New Guy, New Stuff - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Romple · 11-04-2005, 01:28 AM

Hey, I just arrived, really enjoying reading your stuff guys. What a great variety!

Though I'd post some things I wrote; not sure whether a new thread was neccesitated here, but whatever.

The Sleepless Diplomat

Instead of rain fell night upon night,
And a soft warmth; and impenetrable
Avenues stretched beyond sight.
Broken upon the plunging crest, the soft husks cascade,
Thrust sharp, and dip sharper.

When the grandest shade of dusk --
Lilting on strange footing again --
Caught a sleepless scoundrel
Miles from ground he’d trust; arms of ballast,
Gasping teeth and stinging eyes,

(“Dutiful to a fault;
Well, all was said and done!”
He trembled,) the tightening he felt
Cried volumes. It was left at that;
Far more was ready to be said…

“And why did they leave wrecks
When thought we ‘tenemos nada?’
Brilliant sky at dawn, unbroken horizons;
Gifts for silent fears, perhaps.” Would he rather
Toss and turn a little less --

Beneath the air’s stifling brazon;
Below the wildly waving palms?
“They say we’ve been living inside our shells;
Laid out to dry for far too long…
Una defensa sin sueño!”
A law unto themselves…

* * *

Well, can they last, the tireless diplomats
(Dust-lost beds, as streams run of their course,
But not yet hopeless of fauna…)
Scattered in the throes of wild fancies? Treading,
Unlost yet, but still stumbling;

And he’s still latching onto her glances.
Well, instead of chase, maybe here he’ll give
Los viente secretos, just left to impart
Before his chances fail... But only if he forgets that -- “God willing” -- he’ll live,
And that life is full of last chances.

(PS I know the Spanish is awfully translated. I'd lie and say that was intentional, but that would be a lie)

tecoyah · 11-04-2005, 04:42 AM

Definately worthy of its own thread....excellent.

More importantly, now you have a place to post more....and more.
To the benefit of us all.

Ah hell....I am now inspired to put my thread back up....Damn you

vonstalhein · 11-06-2005, 08:12 AM

Well...look who it is! Never thought i'd see this poem here! Anyway man, it's great, suitably cryptic. The last two lines are my favourites. I could write a whole essay on your use of the word 'That'! Fancy some constructive criticism?

(write more. That isn't the criticism by the way.)

Romple · 11-26-2005, 01:14 PM

Save constructive criticism for when you are within striking distance, please. Meanwhile, if you'd like to build up a greater reserve of it (I would very much like to hear it, by the way) this is another 'one'.

PS I'm think of submitting my essay on the word 'that' to York Notes. Hat. Splat. They'd probably make me editor.

PPS I am not happy with the clash of ch-c in the first line. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

PPPS If you read Larkin you don't need to point out my plagarism.

'Ship To Shore'

Adrift, a wayward buoy which caught the wind;
The traceless blue will freeze this time. What for…?
Well it just has to; swept our shore,
The ashes where we made to sing,

Burnt sands now carve in dread a shape that casts
Memorial shades; from here, at least, the screams
Felt forceless clouds. A riot, it seems
We’re cursed to say we knew the last;

But, still unvoiced, we ceaseless cast our gaze
Within, without the breaks. In followed years
The heather’s gone; perhaps our prayers,
Their trip to Hell, had salt to say…

Well hell! Two salty pinpricks shade the coast,
Except that someone saves the drowning thing,
Like dogs shake off the rain, to bring
Us – our stored hours – from your ghost.

11-04-2005, 01:28 AM	#1 (permalink)
Romple Upright	New Guy, New Stuff Hey, I just arrived, really enjoying reading your stuff guys. What a great variety! Though I'd post some things I wrote; not sure whether a new thread was neccesitated here, but whatever. The Sleepless Diplomat Instead of rain fell night upon night, And a soft warmth; and impenetrable Avenues stretched beyond sight. Broken upon the plunging crest, the soft husks cascade, Thrust sharp, and dip sharper. When the grandest shade of dusk -- Lilting on strange footing again -- Caught a sleepless scoundrel Miles from ground he’d trust; arms of ballast, Gasping teeth and stinging eyes, (“Dutiful to a fault; Well, all was said and done!” He trembled,) the tightening he felt Cried volumes. It was left at that; Far more was ready to be said… “And why did they leave wrecks When thought we ‘tenemos nada?’ Brilliant sky at dawn, unbroken horizons; Gifts for silent fears, perhaps.” Would he rather Toss and turn a little less -- Beneath the air’s stifling brazon; Below the wildly waving palms? “They say we’ve been living inside our shells; Laid out to dry for far too long… Una defensa sin sueño!” A law unto themselves… * * * Well, can they last, the tireless diplomats (Dust-lost beds, as streams run of their course, But not yet hopeless of fauna…) Scattered in the throes of wild fancies? Treading, Unlost yet, but still stumbling; And he’s still latching onto her glances. Well, instead of chase, maybe here he’ll give Los viente secretos, just left to impart Before his chances fail... But only if he forgets that -- “God willing” -- he’ll live, And that life is full of last chances. (PS I know the Spanish is awfully translated. I'd lie and say that was intentional, but that would be a lie)

11-04-2005, 04:42 AM	#2 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	Definately worthy of its own thread....excellent. More importantly, now you have a place to post more....and more. To the benefit of us all. Ah hell....I am now inspired to put my thread back up....Damn you __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

11-06-2005, 08:12 AM	#3 (permalink)
vonstalhein Insane Location: Where You Live.	Well...look who it is! Never thought i'd see this poem here! Anyway man, it's great, suitably cryptic. The last two lines are my favourites. I could write a whole essay on your use of the word 'That'! Fancy some constructive criticism? (write more. That isn't the criticism by the way.) __________________ No Win No Fee

11-26-2005, 01:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
Romple Upright	How now Save constructive criticism for when you are within striking distance, please. Meanwhile, if you'd like to build up a greater reserve of it (I would very much like to hear it, by the way) this is another 'one'. PS I'm think of submitting my essay on the word 'that' to York Notes. Hat. Splat. They'd probably make me editor. PPS I am not happy with the clash of ch-c in the first line. Any suggestions would be gratefully received. PPPS If you read Larkin you don't need to point out my plagarism. 'Ship To Shore' Adrift, a wayward buoy which caught the wind; The traceless blue will freeze this time. What for…? Well it just has to; swept our shore, The ashes where we made to sing, Burnt sands now carve in dread a shape that casts Memorial shades; from here, at least, the screams Felt forceless clouds. A riot, it seems We’re cursed to say we knew the last; But, still unvoiced, we ceaseless cast our gaze Within, without the breaks. In followed years The heather’s gone; perhaps our prayers, Their trip to Hell, had salt to say… Well hell! Two salty pinpricks shade the coast, Except that someone saves the drowning thing, Like dogs shake off the rain, to bring Us – our stored hours – from your ghost.