Amethyst

My daughter is 8 going to be 9 in September. A few weeks ago she asked my husand and I about sex. We got some books from the library and sat down and talked to her about sex. I got her the American Girl Book The Care an Keeping of You. It was a very good book for girls and I recommened it to anyone. Anyway they talked about your period, breasts, growing pubic hair, taking care of your self etc. Well, my daughter came up to me the other day and said remeber we read in that book that you get hair down there and I said yeah. She said well it happened to me. At first I was like no way she is way to young. But there is a little there. Is this to early? I just don't know what to think.

:::OshnSoul:::

I hear ya- I have a stepdaughter turning 9 next week, but we see all the signs of pre-puberty. She has been rather quiet and withdrawn, moody, getting easily aggitated with her little brother. It's crazy to think how young the girls are starting to hit puberty these days. I'm trying to prepare my husband for the *developement* and *cycle* that could happen anytime. But she is not quite ready for a traing bra, although her grandmother thinks so and bought her one. I stashed it away.......

la petite moi

I don't think that is too young, because I remember my friend starting her period in the fifth grade. I knew a girl in the fourth grade who had pubic hair as well. It's something normal. Hair wouldn't be growing there if it wasn't meant to!

raeanna74

I remember I was in 4th grade when I started to get pit hair. Ick I thought. I also know a girl who comes here with her younger brother and sister. She is 10 and asking all sorts of questions. Her mom and I have talked and I've been "given permission" to share my knowledge as well with her daughter since her daughter seems shy to ask mom or dad. It's not too old for some things to begin. I've heard many times in the past year or so that girls are hitting puberty earlier that we all used to. I forget the reasons I've heard for the phenomenon. It seems normal from what I've experienced, seen, and what I've heard of recently. You could always call your doc and ask him. He could settle your mind better than we can for sure.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

sexymama

My daughter is 10 1/2 and hitting it hard. I swear she had PMS all day today. Still no hair -- but growing breast. She insist that the "growing pains" are from gymnastics -- but I know the truth.

I've read recently that all the additives we put in meat and other products to make them grow faster and bigger, is making our children's bodies mature faster. Sad part is, the brain isn't maturing at the same rate. My goal, eat as much natural as possible and talk a lot!

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

onetime2

While I am not a parent, I'll add my bit of knowledge. 8 or 9 is not necessarily too young. Everyone is different. My fiance began menstruating at 9. So, in a sense, there's no such thing as "too early". It happens when it happens. Obviously you need to be prepared for the possibility that she may have some added stress from being made fun of from other kids that haven't begun the process.

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MSD

When I hit puberty, I found What's Happening to my Body: Book for Boys to be a valuable resource. I would suggest a copy of the girls' counterpart.

brianna

i'm not a parent but I really think the book "reviving ophelia" is a must read for all parents of girls. good luck, to you and her.

absorbentishe

My oldest son is 11 now, been growing hair below for about a year now. Lately he's been moody as hell. I'm hoping my daughter who's 7 holds off for a long time.

Meditrina

I hope it is okay to revive an old thread. I took my 8 1/2 yr old daughter to the doctor yesterday. She has 'breast buds' and the doctor said she can start puberty any moment now. Yikes! my heart jumped when he said that. I ordered her that American Girl book and we plan on reading it together.

My question is, as a parent, how did you handle the fact that your child was going through puberty? I feel very nervous about the whole thing, although I know it is not avoidable. I just don't want to tell her the wrong thing and I want her to know that I am there for her as her body changes.

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maleficent

I don't think there is a wrong thing to tell her, unless you call it "the curse" or tell her it's ok to take to her sick bed for 5 days... Just be honest with her and tell her the things that you wished your mother would have told you...

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snowy

Just make sure that she knows that it's all okay, how she feels is okay, and you're there for her. Knowing that my mom was always there to listen to me (even when I was overemotional and we weren't getting along) was crucial to me in my preteen and teen years. And when she finally does get her period, make it something special, not something to be ashamed of.

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Sage

Thank you to all parents who sit down with their kids and TELL THEM what's going on! I felt so ignorant when I hit puberty... just woke up with bloody sheets one day and mom said "go put on a pad" and that was about it!!

I totally echo what others have said about letting your kid know you're there for them- that's the most important thing!

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JustJess

Yay for Amethyst being a good mom!
It's not that out of the ordinary, as you can tell from previous posts. As long as you talk to her the way you would want someone to talk to you, you'll be okay.
Good luck, and congratulations to your daughter entering a new phase! Lucky her to have someone working so hard for her.

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Sugarmouse

yeh it is a good thing that u are so considerate and concerned! ! i amnot a parent either...but i dont think there is anythhing abnormal here

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Meditrina

Thank you all so much. I know that I can turn to TFP for the support I need to help my daughter through this phase of her life.

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"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

maleficent

There are two sites you might also want to check out - one for you, one for you to checkout with your daughter....www.tampax.com has a really good section on talking to your daughter about puberty and has a pretty detailed FAQ -- there's also a site (I think it's a tampax site too www.beinggirl.com - that explains a lot of stuff on a girls level... (and i think a free sample or two )

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Meditrina

hey, thanks Mal. I will look at those sites.

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"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

shesus

I was going to mention this when I read the OP. When I taught 3rd grade, I have some students who were already developing. When I taught fifth grade, it was unbelievable. I was a late bloomer (14 when I started) and my mom gave me a little talk, but nothing big. I wish I knew that cramps were normal and that I wasn't going to die from blood loss.

Parents ask me all the time how to talk to their children. We are all very honest with my step-daughter about any topic that comes up. I want her to be informed so she can make the right choices and know what to expect. I think if you are genuine and honest you will be fine. What I also find is that if you ask the child what questions they may have, they will start the conversation for you. Good luck. Unfortunately, a rocky road lies ahead!

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amonkie

I second Sage and Onesnowyowl - My mom neither Talked with me or Listened - EVER - especially when i was overemotional - and it has negatively affected our relationship, probably permanently. Be someone your daughter can trust to come to, no matter what, and you can relieve a lot of stress and know it's a natural part of life.

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shesus

Analog, gonna slightly disagree with you on this one. When chldren are beginning puberty it is important for the parent(s) to know what is going on in case any problems occur. I am not proposing asking the parent(s) to stare at their child's crotch as you so blatantly put it. However, with girls starting periods and stuff some problems could occur that need medical attention. I never told my mom how extremely bad my cramps were. I finally got the help I needed when I was 18. But that was after 6 years of backbreaking cramps that last anywhere from 5-7 days.

Now, parents do need to know when to stop 'noticing' their child. I was at Bloomy's lingerie shopping the other day and a mother was praising her daughter on her cleavage. The daughter was about 20 and a AA, still trying to figure out the cleavage part...
My step-daughter would kill me if I mentioned anything about her chest. I taught her how to find a bra that fits when she was 13, now at 15 we still shop together, but I don't assist in anyway, unless she asks.

Parents need to be involved in the beginning to teach and nurture, but then the cord needs to be cut so the saying goes...

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Whatever did happen to your soul?
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Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

Meditrina

As a mom of a girl, I do agree that you have to cut the cord eventually. But while she is still young, I want to be there for her when she has questions. I do not want her to think she is dying when she starts her period (my mom thought she was dying, no one told her a thing!). I do not stare at her private area, and she showers alone (until it is time to rinse the shampoo out. she has a ton of hair and needs my help with this). I want her to be more knowledgable about her changing body than I was. I received the book today, and she is really excited about reading it together. I feel like I am starting this on the right foot, let's hope I can keep it that way.

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"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

sexymama

analog -- I don't "poke around" in my daughter's privates. She, however, has chosen to tell me she is growing hair. I think the fact that we are very open with her (she attended the birth of baby brother 11 weeks ago, she has seen me change my pads, etc.) helps her feel comfortable sharing.

Recently a good friend (and mother of a 12-year-old) and I read "The Red Tent." That has inspired us to create a celebration over our girls "coming of age." When they each start their periods they will have a weekend devoted to them. During that time we will create a ceremony to honor the young woman. Some of our thoughts are to do a make over and buy a "grown up" outfit. Dad will take her out on a date in order to model what a good date should be like. We may change the bedroom from a "little girl's room" to a "young adult room." And, of course, we will do some spiritual celebration as well.

In addition, we have read that in other cultures having a period is celebrated. (It is not the curse) As a result of the celebration, there is much less cramping, etc. (Of course, I believe it is also a result of better eating habits as well.) We plan to make having a period a very positive thing. But don't worry, we'll also be up front about cramps, etc. A-matter-of-fact, the only thing that took away my cramps when I was younger was a small glass of wine. That may be part of the celebration!

I hope this helps.

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

SecretMethod70

do you live in an urban area? The average age for menarche (the onset of puberty) is lower in urban areas, and overall it has been declining for some time. There are many theories as to why, from the positive such as better health, to the negative such as increased hormones in our food and environment. Either way, 9 is relatively normal these days.

EDIT: Didn't notice this thread was so old when I initially made this post. Anyway, the post is pretty much irrelevent now, but it's useful information anyway. *shrug*

I must say though, the thread has been an informing read as someone who may be a parent one day.

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Le temps détruit tout

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Martian

Just on a technical note, the earlier onset of puberty is often attributed to better nutrition. If we look at 'back in the day' when the onset of puberty was later, it was generally considered that food is food. Nowadays in the first world nations a lot of emphasis is placed on a balanced diet and getting the right nutrients into your body. This seems to have a side effect of causing faster and better physical development. The whole 'hormone' thing seems to be largely scare-mongering as far as I've been able to determine.

Also, this. A five year old gave birth in 1939 to a healthy baby boy. The idea of early development isn't entirely new, although this is an extreme case. My girlfriend had breasts at 9 that were bigger than those of many grown women. These things happen and have been happening for a long time now.

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Elphaba

Bravo! My mother assumed I would be the first, being the oldest of three girls, and tried to do a better job of it than her mother did. Unfortunately, my sister, two years younger than me, was the first and came to me horrified by why she might be bleeding.

Younger sis prepared her daughter when she saw the first signs of puberty so that there was no trauma when menstruation began. As a part of her young womanhood, dad and daughter dressed in their finest and had dinner at the Space Needle in celebration.

My niece is a confident, successful young woman and mother that I greatly admire. Her parents did a wonderful job in guiding her through a significant milepost in her life.

canuckguy

Elphaba and sexymana, those are two great posts. My daughter is along way off from this date (if you just heard something it was just my hair falling out!) but i agree that it should be something to be special for a girl and mother. I love idea of the date with dad, oh so cute.

Elphaba

Wear your best, dad, when the time comes and buy her a corsage. It will be her first prom night.

questone

Just make sure that she knows that it's all okay, how she feels is okay, and you're there for her.

raeanna74

This brought back bad memories. Do NOT take your 15 yr old daughter shopping for bras and make her try them on over her clothes IN the isle to save time. Can you say embarrassing for anyone let alone a teenage girl? It makes me cringe just thinking about it.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

silvertiger

Fortunately I had the benefit if a 15 year old that was fully developed and knew what these things were for.. The wife and I have talked openly about all this jazz since day 1 and I think she is better off for it.

IMHO, Being honest and up front about it (without going into so much deatil as to get an "ewwwwww.. gross!!" from them) is the best policy. Answer questions, deal with the period when it starts, and keep her educated.

Silver Tiger

abaya

I think the celebration idea is a wonderful one. I'm not a parent, but I really like some of the ideas presented here... will have to come back to TFP when I have my own!

I developed pretty early (breasts and hair), but didn't get my period until I was 13. My mom had always been open about our bodies, periods, etc, so I knew what to do, but my parents were on vacation when it happened and I had to tell her over the phone. She was more emotional about it than I was!!

Even though my mom has been a little ashamed of talking about sex, all other parts of the body were open to discussion and I've always been comfortable talking to her about that. I'm glad for that, though hell, she still barges into the bathroom when I'm visiting home and getting out of the shower!

I think if you can cultivate a level of trust and comfortability with your daughter, where she feels okay asking direct questions, that's good.

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