*Ahem*

I am being consistent.

Threesomes are the absolute best way to end a relationship means just that. Nowhere does that say "Will be ruined" or even insinuate as much. Check the statistics: Infidelity and threesomes are among the leading causes of failures in long-term relationships. One second...

*Runs off to find his 'Philosophy of Sex and Love' text book*

IL, in all honesty, why do you care so much? Why not just let people fuck up their relationships (in your view) and watch it all go down? I'm just wondering why all your fuss...

I'm curious to read the study or studies you are getting your statistics from Infinite_Loser. Do you have a link?

You're playing semantics, bent on the idea that, one way or another, something will get 'ruined'. And, unless you're misunderstanding yourself, you are insinuating that the venture into such an arrangement will end a relationship. That would be 'ruin' unless there's another meaning for that word that no one else is aware of. In some cases, that may be true; in others, it is not.
Infidelity and threesomes are not the same thing, but you're acting like they are(and to echo Abaya, why would you care anyway?).

Anyway...
The most important thing is to know where each stands within a relationship. If the initial 'couple' is strong and not fantasizing about what might be and instead goes into it with open eyes and acceptance, why not? Whether it's for a night or life, as long as you're dealing with the realities openly, have fun! Life isn't a dress rehearsal. Do what you desire while you have the opportunity to do it.

Erm... Why does anyone bother responding to any of these threads? One might ask why you just don't let people make their own mistakes instead of giving your .02$. Chances are you do it for the same reason as I do.

No, you're consistently vocal about this sort of thing. And you consistently come from the same place of having ZERO personal first-hand knowledge, having no track record of relationship success (ex girlfriends of three years are still EX girlfriends), but with no qualms about preaching to others about what will and won't work for them. You've got something personal about this issue, I_L. Did your ex girlfriend want to do a threesome or something?

*Shakes his head*

Ummm... No. If that's what I meant, what's what I would have said. I've never pulled my punches (So to speak) and I wouldn't start now. In a nutshell, if it's not typed out then I didn't say it. 'The best way' means just that-- 'The best way'. Any extra meaning you derive from that is on you.

Nowhere did I say infidelity and threesomes are the same. First of all, 'and' is a conjuction and 'among' is a plural preposition (You know, that whole subject-verb agreement thing), indicating that I realize they're two seperate things all together (Now that's playing semantics :lol:). Anyway, see my response to Abaya above.

Wait... So what about the people chiming in on this thread who don't have any experience with the subject or any kind of present relationship? They get a free pass, right? This has to be, like, the third or fourth time I've asked this question and yet it gets ignored every single time. Oh well... Like I said, people are apt to ignore what they can't answer.

Nope. Nothing personal. Just trying to make ensure someone doesn't make a mistake and end up ruining their relationship :D

Nope lol. And I woulda' said no if she asked >_>

I got it from my "Philosophy of Sex and Love" class I took last semester. I'm pretty sure I said that earlier.

No no... Go ahead and say what you think :lol: I'm most definitely not easily offended. People should say what they think more often. The world would be a better place if they did :D

Anyway, I kinda' like this "You haven't done it so you can't comment!" argument I'm hearing. Do I have to be a smoker to understand the negative consequences of smoking? Nope. Must I be a politician to understand politics? Nuh-uh! Must I have a threesome to understand the consequences and/or repercussions of such an action. You bet I don't. Honestly, such an argument is ridiculous, at best. Books are written for a reason. The internet contains vasts amount of knowledge.

*Shrugs*

One second >_>

*Runs off to find something*

Nobody else has said, "I've never done it, but it ruins relationships." In short, nobody's laid down a blanket statement that has been a) wrong, and b) ignorant on this thread except you.

If you'd said, "Geez, I can't imagine ever being okay with that in a relationship I was in," that would have been one thing. But you're trying to TELL people what they should and shouldn't do. And if you've never been there---look, follow your own advice absolutely. You know what works for you. But don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do (on the basis of statistics you're so far refusing to cough up, I might add).

And I keep saying: you're young, and every relationship you've had has failed. I have faith that you'll have one that works for the long haul at some point, but right now, you have no idea how grown-up relationships actually work over years and years. But you're trying to talk like you do. And you DON'T.

You have something personal about this issue. You have something personal about non-monogamous sex. Did your daddy cheat on your mommy? It's SOMETHING, I can SMELL it.

EDIT: I'm also NOT saying that threesomes AREN'T dangerous to relationships. There are lots of wrong reasons to do them, and lots of wrong ways to do them. What I object to is the blanket "they ruin relationships: have one and you're doomed" message you're selling here. (The "doomed" was another thread, but I'm hearing it between your lines here too.)

A.) I said "I've never done it, but it ruins relationships"? Really. I mean really and for truly? I said that. RRREEEAAALLLLLLYYY? Find it. Good luck with that. You'll need it.

B.) Blanket statements typically involve the use of the word 'all' or something similiar. Nowhere will you find where I've ever said 'all'.

I told Many not to have a threesome? Really? I mean, RRREEEAAALLLLLLYYY? Find it. Good luck with that one also, as you'll clearly see in my first post on this thread I said, and I quote,:

...But I guess that's not really important.

*Points upwards a post or two*

Ummm... Did my dad cheat on my mom? Not to my knowledge :lol: Do I have something personal against you or anyone else? Nope. Life's too short for stuff like that :D

Cool. Link or names of the studies you are talking about? I'm curious to check 'em out.

Ummm... I'm kinda' confused as to what you mean. Philosophy of Sex and Love is the course name and the study offered at the University of West Florida.

Sort of an outline taken from Wiki

Catalogue

PHM4020
PHM5026

Edit: Finally! Stupid links... *Grumbles*

sayeth I_L:
It's the best way to ruin a relationship. And you've never had and will never have one. I see it there.

I can get where you're coming from... a textbook told you that it's a statistical near-certainty. Unfortunately, textbooks aren't always right, especially in matters of sex and love. Homosexuality, according to textbooks and highly respected medical journals, was a mental disorder. Maybe one day that textbook you're brandishing will say something different. I have a feeling that your initial comments would have been taken better if you had made it clear that you were given this information in a class, instead of through personal experience. My personal experience shows that my straight monogamous boyfriends and marriage didn't work out for me, but that my happy little triad is the best relationship I've ever been in-- including the threesomes. If I lived based solely on textbook advice, I'd still be married, monogamous, and fairly well fucked, instead of happy, in love, and fairly well-fucked.

(That couldn't be helped.)

And Mandy, sweetie...... how goes your foray into this?

What I mean is that if you've got statistics, someone measured them. Presumably that person measured them in a study, which they published, which was talked about in your class. I'd like to be able to read that study and those statistics (upon which you base your opinion) so that I can evaluate and understand them and their implications. If I can't do that, then what you are saying doesn't mean much more to me than "some guy said"...

It's not that I don't believe that you took the class. I do. I'm just looking to understand the information and the authority which you assign it.

We see that there exists a class. No searching of that wikipedia reading list yields anything for "threesome", "triad", or "non-monogamy". Where are these "statistics" of yours?

It's personal with you. Mommy cheated on Daddy. Mommy and Daddy were swingers and you decided that they were bad, and you were bad for coming from them. Something like that is going on here.

You know, I thought this was a very informative and interesting thread right up until the point people starting taking IL's bait.

I'm surprised that people just couldn't have ignored it and moved on and to be honest I just don't think ridiculous and closed minded comments are worth peoples time and energy.

That's my $0.02 on that matter

As for something more specific to the OP. Although I'm quite young, I do agree that being older, and having had much more life experience with another person will allow a couple to be able to handle a threesome much better.

I have a friend who is in an open relationship, and has had many a threesome with her boyfriend. The reason they're able to make that relationship work is because they both know where they stand with eachother. They're perfectly honest and communicate their feelings and are both well aware of the risks involved. Oh, and what it's worth on the topic age they're both quite young too.

I think if you have the opportunity, and this is something you both want and you have clearly communicated all your thoughts, worries, fears, and theories on the topic before you try it out, the risk of things going horribly wrong will be much less. At least if you guys have really talked it out you'll be more prepared if something does go wrong.

Mandy, I wish yourself and Healer all the best with your future endeavors. Keep us posted yeah?

Well, you see, I've never had anything against you. Until now.

A dissenting opinion doesn't classfiy as baiting anyone. Personally, if it were me, I'd think that the comments such as "It's personal with you. Mommy cheated on Daddy. Mommy and Daddy were swingers and you decided that they were bad, and you were bad for coming from them" would more adequately fit the baiting mould, wouldn't you say? ...Naw, of course not. He's on your side of the argument, so it's all good, right?

Still, I kinda' love the "Agree with me or shut-up" mentality going around. Nothing says "Discussion" like a good old "Let's just ignore what we don't agree with!" :rolleyes: You think I'm close-minded? Well, that's amazing, because I think you're somewhat of a whiney windbag. So, I guess we could just call it even :D Personally, though, I'd rather not. It's always interesting to see what other people have to say about other things.

Anyway, to get slightly back on-topic, so let's just say that Mandy does go through with it and it ends up ruining her relationship. Would I get to be an "I told you so" then? Granted, I wouldn't do that, as that'd be quite low, but you get the gist of what I'm saying. It seems to me that one party would be doing this in order to please the other, and that'll most DEFINITELY not work out. And, yes, you can hold me to those words.

*Shakes his head*

No, I've got nothing personal against anyone nor any other group of people. Life's too short to hold petty grudges. Apparently you've got something personal against me, as this is the second time you've directed a cheap shot at me in hopes of inciting a negative response (Which, mind you, won't work. Words are just words and they can't hurt you unless you let them).

Oh, and in case you're wondering, my dad left my mom when I was, like, eleven years old or something like that 'cuz he said we (As in his family) embarassed him. I've since gotten over it, though, and we talk every now and then. So ummm... I guess that would mean the answer to your question about there being something there would be "No" :D

I had written something else, but decided against it. I'm gonna' stop responding to you until you learn to can it with the attempts at cheap insults.

IL, let me put this to you bluntly but as nice as possible because i dont want to risk my membership on this board.

While I understand where you are coming from IL, I don't understand why you are being so negative for something you have no experience in. and while others too have had no experience on the matter, their advice has been HELPFUL. it was constructive.

If in every thread you look to start something like this then you don't belong here. Then you need to find somewhere else to go and vent or do whatever it is you do, because for someone who says he reads, it doesnt look like you do it well.

I have been thinking about this for a long long time. and even though it might not happen right now, because i believe that with age comes wisdom ( as you will soon learn too), it will happen in future.

and maybe seeing as you havn't treid it either, maybe you should keep an open mind about it?

i mean, the people here who are trying to help me are doing it in a constructive and helpful manner and they are not saying that it wouldn't cause problems and they not saying it wouldn't ruin my relationship.

they telling me to be careful but if it's what i want then i should go for it and i should think things through thouroughly before i even consider anything.

they not telling me "don't do it because i learned in my class of so and so that threesomes are bad and they will sure as anything ruin" what i've built with my healer for four and a half years.

I do realise that it is a risk, as i have already said. but it's one i'm willing to take.

there are people here who are married double the amount of time healer and i have been together and i bet that some of them have already had threesomes, i mean, just look at ratbastid (by the way, you and your gals are an inspiration) and nothing has happened to them. and maybe they just the lucky few, but if i dont believe that i am one of those lucky few and if i dont believe that healer and i can make through anything then what have i got?

nothing in life is certain IL, nothing. because you cant say that 20 years from now or even 10 when you are in your sexual prime and your SO at the time wants a threesome or wants to at least have a discussion with you about it...you telling me that you not going to talk to them about it, you not even going to consider having the conversation even though it's something your SO really really wants?

i highly doubt that. or at least i hope you're not one of that kind of person because i know no one else here is.

stella, i don't know if the girl i found is interested and i have no one else in mind. but i really really want this girl. i've spoken to her lightly about the threesome subject and how i'm trying to find a nice girl for healer and myself...someone i know whom i trust and i just keep throwing hints about asking her but i dont know if she's purposefully letting it fly over her head or if she's just not getting it :)

she did say one day that we'd have to get someone who is straight and i told the that that wasn't a prerequisite and she seemed interested? but i'm not too sure. i'm wondering if i should just come out and say it?

"Sweetie, I want to have a threesome with you!" :D

wow!!! lol

Boy... You guys and gals are far too nice. Go ahead. Speak your mind. I won't be offended :D

So sorry if "Be careful if you decide to go through it" isn't my idea of 'helpful advice'.

I read plenty well thank-you-very-much. I don't mind being the guy who speaks his mind even if everyone else thinks/acts a certain way. I'd rather be outspoken than silent.

Naw. Age comes with experience. Age only brings senility ;)

But, no, seriously. I'm pretty wise as is (Oh, how you wouldn't believe). If I were to ask my grandmothers (Both of whom were married for well over sixty years before their husbands died) whether or not they'd consider a threesome at any point in their marriage they'd tell you a resounding "No". Hell, most people will tell you a resounding "No". Why? Because threesomes destroy far more relationships then they 'enhance'.

*Shrugs*

You wanted advice. I gave you some. You don't like it? Then disregard it. I'm used to being told I don't know what I'm talking about or whatnot. If you decide to go through with it and something goes wrong, I won't say a thing (Because being an "I-told-you-so!" really isn't my style).

No need. Fantasies should remain just that-- Fantasies :D. But, hey, what do I know, right? Apparently you've got to engage in something before you comment on it. It's not like that's stopped people from commenting on things they've never tried before or anything :rolleyes:

That's the difference between you and I. You've no qualms about putting yourself and Healer in a position that will compromise your relationship. I, on the other hand, do (I'm pretty sure other people here do as well, but I'm pretty much the only one who ever speaks up about these kind of things). It's definitely not a situation conducive to a healthy and long-term relationship. But, like I said, what do I know, right?

Good. Then you shouldn't be surprised when you get some negative feedback.

Let's put it this way, if you're wrong then you won't have anything. The abstract notion that love can surive all is nice and everything, but it's most definitely not realistic nor has it ever proven to be realistic.

Yes, I can say that and no I wouldn't consider it :D

Doing something because your SO wants you to is a recipe for disaster. Honestly, that shouldn't even be an arguing points used by anyone.

Well, that's the difference between you guys (And gals) and myself. I'm not gonna' do something just to please my SO. Asking one party member to compromise themselves in order to satisfy the other will ultimately spell doom in a relationship and, really, there's no point in arguing against such a point.

For someone so caught up on the semantics of his own posts, you're quite liberal with your own reading. What mandy said is not that someone should have a threesome because their partner wants it, but that someone should be willing to have a discussion with their partner about it if they want it. There is a huge difference, and if you're not willing to have discussions with your partner about things they want even if you're not initially interested in it, then that's a recipe for a lot of problems in a relationship.

Statistics.....I like statistics. I really do. They're good things, and while they can't tell you how to act, they certainly give perspective and guidance. Thing is, I haven't seen any statistics here. That's great if your professor told you something, but let's see the study. I'd particularly like to see the part where they specifically compare the failure rate of relationships that have threesomes vs relationships that do not include threesomes, controlling for length of relationship, age, upbringing, socio-economic class, and all the other necessary variables. The fact is that almost every single relationship ever started eventually ends. Some go long-term, even fewer end up with a lifelong commitment, but the overwhelming majority end. That a large number of relationships which include threesomes end is not something that concerns me. In fact, I consider it obvious.

To use your own statement, threesomes "exacerbate" problems - in other words, they do not create them. Anyone who has had a successful threesome can tell you that they do exacerbate problems. Issues are brought to light that may not have been otherwise realized. The differences come in how the people handle those issues, and this is where the maturity part comes in. Those people who have had successful threesomes face the issues head-on (" ") and deal with them. Those who do not...well, don't, or can't. Trying anything new tests a relationship. Marriage tests a relationship. Threesomes are no different. That something will pose new challenges and will require effort to make it work is no excuse not to do it.

IL you said to be blunt so I am going to

I'm getting really sick of your attempts to enforce your own close minded beliefs on everyone else on this board. I'm also really sick of you talk of 'statistics' I have yet to see a single SHRED of proof for any of your talk such as

Wow you showed us a class exists and that you take it - I am sooo impressed for all we know you could be failing or sleeping through every lecture. You haven't linked a single verified scientific study. So from what I can see you're saying your beliefs are proven everyone elses are a load of BS and yet you have no proof to back you up - this attempt at justification of your beliefs in numerous thread aggravates me.

For someone that is so vocal about how everyone ignored what he's actually writing you seem to see only what you want to. Try reading some of the other posts

(apologies to Mods I know I'm not being as nice as I try to be, maybe I should have waited til the novocaine actually wore off but ....)

Now Mandy

I've been involved in an ongoing 3-some situation with a married couple for a few years (they moved earlier this year so we ended things).

What happened with them was they invited me over we sat down had dinner, they sent their kids to the Grandmothers place and then we all sat around and they just asked me.

"Hy (well they used my rl name but yeah), there's something we have wanted to ask you for awhile now and haven't worked out a subtle way to do so. Therefore we're going to be really straightforward about it. Is there any chance you would consider being involved in a 3-some with us?"

Ofcourse we were very close friends and they had made it clear they were both attracted to me more then once. I believe complete honesty is the best way to approach issues like this.

SecretMethod... you sonuvabeetch!

I almost died trying to laugh LIFE cereal through my nose after reading that. :D

Good one.

I'm done feeding this thread's resident troll. He's utterly blind to himself, he won't read, and he's committed to being ignorantly, bullishly, preachingly wrong.

So, this threadjack being ignored, then, back on topic.

MANDY: congratulations on having a relationship you can trust enough to bring this next level of intimacy to. You can fully expect it to be challenging, and if you stay true to who you are for each other, you'll grow (both together and individually) in ways you can't even predict right now.

Go ahead and be blunt with her, is my advice. I'll bet money that "you'll need somebody straight" was a fishing expedition on her part. She's probably deliberately letting your insinuations slide for now--my experience is that girls don't miss much. ;)

Mandy says:
Well, speaking from experience... that is how I ended up with these two. "I'd do you" was the opening statement here. :)

Kudos Mandy! I wish there were more people out there who were willing to actually talk with their SO about desires and fantasies. I love how someone commented that"...fantasies should remain just that..fantasies..." WOW. If that were true than when I was younger and had fantasies about having sex, I should have NEVER actually gone through with them!

I have been in MANY 3-somes and more-somes in my life, and have NEVER seen a single one of them fail because of the 3-some itself. I saw ONE fail, because we found out later that their marriage was already on the rocks, and they were hopeing to have this help out. But all the other relationships are doing just fine...I guess that "study" didn't involve any of US being asked. I never did like the idea of a "study" to figure out things that have such a diverse complexity. I can support a scientific experiment that has a controlled situation, but when you have an uncontrollable subject(i.e. human emotions and feelings) there can NEVER be a consistant outcome unless EVERY SINGLE HUMAN IN THE WORLD is a part of that study. I stand up and applaude you Many. I hope you and your SO have an enjoyable time, for as long as you two desire to do so!

See, now I can definitely agree with that being a bad reason for having a threesome, but so would everyone else on this thread. :) I really see threesomes as catalysts for whatever is ultimately happening in the relationship... either it's already going downhill, and thus going downhill fast after that happens... or it's going uphill, and it just takes off from the point on. No one can say that all relationships will react in the same way to the same stimulus... it all depends on the pre-existing conditions, to use insurance talk. :)

I was somewhat drunk at the time. ;)

In margarita, veritas. I'm just saying, the incredibly straightforward approach certainly made my year. :icare:

Sorry for the delayed reponse. Had class and work. I'm sure ya'll understand how it is -_-

Let me stop you right there. I really hate pejorative terms when used in a debate. I'm pretty sure I could go around calling people amoral, unethical, slutty etc., but that wouldn't accomplish anything, now would it? Anywho, one should know that it's not always easy trying to find information taken from reports/studies over the internet, as many times the information can only be found in the books in which they're presented. Luckily for you (And others), however, I stayed up all night compiling this information just to be able to post this. It most definitely wasn't easy (Especially considering I had class and work), so you should be thankful :D

In the United States, an estimated 5% of the population has had a threesome but only approximately 2% of the population actively engage in open marriages (Fact for SecrodMethod70, since he asked earlier ---> Most swingers are white, middle-class and conservative to moderate in their views). It's also been observed that instances of jealousy occur much more frequently in situations involving more than two people than of situations involving only two participants. Of the number of reported divorces per year, about 1% of men and 2% of women report report open marriages to be the cause for their divorce (Janus & Janus). While this number is, in itself, quite low, it is rather high in relation to the number of reported open marriages per year. Furthermore, in a 1995 study, it was observed that 80% of bisexuals over a five year period displayed a definite shift towards monogamy, some reasons of which being that they "thought that it got in the way of developing love, trust, and more intimate relationships with a partner."(Weinberg, Williams, & Pryor)

Page 339 - 341

Janus, S.S, & Janus, C.L. (1993). The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior. New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons.

Arno Kalen (1988) Threesomes : Studies in sex, power, and intimacy. William Morrow & Company, NY.

Weinberg, M.S., Williams, C.J., & Pryor, D.W. (1995). Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Some quotes since I'm probably just making this stuff up

Oh... Would you look at that. Proof of what I've been saying all along. So, what excuse will you guys and gals come up with this time? A few more straw men arguments or maybe a little bit of ad hominem? Actually, when I think about it, I really don't care. I'll just revel in the fact that I was right, you were wrong and that you-- Along with a few other people-- Are now eating a great big helping of crow and humble pie :D

1.) 3.81 GPA ftw! i r t3h smrt >_>

2.) Oh, really? And what other thread would that be? The last time this happened was on Mr. Friendly's thread. You tried to tell me that homosexuals don't act any differently than heterosexuals and when you were given your 'proof' you conveniently disappeared (Should I bump the thread for you?). You didn't even attempt a response. But, oh well, it's not like that was surprising or anything. People tend to ignore what doesn't benefit them.

*Shrugs*

Oh well... Like I've said many times before, I've got no reason to make anything up. There isn't a single claim I've made which isn't backed up by proof. Just because you choose to believe otherwise doesn't make anything I say untrue. For a group of 'enlightened' folk, a great deal of you sure seem to know a lot less than you think you do.

I do read other posts. Can you say the same? Now, pardon me while I go 'make up' some other statistics.

Infinite_Loser: thanks for FINALLY providing some information. I'm sure a lot of us will be reviewing it.

I do think you might reconsider the tone in which you post. Many people have noticed it, and I'm sure that it gets in the way of your points - which often are not made as effectively as you seem to think. That's just friendly advice, because I'd like to see everyone get the most possible out of this (and other) discussions.

Yeah... I figured that's what you were gonna' say. Sorry. Was a bit cranky when posting.

IL - Maybe I'm just tired but there was no information in those links. The book, talked ABOUT the concept, cited research, but didn't say anything about it. Of the research cited it mentioned how the author The wiki article was about open marriage, but no one talking about this is talking about an open marriage. I personally think open marriages are a bad thing for long term stability.

The book, which is mostly unviewable without buying cited this...

...a summary discussion of sexal mate-swapping in America,....and weather swinging poses a threat to the institution of marriage in the United States. (1978)) :lol:

It was a book talking about a 1978 paper, and a wiki article on open marriages which have nothing to do with threesomes..

So really, what was one suppose to get out of your post?

I really think no one reads my posts :| In my last post I stated, and I quote:

You just turned right around and re-stated what I had already acknowledged prior. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother writing things out if they're going to be ignored... If I can't physically copy and paste that information, I can tell you where to find that information. Understand? :thumbsup:

With that being said, in this thread I've got people on one side arguing that threesomes are good and strengthen a relationship while on the other side I have people mentioning Bobby and his relationship with his wife and then there's Ratbastid and Stellaluna. You don't agree with open marriages? That's great! Neither do I. It wasn't aimed at you, then, but rather the people arguing that point with me.

And, yes, I cited a book written in 1978. What of it? I also cited books/quotes from 1995 and 2000. You should, at the very least, read before you criticize. You know?

Honestly the book is suspect, and open marriage has nothing to do with this.

I still think you are completely clueless and far too young to grasp any of this so you put a couple links out to back up your non-position decrees.

I love the passion in this thread, great arguments on both sides, but wow did it go Jerry Springer fast!

never done it, would not rule it out. would have to the be the missus who brings the topic to the table.

*no mandy, dont...dont....do ...it...*

ok...i wont :D


But brian1975, why does the missus have to bring it to the table? I know the thought crossed healers mind long before I ever mentioned it and we'd spoken about it long before I ever thought I wanted it?

I know there's that whole thing of "am I not enough for you" and if you say ofcourse you're enough for me then you'll get back a "then why do you want a threesome?" :D that kinda thing...

but i'm sure there's nothing wrong with talking about it. i mean surely you can talk about it? bring it up casually :) "so honey, what do you think about threesomes? I saw this thread today about a girl who was asking for advice on how to go about it that turned into this big Jerry Springer brawl in writing and i was just wondering what your thoughts on the matter were :)"

anyways...ya, so I havnt spoken to "my lady friend" again but will do soon and hopefully it was just her fishing when she said "but she'll have to be straight though" .

You summed it up better then I ever could ratbastid

So Mandy have you decided how you are going to approach her yet?

Well, i've decided on the direct approach :) hopefully I won't be brutally rebuffed. lol. but ya, i think, and from everyone's advice that that would be the best way.

you know, pull no punches, no beating around bushes and all that jazz :)

so hopefully i'llhave an answer sometime soon, but i will keep all of you posted :thumbsup:

Atta girl.

Well lets see, when i opened your first link, it stated "Pages 133-168 are not part of this book preview" So I am assuming that you have to buy the book to see it all? Not sure. i didn't take a long time looking at it. However, I don't put much stock in the numbers that are expressed in your research. Your research shows that I disagree with that whole heartedly. Almost everyone that I know that has had a 3-some, or have had open marriages have stated that they tend to keep things like that a secret, so they wouldn't exactly be willing to admit this to a random survey.
Well isn't that a bit of a obvious answer? who is going to get jealous when only they, and their SO are involved? what my wife is going to get jealous of my hand if i go into the bathroom to rub one off? Seems a bit of a skewed statement that is trying to give a person the wrong impression.
of this survey, what was the number of divorces that came out from spousal cheating? or from just plain boredom? I personally prefer that when getting statistics from a survey, that ALL of the different results were presented, not just a one sided result. Also, I personally think that only 1 or 2% of those who were in an open marriage citing that THAT was the cause of their divorce, is EXTREMELY low, if you look at the numbers. This tells me that out of those in an open marriage, that 98 to 99% of them had a DIFFERENT reason for the divorce, so I am lead to believe that 98 to 99% of them were just fine with their open relationship.

So I am STILL convinced that your argument against 3-somes, or even open marriages is weak. Oh, and since we are going to quote GPAs here. I'll add mine. 3.869 So you don't attempt to belittle my own intelligence.

The reason i think that is because i feel that if it was me bring it up, she might only go through with it because she knows i want. not that my women or any women/person is that weak. but we all know people do things in relationships that they might not like but do anyway to make the other person happy.

that thought makes me feel that if i was too ever have a threesome she would have to bring it up. I always seem to get a sense that when threesomes are discussed, highlighted or shown on tv, net,media..whatever that the dude was creepy/controlling and you just get that gut feeling that the women was only there participating to make her significant other happy.

i know that is not always true but that is the feeling i get about the subject.

now for MY relationship my women is way more advance and open about sex to me. she has mentioned several times that she wants to touch other girls boobs and she is hot to the thought of a 3 on 3 action. as a dude i think nice!!! two ladies! but its not a fantasy i think about it. i'd do it she asked and really wanted it. but if she just said causally lets do it, i would probably say no.

hope that makes sense, home for lunch and in a rush!

still only advice i have is FILM IT....hehe

Have you ever thought that maybe in THAT subjuct, SHE is the one waiting for YOU to mention, for the same concerns you have? Just a thought!:thumbsup:

Sorry, am I the only one that found this phrase amusing, considering the context? :crazy:

What good 3some wanting woman has a bush these days?

And I thank Jebus every day for that.

Yup. You have to buy the books unless you can find them in a library (Stated in a few responses up). Anyway, you disagree with my research? That's great! Then you can do as other people told me; Get some information to back up the reasons why you disagree. Until then, you're just holding an unsubstantiated opinion :D

I'm going to stop you right there for a second. Almost everyone I know goes to church. Almost everyone I know are Democrats. Almost everyone I know is from the state of Florida. See where I'm going with this? Unfortunately, the phrase "Almost everyone I know..." isn't indicative of the population as a whole because it's only relevant to your experiences. The fact is that while the people you know might not parcipate in a study, there are plenty of people who would, will and have done so over the past thirty years or so.

*Shrugs*

You can't just throw out information you don't agree with.

...Thank you for proving the point :lol: It's not like I've said this millions of times on multiple threads only to be jumped on by a certain group of people. Glad to see you're in agreement :thumbsup:

*Sigh*

You're misrepresenting the numbers. I didn't say 1 - 2% of open marriages, I said 1 - 2% of all marriages. Remember when I said that approximately 2% of all marriages are open marriages? There's a difference in the way you interpreted it and what was actually meant.

It wasn't aimed at you. If you read my response, you'd notice that Hyacinthe stated something about how I probably either slept through or failed my classes :D

Speaking of whom...

No offense or anything, but what's the point in presenting you with any kind of information if you're just gonna' turn around and ignore it or pretend you didn't see it? Really. This'll be the second time in as many months as you've tried that :orly:

yep, that is why communication is the key. i tell her my fantasy, just like she tells me hers.

but a threesome is on a whole other level than "I want to fuck you while singing the theme from happy days while you water the lawn wearing a duck costume"

not that i dream of that......

Wow. Some thread, hey? Lemme finally add my two cents...lord knows I've been trying to reply in here for weeks.

I've toyed with the idea of a threesome for quite a while. Luckily, mandy and I have a relationship where we can share absolutely anything with each other. When I brought it up with her, we discussed it in the way we always talk about things - keeping an open mind. And while a threesome might be more 'out there' than say, some light bondage, the manner in which it is discussed remains the same. Both parties need to raise any concerns they may have and address them accordingly.

As the TFP motto goes, communication is key. Before there can be opportunity for jealousy to rear its head, all issues surrounding the idea need to be cleared. All the whats and wheres and ifs and buts need to be covered. In the case of threesomes, boundaries are important. Discussing what you're both comfortable with is very important. Your SO might not want you kissing the new partner on the mouth, or you can lick her pussy, but not her ass and so on. Obviously these boundaries need to be discussed with the 3rd party so that everyone involved knows what's allowed and what isn't.

mandy and I have discussed this all at length. We both know what we want from the experience and why we want it. We've taken what has been said in this thread into consideration, and I want to thank all for their advice and opinions.

:thumbsup:

Didn't you forget one?:lol:


anyways, what this thread boils down to is that threesomes and those kinds of things can work great for some people, can be something bad for others. For some they should just remain just a fantasy thats talked about occasionally. For some they should be never mentioned.

I know people that fall in all different areas with their comfort with these kinds of things.

Every person and every couple has to make their own decision, and for it to be successful that decision has to be made for the right reasons and accompanied by lots of communication

I cant say that I would recommend having a threesome to another couple... I cant make that judgment, its their own decision.

Mandy and Healer, Hope it goes well! keep us posted!





since were all posting gpas both my undergrad and masters were roughly 3.0 maybe gpa and success in threesomes are inversely related? :lol:

Oh, but I don't wanna have to fuck strangers to keep my 3.8!

The GPA posting on this thread should be correlated with the numbers being posted on the "Do you keep count?" threads to look for statistically robust results. :lol:

/after nearly having a breakdown about her GPA in high school, abaya is happy to have completely forgotten both her undergrad and grad school GPA (and I'm still in grad school, oh wells!) -- which bears no correlation to my threesome knowledge or potential :lol:

Threesomes: Does having sex with only one person at a time still make me a viable option in today's dynamic, multi-tasking workforce?

Actually, as I expected, YOU are taking what I am saying out of context. I am FAR from agreeing with you on ANY point. I am relating their research information is skewed, because they are not giving the proper considerations.

I see where I was looking at the numbers differently, but I still do not believe that you can make a proper research when you can't guarantee that all persons interviewed will give their honest response. I can most likely go to the mall, and interview 100 married men who are standing there with their wife, and ask them if they have ever cheated on their spouse. The chance that those who HAVE cheated will admit it in front of their spouse I think most people here would agree would be near zero. So my research would show that out of 100 men, only 1% of them have cheated on their spouse, when in fact, it might be a higher number...Do you understand the point I am trying to make here?
Lets use your numbers from your own research....lets say we interviewed 1,000,000 married couples. Of that number, 2%, or 20,000 of them are in an open marriage, Of THAT number, 1-2% or a mere 200 to 400 of them cite that they divorced because of a 3-some. that means that 19,600 to 19,800 of them were divorced for a different reason. Looks like still a pretty good argument that DISCREDITS 3-somes cause marital failure. Remember, I am using YOUR research.

I have been in the lifestyle of threesomes and swinging for close to 20 years, and we tend to usually keep things like that to ourselves. I would NEVER admit to anyone on this thread whom I didn't trust that we have engaged in this type of thing. That is why we have no photos of ourselves anywhere on this board. We like our privacy.

I do not have to have proof to disagree, based on personal experiences. How many of the researchers have actually been in a relationship of this type themselves? Yet they get their information from interviewing those people like ME who are their "test subjects" for lack of a better term. If you were actually involved and KNEW the people that I know, you might form a different opinion of your own. Who knows? As I have stated before, you can't base FACTS from a research where the "facts" are coming from a situation where PERSONAL THOUGHTS and emotions can affect the outcome of the "facts". If one chooses to not disclose information, don't you agree that the outcome will be changed? Was the survey anonymous? Was it taken from a small area or local? Or was it taken in a large city? There are too many variables that do not in my belief substantiate the claims that are being expressed. Sorry, but again, I do not agree with the results.:no:

I NEVER have turned away and ignored ANYTHING that you have said. I HAVE however said that I disagree with the validity of the research you are using to substantiate your side of the argument. So here I will stop YOU, as you have said to me before.

To be honest, I don't feel like re-hashing the same point over and over and over again. It's a waste of my time and your time alike. But I will respond to this.

I wasn't to you. It was directed towards Hyacinthe (As she was the person I quoted).

If we use presidential definitions we only have sex with one person at a time in a threesome too :thumbsup:

I miss Clinton, too.

Don't worry, she'll be back soon enough.

hmmm...what a shit fest. good luck mandy and healer. y'all are certainly shooting through that to-do list of happily married couples...and i don't even think y'all have tied the knot yet, no? quick work :D

i don't understand il's perspective, or rather his way of communicating it in this thread, but then again we seem to seldom line up on methodoloy or message.

congrats jstrider and gg: it's always good to see our southerners getting crazy.

Hah! Oh, I would say that I "miss the one with the penis," but that would simply generate more witty one-liners, now wouldn't it? :oogle:

Hey Mandy - so after all this discussion.... whats the latest news? :)