sky_driver

I got a call from my wife earlier. She was out shopping for a dress for a friends wedding we will be going to. When she tried it on, the sales lady told her that she was not "subtle" enough to wear this dress without a bra. Meaning that it was obvious that she did not have on a bra. She does not wear them.

Now my wife is very upset, and I have to figure out a way to tactfully suggest at times that a bra might be appropriate. Help. I know this will come up tonight, and although I think my wife has a great figure, and although she is only a 34B, she could use a bra at times.

World's King

First off I'd kick the sales lady in the crotch.



Second off... I got nothing. My girl always wears a bra. She has big boobs. Kind of has to.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

Willravel

I'm in the opposite situation, but I'll do what I can....

Not subtle: wear bike shorts without tighty whiteys for a while.
More subtle: a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret, and circle the bras you like
More subtle, yet: same as above, but no circling.
What I'd do: I support my wife, not a bra.

genuinegirly

It could be as easy as you saying, "Uh, honey, a wedding is kind of important. You should think about wearing a bra."

If that doesn't work, a few suggestions:

1) Speak with one of your wife's female friends. Ask them to approach the subject.
2) Find medical references that recommend wearing a bra.
3) Let it go. There's only so much you can do. Ultimately it's your wife that decides what she wants to wear.
5) Tell her that you love her, bra or not. Then inform the bride that your wife doesn't intend to wear a bra, and you have no idea how to approach her about it.

I personally can't handle not wearing a bra. It hurts.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

hunnychile

Let's face: most sales ladies aren't the most tactful people out there. Tell your wife that whatever she and the bride agree upon will be just fine.

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

surferlove007

One idea could be that while taking pictures a bra might be more appropriate for such an important event in your friends life...and nipples sticking out might take away some of the "elegance"...yea I don't know.
I always wear bras. How about some of those seemless sports bras...or you suprise her with one form victorias secret...or yea I'm out.
I feel weird not wearing one

The_Jazz

I've been involved in enough weddings to know that you don't mess with the bride. If she wants your wife to wear a bra, your wife needs to decide if the friendship is worth the fight (assuming she's in the wedding). If she's not in the wedding, then she just needs to make sure that she's not going to be taking attention away from the bride - in other words, she shouldn't be the girl all the guys are gawking at because they can check out her junk.

Weddings are part of that 5% of the time that the rules change.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Psycho Dad

ratbastid ain't the only one on this board who speaks the truth.

__________________
Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

Sultana

I'd focus on the "shortcomings" of the dress:
"Well, maybe if the dress was better constructed/cut differently it wouldn't be obvious, but how about you try it on with a bra and see what difference that makes to you and (the bride)?"

I've not known many, if any, women who go without a bra all the time (regardless of size)...and when one chooses to go without, one really should be aware of the ummm, repercussions. If they can deal with that, fine, but let's not pretend it's not noticible.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

cadre

It's really not the sales lady's decision. If she doesn't want to wear a bra then I don't think she should have to. I would have her try the dress on have someone like yourself or a friend give an honest opinion about how it looks. I don't think it's a huge deal but if it is you can just get Nippies or something of that sort. (Nippies are little sticker things that cover the nipple)

I'm all for a woman's right not to wear a bra

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

ASU2003

I really don't notice one way or the other. But if everyone else is wearing one, she might stand out in the pictures, and that would cause some problems. If it is her wedding, then there can be a burning of the bras ceremony.

You could have the bride send her a gift card to Vic. Secret and a roll of duct tape (that you supply). Have a note inside saying one of them will be used.
Sometimes you might have to use a backchannel to solve the problem diplomatically.

splck

This thread is useless without pictures


Show here a pic or two of celebs not wearing a bra under their dress when they get their pic taken, she might change her mind. Weddings tend to be a modest no?

__________________
nice line eh?

ShaniFaye

first off, I get the impression you're just an invited guest to the wedding is that right? If so....leave the bride out of it. The only time the bride needs to be brought in on something like that is if she is IN the wedding. The only "rule" when it comes to dressing as a guest is you dont wear the same color as the bride and your dress doesnt "outshine" hers.

Up until last October I had never in my life (since I developed boobs) been able to go without a bra. Now that I've had the reduction and they are as nice and perky as can be, I OFTEN go without a bra and its a great feeling!!

What matters is what SHE thinks she looks like in the dress. I personally would have verbally jack slapped the bitch of the saleswoman.

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Lizra

Hmmm......Perhaps it might work if you would say "Heck honey! I love looking at your boobs! You know that!" and loook appropriately excited......maybe then, she will think about the fact that everyone else might be boob oogling her thru her clothes also...bounce, bounce, boing, boing ....she might think that is a cool thing, or not....it's her body, public image, and call.
Years of bonce-bounce turns into sag-sag....makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it. I prefer support, and I hate strange men staring at my nipples thru my shirt.....bra is good!

__________________
Happy atheist

Redjake

The sales lady wasn't out of line at all. At least she didn't say "I can see your tits." I can't think of how I would have handled the situation, especially not better than that lady did (this assuming if I were a woman salesperson). She had your wife's best interest at heart.

Tell your wife that you don't like other people seeing her breasts!

__________________
Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

analog

an ex of mine went without a bra all the time... she had good-sized boobs... thanks for the memories...

(that is all)

StanT

This is right up there with "Does this dress make my butt look big?". Nothing you can say is going to go over well.

I'd support my wife regardless of what she chose and I'd keep my mouth shut. I can piss off my wife adequately without outside intervention.

Sultana

Oh yeah, re-reading the OP, I realize I had somehow interpreted that as the wife was going to be *in* the wedding. If not, leave the bride out of it.

As to the appropriateness of the sale's lady's comment, I think if advice was asked for, then that's her input. But if the lady just happened to be around and gave unsolicited advice, then it was not appropriate.

I know that in smaller boutiques and such, the sales person is expected to offer insight and assistance (more personalized service), I don't know if this was that kind of circumstance though. However, a good sales person would not have assigned the "blame" for anything on your wife and her lack of umm, subtlety or whatever. You blame the darn dress, and get them into something else!

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

mixedmedia

Whenever this happens to me I look down at my own boobs then right back up into their eyes with a what? expression on my face before cracking a smile. Nips it in the bud everytime. They know that you know and it takes all the fun out of looking while at the same time putting them at ease by showing you have a sense of humor about it. I've shared this technique with several different women and it always works.

As for the bra thing, ehhhh, she's only a 34B. If it were my wedding I wouldn't make a big fuss about it. If it is a situation for the bride though, I'd suggest using the Nippies thingies and lettin' it ride.

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

dc_dux

I've never heard of wearing a bra described as "nips in the bud" before, but it does have a nice ring to it.

__________________
"The perfect is the enemy of the good."
~ Voltaire

mixedmedia

oh my gawd, I didn't even catch that...shame on me

__________________
Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus
PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

sillygirl

Sounds like you're not in the party. If she feels confident in this dress, and she feels like she looks great, then who cares?

I agree with the nippies things though depending on the fabric. They also do sell so many types of bras that she could probably find one that would work well with the dress and allow her to be comfortable - if she so pleases

__________________

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

cadre

They make silicone nippies now, I saw them in Gap Body the other day. That is a good option if you don't want it to show at all.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

Toaster126

I don't really have an opinion on the bra/no bra stuff as I'm a guy and haven't seen the woman in the dress, but I do think the sales lady was very appropriate and was doing her job well if she brought up that subject.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

yournamehere

Kind of has to what? Has to wear a bra, or . . . . . has to have big boobs?

__________________
If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

hrandani

Ain't it the truth...Amen.

shesus

I think sometimes you have to do things that you'd rather not do...and that's life. However, I have found that a bra helps define my breasts and sometimes makes them look even better under certain clothes. I have tried to not wear a bra and I don't like the way they look. Although if I never compared, bra/no bra, I wouldn't have known.

I don't know how you'd go around telling her, but you could say, you know I bet a bra could give some lift which could make you look even better than you already do in that dress. But don't treat her like a child with fake excitement and prance in with a bra and hand it to her like she's a puppy. I'm sure she's an intelligent woman and she'll do what she wants. Just be blunt and ask her questions. Meaning like, "Do you think a bra would make the dress look even better on you?" "Is there something else you can wear that doesn't need a bra?" etc.

Don't stress it, this is a small issue in life.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

bobby

do or don't...I don't care....But if she has not tried on the new generation bras...Victoria's secret has the bigest selection....well try them, all the women I know think they are better by a mile from the old style...I perfer the old style my self just for the sexy lingerie appeal,but I'm not wearing it eather..

....XOXOXOO

__________________
"Life goes on,within you,and...with out you !" xoxoxoo

World's King

Wear a bra... I thought that made sense...

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown

JustJess

Why does everyone think a bra will help with the "unsubtlety" of her breasts? Some people just have nipples that cannot be tamed. More power to us, since bra or not, I've been harassed my whole damned life by people assuming I'm not wearing one... when I *am*. And if she hates bras, you're certainly not getting her into a padded bra.

Sounds like you're guests. Sounds like it's nothing to stress over. Bras are overrated, especially for a 34B. The hell with it.

__________________
My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

ratbastid

This whole thread is pointless without somebody saying:

Hooray for wife's boobs!

Acetylene

Good Lord, don't say "a bra would make you look even better". You can't let her think that you would prefer a bra or she will think you WANT her to wear a bra. This is a decision she has to make on her own or it will breed resentment.

Instead you could suggest it as being a situational thing. "Gives a more structured look" "going without underwear is too casual for such an important event" or "a bra is more formal so it is a good idea to wear to a formal event." Compare wearing a bra to your wearing a suit: suits aren't comfortable but you wear them to look more respectful and less casual. Let's face it, the no-ba look is ULTRA casual and thus not appropriate to a wedding, regardless of the size of the boobs.

Hooray boobs!!

__________________
There's no justice. There's just us.

Sultana

I wish there was an update for this thread...

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

Ourcrazymodern?

Hooray for my wife's boobs! She wasn't so big when we first met, but years and years of nursing have had an effect... Since she sympathizes with me regarding the junk hanging out the front, I can do no less.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT