Slightly morbid love poem - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

KinkyKiwi · 10-29-2004, 01:25 PM

umm..well its a lil creepy i guess but it has meaning to me..

Forever love

The soft touch of silk and velvet upon ivory flesh. Skin against skin. Lips upon lips. A lovers embrace.

And yet even as the rules of love are followed slowly their hearts - once joined began to split. The welding rusts and eyes wander. Both want another but both swore so both say nothing so both cry so both lay blame the other and so both blame themselves for being untruthful so both turn away from what can only be described as lost passion.

So they yell and renew the vows they now break.

Certain in that they each are the sneaky one.

That only they have a secret. And perhaps this works for them as it seems to last. But they are not happy.

They no longer shed tears they no longer show love and they no longer care.

And then they are old and the vows are complete.

And suddenly lines seem softer, eyes seem brighter, words seem sweeter. And the love long lost long ago reappears.

And they have kept their vows.

They have lived and loved and now they die.

Beside each other.

Always never running away side by side. Faces turned away so as not to see the others faults too clearly. Vows kept they now forgive and forget and are able to love simply because they remember.

Side by side they are buried.

KinkyKiwi · 10-29-2004, 01:50 PM

would love anyfeed back..i dont usually write stuff..unless i have to..i wrote it awhile ago and i'm curious what people think of it

Glory's Sun · 10-29-2004, 03:37 PM

It's pretty good. Only thing I would say is that the "And yet" part gets a little confusing..try adding some punctuation to that part. Hyphens or semi-colons or something to make it a little clearer.

other than that it's good stuff. Morbid is good.

K-Wise · 10-29-2004, 03:52 PM

I thought this was quite beautiful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KinkyKiwi

<b>Always never running away side by side. Faces turned away so as not to see the others faults too clearly</b>. Vows kept they now forgive and forget and are able to love simply because they remember.

Side by side they are buried.

That line especially stood out to me. I loved it. Though not entirely similar this poem reminded me of the movie "The Notebook". Don't know if you've seen that one. Great poem keep em comin.

Asta!!

stonegrody · 10-29-2004, 04:22 PM

I like that it's more realistic and true to life than what you would expect. They stayed married, even though they weren't happy through some of their marriage and lost the love, they stuck it out and ended their lives, once again, happily in love. I don't really know how it made me feel. It was kind of cool in the end but the years in between must have sucked. But I do think people should work on a marriage and not just give up. But it didn't really go over that. It's Friday afternoon and I'm working overtime. Maybe that's why I can't form a valid opinion. Sorry, I have nothing of any value to offer

KinkyKiwi · 10-29-2004, 10:59 PM

thank you

gucci..yea i'm trying to remember to type things clearly..lol sometimes i get carried away tho ...kwise..havent seen teh movie but i know and love the book...but werent they like seperated most of their lives then fell back in love and was all happy untill she got ummm..alzimers i think but teh book ended with her having another clear moment and them making love? i dunno kinda a tangent..and grody..its alright...hope teh overtime didnt suck too much

10-29-2004, 01:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	Slightly morbid love poem umm..well its a lil creepy i guess but it has meaning to me.. Forever love The soft touch of silk and velvet upon ivory flesh. Skin against skin. Lips upon lips. A lovers embrace. And yet even as the rules of love are followed slowly their hearts - once joined began to split. The welding rusts and eyes wander. Both want another but both swore so both say nothing so both cry so both lay blame the other and so both blame themselves for being untruthful so both turn away from what can only be described as lost passion. So they yell and renew the vows they now break. Certain in that they each are the sneaky one. That only they have a secret. And perhaps this works for them as it seems to last. But they are not happy. They no longer shed tears they no longer show love and they no longer care. And then they are old and the vows are complete. And suddenly lines seem softer, eyes seem brighter, words seem sweeter. And the love long lost long ago reappears. And they have kept their vows. They have lived and loved and now they die. Beside each other. Always never running away side by side. Faces turned away so as not to see the others faults too clearly. Vows kept they now forgive and forget and are able to love simply because they remember. Side by side they are buried. __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

10-29-2004, 01:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	would love anyfeed back..i dont usually write stuff..unless i have to..i wrote it awhile ago and i'm curious what people think of it __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

10-29-2004, 04:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
stonegrody Brooding. Location: CA-USA	I like that it's more realistic and true to life than what you would expect. They stayed married, even though they weren't happy through some of their marriage and lost the love, they stuck it out and ended their lives, once again, happily in love. I don't really know how it made me feel. It was kind of cool in the end but the years in between must have sucked. But I do think people should work on a marriage and not just give up. But it didn't really go over that. It's Friday afternoon and I'm working overtime. Maybe that's why I can't form a valid opinion. Sorry, I have nothing of any value to offer __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal. All this pain is an illusion. Tool - Parabola

10-29-2004, 10:59 PM	#6 (permalink)
KinkyKiwi "Without the fuzz" Location: ..too close for comfort..	thank you gucci..yea i'm trying to remember to type things clearly..lol sometimes i get carried away tho ...kwise..havent seen teh movie but i know and love the book...but werent they like seperated most of their lives then fell back in love and was all happy untill she got ummm..alzimers i think but teh book ended with her having another clear moment and them making love? i dunno kinda a tangent..and grody..its alright...hope teh overtime didnt suck too much __________________ Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

10-29-2004, 03:37 PM	#3 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	It's pretty good. Only thing I would say is that the "And yet" part gets a little confusing..try adding some punctuation to that part. Hyphens or semi-colons or something to make it a little clearer. other than that it's good stuff. Morbid is good.