Smooth23

Okay, recently I've told yall that my girlfriend broke up with me. The one that I loved, and the first girl to ever love me back. That was a week and a half ago. So I met this new girl, and she's really nice and our personallities mesh really good. Theres just one problem, I still have feelings for my ex. I kissed the new girl tonight, and litterally started feeling sick to my stomach, it felt wrong and I just wanted my ex. So, I need your advice about how to proceed. Obviosly I'm not really ready for another relationship, but I do like this new girl. I also don't want date her alot, then come to a realization that she's just a rebound.. What to do, what to do..

Toaster126

Sounds like you don't need to be messing with other people. Wait a while.

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Cynthetiq

why don't you learn to be comfortable with you first before getting involved with someone new? if it takes a couple more weeks, months, year, so be it.

explain it in that manner.

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abaya

Do not rebound. DON'T DO IT. Whatever you have to do, don't do that... it's harmful to you and to the new girl, in the long run (and apparently the short run as well, given your feelings when you kissed her). Listen to your gut... it's telling you that this is wrong.

Wait until you've healed enough that you no longer think about your ex when meeting someone new. When you kiss a girl, it shouldn't be an unpleasant reminder of the past. You want it to be new, fresh, unburdened... so give it TIME. Seriously.

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JamesB

Why not just start as friends with the new girl? Nothing wrong with that bro.

You need time to heal - plain and simple. Start with friends.

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ratbastid

Not sure I agree with the posters so far.

You don't want to force yourself into something you're not ready for just because you have the opportunity, that's for sure. But I think if you're honest with New Girl about where you're at and what you're dealing with, there's no reason a relationship couldn't grow out of this. I think people can handle just about anything, if they go into it with their eyes open.

Granted, sick-to-your-stomach isn't really how kissing is supposed to feel...

JamesB

Ratbastid makes a good point - if you are very up-front with the new girl and she is game .. take things at a pace that you are comfortable with.

My last relationship (best thing that ever happened to me) started while I was still recovering from a long-term relationship. I was very honest and up front about how I felt and it brought me even closer to the girl I was seeing (my most recent ex).

Be prepared to feel awkward as hell - but use that 'gut check' to keep your pace comfortable for you. If the new girl is really interested in you - she will let you know if your pace is too fast or too slow .

Summary: tell the new girl and go for it

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genuinegirly

Yep. I'm agreeing with a lot of folks here.

Since you're feeling ill, you need a break. Take one. Let the new girl know the place you're in, and the feelings you have for her. If she's interested, she'll keep up a friendship. That's all you should seek presently.

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pig

yeepp.

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Smooth23

I did already tell the new girl, that if I developed anything for her it would be very slow, and that I still had feelings for my ex. I found out long long ago that lying or being dishonest with a girl is nothing but a chance to fuck up. This girl seemed okay with the prospect of going slow, but she was all over me at the same time. I didn't want to push her away or anything(I do like her), but it just didn't feel right. I am going to do my damndest to not make her a rebound, and I'm not going to screw her till I've completely lost any feelings I still have for my ex.

pig

you sure she doesn't want to be your rebound? don't make decisions for her - maybe she doesn't want a committment? have y'all discussed it?

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Leto

A week and a half? Time. It takes time, and I'm talking months, if not over a year. If you developed a loving relationship that ends, I find that the recovery time (so that you are not rebounding) will telescope depending on how long the relationship was going when it ended.

A week and a half is nothing. (sorry to say).

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Smooth23

let me put it this way, -I- Don't want to have a rebound girl.

JamesB

Good man.

Just be sure that if/when a serious relationship starts it is NOT because you WANT a relationship. If you look, you will find - but what you find will almost never be what you want.

-I- on the other hand could use a good rebound. Lol. Okay, so I am just kidding. I am in a somewhat similar position - less ambitious though.

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Smooth23

You can have this girl the post is about.. I made it clear to her already I would go slow and at my own pace, now she want leave me alone and is trying to push it.. ahh the clingy type piss me off.

Ample

Wooo, slow down partner. I never tell a woman my feelings that soon in a relationship. You don't have to lie or be dishonest, just every thing comes in time and that is way to early, and at least the woman that I have dated don't want to hear that.

I looked on a thread that you posted only in May wondering about getting involved with a woman with a child, is that the woman that you were/are in love with? Thats only three months buckeroo, not much time to develop feelings that deep for someone.

I guess that you are looking for some advise if you are posting here. I'm no expert but you really need to take a little time off before diving into another relationship. You know time to reflect. Somethings wrong, is it your game? Your approach? Maybe you dive in to everything to early? I don't know but you need to think about these things.

Taking it slow with the new girl, isn’t going to work. You need to fix yourself first or this new relationship is doomed.

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Smooth23

No it wasn't the same girl that had the kid, it was a different one that just fell into my lap at that same time.

Dane Bramage

If you have told her how you feel, and she is "pushing it", then you need to get some distance. Sounds like bad news to me... unless...

Unless you are the type that belives the best way to get over someone is by knocking boots with someone else I, personally, do not subscribe to that philosophy (and it sounds like you don't either), but I'm just throwing it out there for consideration.

If you two enjoy each other's company, and you are able to have a physical relationship without becoming emtionally attached, then that might be a solution. Maybe not a good solution, but a solution nonetheless

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Smooth23

And yeah, at least you guys are level headed with your advice

monkeysugar

If something does not feel right, it probably isn't. Go with your gut. Sounds like you're heading in the right direction so far.

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