Not trying to hijack Gilda's thread, so here's a new one (Introvertednesssss)

[CityOfAngels]

After I recently read the thread found at http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=97364 , I realized that I am an introvert. I think a lot more than most people I know (I've even been told by some that I think too much, which always strikes me as odd); I dwell on things more oft than not, and I am very, very shy. It's something I've been struggling with all my life, and if it weren't for Gilda, I would still be sitting here thinking that there's something wrong with me, or that I'm crazy (I was starting to believe that for awhile).

This site has helped me with various things throughout the time I've been a member, and it's all thanks to you guys. I think another reason why it has helped me so much has to do with the fact that I'm am introvert. You see, I don't talk to my friends about my problems that much. Whenever I do, I always have this feeling that I'm bumming them out, or that I'm pushing my weight onto them. Because of this, I often find myself depressed and alone, wishing that I wasn't depressed and alone. It is these times that I come here and completely open up to all of you guys. For some reason it is a LOT easier for me to write and outline what I have to say rather than say it. It's as if I have a constant fear of my conversations going off-topic.

Thing is, I HATE being an introvert. I know it's a part of me; hard-wired into my brain so they say; but I hate it all the same. Sure, people think I'm smart but they think I'm wierd at the same time. When someone actually gets me to start talking, it's never about myself unless they force it out of me. I'm always talking about whoever I'm talking to, or I'm talking about how Bush fucked up our country, or I'm talking about how they murdered Tookie, or I'm talking about the Los Angeles Clippers and how amazing they're doing this year, or...well you get the picture. I never talk about ME.

As a result, my own best friends have no idea who I am. I feel disconnected from everyone.

Then the shyness factor kicks in. I've pulled some BEAUTIFUL women, or so I thought. In fact, THEY pulled ME. I've never gone up to a woman and said, "Hey what's up! What's your name?" or anything that ANYONE normal would say to a person they're interested in. They've always come up to me. I was asked to the prom by an amazingly beautiful gymnast who I had the hots for all throughout high school. I had a beautiful Chinese girlfriend for over a year because she decided to jump up, scream my name, and give me a big hug when I re-met her at a gas station (She was a year younger than I, on her way to high school where we originally met; I was waiting for a bus on my way to community college). I knew this girl before, but we were always just friends. It took that big spectacle for me to even get a hint that she 'might' like me.

I dunno; maybe its a self-confidence issue. Thing is, I am a very confident person. But when I see a beautiful woman, she could smile at me and all I'll do is smile back. The thing is my mind starts racing, thinking, "Did she smile at me because she wants me to talk to her or did she smile at me because she's scared and wants to make sure I'm friendly?" or "I should really go up to her and say hi; but what if she thinks I'm trying to sexually harass her?" or "Wow. She's fucking beautiful. But I'm 21, still living at home, with no car, only making $8/hour, and I'm overweight. What would she want with a guy like me?"

I must admit; I am an asshole to myself. It's pissing me off though, because I really feel like I can't help it. I'm a fun guy to be around (most of the time), I know I'm attractive even though I'm a bit overweight, and I treat people in general with respect. So why do I have to think myself to death whenever I think of approaching someone? I know I'm desirable, but when it comes time to actually present myself to someone, it's a feat for me just to say, "Hi."

Truth is I don't know if it's just me being an introvert or if it's something else along with it. I'm posting this because, well, if anyone here has gone through the same thing and maybe was able to overcome it, maybe I can get some advice? Feel free to ask me any more questions; feel free to analyze me if you want to. I'm here to be completely open, in hope of finding peace.

[Mantus]

Whoa there! Being an introvert is not hardwired into your brain. It's more of a idiosyncrasy you developed in life. There are some geneological factors but they don't play as much of a role as you might think. They just re-enforce the condition.

Confidence, comunication, and knowing what to say or how to approach a hot girl, are all skills. They just seem hardwired. You get them though osmosis from people you grow up with. From the sound of it, you may not even be an introvert.

When someone actually gets me to start talking, it's never about myself unless they force it out of me.

Keeping people talking about themselves is a skill. People love talking about themselves. You are in the good here. The important part is knowing what to say when the conversation does turn to you. You gota work on that. We can help.

I'm talking about how Bush fucked up our country, or I'm talking about how they murdered Tookie, or I'm talking about the Los Angeles Clippers and how amazing they're doing this year.

Politics and murders are best kept to friends. These are uncomfortable topics for most people. They are very confrontational. Sports on the other hand! Can't go wrong. Still confrontational but in a fun way - unless you are both druink.

I never talk about ME.

Talking about you is hard. One of the hardest topics. This is because it's impossible to relate. As an example look up at the sky tomorrow morning. See that color blue? Describe it to someone. They will never see what you see. The best you can do is find common ground.

It takes drugs or sex to get me talking about myself and even then it's a monologue, the other person can't possibly understand but they listen out of kindness, like a therapist. Which is cool.

Then the shyness factor kicks in. I've pulled some BEAUTIFUL women, or so I thought. In fact, THEY pulled ME. I've never gone up to a woman and said, "Hey what's up! What's your name?" or anything that ANYONE normal would say to a person they're interested in.

I have known countless of very social people who didn't know how to approach others they were intrested in. I have known people who could have a conversation with anyone, at any time, in any place but when they see a hot girl they mind shuts down. It's not that you are an introvert, it's your insecurity and lack of experience. Wan't a quick fix? We call it Fire Walking. Go to a club and say "hi" to every girl you meet. 100 girls later you are still alive! Some brushed you off, some said "hi" back, some even talked to you. OMG!

I dunno; maybe its a self-confidence issue. Thing is, I am a very confident person. But when I see a beautiful woman, she could smile at me and all I'll do is smile back.

It's cool, we all start here.

"Wow. She's fucking beautiful. But I'm 21, still living at home, with no car, only making $8/hour, and I'm overweight. What would she want with a guy like me?

Welcome to America! This shit is expected of 21 year olds. Infact if you are not in this possition she will think you are some sort of a freak. Material things do not attract people. So you are cool.

I must admit; I am an asshole to myself. It's pissing me off though, because I really feel like I can't help it.

Well there is the heart of the matter. You CAN help it. It just takes time. It's not some fuckin' epiphany you have one night and become a new man. You get there by listening to advice, reading books, taking risks and putting yourself out there. If I tell you to bench press 250lb right now would you be able to do it? Probably not. Is it because you are "hard-wired" that way? No. At this point and time you can't but if you worked out really hard you could probably do it in a couple of months. Get it? Cool.
Cheers

[n0nsensical]

Well, you must have something working for you because no women have approached me, so look on the bright side.