lunchbox

It took me a long time to write this story as I'm often feeling like I'm just writing for the sake of writing and not writing because I feel or think of something worth writing about. This story has been done for sometime and I sent it to several close friends of mine who expressed interest in it and no one gave me the feedback they promised so hopefully the TFP will do a better job than my friends did. Feedback is greatly appreciated and without any further banter here it is:


<center> Reflex</center>

"Ladies and gentlemen: The President of the United States of America: James Thomas." the loudspeaker hummed with near perfect surround sound. Even the less fortunate at home were able to hear every word in digital quality thanks to CrystalPin Bowling Corp. "Thank you my fellow Americans. Today is a proud day for my administration." The trademark dark blue suit with red, white, and blue tie seemed especially pressed today. "Since my election in November I've promised you all a better working community. I've promised you all a vibrant economy. I've promised you an opportunity for every man and woman to have a job to wake up to. I've promised you integration of the less fortunate and under-educated to the work place. Today the final piece of my campaign goes into effect." He was right, of course. It took him just under 100 days to live up to every promise he'd made in his campaign. FDR would have been proud.

Dahryl Parker sat at the community center and sipped his complimentary coffee. He listened to every word the president spoke. A list was to be posted at every community center around the country on the first of March 2017 listing the under- privileged citizens who were to be implemented into the work environment through the "Community Support Program." CrystalPin Bowling Corp was more than happy to help out with "community support." The multi-million dollar tax break courtesy of James Thomas had nothing to do with it. It was the least Mr. Thomas could do after their courtesy towards the community, and their eight-figure check in his campaign fund. Dahryl had applied for the program the day he'd heard the motion was to be passed. President Thomas had given Dahryl a chance to support himself for the first time in his life.

All the newspapers had the same story. Varying shots of the same photo graced every cover of every newspaper and political magazine the very next day. James Thomas was being regarded among the top presidents of all time. The Republican Party of America was especially proud. It was their first public success in ages. James Thomas was just a humble Southern kid. He'd wanted to be in politics since high school. Local and county governments had graced his name as soon as he was of age. Politics just came natural to him. Honest, hardworking, middle-class, the picture perfect American. The only unique thing he'd ever done was throwing himself in the presidential election the day he turned 35. He went from a lowly governor to GOP presidential candidate of 2016 in a matter of months. Not only was he the candidate he was the favorite from the first poll of the year. Thomas took the reins and never gave them back. A handsome, honest look and down to earth demeanor made him who he was. To top it all off he was a worker. Under his control, the United States of America was going places.

Dahryl hadn't voted for Thomas, or for his opponent. He'd never voted in his life. Voting required being registered. Dahryl was born a poor farmer. His whole life he had nothing. When his parents died he had even less. The farm was foreclosed on and Dahryl was out on the streets. Working on the farm meant no schooling. Books had eluded him and so had much that every human has a right to, like a job for instance. Dahryl was especially happy that President Thomas had implemented his "Community Support Program." Finally the chance had arisen for Dahryl to make a contribution to his own life.

March 1st came and Dahryl was waiting outside for the community center to open its doors and display the citizens of his town whom were to be transported by the state to be issued a photo ID and social security card so they could begin work immediately at any of the CrystalPin Bowling Corp outlets across the country. Dahryl's name appeared near the bottom of the list and a slow smile danced across his face. Later that day Dahryl was standing in font of a camera at the Secretary of State's office getting his photo ID so he could begin work the next day. He filled out the information sheet issued by the state and CrystalPin Bowling Corp and was eager to begin.

Walking into the CrystalPin, he was shocked. This monument to bowling was a fast-paced chaotic model for efficiency. Everywhere you looked employees were moving or typing or cleaning. 90 Lanes hummed and cracked and buzzed with every ball thrown. Dahryl was to find his supervisor Mr. Scathe to report for duty. The high-tech monitors, scoring machines and computers overwhelmed Dahryl as he crept down the aisle. Dahryl's stomach churned and danced as he tried to take it all in. It wasn't long before Dahryl was near shock. Intercoms blared nearly indecipherable messages and loud noises came from every direction. Dahryl nearly fled for the door when a young man approached Dahryl. "Can I help you sir?" Dahryl's eyes looked blank. His throat was tense and his mouth dry. "Sir?" Dahryl barely muttered, "I-I-I-I was sup-p-p-p-posed to begin today." The young man finally came to a realization. "You must be looking for Mr. Scathe then, wait here and I'll go get him." Clad in Khaki pants and a red and orange- striped shirt the kid walked down the aisle to the office. Disappearing behind the counter Dahryl waiting in anticipation of his new boss. Minutes later a man in a solid red shirt appeared with the kid following closely behind. Dahryl cowered in nerves. T-Shirt in hand the man extended a mighty hand to Dahryl. "John Scathe, Manager Des Moines, Iowa CrystalPin." Dahryl met him with a clammy and shaking hand Scathe gave Dahryl the grand tour. Through the high-tech, high-efficient, low cost kitchen to the high-tech scoring systems. The outrageously overpriced pro shop included. Prices here were obviously for the avid bowler. Only people who spend $500 a year to roll a poly-urethane ball down a synthetic wood aisle would be absent-minded enough to lay 200 plus dollars into that same poly-urethane ball. After the long and winding tour through every nook and cranny in the whole building Scathe finally took Dahryl to where his job would reside. "This is where you'll be working. You won't have to be dealing with people, I know you're communications skills aren't the best." Maybe if Dahryl could form a sentence without stumbling and stuttering on every second or third word he would have objected. The world is a rough place when society places you in a rank based on your technical knowledge and vocabulary. "You'll be a mechanic, when they call a ball return from the front you run down there and you take the ball out of the machine and send it down the ball return. If any major mechanical problems come along that you can't handle yourself, call the front desk and they'll call the head mechanic. Any Questions?" For fear of repercussions and an even lower self-esteem Dahryl had none. Dahryl could do nearly anything involving mechanics you wanted. It was writing and conceptualizing and the more difficult things in life such a talking that gave him a real terror.

After sometime, Scathe left the "pits" as they called it and Dahryl was alone. Dahryl was lucky; his first night in the pits was a slow one. He punched out at the end of the night and walked to find a vacant building to stay the night. On the way home Dahryl was harassed by the normal teenage crowd he was harassed by every night. Life for Dahryl wasn't exactly "The American Dream."

The President's plan took off like a rocket. 31 million Americans gained jobs through various "corporate friends" of the president. There wasn't an unhappy face anywhere in America's sight. He took the praise wholly. One thing Thomas couldn't bear was comparisons to FDR. "No man can match the dedication, intelligence and efforts of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, I will not stand for any comparisons suggesting parity between the two of us." He rode the crest of success through his presidency and with all the media calls and all the TV appearances the public, and he, even hardly noticed the campaign season was rapidly approaching.

"Mr. President the time has come to rally the public back around you in time for the primaries. Your goodwill of early presidency hardly can compensate for the nearly two year absence from action, sir." The real brains behind every president are his advisors. In this case Kelvin Mitchell was the brain behind the operation. That's not to say Thomas wasn't a very bright man. It was, after all, his idea to instate his Community Support Program, now being dubbed "CSP." Kelvin was more of an organizer. He managed the campaign; he fielded the presidents press duties and thoughtfully revised Thomas's speeches. It was time for him to unveil his tour for the president to travel across the country and visit every CrystalPin location in which he helped merge into the CSP. Thomas loved the idea and he ordered for travel security plans to begin initiation immediately. CrystalPin had 144 locations that were involved in the CSP and every one of them was to be briefed on proper procedures for when the president arrived.

Dahryl had become quite the worker in his tenure at CrystalPin Des Moines. He had impressed the entire staff at CrystalPin. They took him, at first, as an utter Neanderthal. In just two years time he had made such an impression he was set to replace the head mechanic by years' end. The job came natural to Dahryl, and he enjoyed everything about it.

One absurdly bitter March night, Dahryl ventured down the same route to his routine vacant building for sleep. Hoping to endure the gelid night, Dahryl wrapped himself tight with every spare loin he could find. En route, he noticed the fantastic oddity that was peace. His normally anger and hate-ridden journey was free of the demonic newts that tortured his mind and body every night. He gave credit to the weather, blessed it, and thanked his Creator for his fortunes. God watched not on the path of Dahryl Parker that evening. The divine touch had no hand in his peaceful journey. Satan himself was to blame for this bliss.

Dahryl awoke with the panic and threat of death. The frozen night was jolted to consciousness by a rain reminiscent of Hell itself. Molotov Cocktails showered the small building Dahryl called home, every window was shattered by a beacon of hate. Half- asleep Dahryl stumbled towards the exit which he noted was barricaded shut by a solid metal dumpster. Through the cracks in the wall Dahryl could spot his tormenters making their getaway. The same tormenters who spend their evenings harassing the under- privileged mechanic were at fault. Thick smoke forced itself down Dahryl's throat and collapsed his lungs. Dahryl fought towards the rear of the building, which held a small staircase leading to smoke-free peace. As Dahryl struggled for freedom the oxygen his lungs and brain were lacking told his body to shut down. Seven feet from the door, Dahryl lay slowly rejoining the carbon cycle.

When Dahryl woke up he lay in an unfamiliar house immense with the perfection of a house kept by a woman. He looked around the room in confusion and realized it hadn't been a hospital or a homeless shelter. Muffled voices were coming from the porch that lay just outside the window. Shifting himself on the couch he glanced out and noticed several reporters on the steps with a man who looked somewhat familiar to him. Dahryl could only make out the back of the man's head as his back was to him. The man thanked the crowd and slowly started into the house and array of questions flew from the mass, he never looked back. As he entered the house Dahryl noticed it was Scathe and he was delightfully surprised yet confused. Struggling to speak he hacked and coughed and nearly gagged before he ever got a word out. Scathe laid him back down and hurried to get him some water.

After Dahryl napped again on the couch Scathe finally pulled up a chair and was ready to explain the circumstances. For a few weeks now Scathe had noticed the effects of a nights sleep outside of a home wearing on Dahryl. The winter was nearly over but he was still concerned. He hadn't noticed Dahryl's lack of a home before because he didn't think much of him. Dahryl had become a high priority and had Scathe been less busy, perhaps even a friend. Scathe told Dahryl how he decided to follow him home at a safe distance and when he noticed the teenagers enter the building he hurried to Dahryl's rescue. Apparently he'd slept through two days and reporters everywhere heard of the local bowling center manager's heroics. They noticed, in part, because of the great event that took place and partly because he was part-time mayor of the city. Scathe told Dahryl that he could live in the spare room he had until Dahryl would afford his own place. He also apologized for not noticing that Dahryl was homeless sooner. Dahryl was recovered from smoke inhalation in a week and was back to work in two. Scathe insisted Dahryl take it easy and to take as much time off as he needed, truth is he felt awkward out of work and had to get back to it. For nearly three months Dahryl stayed in Scathe's guest room and he was a welcomed guest. Scathe's two children and wife took right to Dahryl, being the gentlemen he was despite his shortcomings in manners and education he'd been deprived of. Much like his family, Scathe had taken quite a liking to Dahryl, and they'd become friends. They also spent a lot of time together since his accident. It astonished Scathe how much Dahryl knew about life and politics despite his lack of formal education. When Dahryl told Scathe he had never voted Scathe nearly passed out. It seemed almost unreal a man who held such honorable opinions as Dahryl never voted. Truth is, he'd never even registered. That was about to change, Dahryl just didn't know it yet.

The next day Scathe and Dahryl were running some errands and picking up some office supplies for CrystalPin when they pulled up in front of a post office. Dahryl wasn't sure what to make of this. Scathe presented Dahryl with a completed copy of the registration for voting form adorned with Dahryl's name and information. Dahryl was grateful and not sure how he could ever thank Scathe. Scathe assured Dahryl it was just the right thing to do for someone with no formal education yet a great desire for politics. Being both of their days' off they wandered around the city for a while and did various things like lunch and a visit to the pub. After a few rounds Scathe finally mustered up the courage to ask the whole object of Dahryl's registering to vote. Scathe announced to the first person in his life he was going to run for president. Dahryl was ecstatic for him. He knew Scathe had the corporate friends and the mind and face for politics, there's just one thing he wasn't sure of: Thomas. Thomas was easily the greatest president since FDR and better looking. There wasn't a whole lot Scathe had on top of Thomas, except maybe corporate funding. CrystalPin was the last pillar he'd need to support his campaign. He'd told Dahryl of his plans on how to win the election and Dahryl took in every word. And, like all politicians Scathe did his part to lure Dahryl to his side.
The national media quickly learned of John Scathe's entrance into the presidential election of 2020. He was quickly cast to the top of the list as far as Democratic candidates were concerned. All of the big news corporations knew, however, that Thomas could not be beaten. Kelvin Mitchell was aware of it too. He still, reluctantly, began his management of the campaign for Thomas in 2020. Today was his day to begin scheduling James Thomas's visits to all the co-operating CrystalPins in the country. Despite the stereotypes of government jobs, Kelvin worked long hours. Nearly 12 hours a day he was making phone calls and avoiding scheduling problems. At 5:49 in the afternoon he'd finally gotten to the CrystalPin in Des Moines. They were set to accept the president and his security guards on July 24th 2019.

That same day Scathe came in and got the notice from the secretary. He knew the day was going to come and he had to begin scheduling the participants of the CSP for that day, despite it being nearly a year away. The first name he penciled in was Dahryl Parker. The months passed, and schedules fell into place, and only the best and the people who were part of the CSP were scheduled. Thomas continued around the nation gaining momentum and respect from his fellow republicans, the media, and the voters. At the same time John Scathe was making a large political figure for himself. Tours and kissing babies and shaking hands and thorough talks about his desires and plans for the White House fueled him up for the long haul.

As expected, Scathe and Thomas both won the Democratic and Republican primaries, respectively. The months ticked down until only days were left before the big event at the Des Moines CrystalPin. Everything was working through on how security was to be set up, and who was working where and when. Everything that needed to be known for that day had become second nature. With just four days remaining Scathe's meetings with Dahryl grew longer and more frequent. Everything had to be perfect for their encounter with Thomas. It would be a rare occasion where the top two presidential candidates met face to face outside of a political forum. Scathe was going do to everything he could to give himself the advantage in the polls after this meeting.

The final plan for Thomas's visit was sent to Scathe just four days before Thomas was set to arrive. He would arrive at 12:35 p.m. and then proceed to do the mandatory press photos in ridiculous bowling poses. After nearly an hour of that Thomas would move to the lounge of the Des Moines CrystalPin and make his speech in honor of the CSP workers in the great state of Iowa. Following this would be another photo shoot with all of the CSP CrystalPin partners followed by Thomas's greeting to all of them. Inclusive in this greeting was the obvious handshake and "how are you" and other meaningless questions that meant nothing to anyone, except for maybe Thomas. Maybe the only person whom never was affected by the stardom of politics, he was still to this day a greatly sincere man.

The morning of the event arrived and Scathe and Dahryl both arrived at CrystalPin in the minutes approaching 6 a.m. Believe it or not, the Secret Service takes the President's health and well being seriously, they like to get an early start on securing the area. Scathe and Dahryl completely agreed with and executed every command the Secret Service barked out towards them. Hours after their arrival John Scathe and Dahryl Parker were ready to receive the President of the United States of America.

An hour before the President was to arrive at the CrystalPin Des Moines Dahryl and Scathe had another meeting in Scathe's personal quarters. Both men came out of the meeting room with stone faces to the reception as warm as a Ukrainian windstorm. It was officially time to welcome President Thomas to CrystalPin Des Moines. Thomas walked in through the main entrance and was greeted with great applause by the entire lot of national reporters and of course by Mr. John Scathe. Scathe and Thomas were friends prior to Thomas's election of 2016 so rather than the usual handshake a big burly hug was the embrace these two opponents shared. The Secret Service was obviously thrilled about this. One thing they needn't worry about was conflict between Scathe and Thomas; Thomas welcomed Scathe's competition and wished his friend the best of luck in the upcoming election.

After what seemed like a week of photos and poses and other ridiculous situations Thomas finally got to address the people in Iowa. He filled their heads with images of grandeur. All of the citizens of Des Moines bought up the Thomas story-time hour and loved the man more with each new promise he spit out. Thomas elegantly finished his speech and announced to the public, the media and to everyone who wasn't Secret Service, Scathe, or Dahryl about an "impromptu bowling match" between himself and Scathe. In what was one of the greatest theatrical pieces of the year, Scathe accepted and the men headed out into the brightly adorned main building of this CrystalPin center to a lane already set up and waiting to be used by Mr. President and his competitor.

The names were entered as "Mr. President" and "Mr. Scathe" Dahryl, of course, was the only employee doing his actual duty. The other employees where helping the Secret Service keep up their duty. Scathe and Thomas went head to head for 9 frames in an epic battle. Scathe being a pioneer of the bowling industry was of course a master bowler and James Thomas believe it or not was a collegiate bowler. The men faced off in a brutal battle, and exactly how prime-time may have scripted it, it came down to the last frame. Thomas was down by just 29 pins meaning if he struck out he would beat his foe. Everyone ate up the event, reporters and news anchors and nearly everyone you wouldn't expect at a bowling tournament were in awe and held captive by the match. Thomas threw two perfect balls and had two perfect strikes recorded and it was now down the last ball. Scathe and Thomas joked about as Thomas waited to throw his last ball to build the suspense even higher, the media laughed on cue to every joke and punch-line Thomas and Scathe threw out. Thomas decided the nonsense was to stop and he grabbed his ball off the rack. He approached his mark on the wood paneling approaching the synthetic wood his ball would travel down. He took a stride, followed by three more and as he approached the line a gunshot rang out in the CrystalPin.

The body's first reflex to a gun wound is to hemorrhage. Not the body itself, but the muscle enduring the wound. Fact: no one has ever died from a gunshot. The same goes for James Thomas. He died from the extensive bleeding. And the 7mm bullet lodged in his brain. Four reporters fainted. Three were splattered with blood. Someone somewhere was going to jail.

They say if you survive the first night of beatings in prison once you've been convicted of child rape, they castrate you. Imagine what life for the man who shot the President is like. Imagine what life for the man who shot arguably the greatest President is like. The cell for those waiting to be executed that night was now reserved for Dahryl Parker. Smoke still trickled out of the barrel when the Secret Service found him. Standing puzzled and confused over a murder weapon Dahryl Parker didn't resist the arrest, he didn't run, he didn't know what to do. Scathe looked frozen and in severe shock. Four Secret Servicemen handcuffed Dahryl; he didn't even get a chance to visit the brand new Des Moines city jail. With the number of people undoubtedly ready to kill him, only the state penitentiary would have the security needed. Surely not even Uncle Sam could explain two Jack Ruby situations.

Scathe barely made it through the questioning about Dahryl. He was in shock still, he couldn't believe his friend, the man he took into his home could do such a thing. Four hours and a lot of questions later Scathe was allowed to leave his building, but for the next few weeks, it would be anything but his building. The FBI would have the whole place closed down and left at their disposal. They searched every inch of the place for clues as to why Dahryl would do such a thing they searched his room in the pits. They searched all of his personal belongings, nothing seemed to make sense.

For months following the investigation of the shooting the whole world was in disbelief. The country mourned for months and months. One of the greatest leaders this world had ever seen. Thomas was someone really making a difference in the United States and the world. He had only been in office for four years, but he looked like a shoe in for the Republicans again in 2020. Bigger things were on the horizon for Thomas. He was going to unveil a new foreign policy that would revolutionize the way the world worked. The President was going to make allegiances that would virtually end militarism in the world. A global disarmament plan was scheduled to begin in 2021 and Thomas was to oversee the international committee to disarm the world. He was the president every man could love. He was dead.

November rolled around and the election was on the front burner as it is every year but the world was obviously not the same. The first assassination of a U.S. President since John F. Kennedy had occurred just months earlier and now the public had to decide who would be the leader of the free world. The Republicans were still reeling from the tragedy and the decline of the Vice President and of Kelvin Mitchell for the nomination. Neither man was in the right frame of mind. They lost a great friend back in a July and couldn't bring themselves to fill his shoes. With no known candidates for the GOP, John Scathe won the Presidential Election for the Democrats by 162 electoral votes. His acceptance speech was somber and clearly an homage to Thomas. He promised to fulfill the promises his late friend had made and sincerely intended to keep. He was going to essentially going to run his presidency as an extension of Thomas'.
Hidden by the cloud of media attention to what a great friend and great man John Scathe was, were the first presidential actions of John Scathe. Dahryl Parker found himself the beneficiary of a presidential pardon. Kelvin Mitchell found his bank account suddenly had 3 million dollars more in it and they were both on a private plane out of the United States. Conveniently, so was Scathe. He was set to meet in a summit in Italy to sign the disarmament treaty as the last nation in the world to agree to a more peaceful, safe place.

In January of 2021 some familiar faces met in the sun-bathed Tuscan countryside for a little friendly business. On pain of death Kelvin Mitchell and Robert Michael Westin -- known to some as Dahryl Parker -- agreed to never set foot on United States soil again as their end of the bargain. John Scathe already received his half of the bargain; the check signed by the new C.E.O. of CrystalPin Bowling Corporation for a $10 Million gave Westin and Mitchell their share. Scathe, Mitchell and Westin had just pulled off the greatest heist of all time, and no one was ever to find out.

__________________
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

-Douglas Adams

Redjake

I just read the entire thing. It was interesting, no doubt. But entirely unbelievable. I think this short story could be a small time masterpiece if a couple of things were changed:

The overall writing is sort of "high schoolish." There's a clear difference between this work and professional work. It needs massive editting and sentence reworking. A lot of the descriptions sound straight out Max Payne or Dick Tracy; but this isn't a noir story.

Some of the sentences are "trying too hard." One of the sentences talking about the molotov cocktails going through the window almost made me laugh out loud

This is an excellent story but needs some reworking.

A lot of the story-telling was written in "dialogue." Meaning, words you would use when you are casually speaking to someone were used to describe things. Take those out.


Some unbelievable elements of the story: The bowling match would not have been that close. It was created for suspense I guess; you don't need suspense when the character pretty much dies instantly like that. It just turned it into a cheese-fest.

Also, it seems Dahryl would have been able to crash through a window or something to get out of the burning buildling? He seemed to pass out entirely too fast. Especially in a life or death situation.

The denoument is entirely unsatisfying. Something needs to be reworked there. A couple of sentences about how they fucked everyone isn't going to cut it for something of this length.


A biggy: A lot of the scenes need to be described more. It would create more emotion and vivid imagery, things like that. For instance, the "sun-bathed Tuscan countryside" could have been described more to enhance the mindfuck Dahryl, Kelvin and Scathe had pulled. Something about the ominous clouds or something. But not over the top like Dick Tracy

Also, I think someone would have caught on to the whole scenario. A presidential pardon for Dahryl? Who happened to work for Scathe before? Someone would look into that, and they'd find a lot.

Some examples of sentence reworkings:

"Scathe, Mitchell and Westin had just pulled off the greatest heist of all time, and no one was ever to find out."

Change to:

"John Scathe, Dahryl Parker, and Kelvin Westin had just pulled off arguably the greatest heist of all time, and no one would ever find out."


"Molotov Cocktails showered the small building Dahryl called home, every window was shattered by a beacon of hate."

Change to:

"Molotov Cocktails showered the building Dahryl called home."



More unbelievables: Someone would think in to the fact that a manager at a bowling alley can't win against one of the best Presidents in history. So why did he even run? Why waste the money? Because they were gonna kill the other guy! That's why! It's just too blatant.


Don't take these to harsh, just some feedback


Awesome story that needs work

__________________
Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

lunchbox

Redjake thanks a lot for the comments. I don't take anything too harshly, its just going to help me as a writer. its not like you're attacking me as a person. I really appreciate the feedback.

__________________
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

-Douglas Adams