3 now, 3 later - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

qweds · 02-27-2005, 06:52 PM

Hi,

I'm thinking of submitting these pieces to my colleges lit magazine and would like any feedback I can get, thanks in advance.

phantasms

twelve years always too many to
soon curves call
lumps from
throat

hi boy, hi boy,
hi boy, hi, ..ir
hi.

heels and heads
tumbleweeds

head in a hole,
nail in a head
door and a head.

some say they would like to forget, there is much that could be forgotten. Much that ought, scratch that, keep it. value it. sham, shame on you.

pricking us

exactly so, pricking

--------------

People

convenient to consider
capital
utopia
open to sell black
black rivers
the sun rises and shines on the wicked
and the righteous pray it will not
in eternity
and condemn, nay
Build themselves, for their nieghbours
oh won't you love him dearly
a second kingdom
phantasms laugh

the wager destroys
the bridge that was building
up

the flames consume
the ladder

and the first/last etc

---------------

Spring colours in a winter

it goes wrong, all wrong and yet it goes.
under the floorboards it goes
underground.

there are 4 locks on the basement door
the kind you can only unlock from the top
right, so you're stuck down there
you get the picture, 4 of them,
there isn't a one on the front door.

(don't tell them I told you that)
in the living room there are two
switches they don't turn on anything
except the room.

we have deduced that various schedules
went unenforced. for some time quite likely,
to timely profit surely.

and yet it goes. cabins sechelt
temporate rainforest, salmon country
the hippies had a crack once
though it lacked the bang of retirement cabins
redocorating themselves a la cubism.

goes, oh watch it go. what are you looking at?
yours goes too, oh oh it goes.
and you know it, when it slips out, leaves you glass
seeing brown, relaxing white.

judas, the priest, not the apostle
had a few killed, a few more killed
each other. mothers and the man got in a league
that was a dangerous one, the mothers feel
the man deals.

tears poor for the lost, for the statistics
tragic of course, not the grand
those we'll keep, they win, winning is important.
remember? wasn't it something else

some other religion
decried the idol. mine is a law i follow
you should too. just don't muck it all up
you

is 3 enough, hostages, how many can you kill?
to save how many, 4? none, unthinkable!
you repeat verbatim

and walk into the rainbow
the sticky sweet
shadow on your soul sets slow
tectonic slow

-----------

if i remember i'll post 3 others when i get home

qweds · 03-03-2005, 01:36 PM

Well and nonetheless the laters,

1770A

You will recognize this.
No massacre, no Boston.

Note the A
You will write it
down, Fresh.

So that it will be written.
You will show it her.

She will say
It has been written.

She will say it

slowly, without
Affection affectation,
Malice pride.

when you wed, breed,
Struggle curse.

as you doubt linger
Plunge reflect.

She
Will take it away

As you make your entrance.

---

White Cowls

As it is in Heaven,
So shall it be on
dashboard, above the fan.

Son mother fathers
Rearview rucksack

Pothole, flood – smut
No relation, his wife your

Bent curl, glossed coarse
Devkii pornukha, trakhat.

Stuck. Shlakat

Two, one, left right

Devotion enterprise
love (?enemies neighbors)

Otkroi, open dukha
To the devil sukha.

---

Treading Water

Firm goals
end until they have begun.

I know this concrete –

Infinite, or close enough
Have you met?

Today again thousands.

I see.
I sea. Icee.
Right.

Knees ankles
They also possess
toes
Though numb now

Just beyond then
As it were.

I wink and nod as though
I meant something.

Must have meant,
Could have sworn…I

amazed that one
Can tread water at the hips

any comments would be, well, appreciated

02-27-2005, 06:52 PM	#1 (permalink)
qweds has been Location: Chicago	3 now, 3 later Hi, I'm thinking of submitting these pieces to my colleges lit magazine and would like any feedback I can get, thanks in advance. phantasms twelve years always too many to soon curves call lumps from throat hi boy, hi boy, hi boy, hi, ..ir hi. heels and heads tumbleweeds head in a hole, nail in a head door and a head. some say they would like to forget, there is much that could be forgotten. Much that ought, scratch that, keep it. value it. sham, shame on you. pricking us exactly so, pricking -------------- People convenient to consider capital utopia open to sell black black rivers the sun rises and shines on the wicked and the righteous pray it will not in eternity and condemn, nay Build themselves, for their nieghbours oh won't you love him dearly a second kingdom phantasms laugh the wager destroys the bridge that was building up the flames consume the ladder and the first/last etc --------------- Spring colours in a winter it goes wrong, all wrong and yet it goes. under the floorboards it goes underground. there are 4 locks on the basement door the kind you can only unlock from the top right, so you're stuck down there you get the picture, 4 of them, there isn't a one on the front door. (don't tell them I told you that) in the living room there are two switches they don't turn on anything except the room. we have deduced that various schedules went unenforced. for some time quite likely, to timely profit surely. and yet it goes. cabins sechelt temporate rainforest, salmon country the hippies had a crack once though it lacked the bang of retirement cabins redocorating themselves a la cubism. goes, oh watch it go. what are you looking at? yours goes too, oh oh it goes. and you know it, when it slips out, leaves you glass seeing brown, relaxing white. judas, the priest, not the apostle had a few killed, a few more killed each other. mothers and the man got in a league that was a dangerous one, the mothers feel the man deals. tears poor for the lost, for the statistics tragic of course, not the grand those we'll keep, they win, winning is important. remember? wasn't it something else some other religion decried the idol. mine is a law i follow you should too. just don't muck it all up you is 3 enough, hostages, how many can you kill? to save how many, 4? none, unthinkable! you repeat verbatim and walk into the rainbow the sticky sweet shadow on your soul sets slow tectonic slow ----------- if i remember i'll post 3 others when i get home __________________ tim(mah)

03-03-2005, 01:36 PM	#2 (permalink)
qweds has been Location: Chicago	Well and nonetheless the laters, 1770A You will recognize this. No massacre, no Boston. Note the A You will write it down, Fresh. So that it will be written. You will show it her. She will say It has been written. She will say it slowly, without Affection affectation, Malice pride. when you wed, breed, Struggle curse. as you doubt linger Plunge reflect. She Will take it away As you make your entrance. --- White Cowls As it is in Heaven, So shall it be on dashboard, above the fan. Son mother fathers Rearview rucksack Pothole, flood – smut No relation, his wife your Bent curl, glossed coarse Devkii pornukha, trakhat. Stuck. Shlakat Two, one, left right Devotion enterprise love (?enemies neighbors) Otkroi, open dukha To the devil sukha. --- Treading Water Firm goals end until they have begun. I know this concrete – Infinite, or close enough Have you met? Today again thousands. I see. I sea. Icee. Right. Knees ankles They also possess toes Though numb now Just beyond then As it were. I wink and nod as though I meant something. Must have meant, Could have sworn…I amazed that one Can tread water at the hips any comments would be, well, appreciated __________________ tim(mah)