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Old 08-12-2005, 10:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: In my stressless expectation free zone.
Moving to a new town

I've held off posting about this for a few days mostly because I wanted to give it some time.

I recently moved to a new town for graduate school. I'm not in yet, but I'm where I want to be and I see the best way of getting in is to take some classes in the department, meet people and take some time off from the read deal. So I've got that part down. I know why I'm here and what I need to be doing.

The part that I don’t have what I am to be doing while I'm not doing the school thing. I put in job-apps and a few places and I'm waiting the here back so again, I've got that part down. What I don’t have is the social thing.

I'm a shy guy. Never been much for the 'bar since' or into clubs. I'm a coffee shop pub sort of guy. I also am coming from a small college where before you start classes your 1st year you get moved from group to group meeting people. It's dumb, but in the end you know lots of different people and have a solid base for finding friends.

Well now I'm on my own for the 1st time in a new city in a new state, and I don’t know where to begin. I've talked to a few people sitting at a bar in a nice brew pub over a beer getting asking about different things to do and see, but nothing that is ever more than that.

At this point I'm sort of lost for what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

Also, if anyone is from or lives in Iowa City - do you have any tips on places to hang out?
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Old 08-13-2005, 01:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Old 08-13-2005, 04:14 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Location: Windy City
thesupermikey, what interests you?


If you can dig into your intererest, you are bound to find someone - going into a coffee shop does not automatically mean wonderful friends will fall into your lap

Try to search around for clubs in your area or even online forums for things you are interested in. If possible, actually engage in said interests, as that will make you enjoy your time while you are feeling around for new people
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Old 08-15-2005, 06:26 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Chicago
I wish I had some advice for you because then I would have more friends too. I have moved a lot and really never find any 'friends'. I hang out with people I work with and stuff every once in awhile, but it is because they are there. I am one of those people who don't really like situational friendships, even though I am learning that they are all that way. I find that they are usually superficial and end when one person leaves the job.

I usually hang around coffee shops, but rarely meet anyone there. I think that friendships are hard to form after school because you don't have common things pulling you together. I also find that the friendships I make are overrated. When you get older and married, it seems that real life takes over and making time for friends can be difficult. Of course, I have been working 40 hours a week at my job and 30 hours+ a week at either a part-time job or on my Master's for the past 4 years. That doesn't leave much time for friendships. It hasn't left much time for my marriage either, but that is a different story...

But, some advice from someone who doesn't take it herself... Join clubs that interest you or take classes in something that you enjoy and may put you around people who share your interests. Other than that good luck!
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Old 08-17-2005, 03:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Location: Hoosier State
I second what amonkie's suggestions. I like the outdoors, playing sports so it wasn't too hard for me (to make new friends) when my family moved from San Diego to Indianapolis. It was quite different having lived in San Diego for 22 years then making the jump to the Midwest. We like it here though.

I meet people on tennis courts, volleyball courts, through my wife's colleagues, friends. Even if you are a bookworm, local cyber cafes, libraries or even a park, are all good places to meet people.

Or, the rest of the TFP members can keep you company, well, sort of.
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Old 08-17-2005, 05:54 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I have found what sashime76 says to be true. I'm pretty shy and just getting involved in stuff that's fun has made me meet a bunch of people. Also, you mentioned you're just out of college. Find the local college hang outs, you'll meet plenty of people your own age and a lot of them, although they already have groups of friends, are perfectly willing to make new ones. Even if you aren't as comfortable in the bars, they are excellent places to meet people. I've met quite a few friends there who have also moved to town and do not know anybody.

To put it simply, you've just got to get out there.
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