3-year-old emotional girl - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

vanblah · 01-06-2005, 12:53 PM

Wow. I think I just witnessed the saddest thing ever.

I am home today with my wife and daughter. My daughter is 3 years old plus a few months. She doesn't seem to be overly emotional or precocious (I'm being objective here ... I personally think she is the smartest kid in the world).

Anyway, she was being mean to the dog with one of her toys. I told her to stop which of course she didn't do. So, I took the toy away from her. Of course, the fake tears started and she told me she wanted to be nice to the dog. I told her it was too late and put the toy up on a high shelf.

A few minutes later I hear her singing in the dining room. I get up and quietly walk in thinking I'm going to witness something really, really cute. Instead, I see her walking around looking at herself in my wife's hand held make-up mirror quietly singing these words over and over:

"Nobody likes me; nobody likes me; because she ... nobody likes me."

I watch for about a minute and then my daughter notices me. She starts grinning and says, "Hey. Stop that," referring to the fact that I was just watching her.

The only thing I could do was pick her up and tell her that I like her and that I love her and so does Mommy. We went through her list of friends and confirmed that they do like her.

Incidentally, she does know all the words to one of the songs that my band does called "Everyone Here Hates Me," but the leap from that to the song she was singing is pretty big. The melodies were completely different and she does know the melody to the band's song. The words are totally different too.

It just goes to show you how astute kids can really be. So I just wanted to know if any other parents out there have had a similar situation with a toddler.

Doug

PS - We have a fairly normal, loving family life around my house. With the exception of me being in a band it's about as stable as it gets.

f6twister · 01-06-2005, 11:11 PM

My son is too young to have a similar experience but I just don't believ that she could already have that type of negative self image. It sounds more to me like she combined the words she heard with either a different melody or her own. The fact that she was wandering around and not acting hurt or sad seems to support my theory.

pinoychink790 · 01-06-2005, 11:43 PM

have you tried giving them a hug?

vanblah · 01-07-2005, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinoychink790

have you tried giving them a hug?

Quote:

Originally Posted by vanblah

The only thing I could do was pick her up and tell her that I like her and that I love her and so does Mommy. We went through her list of friends and confirmed that they do like her.

Yes. There is no shortage of hugs around here.

Lebell · 01-22-2005, 03:52 PM

There is also a real possibility that she could have been manipulating you.

Just make sure that you tell her she is "good" when she isn't doing something wrong, such as being mean to the dog.

Squishor · 01-22-2005, 04:00 PM

I honestly think some kids are just like that. I was one of those kids, even though I had loving parents and got plenty of hugs. I am still one of those kids today...I don't have any helpful advice, just an observation.

Demeter · 01-22-2005, 06:35 PM

If everytime she sings that song you hug her & talk to her for half an hour, yeah, she's gonna sing the song...
I remember how clever my daughter was at that age...they know more than you think.

01-23-2005, 06:51 AM

It's just a song - kids make up songs all the time - they chant or sing whatever thoughts come into their head at that moment - you'd just told her off, so she felt kinda down for a while - no big deal - when she's happy, watch her, and I wouldn't be surprised when she starts singing different, happier songs.

vanblah · 01-23-2005, 08:13 AM

Thanks for all of the comments.

It's a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. I realize it just reinforced the behavior when I picked her up and hugged her afterward -- but how can I not?

She has said that "nobody likes her" since then and we have simply told her that she is being silly. She hasn't sung the song since then though ...

It's just a roller coaster (although more peaks than valleys).

Lebell · 01-23-2005, 03:03 PM

On another note, you can always teach her the "Worms" song.

I do that when my step-kids go into the "poor me" routine.

I'll post the words if anyone wants, but since the tune isn't a popular toon to sing too, I don't know that there is a point.

Oh, what the heck.

Worms:

Nobody loves me,
everybody hates me,
I'm gonna eat some Woooorms

(chorus)
Big Fat Fuzzy ones,
Long skinny slimey ones,
Itsy bitsy fuzzy wuzzy wooooorms.

Down goes the first one
down goes the second one
See how they wiggle and they squiiiiiirm
(chorus)

Up comes the first one
Up comes the second one
See how they wiggle and they squiiiiirm
(chorus)

-------

Of course, the more melodramatic you make it, the better

raveneye · 01-23-2005, 06:05 PM

Our 4-year-old just started to have nightmares. She woke up one morning crying, saying that she had a dream that her rabbit Felix died. First thing she wanted to do was check on him, and she went down and held him and stroked him very gently.

Then he came in the house the next day and started nibbling on one of her paintings, and that pissed her off so much she said, "OK that's enough, let's take him back to the pet store!"

Kids that age are emotionally mercurial, one minute they are in horrible pain and the next minute the forgot entirely what happened.

Love that worms song, I'm going to have to use it the first chance I get.

01-06-2005, 12:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
vanblah Junkie	3-year-old emotional girl Wow. I think I just witnessed the saddest thing ever. I am home today with my wife and daughter. My daughter is 3 years old plus a few months. She doesn't seem to be overly emotional or precocious (I'm being objective here ... I personally think she is the smartest kid in the world). Anyway, she was being mean to the dog with one of her toys. I told her to stop which of course she didn't do. So, I took the toy away from her. Of course, the fake tears started and she told me she wanted to be nice to the dog. I told her it was too late and put the toy up on a high shelf. A few minutes later I hear her singing in the dining room. I get up and quietly walk in thinking I'm going to witness something really, really cute. Instead, I see her walking around looking at herself in my wife's hand held make-up mirror quietly singing these words over and over: "Nobody likes me; nobody likes me; because she ... nobody likes me." I watch for about a minute and then my daughter notices me. She starts grinning and says, "Hey. Stop that," referring to the fact that I was just watching her. The only thing I could do was pick her up and tell her that I like her and that I love her and so does Mommy. We went through her list of friends and confirmed that they do like her. Incidentally, she does know all the words to one of the songs that my band does called "Everyone Here Hates Me," but the leap from that to the song she was singing is pretty big. The melodies were completely different and she does know the melody to the band's song. The words are totally different too. It just goes to show you how astute kids can really be. So I just wanted to know if any other parents out there have had a similar situation with a toddler. Doug PS - We have a fairly normal, loving family life around my house. With the exception of me being in a band it's about as stable as it gets.

01-06-2005, 11:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
f6twister Addict	My son is too young to have a similar experience but I just don't believ that she could already have that type of negative self image. It sounds more to me like she combined the words she heard with either a different melody or her own. The fact that she was wandering around and not acting hurt or sad seems to support my theory. __________________ A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

01-22-2005, 03:52 PM	#5 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	There is also a real possibility that she could have been manipulating you. Just make sure that you tell her she is "good" when she isn't doing something wrong, such as being mean to the dog. __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

01-23-2005, 03:03 PM	#10 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	On another note, you can always teach her the "Worms" song. I do that when my step-kids go into the "poor me" routine. I'll post the words if anyone wants, but since the tune isn't a popular toon to sing too, I don't know that there is a point. Oh, what the heck. Worms: Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat some Woooorms (chorus) Big Fat Fuzzy ones, Long skinny slimey ones, Itsy bitsy fuzzy wuzzy wooooorms. Down goes the first one down goes the second one See how they wiggle and they squiiiiiirm (chorus) Up comes the first one Up comes the second one See how they wiggle and they squiiiiirm (chorus) ------- Of course, the more melodramatic you make it, the better __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

01-06-2005, 11:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
pinoychink790 Loser Location: McDonald's Playland	have you tried giving them a hug?

01-22-2005, 04:00 PM	#6 (permalink)
Squishor Frontal Lobe Location: California	I honestly think some kids are just like that. I was one of those kids, even though I had loving parents and got plenty of hugs. I am still one of those kids today...I don't have any helpful advice, just an observation.

01-22-2005, 06:35 PM	#7 (permalink)
Demeter Psycho	If everytime she sings that song you hug her & talk to her for half an hour, yeah, she's gonna sing the song... I remember how clever my daughter was at that age...they know more than you think.

01-23-2005, 06:51 AM	#8 (permalink)
zen_tom Guest	It's just a song - kids make up songs all the time - they chant or sing whatever thoughts come into their head at that moment - you'd just told her off, so she felt kinda down for a while - no big deal - when she's happy, watch her, and I wouldn't be surprised when she starts singing different, happier songs.

01-23-2005, 08:13 AM	#9 (permalink)
vanblah Junkie	Thanks for all of the comments. It's a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. I realize it just reinforced the behavior when I picked her up and hugged her afterward -- but how can I not? She has said that "nobody likes her" since then and we have simply told her that she is being silly. She hasn't sung the song since then though ... It's just a roller coaster (although more peaks than valleys).

01-23-2005, 06:05 PM	#11 (permalink)
raveneye Born Against	Our 4-year-old just started to have nightmares. She woke up one morning crying, saying that she had a dream that her rabbit Felix died. First thing she wanted to do was check on him, and she went down and held him and stroked him very gently. Then he came in the house the next day and started nibbling on one of her paintings, and that pissed her off so much she said, "OK that's enough, let's take him back to the pet store!" Kids that age are emotionally mercurial, one minute they are in horrible pain and the next minute the forgot entirely what happened. Love that worms song, I'm going to have to use it the first chance I get.