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-   -   Butter as lube???? (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-sexuality/110643-butter-lube.html)

timothy4testes 11-14-2006 07:41 PM

Butter as lube????
 
i heard somewhere that you can use butter as lube...has anyone else tried this, im a little scared what if it causes infection on my lady, or perhaps spoils the mood with some sort of demonic cooking smell... tips and suggestions are always welcome:thumbsup:

Carno 11-14-2006 07:51 PM

I would not recommend putting any food down there.

Plus, butter? That just sounds gross.

Embic 11-14-2006 08:14 PM

i havent personally used it, but i have a friend that tried, it was for a one night stand so im unsure of the "aftermath" for her, he said it got the job done lol.

Xera 11-14-2006 09:03 PM

It can very likely cause a yeast infection. There are much better lubes out there.

james t kirk 11-14-2006 09:07 PM

Ask Marlon Brando.

JumpinJesus 11-14-2006 09:09 PM

I think it may have been "if you use heavy cream as a lubricant, you might end up with butter."

Personally, I find that actual lubricants work far better than butter. Not that I've ever used butter, I mean, but I can just imagine.

Moskie 11-14-2006 09:14 PM

I prefer to use a non-stick vagina.

Carno 11-14-2006 09:22 PM

Yeah, Teflon is the thing of the future. I can't imagine using anything else!

Embic 11-14-2006 09:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moskie
I prefer to use a non-stick vagina.

lol that made my day :lol:

joemc91 11-14-2006 10:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moskie
I prefer to use a non-stick vagina.

Funniest thing I've read in a week!

analog 11-14-2006 11:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moskie
I prefer to use a non-stick vagina.

Well done. lol

In all seriousness, though... NO. No no no no NO butter. Lube is far cheaper than butter anyway, and does not require refrigeration... and I'm very thankful for that.

Can you imagine slathering refrigerated lube on yourself?

One word: shrinkage.

Philangicality 11-15-2006 01:24 AM

Try Grape Seed Oil or Extra Virgin Olive Oil.

Kinda hard to get off, but massive lubrication.

It's good for massagess too.

You can warm it in the microwave. Be careful not too hot.

Spread a shower curtain on the bathroom floor, pour some oil on the curtain, and get down and dirty with your lover.

Fun times. Don't slip and fall when done romping.

Daniel_ 11-15-2006 01:38 PM

CONDOM WARNING: Do not use any form of oil or grease as lube if you are using latex condoms.

Oils destroy the cross links in the latex polymer and weaken the condom.

KellyC 11-15-2006 01:51 PM

Ahh see, if she has a yeast infection from the butter, you can ask her to bake you some bread and use the remaining butter for the bread. That'll be some good bread I tell ya.

Willravel 11-15-2006 02:01 PM

Or you can add salt and make it smell like a movie theater.

Butter is for food. Don't corrupt my butter.

Toaster126 11-15-2006 03:30 PM

This is almost as bad as the story I heard about ketchup.

blahblah454 11-15-2006 05:38 PM

Ketchup?!?!?

Chuckles 11-15-2006 05:42 PM

how about we throw some mustard on there too? Im sure that'll work....

timothy4testes 11-15-2006 05:49 PM

Quote:

CONDOM WARNING: Do not use any form of oil or grease as lube if you are using latex condoms.

Oils destroy the cross links in the latex polymer and weaken the condom.
condom warning do not use petroleum based lubricants...
butter is made from cream
and latex is not a polymer its a naturally occurring rubber and petroleum will destroy it...DO NOT USE VASOLINE

Quote:

In all seriousness, though... NO. No no no no NO butter. Lube is far cheaper than butter anyway, and does not require refrigeration... and I'm very thankful for that.

Can you imagine slathering refrigerated lube on yourself?

One word: shrinkage.
where in gods name are you buying lube its 10 dollars a bottle here...and butter is 3.49 a stick... as for the slathering refrigerated lube on yourself....i'd think you'd have the common sense to warm it up

World's King 11-15-2006 06:19 PM

Butter makes anal sex smell like Thanksgiving.

Charlatan 11-16-2006 06:00 AM

Just avoid the golden topping...

noodle 11-18-2006 05:53 PM

Dairy products? Hmmm... I heard milk does a body good, but let's 86 the butter in the box. That's as bad as the lemon rumor.

/shudder

Willravel 11-18-2006 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by World's King
Butter makes anal sex smell like Thanksgiving.

This round goes to WK. Thanks for playing everyone.

And happy thanksgiving.

Seaver 11-18-2006 08:17 PM

If you're not mature enough to be a man and buy lube... you're not mature enough to have sex.

MathGuru 11-18-2006 09:29 PM

Seaver, I agree with the spirit of your statement... BUT... masturbating does not equal having sex. :) I wasn't man enough to buy lube when I discovered the wonderful art of masturbation. But yeah, go buy some KY or Astroglide from your local Wal-Mart... use the auto teller if you have to, but honestly the tellers really don't give a rip. =) They are too busy watching the clock to care what the hell you're buying!

Daniel_ 11-19-2006 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by timothy4testes
condom warning do not use petroleum based lubricants...
butter is made from cream
and latex is not a polymer its a naturally occurring rubber and petroleum will destroy it...DO NOT USE VASOLINE

The condoms that I am responsible for putting on the market in Europe do say "do not use butter, margerine, baby oil, or petroleum jelly" on the warnings.

Natural latex rubber is a polymer - it's just not a synthetic one. For that matter, cellulose and starch are both polymers too - not all polymers are man-made plastic.

Butter contains fats - fats disrupt the strength of the latex.

To expand what I said above - ALL oils, greases, fats, and solvents will weaken latex.

World's King 11-19-2006 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willravel
This round goes to WK. Thanks for playing everyone.

And happy thanksgiving.


I wish I could take credit for that statement...

The credit has to go to my friend Nick (who actually showed me TFP a lon time ago)... He is one sick fucker...

noodle 11-19-2006 04:26 PM

That's the phrase I'm going to use when my bitchy sister slathers the butter on her roll as she whines about me being skinnier than her for the second year in a row... at the dinner table. :lol:

doncalypso 11-25-2006 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by timothy4testes
i heard somewhere that you can use butter as lube...has anyone else tried this, im a little scared what if it causes infection on my lady, or perhaps spoils the mood with some sort of demonic cooking smell... tips and suggestions are always welcome:thumbsup:

If it's found in the kitchen then don't use it for sex.

Daniel_ 11-26-2006 06:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso
If it's found in the kitchen then don't use it for sex.

I have to disagree - there's certainly a place for ice cubes in sex play. :lol:

dd3953 11-26-2006 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moskie
I prefer to use a non-stick vagina.

that made my day as well, great laugh

now back to the topic at hand: i am no where near a pro when it comes to things like lube (never needed to use it before) but i don't think butter would be the best way to go . . .

mixedmedia 11-26-2006 04:04 PM

The butter thing comes from the film Last Tango in Paris and in the film it's a spontaneous act, not a methodically planned attempt to use butter for lubrication. I would think that, given a little while to ponder the situation without a raging hard-on and certain psycho-sexual hangups, even Marlon Brando might have opted for K-Y or its early 1970's equivalent. But sometimes things just get outta hand, ya know? :)

Mongolguy 11-26-2006 06:03 PM

If it isn't spit, It isn't love.

Lucifer 11-27-2006 01:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso
If it's found in the kitchen then don't use it for sex.

what about chocolate and honey? Didn't you see 9 & 1/2 weeks?

Sue 11-27-2006 03:31 AM

Butter? Heck no, that's nasty. I would never want my guy using butter on me! Don't ruin your woman's night by breaking out I Can't Believe It's Not Buttah. It'll ruin yours too.

TexanAvenger 11-27-2006 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel_
The condoms that I am responsible for putting on the market in Europe do say "do not use butter, margerine, baby oil, or petroleum jelly" on the warnings.

Wait, wait, wait... people try this enough to warrant putting it on the warning label as a prime suspect?

Are people having fantasies about the Land O' Lakes girl and Betty Crocker having crazy sex in a Country Crock container or something?

777 11-27-2006 10:56 AM

Hmm, butter. On a hot day, would this saute my date?

Personally, I would prefer coconut oil. And I hear that mir works well. Would anyone know where I can get this egyptsian stuff?

jerseyboy 11-27-2006 04:04 PM

Yeah butter definitely sounds gross. How would you use it anyway. Just rub the stick over your knob? I def wouldnt want to see a stick of butter being shoved up inside her. What if it breaks off?!!?

Jozrael 11-27-2006 06:31 PM

Then you'd have to cook on low.

Cynthetiq 11-27-2006 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso
If it's found in the kitchen then don't use it for sex.

you've obviously never had experienced the Aunt Jemima treatment... and that's the fact Jack!

Crack 11-28-2006 07:59 AM

ok, ok, I got one. I have heard of a butter face, but never a butter pussy!
zing!

mixedmedia 11-28-2006 09:24 AM

um...what's a butter face?

Daniel_ 11-28-2006 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedmedia
um...what's a butter face?


You know - a fantastically sexy looking woman with an ugly appearance; as in "I'd fuck her, but 'er face... urgh!"

(butter face = but her face)

:thumbsup:

Crack 11-28-2006 01:47 PM

nice body, scary face. Kind of a mean term.

mixedmedia 11-28-2006 01:48 PM

aha, I have been enlightened. I had no idea. Gracias.

Sharon 12-10-2006 05:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso
If it's found in the kitchen then don't use it for sex.

I'm not sure I agree. Cucumbers. Enough said. :)

FutureForseen 12-10-2006 07:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerseyboy
Yeah butter definitely sounds gross. How would you use it anyway. Just rub the stick over your knob? I def wouldnt want to see a stick of butter being shoved up inside her. What if it breaks off?!!?

Wouldn't you guys end up fucking the stick of butter then? unless you used it sideways...and that just sounds PAINFUL!

Jay Francis 02-21-2007 09:02 AM

After years of experimentation, in my opinion. for masturbation at least, the best lubricant that I have ever found is Crisco due to its lubricating properties and also due to the fact that it melts at body temperature.

LoganSnake 02-21-2007 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FutureForseen
Wouldn't you guys end up fucking the stick of butter then? unless you used it sideways...and that just sounds PAINFUL!

Would you really feel the difference?

bloody_rose20 02-22-2007 11:20 AM

Okay I will just reaffirm some what others said NEVER put food down there. On either of you. Just not a good thing to do. Now if you wanna try Olive oil go for it. The porn stars use it in certain films just only use olive oil in the rear lol I haven't seen them use it in the vag. And also, Vegetable oil is way different than olive oil. SO don't use it. Only oilve oil lol plus if you like the rear it will shine her up nice for you ;)

soniclifemonkey 02-23-2007 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bloody_rose20
Okay I will just reaffirm some what others said NEVER put food down there. On either of you. Just not a good thing to do. Now if you wanna try Olive oil go for it. The porn stars use it in certain films just only use olive oil in the rear lol I haven't seen them use it in the vag. And also, Vegetable oil is way different than olive oil. SO don't use it. Only oilve oil lol plus if you like the rear it will shine her up nice for you ;)

I was going to mention olive oil but I was not sure it could really should be used. The wife was looking for anything to help me get it in her ass. She comes running in the bedroom with some extra virgin olive oil and hands it to me and bends over. :)

Butter? eh nah I'd skip

bloody_rose20 02-24-2007 07:40 AM

Yep olive oil works good for in the ass, but as for lube-wise I would highly reccommend the KY Jelly. Its worked the best for me and my man so far.

CaliLivChick 02-24-2007 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KellyC
Ahh see, if she has a yeast infection from the butter, you can ask her to bake you some bread and use the remaining butter for the bread. That'll be some good bread I tell ya.

OH NO, you went there! Ew! I'm itching and squirming just thinking about it! :shakehead:

oneofmanymen 02-24-2007 08:49 AM

WOW whata thread! Non Stick Vagina, and butter for anal sex smells like thanksgiving? WOA. Those are keepers! I have to say I would like a salad at Sharon's house to...

oomm

bloody_rose20 02-24-2007 09:22 AM

Okay first of all ewww about sopping up the yeast infected buttery cooch with bread and eating it! *shudders*

sportsr2 04-04-2007 07:47 AM

try this....insert a butter stick in her ass, let it melt, then insert hard penis...

talkowacko 04-08-2007 01:28 PM

Have you tried giving ur girl a good lick(4play) b4 penetration? The natural lube is the best lube. Nothing to match it.:thumbsup:

LoganSnake 04-09-2007 12:39 PM

I thought it fit the occasion:

Originally posted on IGN boards some years ago (edited to leave out off-topic parts).

Quote:

ok this is what happening,

my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help

Heres some background:

see, i volunteer on my sisters softball team

and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have alot in common, sometimes i help her with homework. I hepled her on her english essay and she still got a D. This is because the teacher is a prick ... anywayz


So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my viginity, so i ask her to have sex

"no, no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, pluss ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes"

So I gave her Diddy Kong Racing, and Ken Griffey Jr Baseball, and then she goes to my room. Shes a bit confused and scarred.

Then i think to myself - yo I need lube right? Cuz i heard you guys on the vesti saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.

Ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my viginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so I microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it.

I dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guyz are relly smrat and please help me.

Any idea how to shut her up? Should i give her another n64 game?

Sometimes life isnt as entertaining as youd like it to be. Im not a genious, im just a regular person who goes through some crap once in a while. We all go through crap. The events pretty much dies down here. This is my recolection of the events dat followed:

i been spending the whole night contemplatin things about life, you know, just the meanings, and i realized that you only achive your purpose on life once you lose your viginity

i lost my viginity last night

my gf's locked herself in the bathroom, with a burned cooter and I had to think fast

I thought to myself: what would James Bond do in this situation?

So i played goldeneye for half an hour. I turned down the volume because my sister was sleeping in the other room. I snipered alot of people, and whenever i did i yelled "SNIPERED!"

This didnt help the situation, and was a waste of time. Ok so she stopped crying but was still in the bathroom. This is when I thought, wow i could do something so romantic right now...

I grabbed my ghetto blaster and my parents cd of Brian Adams - Everything I do, and i played it full blast outside the bathroom door where she was locked in her fortress of solitaire. I said open the door I have a suprise baby, and she did.

When she opened the door i walked in and handed her a peice of dry toast and said "I could use some butter, open your legs".
Moral of the story: don't use butter.

The_Jazz 04-09-2007 01:07 PM

Seriously, this is the funniest thing I've read in a month.

spectre 04-09-2007 03:52 PM

This would be sad if it wasn't so funny, but I can't stop laughing. :lol:

Cynthetiq 04-09-2007 07:31 PM

maybe king can get some butter for his bread!

Jetée 04-11-2007 06:56 PM

I like my bread with jam.

I'm sorry if you don't get my reference, so here is some enlightenment.

/Once again, sorry for the shameless self-promotion, but it is sexually-expicit with implicit ties to this thread. Oh.

talkowacko 04-12-2007 11:20 AM

and apple sauce too


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