paulskinback

Its been a few months since I left my girlfriend. We were living together for 2 years and it has been a strange but good (and bad) but mostly good few months.

Now i've met this new girl, and I think she's great, I feel really relaxed around her, we're doing the "thang" etc and its good sex too. I've been seeing her now for 2 weeks, she stayed at mine twice and had great sex all night. No problems there... seeing her tomorrow night, she keeps calling and texting so is keen too.

Trouble is, i'm not ready for a relationship and want to keep it this way, but don't want it to go any further. I know I should be a "man" and tell her up front that I don't want anything serious, but I don't want her to hear that and fuck off and stop what we have right now.

need some advice guys and girls....

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'Everything that can be invented has been invented.- - 1899, Charles Duell, U.S. Office of Patents.

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longbough

bite the bullet and tell her

you can't have it both ways

Toaster126

You can either tell her, and figure out if she is cool with it or not, or not tell her, and be a doucebag.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

analog

Has she even said she's in it for a relationship? Or that she's pressuring you for anything? You didn't mention that she's even indicated what she wants. Relationships just develop... perhaps by the time it's a concern of hers, you'll be more up for it as well. Just bring it up and see what's what.

longbough

let me rephrase my initial statement:

If you knew you were in this only for the sex from the very start - then you should have told her even before you slept with her. It's not an unrealistic expectation because I've told that to some women before.

Sage

I don't really think you're being an ass, unless she's specifically asked and you've lied.

Two weeks... meh... that's not so long. Just talk to her- be honest. Honesty will get you farther than you think. And if she's upset about it... well, say you're sorry but you didn't realize that she'd get so into you because you're a little rusty at this whole "being single" thing. Be polite and honest, and if she's a good chick at all she'll understand. She might not want to keep being with you because she wants something more, but she won't throw her drink in your face, which is always a plus.

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Mantus

1) Keep going down the same path but start hinting at the idea that you want to see other people / not taking things seriously.

2) Introduce her to friends who will tell her indirectly that you are not ready for anything serious.

Sultana

I can't say it any better than this (except perhaps with punctuation and capitalization :P).

Think of it this way: By not telling her, you are saying that you're willing to potentially really hurt a perfectly nice young lady who has been willing to share herself with you, just so you can continue getting laid.

Doesn't sound so nice that way, eh? I'm sure that's not your conscious though-process, but it's certainly something that can easily happen.

Man up. Be direct but gentle and kind.

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"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

JamesB

No offense but the above advice is both pathetic and immature.

My version would have read: grow your OWN testicles and tell her yourself.

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Mantus

No offense taken. We live in differnt realities.

I am all for telling girls straight up what the deal is. I advocate this point of view. The OP specifically said he wanted to keep things going allong the same path. Thus I gave the above advace because it conducive to his needs. Sometimes people won't do the right thing and thats okay as long as they are happy and not doing too much damage.

Socially inducting her to the OPs frame of mind actually works wonders. I have a friend right now who missed a beat and didnt make thigns clear with his current girl (like five nights in the sack later) so he introduced her to his other girlfriends who know him as a casual guy and they communicated that across to his girl. It's a smooth way of doing it because if other girls accept him so can she...get it. If he was to tell her straight up...she would be like "what changed?!" and be in a bit of a shock. I've seen it time and time again so it does work.

On top of this people are assuming that this girl the OP is sleeping with wants to turn things serious when it's very possible that she too is happy with keeping things light.

Peace.

paulskinback

Thanks guys.... to clarify, she hasn't asked for it to become serious, c'mon 2 weeks isn't long enough... i'm still seeing her,

its not just about the sex either we have a great time while we're out too which is why I want to keep seeing her. I just don't want to go into another relationship soon because i'm enjoying the bachelor life! ie sitting around in my underwear watching tv and eating chips etc

__________________
'Everything that can be invented has been invented.- - 1899, Charles Duell, U.S. Office of Patents.

'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' - Ken Olson, 1977, Digital Equipment Corporation

Sharon

Hey, some chicks dig that too.