I just wrote a Pulitzer quality short story in 45 minutes - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Strange Famous · 10-09-2007, 11:46 AM

The time was 7PM, as Rachel walked into the room were the Ty Bo class was to be conducted by "Gaz", the personal trainer at the Fitness First gym in Ipswich.

She looked about the room, and saw mostly other female class members, and one or two guys akwardly gathered at the back stretching muscles and warming up. The Personal Trainer walked into the room at this moment. He appearance was immediately remarkable for it's extreme metrosexuality. "Gaz" was wearing a tight wife beater vest, £150 tennis shoes, white socks and shorts. He also sported several wooden trinklets arranged around his neck - which he apparently believed appeared to be in some sense mystical or "tribal" and make him appear deep - while in fact they were the kind of junk that would only be worn by a fucking child. He also appeared to either be wearing a fake tanning gel or have baked himself under artifical sun lamps, and about 100 ml of hair mousse - fixing his hair in a ridiculous spiky style that would normally be expected to be seen on a chronically mentally ill person. Moreover, "Gaz" flambouyently whisked around the keys to his Mini Cooper and his Ipod, on which he was listening to Girls Aloud greatest hits album. Lastly, on his arms he had a couple of nonesensical tattoo's which he had had designed in a rough aproximation of Celtic Runes, but which did not actually mean anything.

Rachel felt disdain for this individual, who was most likely a latent homosexual in any case. Some of the other girls in the class appeared to be eyeing him up though, as well as some of the men. Speaking in an affected London accent ("Gaz" had actually lived in Chantry Housing Estate with his fat lummux of a mother and impotent father (a virtual dwarf who drove a taxicab) his entire life, but spoke a poor impersonation of a Sarf London accent, interspersed with odd words which he pronounced as if he was Jamaican)

"Gaz" addressed the class, speaking a meaningless string of gibberish - Rachel made out a few words such as "ripped" and "maximum burn" - despite being the Ty Bo instructer at the gym, "Gaz" was actually a sprawny malnourished little chav, who had obtained some muscle buildup by injecting horse steroids into his own testicles. At this point just as the class was about to begin, a new man walked into the class.

He was dressed in an extremely scruffy way - a blue tee shirt and basketball shorts covered in white emulsion and squash training shoes. Rachel immediately noticed that the man was powerfully built - overweight but also muscular and beefy, his great solid shoulders fixed in rigid powerfullness. His general appearance was one of sheer ruggedness and machismo, which was simply exagarated by the grizzled full beard that bristled on his manly handsome face. Rachel was immediately attracted to this new man.

"Well!" minced "Gaz" strutting up and down like a cock in front of the class "you're late, but nevermind - stand up at the front here please"

The big man, looked puzzled, shrugged and moved to the front.

"Now", said the Fitness Instructer "for the first Ty Bo move - the double handed mince" he then proceded to waft his arms about in the approximate style of thrown a punch, while skipping back and forth, his knee's loftily carrying up and down, his chin jauntily pointing at the far ceiling.

"excuse me" said the stranger, the rugged man, in a shuffling quiet voice which was marked by quiet but deadly strength "but I thought this was a boxing class"

"This is a Ty Bo class!" cried "Gaz"

"I see. Then please excuse me" said the stranger with solemn politeness.

"bah! Are you too fat to take part?" taunted Gaz

The stranger simply ignored this, but Gaz continued to rant

"you fat bastard! you prick! you ugly fucker! how dare you walk out on my class!"

"I'm sorry, I simply made a mistake" replied the stranger simply, in a quiet voice that signalled impending danger.

Gaz sprinted across the room and locked the door. "You shall not leave, I am going to make an example of you, bruv" he declared. "Im going to beat the shit out of you in front of the whole class! You want a boxing lesson, brah? I'll fucking do you over"

"I dont want to fight you" said the stranger, his voice still calm and even as Gaz shrieked.

WIthout warning Gaz swung at the man anyway! (he was wearing brass knuckles underneath his Ty Bo gloves. Rachel and a couple of the other girls shrieked in shock at this violence. But the bigger man leaned out of the way with a sharp stuttering lurch to his right. His eyes now were keen and fixed on the little man who was punching wildly at him. His fists clenched and firm in a high guard. Gaz through several more punches... the stranger stood up to them, easing side to side and taking them on his arms, jabbing back a couple of times.

As Gaz went for another haymaker, the big man stepped inside and swung a short choppy uppercut to his jaw. Rachel estimated that the punch was thrown with roughly 5% of his potential power - but Gaz still went tumbling down like a ton of bricks.

"There" said the stranger. "I dont want to fight you, I told you... why don't we stop this?"

The stranger stepped towards Gaz, who was collapsed face first on the floor. He offered his hand in a friendly gesture.. his first real mis-step. Gaz lurched akwardly to his feet, and in one gloved hand was swinging his heavy , studded, weight lifting belt. The first swing was wild but luckily on target, the big man slipped to the side and took the blow on his shoulder with a horrible thump. As the belt dropped away blood was already apparent on his arm. Gaz swung again, this time overhand... the big man was ready this time and gracefully glided to one side, the belt swinging through air... but then he stumbled slightly and caught himself, was square on, as Gaz prepared another swing. At this point, without prior warning, Rachel cried out "leave him alone for fuck's sake!" and knocked the belt out of Gaz's hands, his glove coming lose too.

"how dare you! you bitch!" howled Gaz, his bloodlust now raging, he slapped Rachel across the face. The blow only landing half cleanly, but still sending Rachel wheeling away and then falling to her knee's. Stunned but not seriosly hurt, Rachel felt a speck of blood on her lower lip. Her eyes were wide and fearful as Gaz brought back the hand with thebrass knuckle and prepared to strike her.

Moving too fast for his size, the bearded man crashed into Gaz from the side, and drove him back into the wall. Gaz rebounded, shocked, did not even react before a huge right hand thudded his rib cage with bone cracking force... Gaz tried to go down, but was pinned to the wall as the bigger man stepped back and unloaded a left cross. Deliriou and close to unconsciousness, Gaz reached into his shorts for a flick knife... he pulled the knifeand flashed it at the stranger, who caught it, reversed the arm - and in one flashing dexterious moment has spun Gaz around and had the knife at his throat. He then slit the smaller man's throat. He tossed the corpose to the floor after this, discarded like so much trash. There would be time later to bag it up in the boot of his car, and travel to the woods behind Kesgrave with it with a shovel and a bag of lime.

The big man looked around numbly, slightly shocked - as everyone in the room started to applaud and cheer the timelt demise of the potential murderer. It was clearly seen by all present as an act of definite self defence. No one could allude that it was in any way morally suspect to cut his throat like a dog and then feed him to the fucking worms, he deserved it.

"are you ok?" the big man asked Rachel, who was still sitting on the floor, stunned from the cowardly blow that the felonous gym instructer had delivered to her, and the second killing blow he had been preparing to strike before the stranger had saved her life.

"I think so... what is your name?" she asked

"Adam" he replied, perfectly.

Adam then kicked the door open with restrained yet savage brutality, and let the class out. All of them agreeing not to testify. Rachel took Adam downstairs and bandaged his arm. Adam then went and buried the corpse of the murderous bastard chav behind Kesgrave.

...

Later that night, Rachel sat in Adam's luxery apartment by the river, on his sofa - watchig a movie on DVD.
In one of the trailers was an advert done by the big breasted girl from atomic kitten.
"you know, I met that guy once before at the gym... you know, before tonight" said Adam
"oh?" Rachel replied.
"yes, I rembered right away when I walked into the class and that's why I didnt like him. I overheard him talking with another lout about this girl from Atomic Kitten... he said that she was a stupid fat whore and she deserved to have her children away and to be killed... I thought that was pretty disrespectful"
"OMFG what an asshole" cried Rachel "how could he be so rude? I really respect Kerry after everything she has been through"
Adam nodded sagely.
They sat together as the clean light of the TV played against their faces. His arm inexorably was around her shoulders, a glass of dr pepper was in her right hand and on her knee, in perfect harmony.

Willravel · 10-09-2007, 12:00 PM

The Pulitzer people are pretty stuck up. They might frown upon "OMFG".

Still, this is quality stuff.

Strange Famous · 10-12-2007, 10:13 AM

This is basically the kind of thing that runs through my head all day and all night :/

Bill O'Rights · 10-12-2007, 10:57 AM

My English English is a bit off. What's a chav?

Strange Famous · 10-13-2007, 07:47 AM

There isnt a direct translation - a chav is a "homie", "guido", "white trash"... Chav is an ethnically neutral term for a teenage yob who hangs about, wearing ridicolous clothes, carrying out petty crime, generally causing public nuisance. Drives a $200 car with $2000 work on it, has 2 kids by the time they are 19, all the girls have Croydon Facelifts all the boys wear certain iconic brands and baseball caps. Drink openly on the streets, usually unemployed and always stupid and uneducated... etc etc...

10-09-2007, 11:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I just wrote a Pulitzer quality short story in 45 minutes The time was 7PM, as Rachel walked into the room were the Ty Bo class was to be conducted by "Gaz", the personal trainer at the Fitness First gym in Ipswich. She looked about the room, and saw mostly other female class members, and one or two guys akwardly gathered at the back stretching muscles and warming up. The Personal Trainer walked into the room at this moment. He appearance was immediately remarkable for it's extreme metrosexuality. "Gaz" was wearing a tight wife beater vest, £150 tennis shoes, white socks and shorts. He also sported several wooden trinklets arranged around his neck - which he apparently believed appeared to be in some sense mystical or "tribal" and make him appear deep - while in fact they were the kind of junk that would only be worn by a fucking child. He also appeared to either be wearing a fake tanning gel or have baked himself under artifical sun lamps, and about 100 ml of hair mousse - fixing his hair in a ridiculous spiky style that would normally be expected to be seen on a chronically mentally ill person. Moreover, "Gaz" flambouyently whisked around the keys to his Mini Cooper and his Ipod, on which he was listening to Girls Aloud greatest hits album. Lastly, on his arms he had a couple of nonesensical tattoo's which he had had designed in a rough aproximation of Celtic Runes, but which did not actually mean anything. Rachel felt disdain for this individual, who was most likely a latent homosexual in any case. Some of the other girls in the class appeared to be eyeing him up though, as well as some of the men. Speaking in an affected London accent ("Gaz" had actually lived in Chantry Housing Estate with his fat lummux of a mother and impotent father (a virtual dwarf who drove a taxicab) his entire life, but spoke a poor impersonation of a Sarf London accent, interspersed with odd words which he pronounced as if he was Jamaican) "Gaz" addressed the class, speaking a meaningless string of gibberish - Rachel made out a few words such as "ripped" and "maximum burn" - despite being the Ty Bo instructer at the gym, "Gaz" was actually a sprawny malnourished little chav, who had obtained some muscle buildup by injecting horse steroids into his own testicles. At this point just as the class was about to begin, a new man walked into the class. He was dressed in an extremely scruffy way - a blue tee shirt and basketball shorts covered in white emulsion and squash training shoes. Rachel immediately noticed that the man was powerfully built - overweight but also muscular and beefy, his great solid shoulders fixed in rigid powerfullness. His general appearance was one of sheer ruggedness and machismo, which was simply exagarated by the grizzled full beard that bristled on his manly handsome face. Rachel was immediately attracted to this new man. "Well!" minced "Gaz" strutting up and down like a cock in front of the class "you're late, but nevermind - stand up at the front here please" The big man, looked puzzled, shrugged and moved to the front. "Now", said the Fitness Instructer "for the first Ty Bo move - the double handed mince" he then proceded to waft his arms about in the approximate style of thrown a punch, while skipping back and forth, his knee's loftily carrying up and down, his chin jauntily pointing at the far ceiling. "excuse me" said the stranger, the rugged man, in a shuffling quiet voice which was marked by quiet but deadly strength "but I thought this was a boxing class" "This is a Ty Bo class!" cried "Gaz" "I see. Then please excuse me" said the stranger with solemn politeness. "bah! Are you too fat to take part?" taunted Gaz The stranger simply ignored this, but Gaz continued to rant "you fat bastard! you prick! you ugly fucker! how dare you walk out on my class!" "I'm sorry, I simply made a mistake" replied the stranger simply, in a quiet voice that signalled impending danger. Gaz sprinted across the room and locked the door. "You shall not leave, I am going to make an example of you, bruv" he declared. "Im going to beat the shit out of you in front of the whole class! You want a boxing lesson, brah? I'll fucking do you over" "I dont want to fight you" said the stranger, his voice still calm and even as Gaz shrieked. WIthout warning Gaz swung at the man anyway! (he was wearing brass knuckles underneath his Ty Bo gloves. Rachel and a couple of the other girls shrieked in shock at this violence. But the bigger man leaned out of the way with a sharp stuttering lurch to his right. His eyes now were keen and fixed on the little man who was punching wildly at him. His fists clenched and firm in a high guard. Gaz through several more punches... the stranger stood up to them, easing side to side and taking them on his arms, jabbing back a couple of times. As Gaz went for another haymaker, the big man stepped inside and swung a short choppy uppercut to his jaw. Rachel estimated that the punch was thrown with roughly 5% of his potential power - but Gaz still went tumbling down like a ton of bricks. "There" said the stranger. "I dont want to fight you, I told you... why don't we stop this?" The stranger stepped towards Gaz, who was collapsed face first on the floor. He offered his hand in a friendly gesture.. his first real mis-step. Gaz lurched akwardly to his feet, and in one gloved hand was swinging his heavy , studded, weight lifting belt. The first swing was wild but luckily on target, the big man slipped to the side and took the blow on his shoulder with a horrible thump. As the belt dropped away blood was already apparent on his arm. Gaz swung again, this time overhand... the big man was ready this time and gracefully glided to one side, the belt swinging through air... but then he stumbled slightly and caught himself, was square on, as Gaz prepared another swing. At this point, without prior warning, Rachel cried out "leave him alone for fuck's sake!" and knocked the belt out of Gaz's hands, his glove coming lose too. "how dare you! you bitch!" howled Gaz, his bloodlust now raging, he slapped Rachel across the face. The blow only landing half cleanly, but still sending Rachel wheeling away and then falling to her knee's. Stunned but not seriosly hurt, Rachel felt a speck of blood on her lower lip. Her eyes were wide and fearful as Gaz brought back the hand with thebrass knuckle and prepared to strike her. Moving too fast for his size, the bearded man crashed into Gaz from the side, and drove him back into the wall. Gaz rebounded, shocked, did not even react before a huge right hand thudded his rib cage with bone cracking force... Gaz tried to go down, but was pinned to the wall as the bigger man stepped back and unloaded a left cross. Deliriou and close to unconsciousness, Gaz reached into his shorts for a flick knife... he pulled the knifeand flashed it at the stranger, who caught it, reversed the arm - and in one flashing dexterious moment has spun Gaz around and had the knife at his throat. He then slit the smaller man's throat. He tossed the corpose to the floor after this, discarded like so much trash. There would be time later to bag it up in the boot of his car, and travel to the woods behind Kesgrave with it with a shovel and a bag of lime. The big man looked around numbly, slightly shocked - as everyone in the room started to applaud and cheer the timelt demise of the potential murderer. It was clearly seen by all present as an act of definite self defence. No one could allude that it was in any way morally suspect to cut his throat like a dog and then feed him to the fucking worms, he deserved it. "are you ok?" the big man asked Rachel, who was still sitting on the floor, stunned from the cowardly blow that the felonous gym instructer had delivered to her, and the second killing blow he had been preparing to strike before the stranger had saved her life. "I think so... what is your name?" she asked "Adam" he replied, perfectly. Adam then kicked the door open with restrained yet savage brutality, and let the class out. All of them agreeing not to testify. Rachel took Adam downstairs and bandaged his arm. Adam then went and buried the corpse of the murderous bastard chav behind Kesgrave. ... Later that night, Rachel sat in Adam's luxery apartment by the river, on his sofa - watchig a movie on DVD. In one of the trailers was an advert done by the big breasted girl from atomic kitten. "you know, I met that guy once before at the gym... you know, before tonight" said Adam "oh?" Rachel replied. "yes, I rembered right away when I walked into the class and that's why I didnt like him. I overheard him talking with another lout about this girl from Atomic Kitten... he said that she was a stupid fat whore and she deserved to have her children away and to be killed... I thought that was pretty disrespectful" "OMFG what an asshole" cried Rachel "how could he be so rude? I really respect Kerry after everything she has been through" Adam nodded sagely. They sat together as the clean light of the TV played against their faces. His arm inexorably was around her shoulders, a glass of dr pepper was in her right hand and on her knee, in perfect harmony. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-12-2007, 10:13 AM	#3 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	This is basically the kind of thing that runs through my head all day and all night :/ __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-12-2007, 10:57 AM	#4 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	My English English is a bit off. What's a chav? __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

10-13-2007, 07:47 AM	#5 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	There isnt a direct translation - a chav is a "homie", "guido", "white trash"... Chav is an ethnically neutral term for a teenage yob who hangs about, wearing ridicolous clothes, carrying out petty crime, generally causing public nuisance. Drives a $200 car with $2000 work on it, has 2 kids by the time they are 19, all the girls have Croydon Facelifts all the boys wear certain iconic brands and baseball caps. Drink openly on the streets, usually unemployed and always stupid and uneducated... etc etc... __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

10-09-2007, 12:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	The Pulitzer people are pretty stuck up. They might frown upon "OMFG". Still, this is quality stuff.