Bill O'Rights

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to
help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice,
avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive
behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to
ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try
one more time to ordain and establish some common sense
guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional and
other liberal, bed-wetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of
people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that
they require a "Bill of No Rights".

ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any
other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally
acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is
based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not
just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a
different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably
always will be.

ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect
the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans
are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help
anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of sub- sidizing generation after generation of professional couch
potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another
generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not
interested in health care.

ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you
kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be
surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric
chair.

ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you
rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other
citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and
lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to
a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII:
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their
lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate
oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from
going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting
the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time
battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a
funny hat.

ARTICLE IX:
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to
have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we
expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education
and educational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by
the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an
overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were
confused by the Bill of Rights.

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

The_Dude

bill of rights, 21st century version

__________________
"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal

Liquor Dealer

I wonder if there is anyway we could implement this - just switch them with the other one! How's the song go? Sumthin' like "and the world would be a better place".

__________________
Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, sometimes it's more like a jar of Jalapenos --- what you say or do today might burn your ass tomorrow!!!

Macheath

I disagree with Article four and five. I disagree with article six's reference to the electric chair (they hardly use that crude torture device anymore; not even in Texas).

There have been a lot of corporate execs lately who could be hauled away under article seven.

Is Bush now going to strike article eight from the bill of no rights - or was that just for show?

Still, it's a fun list - even if it is a bit overweeningly "edgy" in a right libertarian kind of way. Thanks.

Liquor Dealer

Damn! Four and five were my favorite ammendments.

__________________
Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, sometimes it's more like a jar of Jalapenos --- what you say or do today might burn your ass tomorrow!!!

geep

A lot of Congressmen would end up in jail too for stealing my paycheck!

Hey Macheath- You have the right to complain but you don't have the right to expect me to agree with you.

LutherMac

Very good one.... I especially like 2 and 3... though I'm pretty big into anti-censorship... anti-frivolous lawsuits...

Wish there was some way we could get this into law...

__________________
Always remember that you are unique... just like everyone else!

Macheath

geep, you have the right to tell me that I don't have the right to expect you to agree with me, but I have the right to not be too worried that you don't agree with me.

Whew, time to go back to watching <A HREF="http://www.rubberturnip.org.uk/yesminister/quotes.html">Yes Minister</A>.

smooth

Intersting, maybe you should read up on your namesake.

The Bill of Rights doesn't secure the right to persue happiness.

Besides the fact that we are US citizens and whatever rights we have apply to us and not "Americans," our constitution doesn't guarantee the right to life, liberty, or persuit of happiness.

Liquor Dealer

Actually the whole bit - including the pursuit of happiness comes from the Declaration of Independence - not the Preamble to the Constitution

__________________
Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, sometimes it's more like a jar of Jalapenos --- what you say or do today might burn your ass tomorrow!!!

Daval

I vote that we implement these!

__________________
"It is impossible to obtain a conviction for sodomy from an English jury. Half of them don't believe that it can physically be done, and the other half are doing it."
Winston Churchill

Liquor Dealer

I'll second that! - any objections? None heard, The motion carrys.

(Hits podium with gavel - Deal is done. Discussion adjourned!)

__________________
Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, sometimes it's more like a jar of Jalapenos --- what you say or do today might burn your ass tomorrow!!!

geep

I assume you speak fluent German? If this was the case in 1942 I guarantee that today you would.

Darkblack

I am going to quote a few of the articles to write my opinion on them.

I feel I do have a right to be offended. I have the right to express that I am offended. If not for people being offended there would be no counter to KKK marches and the Dixie Chics wouldn't get bad press.


I agree totally.

So what do you suggest we do with our homeless and less fortunate? Let them die in the street? How do I explain to my kids that we should show compassion to each other as we step over dead bodies? Or should we force people like myself that cannot be as cold hearted to spend more of our money to help people because the government will not? Low-income people give a larger % to charity than do the wealthy. So this will be keeping the poor, poorer, while allowing the rich to get richer. Again, how does this help?

Free health care would actually be cheaper for us as a country than what we have now. The only losers would be health insurance companies but they could always just do life and other insurance instead.




I agree with this other than the fact that depending on where you live will decide the quality of the education you get. When inner city kids get the same education those wealthy communities can provide for their kids this will be an argument with validation.

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those were the only ones I wanted to comment on. Nice post. Thanks

MacGnG

yea but all the rich people would keep it from happening

seretogis

You read it incorrectly, I believe. It states that you do not have the right to never be offended, meaning that just because you are offended doesn't mean that whatever offends you should be banned/killed/jailed.

The government does a horrible job of managing funds and setting up food/housing projects for the disadvantaged. The extra money that you will have (from not giving it to the government), you can distribute to charities which you feel are competant and do some good. This article isn't about "to hell with the poor, long live the wealthy!" -- it's about choice.

I'd really like to see some numbers on this, because it seems incredibly untrue to me. When I worked at Gage Marketing, the owner gave several times more money to the Red Cross (after 9/11) than all other employee contributions combined. I can't imagine the poor giving a larger percentage of their liquid income to charity than those who can afford to do so. Stats please.

According to Daschel, it would be almost $950 billion. That doesn't sound very cheap to me. It's nice of you to provide other options for health insurance companies though.

Hint: Wealthy kids do not go to public schools.

Public schools everywhere are more incompetant than private schools, and it shows. Tossing more money at public schools will not fix them, only taking a cue from private schools will.

__________________
seretogis - sieg heil
perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost
no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

geep

There is no such thing as "free health care". Take a look at you're next paycheck and tell me how many government services you get for free. If you are the average 18-30 year old you probably use no government services, yet you pay more for those services if you are single than others with the same amount of income. So what exactly are you getting for free?

Darkblack

Free, meaning you do not pay for health care but you are taxed so that everyone can have health care. It works well in Canada and I have ready studies that converting to this would save the US a lot of cash. I cannot find the site I was reading this on but when I do I will post it. Was interesting.

Like I said, so people like me who are not cold hearted will have give more because the wealthy will not. There is a reason the wealthy are wealthy, they do not give away money unless they are forced. If it is not a tax charities will not get money from most of the wealthy. Forcing me to pay more to make sure our citizens that cannot or will not provide for themselves get food and shelter.


Again I will have to get the numbers from a site I cannot find now, but let me clarify a bit. The lower and middle class give a larger % of their annual income to charity than do the wealthy.

Not true. Some Wealthy go to private schools. A lot go to public along with upper middle class and the rest of us. Public schools need funding. Period. Private schools are great if you want to send your child to a religious school or something like that. Not all parents want that for their child. Public education should be an option and it should be a standard. A child should be able to go to a school in the Bronx and a school in Beverly Hills and get the same education with the same tools and same caliber teacher. Teachers need to be paid more and given the chance to educate at the best of their ability.

Darkblack

http://www.justgive.org/html/don_info/howmuch.html

Here is one. I will find the other I was looking for.

ganon

this is an interesting thread, and i have seen this list before. If any of you want to really learn what the country was really supposed to be founded on, as far as a basis of law goes, I suggest you study common law, all the way back to its roots in english common law. It is amazing, and if you look at american history, and watch how the further we get from the original idea of common law and move towards what we have now, you will see where all of the social and economic problems come from, and what can be done about them. It is definitely worth your time.

__________________
"My give up, my give up." - Jar Jar Binks

geep

You right on ganon! I might add to start with the Magna Cartaas it is the document that "inspired" the Constitution.

But I think that maybe the Bill of Rights, while advanced in it's day, is incomplete and needs to be updated.

Dilbert1234567

send it to ashcroft, im sure he'll help you out

__________________
Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

geep

That would be like getting the fox to watch the henhouse.

Bill O'Rights

Whoa, whoa, whoa and whoa. I posted this as a comical, satirical kinda thing with a political bent. Most of you, I see, took it that way. Some of you are taking it <b>way</b> to seriously. Lighten up guys, we need to learn to laugh at ourselves. Und geep, nein, Ich bin aushlander und sprechen nicht gut Deutsch, und du?

__________________
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.