ElPresidente

i need some help trying to turn my best friend into my girlfriend. we kissed once, we talked about and planned on doing it again over the phone but she was out of town at the time and when she got back she wasn't down anymore because she did some intimate but not sexual stuff with another guy. i don't know what's going to happen next, but i'd like some insight and/or dynamite tips for pulling this off.

oh, and i'll type up as much history or answer as many questions as anyone needs to give advice. thanks.

ElPresidente

we're going to six flags with her brother and sister this morning. i can't sleep anymore i don't think. i'll probably hit the titty board or something and check back here for the next several hours.

clockworkgreen

sounds like you're on the right track. friends make good first ones, which, judging by your questioning and worrying, sounds like this is.

btw, girls appreciate confidence. :-) just go into it with a good attitude, and they'll see it.

ElPresidente

yea she would be my first. i honestly think that one day we'll hook up, but when she was talking to me over the phone from out of town she said wonderful things and when she changed her mind it really screwed with my head. i'm not showing any of my insecurity or frustration to her, and we still go out and have a really good time, but since i've sort of gotten a taste of what it'd be like to have her in that way, friends doesn't seem like enough anymore. we've talked about it before and she doesn't want a relationship with me. why should she? i already am more supportive, affectionate, and caring than any guy she's been involved with so far, and i've demonstrated a willingness to put out on the physical end - even though, like i said, she withdrew. i'm way too accessible, and i think i need to change that.

ratbastid

Yeah, she'll really go for you if you turn into a big stupid macho player.

You sound young, so I'll say this gently: relationships actually ARE founded on communication. If you're interested in more than just a scam, you should be straight with her about how you feel. OPEN with how confused and insecure and frustrated you are. Let her get into your head a little bit. Girls think it's sweet when you tell them how messed up you are over them. Then tell her what you want with her, and how you don't care about any other guys, or whatever happened.

Shades

My friend, what you are attempting is known as a ladder jump. Read all about it at http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html You may already be an Intellectual Whore, but at least you seem to know it. It took me many years to see that in me.

Please note that I am not the webmaster, nor the guy who wrote that, or in any way affiliated with the whole thing.

Back to the issue at hand- you need to tell her one simple thing: "Baby, I want to ride you like Silver, bucking and snorting into the sunset!!" Wait, no, don't do that. What I meant to write was "The feelings I have for you are more than friends-feelings, and I want to be your boy(TOY)friend. I think you have similar feelings too. We should give a good, honest shot. If it doesn't take, we can go back to being friends." Somebody here please rewrite that for me so it doesn't sound so robotic. Can you tell I have had less girlfriends than fingers on my left hand?

And just in your secretest of hearts ElPresidente, that part about going back to friends is most likely bullshit. Keep that to yourself. It is worth it to go for it. Some smart ass wrote that cowards die a thousand deaths, and I didn't think it was true until it happened to me over and over, chances that I never took killing me again and again. You're young, you'll meet plenty of people in your life. Don't let a chance for extreme joy pass you by in favor of stunted happiness.

BigBlueWrecking

That web site is hilarious!!!

bigoldalphamale

ladder theory ownz!!! normally i would say be be straight with her, but if she is interested...she will make the first move eventually. and if she doesnt, then...no big deal, you still have a hot friend. win - win.

HockeyGuy

I had a lady (friend) explain to me the ladder theory when i as going after one of our mutual friends. there was a pretty good answer for me

HockeyGuy

meant to add- it's definity worth a try thoguh, has worked out with me in the past and things ahve been/are great now

wakelagger

I get in these complex entanglements all the time. I have a bad habit of becoming their friend before anything else. Therefore, on the Ladder Theory, I am always on the friends ladder, and ladder jumping is not my forte.
On the other hand, I am almost always one of their better male friends.

komodo

Unfortunately, Shades is right. You are an intellectual whore, who has the dubious honor of trying to ladder jump. The mere fact that she screwed around with another guy right after your little cuddle fest shows just how screwed you are.

You have 3 options:

1) Stop talking to her forver. A good plan, the one I would use.

2) Wuss out, do nothing, and be her intellectual whore forever.

3) Say how much of a mysogynist/cynic/moron I am and go for it. It's chilly in the Abyss, so wear a coat.

Inflicted

One piece of advice:

Never give up. Nothing is ever easy. You want it, work for it.

Good luck chief.

illdeviant

omg. intellectual whores is hilarious.

but on the topic, don't maket he jump, man. the abyss aint fun. ive tried it.

FallenAvatar

Friends make good lovers... but you can't force it. I mean you can try and give her hints, but you can't make it a relationship, a relationship is 2 people.. not 1.

cielito

I am sort of in a similar situation at the moment. My big problem is that we started as friends, became lovers, and now due to our age difference (14 years, but thats for another thread) she wants to return to being friends. The best advice I can give is similar to what Inflicted said. If it was easy you wouldnt want it as bad (trust me), so if youre willing to work for it, then go for it, but be completely honest with her, but dont become her bitch.

ElPresidente

i'm still reading suggestions and making up my mind about her, thanks for all your posts.

Jaseca

I've successfully jumped the ladder twice... Although it was helped by the female friend being interested in me without my knowledge.

I know it sounds way to plain but be yourself. Don't act different because you're trying to date.

My method was usually to do something as just friends but turn the event into something romantic. It all depends on what the girl likes to do, one really enjoyed looking at the stars and the other walks which made things much easier on my part...