Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Philosophy


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-21-2006, 01:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
How do you punish a 25-year-old?

Because of a learning disability and a lack of basic survival skills, our son (age 25) is still living with us. He's not mentally disabled -- he has his own car and bank account (we manage that for him) and a part time job. But he has no concept of basic stuff, like calling a person, leaving a message and then waiting for a reply. He'll call 10 times over the course of a day till they call back. Or give him $50 for the week and it vanishes in two days -- with no idea where it went.

The question is, how do you punish a 25-year-old? In our home he is not allowed to use the phone unless we're home, and even then he must ask for permission. Today I had to run out, left a note on the phone that read "No calls", and placed the note in such a way that the phone couldn't be used without moving it. Sure enough, when I got home, he'd used it. When asked he admitted he used it (to call the same person he's called every day for a week -- that has yet to call back). He said "sorry" but after that it was over.

How do you punish a 25-year-old?

He pays a very small amount of 'rent', but barely enough to cover his food.

Ideas?

P.S. Overall he's a good 'kid'. He's just lacking some of the smarts the rest of us were given by God. But I never let that be used an excuse for things he knows he shouldn't have done.
pook is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 01:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
Willravel's Avatar
 
I can't give you a difinitive answer (or rather opinion) until I know what the nature is of his lkearning disability. Does it have a name? What does it entail?

I sympathise with your situation and wish you the best. Raising a child is a great responsibility and requires incredible inner strength and patience.
Willravel is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 01:26 PM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
Does he understand consequences? That if he does one thing... then that will effect something else? ie if he uses the phone without permission, he can't use the phone for x number of days... and stick with that...

money tends to fall thru my fingers as well - icouldn't tell you where most of it goes.. many people have that problem.. .What helps me is getting receipts for purchases.. that way end of the day i can check my receipts to see where i spent money...
__________________
Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
maleficent is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 06:59 PM   #4 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
If you were to curtail his priveledges or something... would he be able to connect the punishment to the offense? If so, that's what you should do.
ratbastid is offline  
Old 02-21-2006, 07:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
 
raeanna74's Avatar
 
Location: Upper Michigan
I think the nature of his learning disability will greatly determine the type of correction needed. If you have a cordless phone could you take the phone portion with you when you leave?? Then again if he needed help would he be able to reach someone if you did take the phone? How long do you usually leave him alone? Do you have any trouble with him trying to use the phone when you are home. Perhaps you could charge him to use the phone, though I think if he spent $50 and didn't know where it went it wouldn't mean a lot to him to loose that $50 to you even.
__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
raeanna74 is offline  
Old 04-07-2006, 12:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
Devils Cabana Boy
 
Dilbert1234567's Avatar
 
Location: Central Coast CA
Can you restrict TV use, or internet/computer use? When I was young and was punished (rarely) I was not allowed to play any video games, I could only use the computer for homework, and I could watch nothing other than the news on the TV. What things does he like to do?
__________________
Donate Blood!

"Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen
Dilbert1234567 is offline  
Old 04-07-2006, 01:40 PM   #7 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: anytown, USA
put a payphone in.... like the brady bunch
__________________
signature smignature
barenakedladies is offline  
Old 04-07-2006, 01:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
Eat your vegetables
 
genuinegirly's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Arabidopsis-ville
Don't punish him.
Get him a professional counselor. who has experience working with people who find everyday life challenging. They'll usually teach you a few tricks, too!

My best friend has a physical disability that forces her to live at home with her parents at age 24. I know that your son does not have a physical disability, but a mental disability. Even more reason to see a professional. Her counselor specializes in her unique disability, the difference is remarkable . The counseling has done wonders for her - and her mom's approach. You may have many free options available to you and him, depending on where you live and the extent of his learning disability. Check out your state's Disability Rehabilitation program. Also check the local community college for special programs.

It's a rough path - especially for him - but it sounds like your current methods are not working. Why not try a professional? Change won't be fast. It has taken my friend several years of coping with her disability to finally feel some level of freedom with life. But with persistance (and a little laughter) progress is made and the disabled will feel motivated and encouraged in their path towards self-sufficiency.
__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy
genuinegirly is offline  
Old 04-07-2006, 02:24 PM   #9 (permalink)
Deja Moo
 
Elphaba's Avatar
 
Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA
Quote:
Because of a learning disability and a lack of basic survival skills, our son (age 25) is still living with us. He's not mentally disabled -- he has his own car and bank account (we manage that for him) and a part time job. But he has no concept of basic stuff, like calling a person, leaving a message and then waiting for a reply. He'll call 10 times over the course of a day till they call back. Or give him $50 for the week and it vanishes in two days -- with no idea where it went.
Pook, we would be more helpful in answering your question if you have a diagnosis or some other descripter of your son's learning disability. I am reluctant to offer any advice that could do more harm than good.
Elphaba is offline  
Old 04-07-2006, 04:29 PM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
Zeraph's Avatar
 
Location: The Cosmos
Yeah, is it a real learning disability or something self-diagnosed? Not calling you a liar or anything but I've misdiagnosed myself many a time (more ear infections, flu, colds, etc. but still) things and there's no substitute for a doc.
Zeraph is offline  
Old 04-17-2006, 02:44 PM   #11 (permalink)
who ever said streaking was a bad thing?
 
streak_56's Avatar
 
Location: Calgary
I'm with genuinegirly on this one. Go to a conselllor and get some help for someone in his situation. I think in time that he will learn those things, change is usually a slow and tedious thing but it is well worth it in the end.
streak_56 is offline  
 

Tags
25yearold, punish

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 08:00 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360