Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Life


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-14-2005, 08:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
Oh shit it's Wayne Brady!
 
CityOfAngels's Avatar
 
Location: Passenger seat of Wayne Brady's car.
Not trying to hijack Gilda's thread, so here's a new one (Introvertednesssss)

After I recently read the thread found at http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=97364 , I realized that I am an introvert. I think a lot more than most people I know (I've even been told by some that I think too much, which always strikes me as odd); I dwell on things more oft than not, and I am very, very shy. It's something I've been struggling with all my life, and if it weren't for Gilda, I would still be sitting here thinking that there's something wrong with me, or that I'm crazy (I was starting to believe that for awhile).

This site has helped me with various things throughout the time I've been a member, and it's all thanks to you guys. I think another reason why it has helped me so much has to do with the fact that I'm am introvert. You see, I don't talk to my friends about my problems that much. Whenever I do, I always have this feeling that I'm bumming them out, or that I'm pushing my weight onto them. Because of this, I often find myself depressed and alone, wishing that I wasn't depressed and alone. It is these times that I come here and completely open up to all of you guys. For some reason it is a LOT easier for me to write and outline what I have to say rather than say it. It's as if I have a constant fear of my conversations going off-topic.

Thing is, I HATE being an introvert. I know it's a part of me; hard-wired into my brain so they say; but I hate it all the same. Sure, people think I'm smart but they think I'm wierd at the same time. When someone actually gets me to start talking, it's never about myself unless they force it out of me. I'm always talking about whoever I'm talking to, or I'm talking about how Bush fucked up our country, or I'm talking about how they murdered Tookie, or I'm talking about the Los Angeles Clippers and how amazing they're doing this year, or...well you get the picture. I never talk about ME.

As a result, my own best friends have no idea who I am. I feel disconnected from everyone.

Then the shyness factor kicks in. I've pulled some BEAUTIFUL women, or so I thought. In fact, THEY pulled ME. I've never gone up to a woman and said, "Hey what's up! What's your name?" or anything that ANYONE normal would say to a person they're interested in. They've always come up to me. I was asked to the prom by an amazingly beautiful gymnast who I had the hots for all throughout high school. I had a beautiful Chinese girlfriend for over a year because she decided to jump up, scream my name, and give me a big hug when I re-met her at a gas station (She was a year younger than I, on her way to high school where we originally met; I was waiting for a bus on my way to community college). I knew this girl before, but we were always just friends. It took that big spectacle for me to even get a hint that she 'might' like me.

I dunno; maybe its a self-confidence issue. Thing is, I am a very confident person. But when I see a beautiful woman, she could smile at me and all I'll do is smile back. The thing is my mind starts racing, thinking, "Did she smile at me because she wants me to talk to her or did she smile at me because she's scared and wants to make sure I'm friendly?" or "I should really go up to her and say hi; but what if she thinks I'm trying to sexually harass her?" or "Wow. She's fucking beautiful. But I'm 21, still living at home, with no car, only making $8/hour, and I'm overweight. What would she want with a guy like me?"

I must admit; I am an asshole to myself. It's pissing me off though, because I really feel like I can't help it. I'm a fun guy to be around (most of the time), I know I'm attractive even though I'm a bit overweight, and I treat people in general with respect. So why do I have to think myself to death whenever I think of approaching someone? I know I'm desirable, but when it comes time to actually present myself to someone, it's a feat for me just to say, "Hi."

Truth is I don't know if it's just me being an introvert or if it's something else along with it. I'm posting this because, well, if anyone here has gone through the same thing and maybe was able to overcome it, maybe I can get some advice? Feel free to ask me any more questions; feel free to analyze me if you want to. I'm here to be completely open, in hope of finding peace.
CityOfAngels is offline  
Old 12-14-2005, 09:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
lascivious
 
Mantus's Avatar
 
Whoa there! Being an introvert is not hardwired into your brain. It's more of a idiosyncrasy you developed in life. There are some geneological factors but they don't play as much of a role as you might think. They just re-enforce the condition.

Confidence, comunication, and knowing what to say or how to approach a hot girl, are all skills. They just seem hardwired. You get them though osmosis from people you grow up with. From the sound of it, you may not even be an introvert.

Quote:
When someone actually gets me to start talking, it's never about myself unless they force it out of me.
Keeping people talking about themselves is a skill. People love talking about themselves. You are in the good here. The important part is knowing what to say when the conversation does turn to you. You gota work on that. We can help.
Quote:
I'm talking about how Bush fucked up our country, or I'm talking about how they murdered Tookie, or I'm talking about the Los Angeles Clippers and how amazing they're doing this year.
Politics and murders are best kept to friends. These are uncomfortable topics for most people. They are very confrontational. Sports on the other hand! Can't go wrong. Still confrontational but in a fun way - unless you are both druink.
Quote:
I never talk about ME.
Talking about you is hard. One of the hardest topics. This is because it's impossible to relate. As an example look up at the sky tomorrow morning. See that color blue? Describe it to someone. They will never see what you see. The best you can do is find common ground.

It takes drugs or sex to get me talking about myself and even then it's a monologue, the other person can't possibly understand but they listen out of kindness, like a therapist. Which is cool.

Quote:
Then the shyness factor kicks in. I've pulled some BEAUTIFUL women, or so I thought. In fact, THEY pulled ME. I've never gone up to a woman and said, "Hey what's up! What's your name?" or anything that ANYONE normal would say to a person they're interested in.
I have known countless of very social people who didn't know how to approach others they were intrested in. I have known people who could have a conversation with anyone, at any time, in any place but when they see a hot girl they mind shuts down. It's not that you are an introvert, it's your insecurity and lack of experience. Wan't a quick fix? We call it Fire Walking. Go to a club and say "hi" to every girl you meet. 100 girls later you are still alive! Some brushed you off, some said "hi" back, some even talked to you. OMG!
Quote:
I dunno; maybe its a self-confidence issue. Thing is, I am a very confident person. But when I see a beautiful woman, she could smile at me and all I'll do is smile back.
It's cool, we all start here.
Quote:
"Wow. She's fucking beautiful. But I'm 21, still living at home, with no car, only making $8/hour, and I'm overweight. What would she want with a guy like me?
Welcome to America! This shit is expected of 21 year olds. Infact if you are not in this possition she will think you are some sort of a freak. Material things do not attract people. So you are cool.
Quote:
I must admit; I am an asshole to myself. It's pissing me off though, because I really feel like I can't help it.
Well there is the heart of the matter. You CAN help it. It just takes time. It's not some fuckin' epiphany you have one night and become a new man. You get there by listening to advice, reading books, taking risks and putting yourself out there. If I tell you to bench press 250lb right now would you be able to do it? Probably not. Is it because you are "hard-wired" that way? No. At this point and time you can't but if you worked out really hard you could probably do it in a couple of months. Get it? Cool.
Cheers

Last edited by Mantus; 12-14-2005 at 09:44 PM..
Mantus is offline  
Old 12-14-2005, 10:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: San Francisco
Well, you must have something working for you because no women have approached me, so look on the bright side.
n0nsensical is offline  
 

Tags
gilda, hijack, introvertednesssss, thread


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:50 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360