Legal advice? Been there? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

mixedsubstance · 07-05-2006, 03:36 PM

I've been divorced for 2 yrs. now. Our 6 yr. old son lives with me, goes to his father's every other weekend per the final parenting plan. However, verbally agreed amongst the ex and I, my ex has our son every other week during the summertime. Then we would go back to the normal parenting schedule come school year in the fall.
Now- my ex is trying to get out of paying the child support because of this change (although after demanding him to, he paid the full amount this month). He pays me directly, obviously- it is not garnished. I reminded him that the living arrangement was only temporary (for 7 weeks in the summer) and was mutually agreed upon. That has NOTHING to do with child support. He is still legally bound to pay that. He is accusing me of just being selfish because I want the money. I told him that of that money, part of it is his contribution to our repo'd car payments, and the rest is for our son (which to me is still not a whole lot, but I am not going to complain- I am not greedy or ruthless about it). He claims that since he provides him a home, a bed, clothes, food- that he shouldn't have to be paying.
On a side note, he also told me that he told my son that this every-other-week summer arrangement was what *I* wanted. I am very heated because of this, since my ex suggested it in the first place.
Also, for the past few months, my ex has brought up the idea of wanting our son to live with him, since he has an 'established family setting' (living w/ girlfriend and her daughter, as well as when his daughter who stays with him on the weekends). This, I am sure, has a lot to do with his whole griping and threatening of the child support.
I am living in Seattle, they live 30 min. south of me. My family lives abut 1 hr. south of me. I have a very secure, well-paying job up here. I needed to find something higher-paying after the divorce to be able to live on my own and this opportunity came up, so I moved north with my son right before he started kindergarten last fall. Problem is, I am in the midst of a having to fix my car for the 3rd time in 3 months, but I plan on selling it and getting a newer car within the month. I also live with my boyfriend of over a year who also has kids of his own, but live with their mom. My son doesn't seem to have many friends outside of school up here, and I have tried to arrange play dates and such with other parents & kids from school, but it never seems to happen. He goes to daycare (Boys & Girls club) and in the summer goes all day on the weeks I have him, so he does get a lot of interaction with other kids.
My son says he's happy with me, but I know how much he misses his cousins, grandparents, etc. since he doesn't get to see them as much anymore. He is SUCH a momma's boy, but I just want my son to be happy. I don't want to think about him not living with me- but I do have to think about his happiness. I know he won't ever be 100% happy due to his mom and dad not being together, but I just want to make sure that whatever is done is in my son's best interest. Yet, I don't want to fall into something that is detremental for him, due to anything that my ex tries to pull or tell him or get away with.
My ex is now threatening to take this to court- regarding the child support, but also makes me wonder what else he will try to do- like try to get custody of our son. I honestly don't know what the court would say if they look at my living situation vs. my ex's.
Would anyone here have any advice or experience in this? I sure as hell don't have money for a lawyer, though their are free attorney clinics in the area to give legal insight. I am also wondering how to make the right choices for my son- putting him first. I just don't know. I love him to death, and want him to be with me, but I do think about his happiness coming first. First things first though, I was advised to go to DSHS and have the child support garnished from my ex's wages. Would this be a good place to start?

Help!!!!

Demeter · 07-05-2006, 04:01 PM

He'd have a hard time convincing a judge to diminish his payments to you just because he has the kid extra during the summer.

To take custody from you, he'd have to prove you are an unfit parent. He may be able to increase his ability to have a say in more of the visitation, etc.
And what your son prefers will play a big part in the judges decision. There's no point in taking a child from a perfectly good, happy home, and make him miserable.

If he misses a payment, you should get on top of it fast & go to the DSHS.
If he professes to do right by his child, then threatens to cut off the child's support, that shows the judge an immature streak. He's only digging himself into a hole.

And make sure you let him know you are getting leagl counsel. I bet he backs down with his tail between his legs.

If he does take you to court, make sure there are no more 'verbal' agreements, and that everything is down on paper.

cj2112 · 07-05-2006, 06:35 PM

First let me say that child support is to support the child, not to pay for the car that got repo'd.

Having said that, if he has the child half of the time, then he is providing for the child half of the time. What makes you think you're entitled to the full amount of support, when you're only providing for the child half of the time?

I would expect that the ex is probably going to, at the very least, file for a support reduction (which he is entitled to) and possibly for full custody.

You must look past your personal differences with your ex and decide if he is better equipped at this point in your lives to be the custodial parent, or if you are. This doesn't just mean financially (although that should certainly play into it) but socially (for the child) and emotionally. If the answer is yes (and I view claiming not to know as a cop out) then you know what you need to do.

Just to address a couple things that Demeter said....
he doesn't have to prove you unfit in order to win custody, just that he is the better placement option. Also your son is 6, unless your son accuses his father of abuse, what he wants will hold little if any weight as to the judges custody decision . The kid isn't old enough to make decision about what he wants.

I've been there, I'm raising my two kids on my own (now 10 and 12) and have had custody of them since they were 21 months and 4 y.o.

mixedsubstance · 07-05-2006, 09:38 PM

Thanks guys.

Demeter- that's what I think. Sounds like you know what you are talking about. I know I am a fit parent, sometimes I feel bad that my son is so far away from his family that he was used to being around every day. But I did not see myself going anywhere where we were living at the time.

cj- I hope you understood that this every-other-week arrangement is ONLY for the summer. That's 9 weeks. And that the schedule would go back as normal once school started again. We verbally agreed to that with no prior discussion on any fluxuation with child support. Since we had such a fair and easy divorce, we felt fine with minor verbal agreements if need be and if they weren't major. he wasn't even paying child support to me for the first 6 months but at least i've been nice not to hit him up for the back. Also, we agreed that since the repo'd car was in both of our names and we are both held responsible for the payments that his half of the payment (which is only 1/4 of child support payments) would be part of the child support he pays. I wouldn't ask any more. I am fine with what I get but I think it is not okay of him to NOT pay anything. You cannot mess around with the state, ESPECIALLY when it comes to child support. It differs with each state, but I KNOW that Washington St. has very strict guidelines.

I am seeking legal advice tonight, and explaining the whole situation. No matter what, we will get this adjusted with EVERYTHING in writing.

Demeter · 07-06-2006, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cj2112

Just to address a couple things that Demeter said....
he doesn't have to prove you unfit in order to win custody, just that he is the better placement option. Also your son is 6, unless your son accuses his father of abuse, what he wants will hold little if any weight as to the judges custody decision . The kid isn't old enough to make decision about what he wants.

From what I have seen, the judge won't just change custody on a whim. It's always about the best interest of the child, and flipping them from one sole custodial parent to another sole custodial parent is not in their best interest. If the child has a stable loving, healthy home, the judge may give the other parent more time with the kid, but isn't likely to hand the kid over to his father unless there is some issues with the mother's parenting.
If the father is using money as a means to control his exwife, it will show him in an unfavorable light.
Having a kid for extra time in the summer isn't enough to constitute a permanent deduction of support payments.

07-05-2006, 03:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
mixedsubstance Crazy Location: Where the wild things are.	Legal advice? Been there? I've been divorced for 2 yrs. now. Our 6 yr. old son lives with me, goes to his father's every other weekend per the final parenting plan. However, verbally agreed amongst the ex and I, my ex has our son every other week during the summertime. Then we would go back to the normal parenting schedule come school year in the fall. Now- my ex is trying to get out of paying the child support because of this change (although after demanding him to, he paid the full amount this month). He pays me directly, obviously- it is not garnished. I reminded him that the living arrangement was only temporary (for 7 weeks in the summer) and was mutually agreed upon. That has NOTHING to do with child support. He is still legally bound to pay that. He is accusing me of just being selfish because I want the money. I told him that of that money, part of it is his contribution to our repo'd car payments, and the rest is for our son (which to me is still not a whole lot, but I am not going to complain- I am not greedy or ruthless about it). He claims that since he provides him a home, a bed, clothes, food- that he shouldn't have to be paying. On a side note, he also told me that he told my son that this every-other-week summer arrangement was what I wanted. I am very heated because of this, since my ex suggested it in the first place. Also, for the past few months, my ex has brought up the idea of wanting our son to live with him, since he has an 'established family setting' (living w/ girlfriend and her daughter, as well as when his daughter who stays with him on the weekends). This, I am sure, has a lot to do with his whole griping and threatening of the child support. I am living in Seattle, they live 30 min. south of me. My family lives abut 1 hr. south of me. I have a very secure, well-paying job up here. I needed to find something higher-paying after the divorce to be able to live on my own and this opportunity came up, so I moved north with my son right before he started kindergarten last fall. Problem is, I am in the midst of a having to fix my car for the 3rd time in 3 months, but I plan on selling it and getting a newer car within the month. I also live with my boyfriend of over a year who also has kids of his own, but live with their mom. My son doesn't seem to have many friends outside of school up here, and I have tried to arrange play dates and such with other parents & kids from school, but it never seems to happen. He goes to daycare (Boys & Girls club) and in the summer goes all day on the weeks I have him, so he does get a lot of interaction with other kids. My son says he's happy with me, but I know how much he misses his cousins, grandparents, etc. since he doesn't get to see them as much anymore. He is SUCH a momma's boy, but I just want my son to be happy. I don't want to think about him not living with me- but I do have to think about his happiness. I know he won't ever be 100% happy due to his mom and dad not being together, but I just want to make sure that whatever is done is in my son's best interest. Yet, I don't want to fall into something that is detremental for him, due to anything that my ex tries to pull or tell him or get away with. My ex is now threatening to take this to court- regarding the child support, but also makes me wonder what else he will try to do- like try to get custody of our son. I honestly don't know what the court would say if they look at my living situation vs. my ex's. Would anyone here have any advice or experience in this? I sure as hell don't have money for a lawyer, though their are free attorney clinics in the area to give legal insight. I am also wondering how to make the right choices for my son- putting him first. I just don't know. I love him to death, and want him to be with me, but I do think about his happiness coming first. First things first though, I was advised to go to DSHS and have the child support garnished from my ex's wages. Would this be a good place to start? Help!!!! __________________ Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!? Without energy, there would be nothing. Last edited by mixedsubstance; 07-05-2006 at 03:41 PM..

07-05-2006, 04:01 PM	#2 (permalink)
Demeter Psycho	He'd have a hard time convincing a judge to diminish his payments to you just because he has the kid extra during the summer. To take custody from you, he'd have to prove you are an unfit parent. He may be able to increase his ability to have a say in more of the visitation, etc. And what your son prefers will play a big part in the judges decision. There's no point in taking a child from a perfectly good, happy home, and make him miserable. If he misses a payment, you should get on top of it fast & go to the DSHS. If he professes to do right by his child, then threatens to cut off the child's support, that shows the judge an immature streak. He's only digging himself into a hole. And make sure you let him know you are getting leagl counsel. I bet he backs down with his tail between his legs. If he does take you to court, make sure there are no more 'verbal' agreements, and that everything is down on paper. __________________ I am not bound to please thee with my answers. William Shakespeare

07-05-2006, 06:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
cj2112 Unbelievable Location: Grants Pass OR	First let me say that child support is to support the child, not to pay for the car that got repo'd. Having said that, if he has the child half of the time, then he is providing for the child half of the time. What makes you think you're entitled to the full amount of support, when you're only providing for the child half of the time? I would expect that the ex is probably going to, at the very least, file for a support reduction (which he is entitled to) and possibly for full custody. You must look past your personal differences with your ex and decide if he is better equipped at this point in your lives to be the custodial parent, or if you are. This doesn't just mean financially (although that should certainly play into it) but socially (for the child) and emotionally. If the answer is yes (and I view claiming not to know as a cop out) then you know what you need to do. Just to address a couple things that Demeter said.... he doesn't have to prove you unfit in order to win custody, just that he is the better placement option. Also your son is 6, unless your son accuses his father of abuse, what he wants will hold little if any weight as to the judges custody decision . The kid isn't old enough to make decision about what he wants. I've been there, I'm raising my two kids on my own (now 10 and 12) and have had custody of them since they were 21 months and 4 y.o. Last edited by cj2112; 07-05-2006 at 06:41 PM.. Reason: added a couple of things

07-05-2006, 09:38 PM	#4 (permalink)
mixedsubstance Crazy Location: Where the wild things are.	Thanks guys. Demeter- that's what I think. Sounds like you know what you are talking about. I know I am a fit parent, sometimes I feel bad that my son is so far away from his family that he was used to being around every day. But I did not see myself going anywhere where we were living at the time. cj- I hope you understood that this every-other-week arrangement is ONLY for the summer. That's 9 weeks. And that the schedule would go back as normal once school started again. We verbally agreed to that with no prior discussion on any fluxuation with child support. Since we had such a fair and easy divorce, we felt fine with minor verbal agreements if need be and if they weren't major. he wasn't even paying child support to me for the first 6 months but at least i've been nice not to hit him up for the back. Also, we agreed that since the repo'd car was in both of our names and we are both held responsible for the payments that his half of the payment (which is only 1/4 of child support payments) would be part of the child support he pays. I wouldn't ask any more. I am fine with what I get but I think it is not okay of him to NOT pay anything. You cannot mess around with the state, ESPECIALLY when it comes to child support. It differs with each state, but I KNOW that Washington St. has very strict guidelines. I am seeking legal advice tonight, and explaining the whole situation. No matter what, we will get this adjusted with EVERYTHING in writing. __________________ Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!? Without energy, there would be nothing. Last edited by mixedsubstance; 07-06-2006 at 08:31 AM..