scavengertype

My wife gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl about 2 weeks ago. It was a very smooth natural delivery, and the baby was a little early and pretty tiny. Only 1 tear requiring a couple stitches.

I, in my sleep deprived state, am anxiously awaiting the 6 week mark (or so) when we can again have sex. My wife is more beautiful than ever to me now, she looks incredible, and there is something unbelievably hot about her being the mother of my child. Basically I can't wait to jump her bones again.

We unfortunately never had a very good sex life. My wife hasn't ever been able to orgasm, and just never had a lot of interest in sex. I know this is a common issue on this board. It has been a problem in the past, but we have been trying harder to fix things lately, but due to pain because of the pregnancy, it had been get-in-get-out for the last few months leading up to the baby. I was hoping she would be one of those very horny pregnant women, but for her, if anything, her libido went down a little.

I am asking from those with experience what I can expect after the recovery (and nursing) is over in a few weeks. Is there a chance things will change hormonally? Any advice?

Ustwo

I'm afraid there is NO one answer for this.

I know of woman who couldn't even wait the 6 weeks before having sex again.

My wife didn't really get interested in sex again until she was done with breast feeding.

Friend of mine, used to never be able to orgasm and it became quite easy for her after a child.

So you might find changes, but you might not, and it may get better or it may get worse. I've seen both ends of this.

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Redlemon

What to expect? Exhaustion. It'll take a while to even get past that. Don't pressure her.

You might both want to check out The Girlfriends' Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood, which focuses on the mother, not the child.

(Oh, and congratulations.)

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scavengertype

Thanks for the replies. I guess the answer I was looking for is that it is common that things get better. I am also aware that it is common nothing changes, or they get worse. It's good to have hope.
We will work through this regardless, but a little help from mother nature would be great.

absorbentishe

My wife and I have 4, and every one has been different. With the second, she was terribly depressed, and it took months before we had sex again. The third, on the day of the dr's visit, we did. Being your first, don't expect too much too soon. There will be a lot of sleepless nights, and tension between you, but it will work itself out.

ngdawg

She's only going to nurse for a few weeks? Understanding that it is a personal decision, I hope she decides to go at least until the baby takes her first food. Congrats by the way!
After the bleeding stops is anywhere from a couple of weeks to a month and when you start the sex again, wear a condom or use a spermicide!! Nursing does NOT guarantee no subsequent pregnancyI know women with kids 11 months apart thinking they were 'safe' because they nursed.

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Copperpenny

I've had four children and had different feelings after each one. My last one we didn’t even wait the 6 weeks. But be sure to tell her just what you told us! How sexy you find her and how incredible you think she is and what a great job she’s doing as a mom and wife, but not when you are in bed, just an out of the blue type of thing. I know I didn’t feel sexy in any way after birth but it sure was nice to hear that my hubby felt that way! Also my hubby did a lot around the house, dishes, laundry etc…made it so I could get more rest, heal faster and fell better. Best of luck and congrats on the little babe It’s a wonderful time even when your sleep deprived!

scavengertype

thanks again. I have been making special efforts to tell her how I feel (not that hard, i can't contain it) and help out as much as possible even while she's off and I'm at work. It took a little bit of learning on my part before I found out that these kind of things are a big factor in what happens in the bedroom....They need to put that in the new husband's manual.

ASU2003

Is all sexual activity out of the question? Can you do non-insertive, very gentle activities? I wouldn't recommend asking her for blow-jobs for the next 6 weeks though.

abaya

Hee hee, this made me smile. I'm glad you're learning the ropes of being a good husband... she probably seems to be on a different planet sometimes after the pregnancy (from what I've heard; haven't had one myself), but all the little things you do ARE appreciated. Not to mention all that help IS sexy and translates well into the bedroom (even if you have to wait a bit).

Congrats on the new baby! Let us know how it goes, keeping the sparks a-flyin' with the new one in the house.

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Daoust

My personal experience. My wife had a tear after she gave birth, and she didn't let it heal properly, and our sex life has suffered ever since. She tore the stitches and it healed up wrong and caused scar tissue... We couldn't have sex for SIX MONTHS after our daughter was born. Six months. After that time sex became painful, awkward, difficult, and very infrequent. Still today, 2 and a half years after she gave birth, she finds intercourse very difficult. Now, the doctor says after our second one is born they can do some corrective surgery to heal the scarring left from the previous birth. I don't know how or if it will work, but I'm praying it does....

Anyway, thats my story. Sorry if its all doom and gloom...

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SERPENT7

My wife had similar problems with tearing. It was not for lack of care/concern, but because she was straining at the stool. Straining causes the muscles to tear the flesh, and the tears heal in a haphazard/jagged fashion, creating scarring.
My advise to your wife would be to:
1) Avoid caffine, and all other diuretics, as these will harden the stool, making it more difficult to pass.
2) Eat lots of organic fibre. High fibre cereal, and leafy and green vegies, like broccoli. (Experience taught wife it worked best.) OTC fibre products tended to be only marginally effective, and therefore require taking in MASSIVE amounts in order to work.
3) Avoid laxatives, as they are physiologicaly addictive.
4) Drink LOTS of water, and juices. Prune juice is best, but few people can tolerate the taste. I would suggest grape or cran juice.
5) Have a bm as frequently as possible. The longer she waits, the worse it is.

It should also be noted here that anal fisures/vaginal tears are EXTREMELY painful. Watching my wife go through agony every time she went to the bathroom for a year...Not fun. for anyone.

Craven Morehead

Take it easy, once you get the green light. Don't rush it and be gentle.

Congrats on the little one. Its the best thing to ever happen to you.

savvypup

You sound like the most wonderful husband!!!, she should be very thankful to have such a thoughtful partner - not that mine wasn't after the birth of our daughter. We had a dream birth, but I was really scared of that first time after bubs arrival, which your wife may also feel. Didn't cause any problems or discomfort at all and I wondered why we waited so long, but the lack of sleep certainly didn't make me feel the most sexy. Try and get her and your daughter out and about on your days off if possible. A bout of cabin fever doesn't assist the sexual urges either.

A huge congrats for your little bundle. Enjoy the ride!

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ciao bella!

TotalMILF

Awe, congrats on the baby!!

Hubby and I have had some very similar issues since our son came along almost 4 months ago. My advice to you: be patient. It can take months, potentially, for her hormones to stabilize again. In the meantime, go buy some Barely Legals (or take some nudes of the wifey yourself!), grab some KY, and get to jerkin'!

Also, keep reminding her of how gorgeous she is, because if she's anything like 99.9% of other postnatal women, she likely feels like a giant flabby ball of poo. Also, let her come to you when she's ready. For me there is NOTHING more irritating than being badgered for sex when it is the farthest thing from my mind. Remember, her body has been through an extraordinary ordeal and it will take time for her to recover.

Before I got pregnant we were like rabbits, but the sex started to dwindle as the pregnancy progressed (mostly due to my complete and utter exhaustion). I ended up needing 12 stitches after delivering, which can definitely put a damper on your sex life for a while. I know now we don't have sex nearly as often as xeph would like, and I feel terrible about it, but I honestly would rather have a nap than have sex 'bout 9 times out of 10. I don't even want to masturbate. I'm sure it's a combination of hormones (I'm still nursing and thus have not resumed my menstrual cycle, which can really mess you up!) and sleep deprivation that's making me this way, but it IS slowly getting better. There is hope! Like I said, just be patient. Things will slowly go back to normal

Congrats again!