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09-08-2006, 03:16 AM | #1 (permalink) |
Registered User
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Do you believe a lesbian can fall in love with a man or a gay man can fall in love...
Do you believe a lesbian can fall in love with a man or a gay man can fall in love with a woman? I have a gay friend who was head over heels in love with a woman last year and the two were engaged to get married. I am just not sure whether he could have fulfilled his physical husbandly duties. And maybe that's the reason they called it off.
I have a lesbian friend who told me she believes everyone is somewhere on the hetero-homo spectrum, with no one being completely at one end or the other. Sunday afternoon I conversed at length with a gay customer and it was interesting to watch him get "uncomfortable." In other words, he was responding to me in a way that a gay should not, and he knew it. What do you all think? |
09-08-2006, 04:43 AM | #2 (permalink) |
Upright
Location: Somewhere, Nowhere and Everywhere
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Like someone stated in a previous thread, I don't believe you can choose who you fall in love with. The choice is whether or not you act on those feelings, or feel comfortable acting on them.
Personally, I did not choose to fall in love with my husband. In fact, I was ga-ga over another gentlemen when I met him. It just happened. When it happened, it hit me like a freight train and I was like..whoa!! What just happened??! That's my 2cents anyhow =) ~Rachael |
09-08-2006, 05:35 AM | #3 (permalink) |
Addict
Location: Spring, Texas
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Love can be a very strange thing, and in my opinion, what I think may have happened is that their basic instinct to procreate may have kicked in and caused them to feel an emotion, love or not, towards a person of the opposite sex. But I mean I guess really the only way to know for sure is to poll some gay/lesbian people?
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"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison |
09-08-2006, 06:29 AM | #4 (permalink) |
Extreme moderation
Location: Kansas City, yo.
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I think "falling in love" by definition requires a person of the\a sex you are attracted to. It's a statement that has all sorts of emotions to it, some of which involve things sexual in nature. If it didn't, we would just call it love.
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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck) |
09-08-2006, 11:06 AM | #5 (permalink) |
Psycho
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You know I've wondered the same thing, because I actually fell for a bi-sexual. She isn't with me anymore but it was there, and her orrientation was heavily slanted to homo rather then hetero. I really can't answer that question, guess I'll have to see if she comes back and then I can tell you the answer. Wait a few years!
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Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father, Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended. |
09-09-2006, 10:00 PM | #7 (permalink) |
32 flavors and then some
Location: Out on a wire.
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On a personal note, no, I'm not capable of loving a man romantically. It's one of the things that make me gay. When I was dating guys, when I'd have sex, I was never entirely *there* emotionally, never able to really commit either to the sexual part of it or to the emotional part of it, and for me, sex has to come with a strong emotional connection for it to feel right.
I had one boyfriend I was very close to, Ben. He was patient, kind, supportive and a considerate and generous lover. But the connection wasn't there, and it couldn't be there because he was a man, and I'd long since lost any ability to connect to men on an erotic or sexual level. That said, is it possible? Sure. It's very unlikely that it would work out well, but it's possible and it does happen. It isn't unusual for gay men and lesbians to lead a straight life even marry and have children before fully accepting who and what they are, and in most cases they do truly love their spouses, despite not being sexually attracted to them or sexually satisfied with their love life. It nearly always ends with everyone sad, bitter, disappointed. Gilda
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert Last edited by Gilda; 10-09-2006 at 02:07 AM.. |
09-10-2006, 02:52 AM | #9 (permalink) | |
Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Location: Southern England
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In ancient greek (and maybe in contemporary Greek for all I know, I've not studied it) there are several words for love: two of which have relevence here: agape and eros.
LINK TO WIKIPEDIA Quote:
These are NON-SEXUAL feelings though - if you have trouble with the distinction, consider the statement "I love my daughter, but not in the way that I love my wife". I do however think that for a person to feel erotic love for a person utside of their gender of preference is in some way reliant on self-deception. Either they are deceiving themselves about thier own sexuality or the do not really erotically love the person in question. I have no idea how often it happens, but presumably there must be cases of people who live a gay life and then at some point come out as straight?
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09-10-2006, 10:25 AM | #10 (permalink) |
Junkie
Location: Lake Mary, FL
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I have a lesbian friend who every once in a while will make out with a guy and whatnot, even though she insists she has absolutely no sexual attraction towards them. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I have a friend who insists he's not gay and has absolutely no attraction towards men, but if he runs into the right guy then his gay tendencies seem to manifest themselves.
Therefore, I think it's possible-- If you find the right person, that is.
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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me. |
09-10-2006, 11:12 AM | #11 (permalink) |
Insane
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Oh, this is an interesting question Linda. No, I don't know any gay folks. I have been tapped on before and it was ackward as all get out! But the Boss had a field day with it! He said I should have said yes and took a video of it! Oh brother.
I'm with Deltona, your best bet is to ask those that would know and that would be those in the gay arena. Either way, it would be interesting to know. Seems like only Gilda is being forthright with it or would know first hand. |
09-10-2006, 01:50 PM | #12 (permalink) | |
Junkie
Location: Ontario, Canada
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There are, of course, a lot of people who are completely straight or completely gay, but probably more who are in the middle somewhere.
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09-10-2006, 02:25 PM | #13 (permalink) | |
Alien Anthropologist
Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana
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Quote:
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"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB Last edited by hunnychile; 09-10-2006 at 02:28 PM.. |
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10-08-2006, 07:43 PM | #14 (permalink) |
Upright
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Well, it is interesting that you ask this question because **I** am a lesbian who has fallen in love with a man. Which begs the question, was I ever a lesbian at all? I certainly believed I was, in fact, when it comes to women i've been intimate with, i have the LEAST amount of sexual experience with men out of all of them. I am 30 years old, have never had intercourse with a man and have never wanted to. (Now I have had intercourse with a bulldyke wearing a purple double dildo but that is another story altogether!)
I am not your "typical" lesbian, in that I'm quite feminine in appearance and action (so my ever hopeful mother wanted to label me "bisexual"), I just, frankly, never fell in love (or lust) with a man...and TRULY believed I was incapable. I had been comfortable in my status as a "raging lesbian" from the time I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend at 18 up until the moment I met.....HIM. Now what is ridiculous, is, he is married, old enough to be my father, AND he's my boss (mom was initially excited at my new "bisexual" identity till she found out these sorbid details). My inner feminist is at a loss with her dissapointment in me. But...I am utterly in love with this man, granted, it is unconsummated love, due mainly to the fact that he is married but...the sexual attraction is electric...and the emotional is too...and I obsess day and night about being with him in a sexual way...the fact that I cannot tears me up inside...in fact, I worry that he will make a move and I will be unable to resist it (ok if he makes a move I KNOW I won't resist it) I find it morally wrong to be with someone who is married, but even THAT is not stopping me from the feelings I experience. So...my answer is yes....a lesbian CAN fall for a man....tho i guess that doesn't make her much of a lesbian....I think sexuality is a bit fluid...evolving, changing.... Anyway That's my 2 cents suzie que |
10-08-2006, 10:19 PM | #15 (permalink) |
Psycho
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If you look up further in this post you can see that I made a comment; no change there but I am a believer that homosexuality is a choice not a full genetic trait. Meaning genetics might enter in there some how but not without some sort of choice. I think it is possible for people to be in love with more then one person; because there are different levels of love. Basically you'd have to become higher on the chain then someone else to meet this expectation I guess.
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Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father, Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended. |
10-09-2006, 05:42 AM | #17 (permalink) |
Psycho
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That really depends on how you define gay/lesbian. If you're talking bi-sexual, with a heavy slant toward one side then there is a chance for anything... if the right person is found.
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Fetch me the spirit, the son and the father, Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended. |
10-10-2006, 07:03 PM | #18 (permalink) |
Chicks dig the Saxaphone
Location: Nowheresville OH
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I tend to dislike the fact that sexual actions have come to define the whole person. If you have sex with the opposite sex, you're straight. Same sex? Gay. Both? Bi.
Why do sexual actions have to be something that defines a person? I don't believe in straight, gay, or bi. So that would mean, yes, anyone can fall in love with anyone else.
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Yes, band camp is all it's cracked up to be. So I like Chrono... So what? |
10-11-2006, 07:17 PM | #19 (permalink) |
Soylent Green is people.
Location: Northern California
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Is sexual attraction the same as romantic attraction?
Probably not but they're certainly related. Let's rephrase the original question ... If you think a homosexual person can fall in love with a person of the opposite sex ... couldn't you also argue that it's possible that a heterosexual person fall in love with a member of the same sex? So, while I'd like to think "yes" I'm inclined to believe it's "no."
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"I do believe that, where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. Thus when my eldest son asked me what he should have done, had he been present when I was almost fatally assaulted in 1908, whether he should have run away and seen me killed or whether he should have used his physical force which he could and wanted to use, and defended me, I told him that it was his duty to defend me even by using violence." - Mahatma Ghandi |
10-12-2006, 07:31 AM | #20 (permalink) |
Junkie
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What difference does it make? A heterosexual person can fall in love with a person of the same sex just as easily as a homosexual person can fall in love with a person of the opposite sex - and both 'violate' their definitions by exactly the same amount - so why should it matter?
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10-12-2006, 05:49 PM | #21 (permalink) |
Soylent Green is people.
Location: Northern California
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to be perfectly honest ... it doesn't.
not at all.
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"I do believe that, where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. Thus when my eldest son asked me what he should have done, had he been present when I was almost fatally assaulted in 1908, whether he should have run away and seen me killed or whether he should have used his physical force which he could and wanted to use, and defended me, I told him that it was his duty to defend me even by using violence." - Mahatma Ghandi |
02-27-2008, 09:36 PM | #24 (permalink) |
lost and found
Location: Berkeley
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If you're gay and find yourself attracted to a person of the opposite sex, you're not "gay." You have bisexual inclinations.
Sexuality is a spectrum, and the overwhelming majority of us reside at the extreme ends. At the same time, however, the populace as a whole covers the entire range. The reasons are strongly biological. But there are also cultural influences -- both in favor of curiosity and against it. Usually strongly against it, in the cases where cultural influences substantially manifest themselves. On the other hand, you may find yourself with a completely different take while under the influence of shrooms. I leave the implications of that to the reader.
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"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine |
02-28-2008, 12:13 PM | #26 (permalink) |
I Confess a Shiver
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Okay, I admit it. I had a fling with Eddie Money. He sang "Take Me Home Tonight" and I couldn't resist.
Just kidding. ... This thread needs to reference the Kinsey scale. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale |
02-28-2008, 12:22 PM | #27 (permalink) | |
Psycho
Location: Wisconsin
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Quote:
Now does that mean it can't happen? No, but I do believe that once it does, you have bisexual inclinations. And thus, in my mind, aren't completely homosexual. |
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04-16-2010, 08:07 PM | #28 (permalink) | |
Upright
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Quote:
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04-24-2010, 09:20 AM | #29 (permalink) |
Psycho
Location: Canada
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I agree with what your friend said - I think everyone is semi flexible, for the right person. I absolutly think that a lesbian can fall for a man, a man can fall for a man, a gay man can fall for a woman, and so on. I think it's rare, but it happens. Love doesn't nessicarily ask for your permission, it just goes and does what it pleases, and you're its bitch.
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05-06-2010, 04:00 PM | #30 (permalink) |
still, wondering.
Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
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"Mistaken romantic thoughts"? The Quest for Folly takes many forms. I've been love's bitch, doing what I please, & tend to treasure a learning experience... Try as we might to draw lines, they're indistinct. I believe Beyond_Borders.
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fall, gay, lesbian, love, man |
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