alicat

I realize there are those of you who have to deal with situations like this on a regular basis and so I appologize to you for whom this is a normal thing.

My hubby and I have been together for 16 yrs. since we were 17 yrs. old. Neither of us is very social and we have always prefered each others company to other people. We moved across the state (Michigan) 11 yrs. ago and only hubby has made one permanent friend in that time, meaning I don't have even one friend (I don't bar-hop, go to clubs, attend church or anything else that one might meet people at, and hubbies best friend is an ex-coworker.)

We've only been apart from each other at the max 1 1/2 weeks in 16 yrs. The first week of Dec. we went to South Africa for hubbies job. It was a stipulation of him agreeing to go that his company paid my way also as we were initially supposed to be there for 6-8 weeks and it was inconsievable to either of us to be apart that long. We ended up only being there for 2 weeks because the company we were there for wasn't quite ready for hubby to do his thing. Now, hubby has to go back to finish the job and his company (understandably considering a round trip ticket costs $3000) won't send me with him.

Including the fact that I abnormally worry about things (like him being in a plane for 17 1/2 hours from Michigan to Cape Town, therefore, crashes. Or being in S.A., therefore, violent crimes), I can't get over the thought of us being apart for three weeks this time. We are each others best friend and spend 99.9% of our time together and I just cannot wrap my brain around him being gone for three weeks.

God, I realize this must sound so trivial to alot of you but it is huge to me as I don't have anyone else in my life besides my sister, her hubby and my dear dad. In day-to-day life it's just me and hubby. At home I will be utterly alone and missing hubbies presence every minute of each day for three weeks. I'm not really looking for responses I guess, just a place to vent my sadness. I should be thankful that this is my biggest worry and not something catasrophic.

Still, everyday when hubby should be getting home, I will miss him. Everyday when we normally cook meals together, I will miss him. Everyday when we watch our shows together, I will miss him. And every night when we normally go to sleep together, I will miss him (and hope his scent is still lingering on his pillow for me to smell). The TFP will be my only familiar comfort in his absence (thanks guys!). And thanks to all of you who have read this far!

Ali

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'Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun, The frumious Bandersnatch!'--Jabberwocky, Lewis Carroll

"You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late."--Ralph Waldo Emerson

squirrelyburt

I know how you feel, and I miss that.... Consider yourself incredibly lucky for the gift you have to be that special to another.

And don't worry so much about the bad things, think of the good times!!

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hambone

Not trivial at all. It means a lot to you and that is what matters. Thanks for sharing the goings-on in your life. I am sure the seperation will not be all bad in the end. You will experience new ways to communicate and your relationship will grow. Once he is back, you will both appreciate your time together more as well(not saying you don't already).

Well, I feel for ya. I would not like to be apart from my wife that long, and we are just married.

All the best.

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"Like liquid white from fallen glass,
Nothing to cry over"

Grancey

It's not trivial at all alicat. My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years, and we have no close friends except each other. Dinner, our shows, etc. I know exactly how you feel. His absence will be tough on you. So, if you need to vent while he is gone, feel free to.

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Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.

Hardknock

I have an idea of how you feel. At my last job, I was gone for 20 days at a time every month because I had to rotate into and out of my job. I did this for 6 months until I got my current position. What helped to pass the time is I tried to focus on other things and I tried not to worry about my wife so much. I also had internet access while I was at work (dialup but it's better than nothing) and I always had a few phone cards in my wallet so I could call every once in a while.

My suggestion would be to try and keep yourself busy while he's gone. Take up a new hobby, something to keep you occupied.

Maybe that'll help the time go by faster for you.

Grasshopper Green

My hubby was in the military for 5 years, so long separations are nothing new to me.

I didn't have many friends then either, just my mom. I tried not to focus on it so much; I went to movies (yes, alone), read a lot, chatted online, played with my bird (do you have pets?) and the time would go by much more quickly than when I thought about him constantly. Good luck, and vent all you need here!!!

maleficent

It's not trivial, it's how you are feeling right now, so it can't be trivial.

Use the time apart to do some fun stuff for you or for the house. Repaint the living room Throw out all those grungy t-shirts of his that you can't stand Have hamburgers for breakfast and frosted flakes for dinner, enjoy the solitude.

Those weeks will just fly by... For fun, ask him to leave you some "hidden" notes around the house for you to find, and you can leave him some notes in his suitcase for him to open at pre-determined intervals. Use internet chat -- with web cams -- so you can see each others faces.

COme here and vent to us -- we'll listen...

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amonkie

If you enjoy writing, this might help (or it might make you miss him more).

When you really start missing him, hand write notes to him about things you would normally tell him if he was there with you at home. Even small things like the hummingbird that was at the bird feeder outside the window, and you just stood in awe of nature - write that down. When he comes back, though he'll undoubtedly know you missed him terriblely, it'll feel as if he almost was there.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

alicat

Gosh, thank you all so much for your replys! And here I thought I might read a few "just get over it(s)". This is most definately not the end of the world by any stretch, just sad to me to think ahead to all the mornings, afternoons, and nights without my sweetie here all stretched in a row. I've gotten used to being seperated over the past year and a half of his traveling for his new job, but usually only 2-9 days or so.

I admit that I'm quite worried about something crime-wise happening to him while he's there (one just has to do a Google search about crime and Johannesburg or Cape Town to know what I mean). But we were there together for two weeks and I remember how frustrated he got with the work, living in a hotel, and having to order food on the phone every night from people who's accents he (and I) couldn't understand and vice versa. I just hate to think of him there by himself dealing with the same things with another week tacked onto it.

All of your support and suggestions are greatly appreciated, and yes I may be venting here from time to time!

Some of your comments hit so close to home it's a little freaky!

Hardknock: I actually just took a class with my sister last week to learn how to knit! I've got the knit part down and am just starting to learn the pearling part. By the time hubby gets back I'll probably have a full set of footie jammies waiting for him!

Medusa99: Yes, I too have a bird (Rex, an orange-wing amazon) and a big beefy boy cat (Grover) who will probably be sick and tired of me by the end of three weeks. "Step off with the hugs and petting woman."!!!

Mal: That is so funny, we both love to cook together but sometimes I just get burned out. I plan on cooking breakfast for dinner or getting fast food (a rareity) or just eating nothing but frozen pizza rolls for a meal. I'm gonna eat like a bachelorette for three weeks! I had actually thought about the note in the suitcase thing, I just can't figure out how to place them as he'll be packing and then around the rest of the night so it will be hard to be subversive.

Amonkie: Like Mal's idea of outgoing notes, I love your idea of incoming notes and will be doing that (yes, I love to write. It'll never see daylight but I've actually written a novel and can't believe your suggestion didn't dawn on me, thanks!).

Again, thanks for all your support and suggestions, I feel propped up by your thoughts!

Ali

__________________
'Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun, The frumious Bandersnatch!'--Jabberwocky, Lewis Carroll

"You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late."--Ralph Waldo Emerson

DJ Happy

The crime in Cape Town is nowhere near as bad as you make out. Take it from a native Cape Tonian (that's me, by the way)! Obviously if you Google "Crime in Cape Town" you'll find some horror stories, but you could do the same for any city in the world and get equally horrifying results. Behave the same as you would in New York and you'll be fine.

So hopefully that's one less thing for you to worry about.

I'm away from my wife for 10 days every month and my wife hates it (in fact, she's telling me that I'm going to have to find another job). She makes it so much harder on herself (and me) because she never stops thinking about it. 4 days before I go she'll be depressed and I haven't even left yet. She thinks about why I'm not there all day and it makes the time drag and her even more depressed. So keep yourself occupied, try not to dwell on it and he'll be back before you know it.

StanT

It certainly isn't trivial. I left a very lucrative job that I really liked because my wife couldn't cope with my travel. I was on the road 40 weeks a year and home for most weekends. She didn't want a "weekend marriage". You have to find an accommodation that works for you. I found a different job.

ShaniFaye

not trivial at all.....Dave has a job that sends him to the opposite side of the world a few times a year. I HATE being away from him....ask Mal...I get moody and very whiny

He has two trips coming up that will keep him gone for approx 6 weeks...singapore and korea (last year was china and germany). Im going to be a wreck while he's gone...ESPECIALLY since we are now planning the wedding.

You want to know how bad I get? Im so afraid of him flying I track the airplane on one of thos online flight trackers (where you can watch the little airplane fly :lol) and wont go to sleep the entire time he's in the air...once I know his plane has landed, then and only then will I sleep.

I know what you'll be going thru so feel free to think of me as a buddy while he's gone!!!! Considering the way Mal took care of me while he was gone last time, I'd consider it an honor to repay the favor to someone

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MoonDog

I worked for a retailer that took over a similar company and needed people to convert those stores to their format. I left my wife for a store in a nearby city and was there for over 1 month. I saw her twice in that timeframe, and it was really tough for her. Of course, she was 6 months pregnant with our first child...

It's tough - no doubt. At least there are things like the internet and cell phones now. I wish I had had those things when I was traveling.

alicat

DJ Happy: I think (but don't know) that the crime in Cape Town or Johannesburg isin't as bad as I initially thought. I was with hubby for two weeks in Pretoria during the first half of Dec. (6 th.-20 th.). We were in a pretty upscale area (Centurion) and so thought that we were rather shielded from alot of crime that one might see elsewhere. I had tried to research South Africa for months before we went and (unfortunetly) could not find anything but negative information from U.S. Consular info., to peoples private sites. Our first trip was uneventfull crime-wise, but like I said, we were in a wealthier area with security guards everywhere between our hotel and the mall next-door (my only entertainment!). I'm gratefull to hear that I shouldn't be as worried about hubby as I am. I'll take your word for it (and what better source!) that he'll be o'kay as all I can find on the net is horrific accounts of gang (tribal) warfare in Cape Town.

Shani: I'll P.M. ya!

MoonDog: You are so right! Hubby's work cell made all the difference this trip. He was able to call me before he got on the plane to go over-seas and that helped a ton! He then called me again at 9 am this morning (Cape Town time-4 pm) and that was a huge sigh of relief for me that he made it across the Atlantic in one piece! Be very grateful that you were able to be with your wife even twice during that time. I can't even imagine my hubby being gone when I was pregnant, as (due to Eclampsia and a very rare genetic disorder) our son was born at 6 1/2 mths. and then died on his due date 2 1/2 mths. later. In a way (looking back) it was a blessing that he had a menial job 11 yrs. ago and therefore was always home during our sons life vs. now when he makes much better money but has to travel and be absent alot.

Thanks again for your support everyone!

Ali

__________________
'Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun, The frumious Bandersnatch!'--Jabberwocky, Lewis Carroll

"You cannot do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late."--Ralph Waldo Emerson