Midlife crises? or what do you call this? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

raeanna74 · 10-04-2005, 01:29 PM

So recently I got fixed - my tubes tied. Then articles and news programs began to stick out to me on certain subjects. I don't regret it one bit but I feel like it's a step in a different direction for me and I'm not sure what direction it is.

I've read in a couple places lately about milestones in peoples lives. Most of the major milestones that are listed are things such as, graduation, marriage, having a baby, buying a house, getting a career, menopause, retirement. It has occured to me that I've done all of it, at least except for menopause and retirement. But the menopause, in the sense that it ends fertility, I have already passed.

So what's next?? I got to thinking - the milestones now are my daughters. Her first recital - dance, music, something. Her first boyfriend, her first date, highschool graduation, college graduation if that is her path, HER milestones. But I can't truely live if I'm only living vicariously.

I've never really had a desire to go a lot of places or do a lot of things like mountain climbing or sky diving. I don't have anything like that which I really want to do, at least I don't think so.

I like my work - home child care. I don't have an interest in changing careers and if I had to go find another job I'd probably just go be a secretary or something benign. I couldn't stand working in a public school. It would be like suicide for me. I'm very creative and the kind of atmostphere in a public school would be stifling for me. When I was 12 I knew I wanted to work with kids for my own career goal. It's what I went to college for and where I was always headed.

Right now though I feel like I'm lacking. Missing out on something I should be doing while I'm still young enough to do it. Some things take time to achieve and I don't want to cut myself short.

So - Am I overthinking this? How did you find out what your personal goals would be or what your second carreer would be? I always sortof knew what I wanted and now I don't and it's kindof scary to be hanging loose. Maybe it's what I should be doing - I'm not sure.

Any thoughts, suggestions, or personal experiences like mine? Am I wacked?

lurkette · 10-04-2005, 01:36 PM

Two suggestions:

1. What are the things that you've always said "someday" or "I wish I had..." about? What are the causes you're passionate about?

2. Take some continuing ed classes. See if any particular subject or activity lights a spark in you. Sometimes we just don't even know what's out there to inspire us.

raeanna74 · 10-04-2005, 01:40 PM

That's the thing - I don't think I've said "someday" all the often - except for in regards to having a child, teaching, or buying a house - all of which I HAVE done.

I have thought about taking a continuing ed class but I have no idea what kind to take. I thought about taking a Yoga class - it is something I've wanted to do. Otherwise - I'm lost.

Carno · 10-04-2005, 01:44 PM

Travel.

I've never understood why some people can be content with living a boring life, just going to work and coming home. Find something that interests you and pursue it.

Learn something new. That awesome place you always wanted to visit but seemed to be too far away? Work towards it. Make some goals, any goals.

After thinking about it for a while, you'll probably feel like there is too much to do, and not enough time.

mr sticky · 10-04-2005, 01:53 PM

reanna-it's always been my experience that the sensation of longing is what makes us who we are.

It's a certain impulse that makes us want to do...and makes us want to feel fulfilled. Your life thus far has been by the book. Now, since passing your milestones, you realize the end of the book is not the end of the road.
That being said, it will be interesting to hear if this your age of discovery, or are you going to be the most frustrated person on the planet.

The impulse says go... the mind asks where? The body prepares for a journey it has no map or directions to.

Hmmmm... keep us posted... I'm interested to see which camp you fall into. Discovery or frustrated.

Luck and love,
mr sticky

Cynthetiq · 10-04-2005, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raeanna74

That's the thing - I don't think I've said "someday" all the often - except for in regards to having a child, teaching, or buying a house - all of which I HAVE done.

I have thought about taking a continuing ed class but I have no idea what kind to take. I thought about taking a Yoga class - it is something I've wanted to do. Otherwise - I'm lost.

well then enroll in a yoga class.... that's a starting point and with all journeys you need a starting point.

ratbastid · 10-04-2005, 03:58 PM

I agree with cyn and (as usual) lurkette: go dip your toes in things until you find something you can be passionate about.

I don't think it's necessarily the case that you've passed some number of items on some arbitrary list of life milestones that's got you down. The problem is, you're short on passion.

Passion doesn't just come to you. Go FIND some!

raeanna74 · 10-05-2005, 10:39 AM

I see what you're saying about being passionate. I WAS once passionate about religion until it turned on me. I WAS passionate about teaching until I worked with an administration that practically wanted to beat me for being creative. I'm having a hard time finding something to be passionate about. I've become somewhat cynical. So where I do find the passion. I can't even think of something that I'm interested in that I could even remotely be passionate about. I'm kindof tired of fighting too. Anything I'm passionate about I end up fighting for until my idealized view of it is destroyed.

As for travel. That's complicated with a small child and it costs money. Besides a trip is short, then what do you do? spend more money on another trip. Not really my thing.

I think I'm gonna take a Yoga class. The girl teaching only about 8 blocks away starts her next 8 week course at the end of October. I've had a strong interest in this for a long time. It takes money is the only issue so if I get passionate - how much am I gonna spend. We'll see how this first course goes. It's early in the evening so won't interfere with family time much and won't get in the way of day care hours either. Wish me luck. It will be good to maybe let my body get back into shape after all the trama it's been through this year. Maybe that's what I need - to take care of my body first and my mind will find the path I need.

Cynthetiq · 10-05-2005, 04:08 PM

traveling has been a passion for me... i'm typing this from Delhi, India, a week ago I was writing from Manila, Philippines.

While it seems like just a week or two here or there, theres so much more if you let it be passionate. While I don't do the planned minutae of a trip to see all the sights I can (it's been hard for me to slowly let go of that) I've been really relishing the differences and similarities of life from place to place.

I like to see how the real people live here, not the well to do, not the tourist areas, but the places where the heart of the people are. So I immerse myself in the newspapers, local TV (which is getting harder and harder since America exports so many shows) and talks with as many locals as I can muster.

and yeah the kids get in the way of travel more than the money... hence we still don't and probably won't have kids.

good on you planting the seed for yoga. you may find that it's not for you.. and you may find that it totally is for you... but you won't know until you try.

as for me, when I get back to NYC we're taking Icelandic classes. I should be able to speak to my friends in Icelandic the next time were there in 2007 for our 5 year anniversary.

10-04-2005, 01:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Midlife crises? or what do you call this? So recently I got fixed - my tubes tied. Then articles and news programs began to stick out to me on certain subjects. I don't regret it one bit but I feel like it's a step in a different direction for me and I'm not sure what direction it is. I've read in a couple places lately about milestones in peoples lives. Most of the major milestones that are listed are things such as, graduation, marriage, having a baby, buying a house, getting a career, menopause, retirement. It has occured to me that I've done all of it, at least except for menopause and retirement. But the menopause, in the sense that it ends fertility, I have already passed. So what's next?? I got to thinking - the milestones now are my daughters. Her first recital - dance, music, something. Her first boyfriend, her first date, highschool graduation, college graduation if that is her path, HER milestones. But I can't truely live if I'm only living vicariously. I've never really had a desire to go a lot of places or do a lot of things like mountain climbing or sky diving. I don't have anything like that which I really want to do, at least I don't think so. I like my work - home child care. I don't have an interest in changing careers and if I had to go find another job I'd probably just go be a secretary or something benign. I couldn't stand working in a public school. It would be like suicide for me. I'm very creative and the kind of atmostphere in a public school would be stifling for me. When I was 12 I knew I wanted to work with kids for my own career goal. It's what I went to college for and where I was always headed. Right now though I feel like I'm lacking. Missing out on something I should be doing while I'm still young enough to do it. Some things take time to achieve and I don't want to cut myself short. So - Am I overthinking this? How did you find out what your personal goals would be or what your second carreer would be? I always sortof knew what I wanted and now I don't and it's kindof scary to be hanging loose. Maybe it's what I should be doing - I'm not sure. Any thoughts, suggestions, or personal experiences like mine? Am I wacked? __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-04-2005, 01:36 PM	#2 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Two suggestions: 1. What are the things that you've always said "someday" or "I wish I had..." about? What are the causes you're passionate about? 2. Take some continuing ed classes. See if any particular subject or activity lights a spark in you. Sometimes we just don't even know what's out there to inspire us. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

10-04-2005, 01:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	That's the thing - I don't think I've said "someday" all the often - except for in regards to having a child, teaching, or buying a house - all of which I HAVE done. I have thought about taking a continuing ed class but I have no idea what kind to take. I thought about taking a Yoga class - it is something I've wanted to do. Otherwise - I'm lost. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-04-2005, 01:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	Travel. I've never understood why some people can be content with living a boring life, just going to work and coming home. Find something that interests you and pursue it. Learn something new. That awesome place you always wanted to visit but seemed to be too far away? Work towards it. Make some goals, any goals. After thinking about it for a while, you'll probably feel like there is too much to do, and not enough time. __________________ http://how-to-spell-ridiculous.com/

10-04-2005, 01:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
mr sticky Psycho Location: NC	reanna-it's always been my experience that the sensation of longing is what makes us who we are. It's a certain impulse that makes us want to do...and makes us want to feel fulfilled. Your life thus far has been by the book. Now, since passing your milestones, you realize the end of the book is not the end of the road. That being said, it will be interesting to hear if this your age of discovery, or are you going to be the most frustrated person on the planet. The impulse says go... the mind asks where? The body prepares for a journey it has no map or directions to. Hmmmm... keep us posted... I'm interested to see which camp you fall into. Discovery or frustrated. Luck and love, mr sticky __________________ The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury

10-04-2005, 03:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	I agree with cyn and (as usual) lurkette: go dip your toes in things until you find something you can be passionate about. I don't think it's necessarily the case that you've passed some number of items on some arbitrary list of life milestones that's got you down. The problem is, you're short on passion. Passion doesn't just come to you. Go FIND some!

10-05-2005, 10:39 AM	#8 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I see what you're saying about being passionate. I WAS once passionate about religion until it turned on me. I WAS passionate about teaching until I worked with an administration that practically wanted to beat me for being creative. I'm having a hard time finding something to be passionate about. I've become somewhat cynical. So where I do find the passion. I can't even think of something that I'm interested in that I could even remotely be passionate about. I'm kindof tired of fighting too. Anything I'm passionate about I end up fighting for until my idealized view of it is destroyed. As for travel. That's complicated with a small child and it costs money. Besides a trip is short, then what do you do? spend more money on another trip. Not really my thing. I think I'm gonna take a Yoga class. The girl teaching only about 8 blocks away starts her next 8 week course at the end of October. I've had a strong interest in this for a long time. It takes money is the only issue so if I get passionate - how much am I gonna spend. We'll see how this first course goes. It's early in the evening so won't interfere with family time much and won't get in the way of day care hours either. Wish me luck. It will be good to maybe let my body get back into shape after all the trama it's been through this year. Maybe that's what I need - to take care of my body first and my mind will find the path I need. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma. Last edited by raeanna74; 10-05-2005 at 10:41 AM..

10-05-2005, 04:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	traveling has been a passion for me... i'm typing this from Delhi, India, a week ago I was writing from Manila, Philippines. While it seems like just a week or two here or there, theres so much more if you let it be passionate. While I don't do the planned minutae of a trip to see all the sights I can (it's been hard for me to slowly let go of that) I've been really relishing the differences and similarities of life from place to place. I like to see how the real people live here, not the well to do, not the tourist areas, but the places where the heart of the people are. So I immerse myself in the newspapers, local TV (which is getting harder and harder since America exports so many shows) and talks with as many locals as I can muster. and yeah the kids get in the way of travel more than the money... hence we still don't and probably won't have kids. good on you planting the seed for yoga. you may find that it's not for you.. and you may find that it totally is for you... but you won't know until you try. as for me, when I get back to NYC we're taking Icelandic classes. I should be able to speak to my friends in Icelandic the next time were there in 2007 for our 5 year anniversary. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!