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- - Butter as lube???? (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-sexuality/110643-butter-lube.html)

ok, ok, I got one. I have heard of a butter face, but never a butter pussy!
zing!

um...what's a butter face?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedmedia

um...what's a butter face?

You know - a fantastically sexy looking woman with an ugly appearance; as in "I'd fuck her, but 'er face... urgh!"

(butter face = but her face)

:thumbsup:

nice body, scary face. Kind of a mean term.

aha, I have been enlightened. I had no idea. Gracias.

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso

If it's found in the kitchen then don't use it for sex.

I'm not sure I agree. Cucumbers. Enough said. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerseyboy

Yeah butter definitely sounds gross. How would you use it anyway. Just rub the stick over your knob? I def wouldnt want to see a stick of butter being shoved up inside her. What if it breaks off?!!?

Wouldn't you guys end up fucking the stick of butter then? unless you used it sideways...and that just sounds PAINFUL!

After years of experimentation, in my opinion. for masturbation at least, the best lubricant that I have ever found is Crisco due to its lubricating properties and also due to the fact that it melts at body temperature.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FutureForseen

Wouldn't you guys end up fucking the stick of butter then? unless you used it sideways...and that just sounds PAINFUL!

Would you really feel the difference?

Okay I will just reaffirm some what others said NEVER put food down there. On either of you. Just not a good thing to do. Now if you wanna try Olive oil go for it. The porn stars use it in certain films just only use olive oil in the rear lol I haven't seen them use it in the vag. And also, Vegetable oil is way different than olive oil. SO don't use it. Only oilve oil lol plus if you like the rear it will shine her up nice for you ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloody_rose20

I was going to mention olive oil but I was not sure it could really should be used. The wife was looking for anything to help me get it in her ass. She comes running in the bedroom with some extra virgin olive oil and hands it to me and bends over. :)

Butter? eh nah I'd skip

Yep olive oil works good for in the ass, but as for lube-wise I would highly reccommend the KY Jelly. Its worked the best for me and my man so far.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KellyC

Ahh see, if she has a yeast infection from the butter, you can ask her to bake you some bread and use the remaining butter for the bread. That'll be some good bread I tell ya.

OH NO, you went there! Ew! I'm itching and squirming just thinking about it! :shakehead:

WOW whata thread! Non Stick Vagina, and butter for anal sex smells like thanksgiving? WOA. Those are keepers! I have to say I would like a salad at Sharon's house to...

oomm

Okay first of all ewww about sopping up the yeast infected buttery cooch with bread and eating it! *shudders*

try this....insert a butter stick in her ass, let it melt, then insert hard penis...

Have you tried giving ur girl a good lick(4play) b4 penetration? The natural lube is the best lube. Nothing to match it.:thumbsup:

I thought it fit the occasion:

Originally posted on IGN boards some years ago (edited to leave out off-topic parts).

Quote:

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

Heres some background:

see, i volunteer on my sisters softball team

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have alot in common, sometimes i help her with homework. I hepled her on her english essay and she still got a D. This is because the teacher is a prick ... anywayz

So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my viginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no, no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, pluss ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes"

So I gave her Diddy Kong Racing, and Ken Griffey Jr Baseball, and then she goes to my room. Shes a bit confused and scarred.

Then i think to myself - yo I need lube right? Cuz i heard you guys on the vesti saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

Ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my viginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so I microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it.

I dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guyz are relly smrat and please help me.

Any idea how to shut her up? Should i give her another n64 game?

Sometimes life isnt as entertaining as youd like it to be. Im not a genious, im just a regular person who goes through some crap once in a while. We all go through crap. The events pretty much dies down here. This is my recolection of the events dat followed:

i been spending the whole night contemplatin things about life, you know, just the meanings, and i realized that you only achive your purpose on life once you lose your viginity

i lost my viginity last night

my gf's locked herself in the bathroom, with a burned cooter and I had to think fast

I thought to myself: what would James Bond do in this situation?

So i played goldeneye for half an hour. I turned down the volume because my sister was sleeping in the other room. I snipered alot of people, and whenever i did i yelled "SNIPERED!"

This didnt help the situation, and was a waste of time. Ok so she stopped crying but was still in the bathroom. This is when I thought, wow i could do something so romantic right now...

I grabbed my ghetto blaster and my parents cd of Brian Adams - Everything I do, and i played it full blast outside the bathroom door where she was locked in her fortress of solitaire. I said open the door I have a suprise baby, and she did.

When she opened the door i walked in and handed her a peice of dry toast and said "I could use some butter, open your legs".

Moral of the story: don't use butter.

Seriously, this is the funniest thing I've read in a month.

This would be sad if it wasn't so funny, but I can't stop laughing. :lol:

maybe king can get some butter for his bread!

I like my bread with jam.

I'm sorry if you don't get my reference, so here is some enlightenment.

/Once again, sorry for the shameless self-promotion, but it is sexually-expicit with implicit ties to this thread. Oh.