but, if it's someone you don't know well, there is always the risk of them becoming a drama queen about the entire matter, and could turn out to be your worse nightmare...all sorts of scenerios come to mind, blackmail, stalking, etc.....any way you look at it, there is a lot of risk involved..but that is a part of the allure, I suppose.
I'm no expert, but I would venture a guess that over half of these types of things turn out to be not only NOT satisfying , but destructive to the relationship. Human emotions are so hard to be exact about, because no one really knows what they are going to feel at a given moment until they are experiencing it.
And just because the two of you feel you are mature enough to handle it, who's to say the third party is..unless you have the pep talks with them also, before it transpires...and then you have the aftershocks...like the earthquake, where the both of you have your minds to deal with the visuals of what you saw the one you love doing...and it hits you sometimes at the most inopportune moments.....and it can be a real mind blower.....
In my opinion, the fantasy should remain just that, don't act on it. The odds are not in your favor ..but then again...??
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted

Which is exactly why communication is key to this whole deal--not just between the two of you, but with your third as well. That person is about to become a very special kind of friend, even if you rarely see them again. Everybody has to be as sure as they can be before the fact that they can deal with that, and you don't want to just walk away and not talk about it afterward, either.

more to add
 

I can't seem to get this topic out of my mind.
In retrospect, both my husband ( ex, now)and I were positive in every way, that we were mature enough to handle every aspect of this situation. We talked at length about all the pros and cons. The anticipation of the reality was titillating. We decided on a dear friend of mine, whom we both admired for her emotional stability. we talked at length, with her about the "game". After months of weighing all the facts, it was decided. And, it was one of the most satisfying intimate moments in my life. We pulled it off without a hitch. With everyone going home smiling.
It was about 3 months later, a mutual friend of the three of us, told me confidentially, that my husband and my friend were seen at different places together; restaurants, motels, etc. I thought for sure there was some logical explanation. But, there wasn't.
He refused to stop seeing her without me, but also said, he didn't want to lose me. What a horrifying nightmare I lived through.
Elvis Presley in one of his songs said,
"If you bring a friend into your love affair, that's the end of your sweetheart, that's the end of your friend, that's when your heartache begins" "When dreams of a lifetime must come to an end, "
just my input on the subject. perhaps a little daunting, but just another way of looking at it...the excitement can be squelched like a bucket of cold water in your face. And I really do not mean to rain on anyones parade.

The problem was your husband didn't respect you nor was your marriage as strong as you thought.

Something like this is a test of sorts, and a test you can fail.

Of course there was. Just not one you were prepared to accept.

Seems like a real bullshit way to test yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

...

I can't get over the whole "dick goes in the hole" thing when it comes to relationships, I suppose. Call me primitive. Where is the higher power telling me that life isn't just a dog and pony show or a meat market venue and that we're all out to fuck as many people as possible while we cuddle up to the current "one" that provides the cushiest lifestyle environment.

I wish someone could prove me wrong.

I wouldn't do it to test a relationship, but it does put a different kind of strain on one that does in fact test it. You don't need to have a threesome to end up with a divorce, but my guess is that if you are headed that direction, a 3some will hasten it.

Welcome to normal evolution my friend. Thats exactly what it is, but its also what you make out of it, but you don't have to be a slave to your instincts either.

Hell, I got a divorce like-WHOA and I didn't even have my penis within 8000 miles of the woman! Damn, I'm good.

Oh, how my lamentations go unanswered by the higher power!

If three people fucking was "normal evolution"... evolution would have given us additional genitals. ;)

No three people fucking isn't normal evolution, fucking multiple people is.

Sexual monogamy is not natural for humans but pair bonding/marriage is.

Riddle that one out batman.

I'm no Batman, but I'm a decent joker. (rimshot)

I'd suggest that pair-bonding (marriage) is a social (perhaps legal) construct mostly designed to manage, maintain, and pass-on wealth through the confusing branch system that is the "family" name. Wealth could be anything... cold hard cash, spitting camels, or wampum.

I'd say we only really get married so we can have stability. No guy really marries a woman saying to himself, "Man, I can't wait to spend 40 years boinking the same old snatch!" We wouldn't go through some bullshit promise rite if it didn't outweigh crotch-slamming a different woman every 2 weeks to 6 months.

This is where the sexual end of the animal overrides the fiscal animal and we ask our wives how they feel about reenacting a scene from Ten Miles of Tough Tongue whilst we simultaneously pound away on the hindquarters of a newer model named Sherry Von Skankyslot.

You know why I miss being married? Because it made me feel more financially successful.

My exwife would have never gone for a threesome. She couldn't even handle the idea that men utilize pornography as a fantasy / release mechanism.

Really?? Have you checked out Bobby's photos recently? They started when they were pre-teen and as far as I can tell, haven't stopped for breath anytime since then. Now they are old-er, and still going on strong. I only hope that I can settle with a woman, that I'm still in love with and still horny for when I'm Bobby's age.

Not quite I think. About every society has marriages, even in polygamous ones there tends to be a 'head wife'. Its more than just society, its society mirroring our genetics. There are survival advantages for a woman linked to one man which are obvious, but there are survival aspects for a man linked to a woman.

True polygamy as we think of it, is in fact a modern invention, based on wealth accumulation which is not possible in a 'natural' state. A great hunter can only accumulate so much wealth, but once agriculture entered the picture, truly vast sums of 'currency' could be gathered and more importantly it was easier to specialize in society.

Again, historically its been both. Its only in very recent times that sexual monogamy became the societal rule for men. Even the Catholic church used to accept brothels as necessary evils.

Well gotta go.....

Did anyone else find this utterly hilarious?

[QUOTE=Ustwo]The problem was your husband didn't respect you nor was your marriage as strong as you thought.

You are right, but at the time, and the sequence of events as they played out, to me, it was unreal.
It totally made me rethink anyone's intentions, or the fact of taking someone at their word.
The amount of deceit involved was mind boggling.
To put the blame, if there is blame to be put, on my ex husband, would not be fair. It was me, who brought the whole subject of a threesome up, and his initial reaction, was one of distaste. But at my urging of the whole scene being something we could handle, he relented.
I realize this is a test, as you said, but to even put your entire life to a test such as this , doesn't seem sensible .
We are supposed to keep this positive, and in that vein, what happened to me in my situation, was most likely not to be misconstrued as the norm.
And as I said , it was one of the most satisfying intimate moments in my lifetime.

Has bobby ever stated what kind of relationship he has? Open, swinger, 100% monogamous for 40 years?

It really doesn't matter as its great to be that much into your wife after all that time, I know I am still that way about mine after almost two decades. With their openness I'd not be shocked to learn they were 'ethical sluts' so to speak.

Right...seems like this thread has turned into something completely different to what it was intended :) Although, i believe it's a good thing and I have learned so much in all regards to doing what I plan to do.

The aim of this thread was to ask for advice and I am so thnkful for the advice as well as the constructive criticism that I have recieved from all of you.

Gosh Cromp...seems you really had a tough time with your wife and I can respect that fact.

Marrrlee, I am so sorry for what happened to you. But I have to believe that this will be good for all three of us...mostly because I want it so badly and I know Healer does too.

I understand there are major risks involved in this but it's one both of us are willing to take.

I know healer loves and respects me and I suppose that will just have to be enough for now. I trust him completely and i suppose that will just have to be enough for him.

and that's not to say that either of you felt this way at the begining of your relationships or rather married life? ... and that too is also a big factor for me which is why i want to do it before we get married...because I do want to speng the rest of my however many years with healer and he in turn is always telling me how badly he wants that to and i believe him with all my heart.

putting yourself out there like that is a risk in itself...and that i can clearly see from the examples some of you have brought forth and through your experiences.

But I have to believe that we are strong enough to get past anything, because it's not the fact that healer did'nt have the opportunity to cheat on me because there were ample, especially when he lived 350 kilometers away on his own...always in hotels and bed and breakfasts, and even though he might have been lonely in that time and even now he might get the urge or whatever...the fact is that he chooses not to act on them.

and that in my book is a most admirable trait in a person. I cant emphasise how much i trust this man and how much i love, care for and respect him.

And the only reason I'm reiterating all this is not so as to convince myself that it's true, but rather to remind myself that it is. And I know some might say why would she need reminding if she feels so stongly about it, well for the simple reason that it is a big step in our relationship that could cause major ramifications.

but if i dont have the belief that things will be okay, what do i have? Paranoia? Insecurity? those two feelings were stitched into my head for a period but not because of healer but because i'd been hurt before...a good many times over again...

but i havnt lived like that in a long long time and i'm all the better for it.

Trust be damned, threesomes are the absolute best way to ruin a relationship. You want my advice? Don't do it. It'll come back to bite you in the ass (And here's hoping someone quotes me as saying that >_>).

Well, you got what you wished for...

but are you always like this?:shakehead:

Odds are I'll be involved in one this week but, oh noes my relationship will be ruined, RUINED I SAY, some internet guy said so!!!!!oneoneeleven!

Dude I'm sorry but you are obnoxiously clueless on this sort of thing, really, you have no idea what you are talking about. I will say its not for beginners with sex and relationships, and at your age thats what you are, but for people beyond the 'young adult' stage they can be quite harmless and often beneficial.

As a rule, I don't take advice on relationships from people who constantly post their girl troubles on the internet. But maybe that's just me.

It's sort of like, if I want help with my car, I'm not going to ask the guy driving the smoking, sputtering beater. I'm more likely to go to the guy who can maintain and care for his car.

geez, you guys are brutal! With all things in life, it helps if you're prepared.

Over-the-top instructions read as:

Do your threesomes early in life to gain experience, burn out any potential mate weaklings in a turbulent fuckfest, and marry the woman that survives the trial-by-cumshot!

...

I'm retarded, sure, but I don't think old man Chronos can step on his dick because of the current hour glass / tail race shortcomings.

Point: I doubt age and experience make dealing with the multi-fuck issues any easier initially. First time is first time whether you're 18 or 36 or 54.

I don't know for a fact, but I suspect you're closer to the first of those numbers?

When I was around the first of those numbers, I felt much the same--that I'd stay the same person, with the same talents and limitations and comfort zones, as I aged. As I approach the second number, I'm realizing more and more how much time DOES change a person, and how much a person can grow as they mature. I guarantee you, I'm much more able to handle issues and jealousies in my relationship now than I was even five years ago. CERTAINLY more than I was when lurkette and I first met, when I was 17. I look back on the naive certainty I had about life then with fondness and a little embarrassment.

When I was back toward that first number, hearing anyone express this notion seemed condescending to me. I apologize if it seems that way to you.

I wish I was younger. ;) My knees wish I was younger, too.

Not condescending at all, bro. I know my purpose here is to learn... not assert things with my limited experience and intellect.

I'm just trying to learn the perspective used to approach such a desire.

Time with a particular partner makes it easier to "play" with a third? Initially?

Hell, I thought being married and getting older meant time away from the time consuming crotch sports to do really fun stuff like work on cars, race motorcycles, golf...

I miss being married for just that reason. I was looking forward to my hobbies.

Am I always like this? Pretty much, yes. You asked for advice and I gave you some. You can either take it or leave it.

*Shakes head in shame*

Try reading what I wrote again. Nowhere will you find the statement 'will be ruined'. And I thought we were above logical fallacies? I guess not... Oh well...

Clueless, you say? How would I be 'clueless'? As I've said in the past, statistically speaking, the overwhelming majority of relationships involving a threesome end because of that threesome. Just because you can ignore said statistic doesn't make it untrue. And that pertains to all age groups.

Oh...! I see... So because I had some relationship troubles with my ex then I'm suddenly excluded from giving other people relationship advice. Hmmm... I see a lot of people posting on this thread who've posted about their relationship problems in this forum, yet I don't see you telling them that they're not qualified to give you any advice. I wonder why that is? :rolleyes:

Exactly. Until you have matured with that 'love of your life' for a while I don't think such relationships are possible. Hell I used to be close to insanely jealous. Time does change us and yes with age does in fact come wisdom if you are willing to be introspective.

You know ratbastid we both know what we are talking about here but its like trying to explain sex to a virgin who is convinced what sex is like. Its interesting how someone who was 5 when I met my wife is going to tell me how these things work.

I'm happily married after being together for 17 years, I'm doing SOMETHING right. I could only hope everyone finds such a 'runed' relationship ;)

"Love, sex, riches, travel... oh, how I knew it all so well before I died."

Me? I can't wait to get older... and have the sex buffet with two women.

Well, I haven't had a threesome, but I agree completely with what you (and Ratbastid, and some others) are saying here. Ktspktsp and I were discussing this thread last night and I was saying exactly the same thing... that while one or both of us might be very interested in the idea of a threesome, we're not touching that with a ten-foot pole until we've been together and built our foundation for a HELL of a lot longer than we already have. There is just no way I would risk what we have just to indulge a fantasy. But if we do *evolve* into that state of relationship (which is something we are both open to), where it's something that adds to what we have rather than testing it (as I feel it would be, as things are at this stage), then hey... we'll go for it. But I'm in no rush to get to that point, if it doesn't come naturally over time. We're still enjoying and exploring our current environs, which are mighty fine. :D

Ustwo, I love this post.

With age comes senility (Or extreme denial) ;)

What's REALLY interesting is how you continue to ignore what I type out on the basis that you're 'older than I am'. Well, congratulations! Would you like a cookie, because that's about all it amounts to. It's amazing that to me how someone so big on 'facts' would ignore the statistics on the matter. 'Fact' is that relationships involving threesomes fail much, much, much more often than relationships which don't involve them. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the bottom line.

*Shrugs*

But people are apt to ignore what doesn't benefit them so, meh, whatever. Continue on!

I see you're still inserting words into my mouth :no: I'm still waiting for you to produce this mystical quote. Until you do, I'd kindly ask you stop making shit up.

Am I scared of a threesome? Nope. I just don't see the point in them. If you feel the need to bring another person into your relationship to maintain some level of stability, then I'd think it'd be time to re-evaluate your relationship. Have I had a bad experience with threesomes? Nope, 'cuz I've never had nor am I ever gonna' have one :D

With that being said, sometimes the 'thrill' of trying something new inhibits one's rational decision making process. For this reason, things almost never go 'wrong' immediately preceeding a threesome. Long-term, well, that's another story all together. Threesomes have a funny way of exacerbating (Or even bringing to light) serious problems in a relationship. It's like playing near fire with a barrel full of oil >_>

Why would they go wrong preceding a threesome? Nothing has happened yet.

Crap. It has nothing to do about maintaining stability, you haven't been reading.

Not crap, this I can believe.

Crap. I'm sure with all your lack of experience in the field you can tell us how these work but for most people who cant handle it the problem is immediate. Its not some slow growing 'wow that was great' followed by 'oh my god I hate you'. Its the green eyed monster.


Not crap. You don't have a threesome if your relationship has serious problems, which those of us who have HAD them have stated ad nausium but you can't see to recall.

Good post but maybe elementary?

"Oh, just because you can doesn't mean you should!" - Soldier's revelation after opening locked door with M203 grenade launcher, Iraq, 2003

I reckon this here thread was supposed to be about engaging in threesomes.

We all already realize that they are not at all necessary for any given relationship.

I'd worry if they were necessary to maintain a relationship. Kinda creepy.

Oh, there is more to life than sex! Not all that much, but it is out there.

...

Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?

A: Divorce proceedings, most likely.

(drum crash)

With all of you people disrespecting each other, I'm amazed any of you get laid - EVER.

How about a little respect for each others' opinions?

Christ, throw in some AOLspeak and this thread turns into a junior high school dance.

Oops. Haha! I meant 'following'.

Yes, I have been reading. Stability was the best word I could think of that fit the situation. Give me another word and I'll use that one instead.

As you should :D

It's not crap just because you say it is. Once again, it's been documented that most problems stemming from threesomeone don't manifest themselves immediately afterwards. This isn't to say that there aren't situations in which there are immediate consequences, but the majority of problems occur somewhere in the future.

(BTW> That was supposed to say 'following' instead of 'preceeding', which I think you got. Haha...)

Ummm... I'm guessing you mis-read what I typed out. It's a bit of a no-brainer that you don't have engage in a threesome if your relationship has serious problems. That's why I said threesomes have a way of exacerbating or bringing to light serious problems. There's a difference between what I said and what you thought I said.

Turn your balls in at the door.

I agree with you 100%. Fortunately, that's not what this thread is about. I recommend reading.

I'm glad you know so much about this, never having done it.

I've never been to Alaska, because only idiots go there. There's just a lot of snow, and you end up freezing your ass off. I mean it. Don't go to Alaska. It's bad for you, you'll regret it in the long run.

Seriously: the minute you have relationship that works in the long term, I might start listening to your relationship advice. Until then, you're nothing but a nuisance on this topic.

BY THE WAY, Mandy and ghostie--I'm not at all saying that young people are NEVER up to the challenge of having extramarital sex be an important part of a healthy breakfast. I do tend to think that you four are unusually mature. lurky and I talked about it in college (we were even to the point of approaching other people about it), and I know now that it most likely wouldn't have gone well if it had ever happened back then.

Why? >_>

I'm not making this stuff up, you know. No, I've never had a threesome but you can't just ignore the staggering statistics on the topic simply because you disagree with them.

Wow... Another logical fallacy. Please tell me what this has to do with anything I've typed out thus far?

Oh... Cheap shot... Well, I was with my ex for three years. Does that count? :D

But, seriously, there are a ton of people who aren't in any kind of relationship on this thread giving their advice, yet you don't seem to be trying to run them off. Apparently it's "Agree with me" or leave. :rolleyes:

Before this gets closed... Or at least too far off topic that the OP isn't getting advice as much as just getting to see people argue in yet another message board post...

I was going to post when this was first posted, but by the time i had time to do so, there were enough posts that the OP had a few viewpoints to chew on. When my wife and I were younger, we discussed a threesome. We were very young and it is likely best that at the time we did not go through with it as I don't think we could have avoided some problems. Now were we to discuss it I think we would do so differently and were it to not go well, we would say "oh well, that wasn't all we hoped for" and move on. So I agree that age and experience play a big part in this.

And seeing as times have changed and the Internet affords one an opportunity to see what others have experienced as far as things like this goes, a younger person certainly has resources to see if this is worth exploring any further.

I for one hope this thread can remain something useful to the OP and her SO without turning further into a pissing contest. Even as rough around the edges that I can be, I can see this thread going away from being useful to the OP if this continues.

Dude, this is why you're getting the responses you're getting.
Consistency would help ya out.

/end threadjack