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Do you believe a lesbian can fall in love with a man or a gay man can fall in love...

Do you believe a lesbian can fall in love with a man or a gay man can fall in love with a woman? I have a gay friend who was head over heels in love with a woman last year and the two were engaged to get married. I am just not sure whether he could have fulfilled his physical husbandly duties. And maybe that's the reason they called it off.

I have a lesbian friend who told me she believes everyone is somewhere on the hetero-homo spectrum, with no one being completely at one end or the other.

Sunday afternoon I conversed at length with a gay customer and it was interesting to watch him get "uncomfortable." In other words, he was responding to me in a way that a gay should not, and he knew it.

What do you all think?

Like someone stated in a previous thread, I don't believe you can choose who you fall in love with. The choice is whether or not you act on those feelings, or feel comfortable acting on them.

Personally, I did not choose to fall in love with my husband. In fact, I was ga-ga over another gentlemen when I met him. It just happened. When it happened, it hit me like a freight train and I was like..whoa!! What just happened??!

That's my 2cents anyhow =)

~Rachael

Love can be a very strange thing, and in my opinion, what I think may have happened is that their basic instinct to procreate may have kicked in and caused them to feel an emotion, love or not, towards a person of the opposite sex. But I mean I guess really the only way to know for sure is to poll some gay/lesbian people?

I think "falling in love" by definition requires a person of the\a sex you are attracted to. It's a statement that has all sorts of emotions to it, some of which involve things sexual in nature. If it didn't, we would just call it love.

You know I've wondered the same thing, because I actually fell for a bi-sexual. She isn't with me anymore but it was there, and her orrientation was heavily slanted to homo rather then hetero. I really can't answer that question, guess I'll have to see if she comes back and then I can tell you the answer. Wait a few years!

On a personal note, no, I'm not capable of loving a man romantically. It's one of the things that make me gay. When I was dating guys, when I'd have sex, I was never entirely *there* emotionally, never able to really commit either to the sexual part of it or to the emotional part of it, and for me, sex has to come with a strong emotional connection for it to feel right.

I had one boyfriend I was very close to, Ben. He was patient, kind, supportive and a considerate and generous lover. But the connection wasn't there, and it couldn't be there because he was a man, and I'd long since lost any ability to connect to men on an erotic or sexual level.

That said, is it possible? Sure. It's very unlikely that it would work out well, but it's possible and it does happen. It isn't unusual for gay men and lesbians to lead a straight life even marry and have children before fully accepting who and what they are, and in most cases they do truly love their spouses, despite not being sexually attracted to them or sexually satisfied with their love life. It nearly always ends with everyone sad, bitter, disappointed.

Gilda

yes i believe it to be very possible...

In ancient greek (and maybe in contemporary Greek for all I know, I've not studied it) there are several words for love: two of which have relevence here: agape and eros.

LINK TO WIKIPEDIA

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wikipedia

Greek words for love
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There are a number of different Greek words for love, as the Greek language distinguishes several different senses in which the word "love" is used. For example, Ancient Greek used the words philia, eros, agape, and storge to refer to different aspects of love. However, as with many other languages, it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words totally. Nonetheless, the senses in which these words were generally used are given below. The first four words have also been discussed from a Christian perspective in the The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis.

Agapē (ἀγάπη agápē) means "love" in modern day Greek. The term s'agapo means "I love you" in Greek. The word "agapo" is the verb "I love". In Ancient Greek it often refers to a general affection or concern, rather than the physical attraction suggested by "eros"; agape is used in ancient texts to denote one's feeling for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings one has for a spouse. The verb appears in the New Testament describing, amongst other things, the relationship between Jesus and the beloved disciple. Many Christian scholars have consequently argued that the verb's use in the New Testament is simply to describe God's love for humanity. In the end, "agape" is differentiated from "eros" below. In biblical literature, its meaning and usage is illustrated by self-sacrificing, giving love to all--both friend and enemy. The word "agape" is not always used in the New Testament in a positive sense. II Timothy 4:10 uses the word in a negative sense. The Apostle Paul writes,"For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world...." The word "loved" here is a form of the root word "agape". Thus the word "agape" is not always used of a divine love or the love of God. Generally, in the New Testament it refers to a total commitment or self-sacrificial love for the object loved. The word seems to contain more of an mental or intellectual element than the other Greek words for love. It is a rational love that is not based on total self-interest. By this a Christian is required to love(agape)someone who is not necessarily lovely or loveable. The Christian by God's grace and mercy is required to "love" someone that he may not necessarily like or love in the sense of having warm fuzzy emotional feelings toward. It is a love that acts in the best interest of the other person. The classic biblical text on this self-sacrifical love is the well-known biblical verse, John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son...." A Christian is required to attempt to love his enemies("...Love your enemies..." Matthew 5:44. Thus he is required to always attempt to do good and have the best interest of even his enemies in view when he acts.
Eros (ἔρως érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "(romantic) love". Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. It should be noted Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction". Plato also said Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. The most famous ancient work on the subject of eros is Plato's Symposium, which is a discussion among the students of Socrates on the nature of eros.

Allowing for more than one type of love, should make it possible for a person to fall in love with a person that is outside of their sexual range of interest - this could be the love that a straight man has for a male friend, the love that a person has for an age inappropriate person of their normal gender of preference (i.e. the love you might feel for a young relative), and of course the Q in the OP the love that a gay man may have for a woman.

These are NON-SEXUAL feelings though - if you have trouble with the distinction, consider the statement "I love my daughter, but not in the way that I love my wife".

I do however think that for a person to feel erotic love for a person utside of their gender of preference is in some way reliant on self-deception.

Either they are deceiving themselves about thier own sexuality or the do not really erotically love the person in question.

I have no idea how often it happens, but presumably there must be cases of people who live a gay life and then at some point come out as straight?

I have a lesbian friend who every once in a while will make out with a guy and whatnot, even though she insists she has absolutely no sexual attraction towards them. On the opposite side of the spectrum, I have a friend who insists he's not gay and has absolutely no attraction towards men, but if he runs into the right guy then his gay tendencies seem to manifest themselves.

Therefore, I think it's possible-- If you find the right person, that is.

Oh, this is an interesting question Linda. No, I don't know any gay folks. I have been tapped on before and it was ackward as all get out! But the Boss had a field day with it! He said I should have said yes and took a video of it! Oh brother. :D

I'm with Deltona, your best bet is to ask those that would know and that would be those in the gay arena. Either way, it would be interesting to know. Seems like only Gilda is being forthright with it or would know first hand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lindalove

I have a lesbian friend who told me she believes everyone is somewhere on the hetero-homo spectrum, with no one being completely at one end or the other.

I think that is fairly valid in as much as so many nominally gay people will have sexual fantasies about heterosexual sex, and so many nominally straight people have some homoerotic fascination - and when the right person comes along, anything can happen.

There are, of course, a lot of people who are completely straight or completely gay, but probably more who are in the middle somewhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lindalove

I have a lesbian friend who told me she believes everyone is somewhere on the hetero-homo spectrum, with no one being completely at one end or the other.

Sunday afternoon I conversed at length with a gay customer and it was interesting to watch him get "uncomfortable." In other words, he was responding to me in a way that a gay should not, and he knew it.

What do you all think?

OMG! This is good....I too, believe that we all have both hetero-homo tendencies, which make us react to others the way that we do. It's called "being human" and Ahem; tuned in, esp. in the sexually attractive way. I was terribly in love with an extremly 100% gay man many years ago because he was such an amazing graphic artist & cultural talent and was so very interesting (and FUN!) on many, many levels. My life was enriched because he was my friend. As for your statement that your customer was clearly "uncomfortable", all I can say is that you must be rather young & naive thinking that you & your femininity were the cause of this gay guys feelings of "uncomfortability". That's so one-sided & bias.. Gay guys LOVE to flirt, they know that us sexy, open females always think we might be the one to "cure" them. And it's alot of fun. After 16 years of living near San Franscisco, CA. trust me dear heart.... It's just part of the game of life. Enjoy it while you can. Friends are friends. Period.

Well, it is interesting that you ask this question because **I** am a lesbian who has fallen in love with a man. Which begs the question, was I ever a lesbian at all? I certainly believed I was, in fact, when it comes to women i've been intimate with, i have the LEAST amount of sexual experience with men out of all of them. I am 30 years old, have never had intercourse with a man and have never wanted to. (Now I have had intercourse with a bulldyke wearing a purple double dildo but that is another story altogether!)
I am not your "typical" lesbian, in that I'm quite feminine in appearance and action (so my ever hopeful mother wanted to label me "bisexual"), I just, frankly, never fell in love (or lust) with a man...and TRULY believed I was incapable. I had been comfortable in my status as a "raging lesbian" from the time I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend at 18 up until the moment I met.....HIM. Now what is ridiculous, is, he is married, old enough to be my father, AND he's my boss (mom was initially excited at my new "bisexual" identity till she found out these sorbid details). My inner feminist is at a loss with her dissapointment in me. But...I am utterly in love with this man, granted, it is unconsummated love, due mainly to the fact that he is married but...the sexual attraction is electric...and the emotional is too...and I obsess day and night about being with him in a sexual way...the fact that I cannot tears me up inside...in fact, I worry that he will make a move and I will be unable to resist it (ok if he makes a move I KNOW I won't resist it) I find it morally wrong to be with someone who is married, but even THAT is not stopping me from the feelings I experience. So...my answer is yes....a lesbian CAN fall for a man....tho i guess that doesn't make her much of a lesbian....I think sexuality is a bit fluid...evolving, changing....
Anyway That's my 2 cents
suzie que

If you look up further in this post you can see that I made a comment; no change there but I am a believer that homosexuality is a choice not a full genetic trait. Meaning genetics might enter in there some how but not without some sort of choice. I think it is possible for people to be in love with more then one person; because there are different levels of love. Basically you'd have to become higher on the chain then someone else to meet this expectation I guess.

I believe they can simply because you can be in love with someone without phsycial sexual attraction. Now if they were lusting after someone that they didnt love... then they just arnt gay/lesbian

That really depends on how you define gay/lesbian. If you're talking bi-sexual, with a heavy slant toward one side then there is a chance for anything... if the right person is found.

I tend to dislike the fact that sexual actions have come to define the whole person. If you have sex with the opposite sex, you're straight. Same sex? Gay. Both? Bi.

Why do sexual actions have to be something that defines a person?

I don't believe in straight, gay, or bi. So that would mean, yes, anyone can fall in love with anyone else.

Is sexual attraction the same as romantic attraction?

Probably not but they're certainly related.

Let's rephrase the original question ... If you think a homosexual person can fall in love with a person of the opposite sex ... couldn't you also argue that it's possible that a heterosexual person fall in love with a member of the same sex?

So, while I'd like to think "yes" I'm inclined to believe it's "no."

What difference does it make? A heterosexual person can fall in love with a person of the same sex just as easily as a homosexual person can fall in love with a person of the opposite sex - and both 'violate' their definitions by exactly the same amount - so why should it matter?

to be perfectly honest ... it doesn't.

not at all.

yes... and because it's happening to me right now... my best friend... as lesbien... said that she has feelings for me...

definately is awkward.

I believe anyone can fall in love with anyone

If you're gay and find yourself attracted to a person of the opposite sex, you're not "gay." You have bisexual inclinations.

Sexuality is a spectrum, and the overwhelming majority of us reside at the extreme ends. At the same time, however, the populace as a whole covers the entire range.

The reasons are strongly biological. But there are also cultural influences -- both in favor of curiosity and against it. Usually strongly against it, in the cases where cultural influences substantially manifest themselves.

On the other hand, you may find yourself with a completely different take while under the influence of shrooms. I leave the implications of that to the reader.

How about a straight man falling in love with a lesbian... ?

Cause that sucked. She still made use a strap-on.

Okay, I admit it. I had a fling with Eddie Money. He sang "Take Me Home Tonight" and I couldn't resist.

Just kidding.

...

This thread needs to reference the Kinsey scale.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Rotten

If you're gay and find yourself attracted to a person of the opposite sex, you're not "gay." You have bisexual inclinations.

Exactly. I would think it would be hypocritical if the person continued to have a strong opinion that they were still gay.

Now does that mean it can't happen? No, but I do believe that once it does, you have bisexual inclinations. And thus, in my mind, aren't completely homosexual.

Quote:

Originally Posted by suzieque (Post 2134043)

Well, it is interesting that you ask this question because **I** am a lesbian who has fallen in love with a man. . . . I am 30 years old, . . . I am not your "typical" lesbian, in that I'm quite feminine in appearance and action . . . I had been comfortable in my status as a "raging lesbian" from the time . . . up until the moment I met.....HIM. Now what is ridiculous, is, he is married, old enough to be my father, AND he's my boss . . . But...I am utterly in love with this man, granted, it is unconsummated love, due mainly to the fact that he is married but...the sexual attraction is electric...and the emotional is too...and I obsess day and night about being with him in a sexual way...the fact that I cannot tears me up inside...in fact, I worry that he will make a move and I will be unable to resist it (ok if he makes a move I KNOW I won't resist it) I find it morally wrong to be with someone who is married, but even THAT is not stopping me from the feelings I experience. . . .suzie que

I was excited reading this. It sounded like my situation, or what I wish were my situation. I could be the man you describe, or thought I recognized myself and a co-worker, except the date of your posting shows I am not. I think the close working relationship, coupled with genuine mutual friendship and affection, can lead to mistaken romantic thoughts.

I agree with what your friend said - I think everyone is semi flexible, for the right person. I absolutly think that a lesbian can fall for a man, a man can fall for a man, a gay man can fall for a woman, and so on. I think it's rare, but it happens. Love doesn't nessicarily ask for your permission, it just goes and does what it pleases, and you're its bitch.

"Mistaken romantic thoughts"? The Quest for Folly takes many forms. I've been love's bitch, doing what I please, & tend to treasure a learning experience... Try as we might to draw lines, they're indistinct. I believe Beyond_Borders.