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yea she would be my first. i honestly think that one day we'll hook up, but when she was talking to me over the phone from out of town she said wonderful things and when she changed her mind it really screwed with my head. i'm not showing any of my insecurity or frustration to her, and we still go out and have a really good time, but since i've sort of gotten a taste of what it'd be like to have her in that way, friends doesn't seem like enough anymore. we've talked about it before and she doesn't want a relationship with me. why should she? i already am more supportive, affectionate, and caring than any guy she's been involved with so far, and i've demonstrated a willingness to put out on the physical end - even though, like i said, she withdrew. i'm way too accessible, and i think i need to change that.
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