Moving out with friends - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

asudevil83 · 01-20-2005, 08:19 PM

alright here is the deal. i've got two best friends since i've known since first grade, and one of them is thinking about buying a house. he's got a pretty nice job already working for the hospital and such, and he'll be graduating college in may. and i've got another friend who's thinking about moving out again. now i potentially see some pretty big problems developing, and here they are.

1.) this guy looking to buy the house. now, the way he thinks, everything is a good idea, no matter how bad it is. he looks at all the positives and neglects pretty much every negative in a situation. so obviously to him, buying a house is a great idea....its an investment and such, and he'll get to live with two of his best friends. he doesnt realize the responsibilities that OWNING a house comes with, and no matter how he looks at it its a great idea.

2.) this guy buying the house pretty much does nothing at home living with his parents. his mom still does his laundry, he doesnt do dishes, doesnt mow the lawn, doesnt do really anything around the house. how the hell am i supposed to assume that this will change. i can see him somehow using the fact that he has money and owns the house as leverage against doing any sort of chores and whatnot. something like "i'll pay the cable if you do my laundry" and bullshit like that.

3.) this friend of ours. granted, he's a great friend, but he's already fucked up hardcore his first try at moving out. see, he moved out at the end of highschool down to tucson. he did well at the dorms, so he decided to find an apartment. this is where he fucked up. i went down to visit him a few times, and every time it was pretty much all his stoner fucked up dealer friends over hanging out smoking and drinking. he dropped out and eventually his ways caught up to him and he was evicted and lost pretty much everything that he owned except what could fit in his car. sounds great doesnt it. when he moved back up here, he took a semester off, but me and this other guy convinced him to go back to school. that lasted one semester, and now he's not in school.

4.) the two of these guys are pot heads pretty much. everything that they do involves getting stoned first. granted, i used to smoke and dont have a problem with it, but constantly being around guys that are too high to care about ANYTHING gets old....and it has.

their is probably a list of 10 more things that i could mention, but i think you guys get the idea. now, i would love to live with two of my best friends, but not this way, and i dont see them changing. now i know what i'm going to here..."it looks like you've already made your choice, and its a good one." BUT, i'm going to throw another curve ball in.

since my plan to move out is pretty much set, i've got another option. one of my other best friends is also planning on getting a new place towards the end of May, and we've talked about sharing an apartment, but she is my best friend's ex (the one buying the house). they broke up last May, and he said some things that really fucked things up...but they are finally on friendly terms.

how the hell is this going to look to him if i move out to a place with here instead of the two of them? basically i'd be picking a roomate that i trust and has shown that she can handle the responsibilities, over two guys that i'm VERY apprehensive about moving in with.

any help would help helpfully.

pinoychink790 · 01-20-2005, 08:28 PM

you should move in with your best friend's ex. She's probably more responsible than your two other friends. Plus, think about it this way. If you decide to live with your best friends, you KNOW they won't change, and you KNOW THAT YOU'LL REGRET THAT DECISION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. If you move in with your best friend's ex, what's the worst that could happen? Sure, your best friend might be mad at you, but at least you wont have to deal with their irresponsiblities and such. Plus, if they're really your best friend then they should forgive you eventually.

Carno · 01-20-2005, 09:11 PM

I wouldn't move in with either. Moving in with those two guys sounds like it would be slitting your own throat, and I have taken a blood oath to never move in with any woman, so the ex would be out as well.

I don't know your friends or the what the deal is with the ex, but I would stay away from the whole situation, because it's better to be safe than sorry.

pinoychink790 · 01-20-2005, 09:20 PM

yeah carn has a good point. scratch what i said earlier. If you avoid the whole thing, then you'll never be dissapointed with making one of those decisions. Except you might be dissapointed with making the decision to avoid the other two decisions. Seems like a no win situation. Maybe you should talk to them about it, and decide as a group. It may sound like a bad idea and it probably is, but at least you won't be alone in making the decision. Unless all three of your friends get mad at you, and you're left with nothing. Hmm, decisions, decisions. I'm glad i'm not in your situation. I'd probably go crazy

Chuckles · 01-20-2005, 11:46 PM

If this friend of yours can set you up to live in a decent house, and he's willing to pay all the bills (cable, electricity, etc) and you just have to do things like laundry, mowing, etc, i say do that man. You can save up money while havin a good time! livin with chicks durin this age is a nono i think, especially if you wanna go out and party , save money, etc.

rockzilla · 01-21-2005, 05:16 PM

I moved into a very similar situation once... it was one of the worst mistakes of my life. Living with your best friends is cool for awhile, but if your friends have any friends that aren't quite upstanding members of society, you stand to lose a great deal of property. If they're as lazy as you say either you'll be living in filth, or you'll be spending any free minute you have cleaning up after them.
I can't really say if moving in with the girl is a good idea or not, but I'd suggest that you wait until something better comes up, or just move out on your own.

Coppertop · 01-21-2005, 05:47 PM

Man, sounds quite like my experience several years ago. Living together will place strains on your friendship like you've never experienced before. I moved in with two friends who I had also known since we are all about 6 or 7 years old. Our friendship got pretty strained at times. Hell, living with my grilfriend now it's not too much different (excepting the sex). I'd recommend against it from what you've described. Yeah, you can save money, but if your friends are important to you it's not worth the risk of ruining the friendship over.

Especially if they don't do shit and it falls on you to maintain the house.

01-20-2005, 08:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
asudevil83 Psycho Location: Scottsdale, AZ	Moving out with friends alright here is the deal. i've got two best friends since i've known since first grade, and one of them is thinking about buying a house. he's got a pretty nice job already working for the hospital and such, and he'll be graduating college in may. and i've got another friend who's thinking about moving out again. now i potentially see some pretty big problems developing, and here they are. 1.) this guy looking to buy the house. now, the way he thinks, everything is a good idea, no matter how bad it is. he looks at all the positives and neglects pretty much every negative in a situation. so obviously to him, buying a house is a great idea....its an investment and such, and he'll get to live with two of his best friends. he doesnt realize the responsibilities that OWNING a house comes with, and no matter how he looks at it its a great idea. 2.) this guy buying the house pretty much does nothing at home living with his parents. his mom still does his laundry, he doesnt do dishes, doesnt mow the lawn, doesnt do really anything around the house. how the hell am i supposed to assume that this will change. i can see him somehow using the fact that he has money and owns the house as leverage against doing any sort of chores and whatnot. something like "i'll pay the cable if you do my laundry" and bullshit like that. 3.) this friend of ours. granted, he's a great friend, but he's already fucked up hardcore his first try at moving out. see, he moved out at the end of highschool down to tucson. he did well at the dorms, so he decided to find an apartment. this is where he fucked up. i went down to visit him a few times, and every time it was pretty much all his stoner fucked up dealer friends over hanging out smoking and drinking. he dropped out and eventually his ways caught up to him and he was evicted and lost pretty much everything that he owned except what could fit in his car. sounds great doesnt it. when he moved back up here, he took a semester off, but me and this other guy convinced him to go back to school. that lasted one semester, and now he's not in school. 4.) the two of these guys are pot heads pretty much. everything that they do involves getting stoned first. granted, i used to smoke and dont have a problem with it, but constantly being around guys that are too high to care about ANYTHING gets old....and it has. their is probably a list of 10 more things that i could mention, but i think you guys get the idea. now, i would love to live with two of my best friends, but not this way, and i dont see them changing. now i know what i'm going to here..."it looks like you've already made your choice, and its a good one." BUT, i'm going to throw another curve ball in. since my plan to move out is pretty much set, i've got another option. one of my other best friends is also planning on getting a new place towards the end of May, and we've talked about sharing an apartment, but she is my best friend's ex (the one buying the house). they broke up last May, and he said some things that really fucked things up...but they are finally on friendly terms. how the hell is this going to look to him if i move out to a place with here instead of the two of them? basically i'd be picking a roomate that i trust and has shown that she can handle the responsibilities, over two guys that i'm VERY apprehensive about moving in with. any help would help helpfully.

01-20-2005, 08:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
pinoychink790 Loser Location: McDonald's Playland	you should move in with your best friend's ex. She's probably more responsible than your two other friends. Plus, think about it this way. If you decide to live with your best friends, you KNOW they won't change, and you KNOW THAT YOU'LL REGRET THAT DECISION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. If you move in with your best friend's ex, what's the worst that could happen? Sure, your best friend might be mad at you, but at least you wont have to deal with their irresponsiblities and such. Plus, if they're really your best friend then they should forgive you eventually.

01-20-2005, 09:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
Carno Junkie	I wouldn't move in with either. Moving in with those two guys sounds like it would be slitting your own throat, and I have taken a blood oath to never move in with any woman, so the ex would be out as well. I don't know your friends or the what the deal is with the ex, but I would stay away from the whole situation, because it's better to be safe than sorry.

01-20-2005, 09:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
pinoychink790 Loser Location: McDonald's Playland	yeah carn has a good point. scratch what i said earlier. If you avoid the whole thing, then you'll never be dissapointed with making one of those decisions. Except you might be dissapointed with making the decision to avoid the other two decisions. Seems like a no win situation. Maybe you should talk to them about it, and decide as a group. It may sound like a bad idea and it probably is, but at least you won't be alone in making the decision. Unless all three of your friends get mad at you, and you're left with nothing. Hmm, decisions, decisions. I'm glad i'm not in your situation. I'd probably go crazy

01-20-2005, 11:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
Chuckles Insane Location: California	If this friend of yours can set you up to live in a decent house, and he's willing to pay all the bills (cable, electricity, etc) and you just have to do things like laundry, mowing, etc, i say do that man. You can save up money while havin a good time! livin with chicks durin this age is a nono i think, especially if you wanna go out and party , save money, etc.

01-21-2005, 05:16 PM	#6 (permalink)
rockzilla Junkie Location: The Kitchen	I moved into a very similar situation once... it was one of the worst mistakes of my life. Living with your best friends is cool for awhile, but if your friends have any friends that aren't quite upstanding members of society, you stand to lose a great deal of property. If they're as lazy as you say either you'll be living in filth, or you'll be spending any free minute you have cleaning up after them. I can't really say if moving in with the girl is a good idea or not, but I'd suggest that you wait until something better comes up, or just move out on your own.

01-21-2005, 05:47 PM	#7 (permalink)
Coppertop Getting Medieval on your ass Location: 13th century Europe	Man, sounds quite like my experience several years ago. Living together will place strains on your friendship like you've never experienced before. I moved in with two friends who I had also known since we are all about 6 or 7 years old. Our friendship got pretty strained at times. Hell, living with my grilfriend now it's not too much different (excepting the sex). I'd recommend against it from what you've described. Yeah, you can save money, but if your friends are important to you it's not worth the risk of ruining the friendship over. Especially if they don't do shit and it falls on you to maintain the house.