And so it ends (relationship) - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Meier_Link · 08-23-2005, 04:42 PM

A long time coming, I suppose. Can't say that I don't see the neccessity of it.... The timing, however, sucks. Feel like for months I've been the only one trying to make this relationship work, and now that it's over perhaps a weight will be lifted.

Unfortunately, she's pregnant.

Don't look at me like that; I'm not the asshole who broke up with his pregnant girlfriend. This was her decision. I can't say that I'm sorry for it though. In these last couple weeks that she's known, it seems that I'm the last one that's had any say on the matter, in spite of the fact that I'm the 2nd most affected.

Perhaps if I was out of school and had a career things would be different; perhaps not. Anyways, this is just my place to vent my frustrations and keep from exploding.

maleficent · 08-23-2005, 04:50 PM

if the relationship couldn't work, it couldn't work - you will be happier apart, and your child will be better off having two parents who are happy with themselves rather than miserable in a relationship that's not working.

take care of yourself right now... and good luck

thatoneguy · 08-23-2005, 05:25 PM

I'd say don't beat yourself up about it... sometimes things happen. You're not some kind of idiot who gets girls pregnant and then just leaves, it doesn't sound like you're neglecting or refusing to have anything to do with the baby, so I don't feel like you did anything wrong. If she doesn't want anything to do with you, I guess there's not much you can do.

streak_56 · 08-23-2005, 06:12 PM

You know, I'm not one to agree with repressing your feelings, I say let it out, it'll make you feel better. You'll move onto bigger and better things, you now have one more thing to look forward to... parenting. I think you'll have a blast and just enjoy it. Having fun with life is one of the hardest things to do. Just do whatever makes you feel happy.

robot_parade · 08-23-2005, 06:25 PM

Yeah, break-ups suck, no doubt about it. Especially when there's something that will tie you two together. After you take a while to take care of yourself emotionally, you need to work out with her (if you haven't already) what your relationship with your child will be. Custody? Visitation? Child support? Any contact at all?

Probably the best thing is to talk to a lawyer and write up a child custody agreement, saying who gets what, when, etc. You may think you two can just work it out verbally between yourselves, like reasonable adults, but what about 10 years from now? Of course, lawyers ain't cheap. :-/

Oh, and one small nit with your post - and I don't mean this in a nasty way, so I hope it doesn't sound like that: You aren't the second most affected person here...you're number 3. A few moments of thought should make that clear.

So, anyway, right now, take care of yourself. There'll be time to worry about other things later. But don't just assume that she'll be willing or cooperative with a certain level of involvement and commitment to the child (I'm not sure whether you want 'none at all', or...?). Talk to her about it, then get it in writing.

Elphaba · 08-23-2005, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Don't look at me like that; I'm not the asshole who broke up with his pregnant girlfriend. This was her decision. I can't say that I'm sorry for it though. In these last couple weeks that she's known, it seems that I'm the last one that's had any say on the matter, in spite of the fact that I'm the 2nd most affected.

You failed to mention what you had to say in the "matter." I suspect it is relevant to the breakup.

Meier_Link · 08-24-2005, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elphaba

You failed to mention what you had to say in the "matter." I suspect it is relevant to the breakup.

Actually, what I told her was that I would help her out any way I could. She is seriously considering adoption, but I'm not sure how I feel about that. Got 8 months or so to think it through though.

Even after we broke up I told her that if there's anything she wants me to do to help out, I would be glad to do it.

But how's this for pissing me off. Before we met for dinner that evening she was talking to her mom for hours. I don't know what all it consisted of, but I know that at least a chunk of it was her mom slamming me. Her mom was actually mad that I told Sarah that I wanted to go to the doctor with her for her first appointment! Can you believe that shit?

analog · 08-25-2005, 01:26 AM

Not to spark off-topic debate, and not to slam anyone's sensibilities, but when I read the situation above, all I could think in my head was, "this is why abortion should stay legal."

Obviously, this is a totally loveless situation. I'm guessing that aborting the child isn't an option for you though, since you seem hesitant about adoption as it is...

My personal opinion is that if you (you two, collectively) are set on having the kid, adoption really is a wonderful option. There are lots and lots of good households with two people who actually like each other to raise the kid- people who can't have children of their own, and have lots of extra love and attention they're dying to give a baby.

In a world with too many people as it is, consider letting people who CAN'T have kids but WANT kids know the "joy of parenthood" if you're not in a position to be the parent you believe you should be.

08-23-2005, 04:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
Meier_Link Psycho Location: in a state of confusion	And so it ends (relationship) A long time coming, I suppose. Can't say that I don't see the neccessity of it.... The timing, however, sucks. Feel like for months I've been the only one trying to make this relationship work, and now that it's over perhaps a weight will be lifted. Unfortunately, she's pregnant. Don't look at me like that; I'm not the asshole who broke up with his pregnant girlfriend. This was her decision. I can't say that I'm sorry for it though. In these last couple weeks that she's known, it seems that I'm the last one that's had any say on the matter, in spite of the fact that I'm the 2nd most affected. Perhaps if I was out of school and had a career things would be different; perhaps not. Anyways, this is just my place to vent my frustrations and keep from exploding.

08-23-2005, 04:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	if the relationship couldn't work, it couldn't work - you will be happier apart, and your child will be better off having two parents who are happy with themselves rather than miserable in a relationship that's not working. take care of yourself right now... and good luck __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

08-23-2005, 05:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
thatoneguy Crazy Location: Omaha, NE	I'd say don't beat yourself up about it... sometimes things happen. You're not some kind of idiot who gets girls pregnant and then just leaves, it doesn't sound like you're neglecting or refusing to have anything to do with the baby, so I don't feel like you did anything wrong. If she doesn't want anything to do with you, I guess there's not much you can do. __________________ "Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?"

08-23-2005, 06:12 PM	#4 (permalink)
streak_56 who ever said streaking was a bad thing? Location: Calgary	You know, I'm not one to agree with repressing your feelings, I say let it out, it'll make you feel better. You'll move onto bigger and better things, you now have one more thing to look forward to... parenting. I think you'll have a blast and just enjoy it. Having fun with life is one of the hardest things to do. Just do whatever makes you feel happy.

08-23-2005, 06:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
robot_parade Junkie Location: San Antonio, TX	Yeah, break-ups suck, no doubt about it. Especially when there's something that will tie you two together. After you take a while to take care of yourself emotionally, you need to work out with her (if you haven't already) what your relationship with your child will be. Custody? Visitation? Child support? Any contact at all? Probably the best thing is to talk to a lawyer and write up a child custody agreement, saying who gets what, when, etc. You may think you two can just work it out verbally between yourselves, like reasonable adults, but what about 10 years from now? Of course, lawyers ain't cheap. :-/ Oh, and one small nit with your post - and I don't mean this in a nasty way, so I hope it doesn't sound like that: You aren't the second most affected person here...you're number 3. A few moments of thought should make that clear. So, anyway, right now, take care of yourself. There'll be time to worry about other things later. But don't just assume that she'll be willing or cooperative with a certain level of involvement and commitment to the child (I'm not sure whether you want 'none at all', or...?). Talk to her about it, then get it in writing.

08-25-2005, 01:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
analog Banned	Not to spark off-topic debate, and not to slam anyone's sensibilities, but when I read the situation above, all I could think in my head was, "this is why abortion should stay legal." Obviously, this is a totally loveless situation. I'm guessing that aborting the child isn't an option for you though, since you seem hesitant about adoption as it is... My personal opinion is that if you (you two, collectively) are set on having the kid, adoption really is a wonderful option. There are lots and lots of good households with two people who actually like each other to raise the kid- people who can't have children of their own, and have lots of extra love and attention they're dying to give a baby. In a world with too many people as it is, consider letting people who CAN'T have kids but WANT kids know the "joy of parenthood" if you're not in a position to be the parent you believe you should be.