Relationship Advice - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Ballzor · 08-31-2007, 04:38 PM

Ok so its the same story you've heard over and over again. I started dating this girl over the summer and we got pretty close. She's got a lot of trust issues and couldn't ever get too close to me, but understanding that we were still able to have a half decent relationship. Well with the summer coming to a close, her working full time and me going back to college, it was fairly clear that this thing would have to end. I had hoped that we could just end it peacefully and walk away, but that never works. Sure enough she found enough of my flaws to focus on and we ended it with a pretty big fight.

Well thats all the normal story, but where my problem lies is in what has been happening since we broke up. A few days after the fight, I came back to her and tried to make friends. I suppose I did it cause I still had hope but in all honesty she's a good friend of mine and if we just hated each other from here on out it would be horrible. So we're best of friends now. I'm trying my best to get over the fact that we're not together anymore, something she seems to have had no problem with. It wouldnt be that big of an issue if we could spend some time apart and I could get back on my feet, but see almost all of her friends are at college and I'm the only person she can come to when she needs a break. Its just my personality to be inviting and welcome her to my place whenever she wants, but I know that she isnt coming to my place to visit me, more to hang out with my friends and have a place to party. Recently she's even been flirting with a good friend of mine quite a bit. Its obvious she likes him by the way she intensely listens to him and follows him around.

I want to be ok with this cause its not my place to have a say in what she does, but it drives me crazy. We only broke up a week ago and sure I was way more into her than she ever was to me, but I don't know how to go about getting over this. I can't tell her to not come around anymore, she wont take it well and we'll prolly end up having a fight and hating each other. If I don't do anything I'm never going to be able to get past this. Every time she goes after another guy i'll lose my shit.

At this point I wish we had never dated, it was a mess a lot of the time but for a while we were kind of close. I want to move on, find someone better and do exactly what you're supposed to do when you get out of a relationship. But now she's got noone else to hangout with, and I've got access to all the things she wants. I think I'm irrelevant in her eyes, just another person she can use who gives her things like a chump. Its just the alternative is a far worse extreme.

Sorry that was so long, anyone have any ideas?

ShaniFaye · 08-31-2007, 05:08 PM

Im not sure I understand why the relationship had to end just because she was going back to college? If you were that close, why was it "obvious it had to end"?

Ballzor · 08-31-2007, 05:43 PM

she's not in college, but I am. And we had grown apart towards the end. Basically I kind of got a little too attached to her and it pushed her away. By the time I figured out what I was doing wrong it was too late. couple that with the fact that I had to leave in weeks and it basically had to end. Believe me I tried to repair it and I wanted it to continue. Even if we were just 'friends with benifits' perse. Its just her personality I guess

ShaniFaye · 08-31-2007, 05:54 PM

ok...I read that as she was going back sorry...but I still dont understand....the way you wrote it....it seems as if you were planning on it just being a summer thing, and you say that it was ending because of summer being over and you going back to school. Is it possible you "grew apart" because you planned on it ending (since you said you'd hoped the break would be easy)

I still done see why it "had to end" because you were leaving.

Have you explained to her that you didnt really want it to end like you thought you did?

Ballzor · 09-01-2007, 01:15 PM

I mean I wasn't so attached to her that I couldn't leave her at the end of the summer. We agreed that we were just having fun for the summer and that it wasn't a major deal. Regardless though, the problem lies in the fact that she can get whatever she wants from me and she has no obligation now. I would normally tell the girl to get fucked if I felt like I was getting used but I dont feel like I can tell her to stay away and not end up with a situation thats much worse.

Midnight · 09-01-2007, 01:23 PM

well, how about when she wants to come by, you just tell her you are already busy, you have company, or were just on your way out? you dont have to tell her straight out that she cant come there and party and skeeze on your friends.

sounds like you'd be better off without her anyway. she obviously wasnt into you as much as you were into her, and she sounds like she is working the fact that you are still into her by hanging out with you when SHE needs a "break" or when she wants to party - best to walk away now - you're already too invested in someone that isnt good enough for you

Ballzor · 09-02-2007, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight

well, how about when she wants to come by, you just tell her you are already busy, you have company, or were just on your way out? you dont have to tell her straight out that she cant come there and party and skeeze on your friends.

sounds like you'd be better off without her anyway. she obviously wasnt into you as much as you were into her, and she sounds like she is working the fact that you are still into her by hanging out with you when SHE needs a "break" or when she wants to party - best to walk away now - you're already too invested in someone that isnt good enough for you

Thanks thats some good advice. She ended up coming here last night with a couple of my other friends. She had maybe 4 beers, tried to get ahold of my friend who wouldn't pick up, so she made her way to my bed and passed out. Sure enough I come back later that night to find that she pissed herself. A nice parting gift I suppose lol..

surferlove007 · 09-02-2007, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ballzor

Thanks thats some good advice. She ended up coming here last night with a couple of my other friends. She had maybe 4 beers, tried to get ahold of my friend who wouldn't pick up, so she made her way to my bed and passed out. Sure enough I come back later that night to find that she pissed herself. A nice parting gift I suppose lol..

Be straight up with her.
Tell her to "piss" off...sorry I had to.

She should understand why you don't her hanging around, you're having a tough time dealing and she's just making it worse by being a slut around you as well as pissing on your bed...if that doesn't make you want to tell her to get out I don't know what would...

You say its not in your personality, but it's not right for her to use your place to get to your friends when the breakup is so fresh.
So I'm going to say this, but it's not intended to be mean.

BE A MAN, GROW A PAIR, & TELL THE BITCH TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM YOU.

In order to get over someone you usually need to SEVER the ties to them completely for a while before becoming friends again is even an option.
Especially if you were so attached like you say you were.

Good luck man.
Hope I didn't offend you.

Jenna · 09-02-2007, 02:06 PM

Sounds like you're not ready to be good friends with her. I'd suggest not seeing her often, and trying to find some new focuses on life.

08-31-2007, 05:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Im not sure I understand why the relationship had to end just because she was going back to college? If you were that close, why was it "obvious it had to end"? __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

08-31-2007, 05:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	ok...I read that as she was going back sorry...but I still dont understand....the way you wrote it....it seems as if you were planning on it just being a summer thing, and you say that it was ending because of summer being over and you going back to school. Is it possible you "grew apart" because you planned on it ending (since you said you'd hoped the break would be easy) I still done see why it "had to end" because you were leaving. Have you explained to her that you didnt really want it to end like you thought you did? __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

09-01-2007, 01:23 PM	#6 (permalink)
Midnight Banned Location: Chicago's western burbs	well, how about when she wants to come by, you just tell her you are already busy, you have company, or were just on your way out? you dont have to tell her straight out that she cant come there and party and skeeze on your friends. sounds like you'd be better off without her anyway. she obviously wasnt into you as much as you were into her, and she sounds like she is working the fact that you are still into her by hanging out with you when SHE needs a "break" or when she wants to party - best to walk away now - you're already too invested in someone that isnt good enough for you

09-02-2007, 02:06 PM	#9 (permalink)
Jenna Psycho Location: Wisconsin	Sounds like you're not ready to be good friends with her. I'd suggest not seeing her often, and trying to find some new focuses on life.